Chapter 4 Evan
The glare Coach Darrell gives should frighten me, but I’m so used to it that I’m unaffected.
“What do you mean your nanny wasn’t suitable? What was wrong with this one this time around? Shawn was great in the interview.”
Leo wiggles in my arms outside the men’s locker room, agitated and wanting to be set down.
My shoulders rise in a painful shrug as I lean down to place him on the bench.
“He wasn’t suitable. Tell me, Darrell, would you be comfortable leaving your son with someone who tells your child that he’s pretty sure crayons are edible? ”
Darrell’s lips tremble in what looks like a stifled laugh, but he rubs the back of his neck as he drops back against the stadium hallway wall. “Your sister is in town, right? She couldn’t look after him?”
“She’s in town for business. She’s got viewings all day.”
“You’re really testing me here, West.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “You need to find someone. Permanent. And soon.”
Permanent. I can’t imagine that happening.
“I’m trying to find someone. It’ll just take time.”
“Unfortunately, we don’t have time, Evan.”
I know that. Every day I wake up stressed about finding someone to care for Leo. I’m unsure I can survive the rest of the season jumping from nanny to nanny, even if it is my last year.
But leaving my son in the care of someone else while I go out on the field and forget about the responsibility of being a parent always leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Guilt consumes me. Guilt that I can’t seem to shake. Guilt that makes me question whether I need to retire for the sake of my son.
But giving it up will mean I’ve failed at finding the balance between fatherhood and my career, just as Leo’s mother said I would.
I love playing football. It’s part of who I am. But this isn’t about me anymore.
“I know that look.” Coach Darrell’s face is worrisome. “You’re thinking of buying your way out of the contract again, aren’t you?”
“I… I don’t know,” is all I manage to say. Giving up my career would feel like a punch to the gut. I want to finish this. These guys are half my life, and they love Leo like he’s their own.
“Hey, Evan.” I drag my eyes away from Coach to see Mae and Poppy sauntering down the hall towards the female locker rooms, their cheerleading bags slung over their shoulders.
I offer a split-second look, pushing my worries to the back of my mind so they’re not as evident on my face. “Hi.”
“You girls don’t happen to have a spare hour to—”
“Sorry, Coach,” Poppy interrupts him. “We don’t have time to chase after Leo today.”
I huff, but then my eyes slice over to the tall, long-legged woman a few paces behind them, only just rounding the corner, and my molars click together.
Oh, you have to be kidding me.
“Flo!” Leo suddenly yells, and he scurries up to her, Donkey in hand.
Flo.
Great. Just great.
“Oh, hey, Leo,” she greets him, beaming down. “I see Donkey’s come for a stadium visit.”
My son points towards me, and Flo’s eyes follow the action. “He wanted to watch Daddy practise!”
Her mouth immediately uncurls until it’s flat, and her bold ocean-blue eyes bore into mine before she averts them. Then, a soft, humoured chuckle leaves her.
This is not what I need right now.
“You all know each other?” I question Mae and Poppy in confusion.
Laughter rings out from Mae. “Flo and I have been friends forever, Evan. I’m actually surprised it’s taken you this long to meet, but you'd have bumped into each other a lot sooner if you actually showed up to the things Nathan and I invite you to.”
I feel like a naughty school kid being scolded by a teacher. Mae doesn’t hold back when it comes to telling people where to go. Since she and her mother reconciled, she’s bolder. More confident. And I’m glad.
“Looks like we’ll be seeing more of each other, then. Lucky you,” Flo adds, addressing me, folding her arms across her chest.
I’m ashamed to say I’ve spent the last few days thinking about her, trying to work out where I somewhat recognised her from. But admittedly, that hasn’t been the only thing filling my mind.
Memories of her long, toned legs walking out of my house and down the porch steps have been greedy for my attention, the tight jeans she was wearing looking far too fucking good on her for a woman that’s frustrating as fuck.
It’s unlike me. I’m not easily distracted by a woman’s beauty, and I was hoping I’d never have to see her again, so whatever weird phase I’m going through can pass peacefully.
But with her being best friends with my ex-captain’s girlfriend, it seems unlikely that’s going to happen, which only adds to my mood.
Flo’s long, ashy hair trails over her shoulders in soft waves, and her twinkling blues latch onto my son again and immediately light up.
I don’t wipe the frown from my face, refusing to let my eyebrows budge as I watch her interact with Leo, frustrated with myself for finding her equally as attractive as I do annoying.
Mae’s talking to me, but I’m still staring at Flo and my son, and it takes my coach snapping his fingers to drag my attention away from the pair.
“What?” I ask Mae.
“I said, it looks like Leo has a favourite.”
“Unfortunately.”
My response causes Flo to shoot me a sharp look before shaking her head and mumbling something about me being a grumpy old man.
I have no idea how old she is, but I imagine she’s close to Mae’s age, which makes me feel like some old perv for looking at her the way I am. The age gap is probably only seven or eight years, but still…
“Right, who’s going to look after Leo during practice today, then, Evan? You can’t miss it.”
Silence.
I weave my fingers into my hair, biceps flexing, before muttering a shallow, “I don’t know.”
Flo’s looking at me with an arched brow, giving me a look that silently says More nanny drama? Really? and I resist the urge to ask her to leave her perfect button nose out of my business.
Poppy’s chest puffs out as she inhales in exasperation. “Oh, well, Flo came to watch us today, but I’m sure she would—”
“No,” Flo and I say in unison, and Leo’s little head tilts as he pouts.
“Not because I don’t want to, just because I’m sure your dad would prefer someone a little more”—Flo’s eyes flicker up to me, glinting with fire—“trustworthy.”
She throws the words I used at my house a few days ago back in my face.
I don’t know this woman. I haven’t been able to do any research on her. Sure, Leo loves her—he’s never yelled a woman’s name with excitement before—but that doesn’t mean she’s qualified to care for a child.
Trust. It’s not something that comes easily to me. I don’t want to be this way, but I can’t help it. I have trouble letting go of my son. He’s all I have.
“It’s only an hour.” Darrell turns to Flo. “Would you mind? Just an hour of your time. We can get you some cash for it.”
She drags her top teeth against her plump bottom lip, Flo’s eyes going hazy for a few seconds as she thinks.
“Okay, fine, I can make that work, but don’t worry about the cash.
Evan’s pissed off face is payment enough.
” She bends down to Leo’s level as everyone snorts.
“Come on, Leo. How about we go and get into all kinds of trouble around the stadium?” Her lips curl up into a smile as her eyes collide with mine, and even though I have the urge to stop her from taking my son’s hand and walking him down the hall, I don’t.
Because what other option do I have?
“Yeah! Fuck it!” I hear Leo exclaim as the pair rounds the corner, and Flo snaps her head back to all of us and slaps a hand over my son’s mouth, eyes wide. But as they disappear, their laughter bounces off the stadium walls.
“You have to be kidding me,” I murmur as I rub the heel of my palms into my eye sockets, groaning. Turning to Darrell, I add, “Make sure members of staff keep an eye on them when they can. I don’t want Flo digging around.”
That causes Mae to roll her eyes. “She’s not going to dig, Evan.”
We’ll see.
I don’t know precisely what Flo and Leo are going to get up to, but there’s one thing for sure… this is going to be the worst hour of my life.
My son has the cheesiest grin on his face, and I just know he and Flo have been up to no good.
He stands in the stadium tunnel, gazing at the cheerleaders in awe as they finish practice.
As Leo’s grown, he’s become more boisterous and talkative, which many nannies find hard to handle, but I never get tired of seeing him flourish, so he always comes running back to me.
However, this time, he doesn’t.
He merely waves at me from across the field as I come in through the back door, his other hand still clutching onto Flo’s.
Confusion envelops my body. He doesn’t know Flo well, but something about her clearly draws him in. He’s captivated, giggling like a maniac as I watch her pouty lips mouth something to him.
I’m unsure why I find myself irritated with it, not because Leo is paying attention to someone else, but because Flo makes it look so easy. Like she’s a natural, minus the fact that she’s now got my kid cursing.
But I suppose it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before.
“She’s not bad, huh?” Mae nudges me as I hover by the back door, her bony elbow jabbing me right in the ribs.
I lift my shoulders in a shrug, the muscles aching from training in the gym with a few of the tryouts.
It serves as a reminder that I’m not the young skipper I once was, but at the age of thirty-three, I can’t expect myself to be.
The human body can only take so much, especially when a good night’s sleep is a distant memory from before my son was born. “Leo’s easy to please.”
“You and I both know that’s not true, Evan. Nathan and I have babysat the little monster, and he can be a handful.” Winking at me, she shakes her head as she laughs, heading over to the pair with me following a few seconds later.