Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
IVY
I hadn’t seen Christian all day.
Ever since my call with Wynter, I’d spent hours agonizing over how Christian and I could move forward.
Needing a break, I headed to the library. It wasn’t as grand as mine back at Murphy Castle, but there were enough Agatha Christie books on the shelves to keep me busy. With Cobra huddled next to me on the loveseat, I read Murder on the Orient Express, getting lost in the suspense I knew this old favorite would deliver.
It was well into the afternoon when the door to the library opened. My heart jumped in my throat when I saw Christian walk in, freshly showered in a T-shirt and loose-fitting pants.
He ran a hand through his damp hair as he took the seat opposite of me.
“Hi.”
His eyes drifted down my body, then to Cobra.
“Can we talk?” A visible swallow worked its way down his throat. “Maybe without the dog.”
I mustered a smile. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of my bodyguard.”
His lips tilted up. “It’s her job to attack.”
“And you think I’d tell her to attack you?”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” His eyes flickered with emotion and lines of exhaustion bracketed his mouth, causing my chest to squeeze until I thought it would burst.
I sighed. “Well, I’m not.”
Christian’s lips curved with a faint hint of bitterness. “Maybe I’ll wish for it after this.”
The air between us hummed with a lifetime’s worth of unspoken words, broken promises, and frustration.
He leaned over, bringing his elbows to his knees. My heart stilled as the eyes of the deep blue oceans looked back at me. Butterflies swarmed my stomach, ready to take flight, right along with all my feelings for this man.
Whenever he was around it felt like free-falling, but in a good kind of way. Most of my anger had dissipated over the past few days, thanks to my conversation with Wynter and a last-minute call with my therapist, and I’d finally let myself work through my conflicting feelings.
Christian opened his mouth, then closed it, and frustration welled in my stomach.
“I’m so sorry, Ivy.” He finally broke the silence. “I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself, that keeping the truth?—”
“Was the same as lying.”
“Yes.” A grim smile touched his beautiful lips. “I convinced myself I was sparing you, but the truth is, I was being selfish.”
“Yes, you were.” My hands shook as emotions thundered through me. Cobra raised her head to look at me with alarm, immediately placing blame on Christian, so I whispered a soft command and she bolted out of the room. I twisted my fingers nervously, my pulse accelerating. “My family kept me sheltered, left me in the dark. I don’t want that with you. I’m strong; I can take whatever comes our way.”
“And you proved that,” he said wryly. “The way you handled everything after running into Vittoria, then delivering Father Gabriel to me. The problem was me.” He let out a bitter laugh.
I swallowed, knowing it wasn’t easy for any man—let alone one ruling a criminal organization—to admit he was wrong.
“The problem has always been me, angel.” A heaviness tugged at my chest at the vulnerability in his voice. “I grew up believing I didn’t deserve anything good, and then you came along.” My breathing slowed, my heart encouraging him to continue. “You’re so… good, it felt all along like I didn’t deserve you. A part of me thought if you learned the truth about your athair’s death, you’d leave me.”
I was overwhelmed with what he shared, and I believed him, yet it was terrifying to give him a chance to do it again.
“Were you there?” I rasped. “When Juliette?—”
He shook his head. “No, but I knew it was going down, and I didn’t stop it. I could have told you—warned you—but I didn’t. It didn’t matter that we weren’t together at that point. I just let it unfold, convinced a person with any connection to Sofia Volkov wasn’t worth living.”
“It wasn’t for you to make that decision,” I said, my tone firm, while Christian’s gaze bore into me with intensity.
“It wasn’t, and while I cannot promise you that I won’t make a mistake again, I can vow to you that I’ll always be truthful. I give you my word that I’ll earn your trust. If you’ll let me.”
After his betrayal, I’d been scared to trust him again, but maybe that fear was only holding me back. Life was full of risks, and it required a leap of faith to live fully. But I needed him to understand that he couldn’t hide things from me.
Just as I opened my mouth, he said, “I’m a fuckup, angel, and my love isn’t a fairy tale, but I promise you, you’re it for me. There’s nobody that will ever mean more to me than you. You’re the only woman for me.”
“You hurt me.”
“I’m sorry. More than you’ll ever know.”
“Don’t ever do that to me again.”
“I won’t.” Call me foolish, but I believed him. “I love you, Ivy. And I held on so tight, willing to kill, cheat, and steal to keep you with me. It was wrong, especially after all the acceptance you’ve given me, and I should have… Fuck. ”
He rubbed the back of his neck, looking uncharacteristically flustered.
“I don’t deserve you, but I’m willing to work at it until I do.” His jaw tightened. “Please just let me prove to you that I—” He broke off, coughed to clear his throat. “You are my top priority. Your friends are my friends, your enemies are my enemies, and your pain is my pain. I would burn down the world for you.”
“Don’t break my trust again, Christian,” I breathed, slipping off my seat and padding over to stand between his legs. I ran a hand through his hair and he raised his head, pressing his face against my stomach and letting out a sigh.
“Fuck, I missed your touch.”
He gripped the backs of my thighs, lifting me to straddle him. Slowly, tentatively, he reached for the hem of my shirt, gauging my reaction.
“Can I undress you?” A shudder rippled through him under my palms. “I’ve never wanted anyone,” he said, his voice uneven, “the way I want you.”
My heart faltered, then picked up again, beating at twice the speed, desire heavy in my veins.
He waited for my permission, and once I gave it, I shifted off him and our clothes began to fall to the floor in a heap.
He gently grasped me by the elbows and encouraged me to climb back into his lap. I put a knee on either side of his hips as he sat back with his shoulders against the cushions.
He crushed his lips to mine in a fierce and desperate kiss.
“Until death do us part,” he grunted, his touch hot and possessive.
“Until death do us part,” I echoed as we were caught in each other’s gazes.
His hot length brushed against my core and my breath cut off. His palm coasted from my elbow up my arm. It traveled over my shoulder, slid up my neck, and continued until his fingers wove into my hair. His head rested on the back of the couch as he stared up at me hungrily.
His other hand was on my waist, guiding me to move. I rubbed my hips against him, the head of his cock right at my entrance, and lowered myself onto him, feeling him deep inside me.
It elicited a sigh from us both. The feeling of him inside me was so intense, my body trembled with pleasure. His lips parted so he could drag in ragged breaths as I started to move, and his head tipped further back, his eyes drifting closed.
He lifted his head, opened his eyes, and simply stared at me. Seated all the way, his hand on my waist, he urged me to rock on him. The first stroke wrung a whimper from my lips.
“How does it feel?” he asked.
“So… good.”
We found our rhythm, his sensual hands resuming their work. They caressed my breasts, notching over my hardened nipples. They smoothed along my thighs. Slid up my back, tracing my spine.
But it was his heavy-lidded gaze that held all my attention as I rode him, my body threatening to unravel. I had my hands on his chest for leverage, but I lifted them and laced my fingers together behind his neck, pulling him to me.
When our mouths locked together, time suspended. Nothing existed outside of this room. Nothing lived beyond the two of us, our bodies connected as one.
I moved slowly, rocking my hips in a circular motion, grinding my clit against him, trembling with the intensity. Sweat dampened our temples and moans drifted from our lips, and he reached forward to tease my breasts with his mouth and teeth. His free hand on my ass pushed and pulled, lifting me to keep up the urgent tempo.
I circled my hands behind me onto his knees and rode him. His gaze caught fire, trailing from my parted lips to my bouncing breasts to where he slid in and out of me. I was so wet it was dripping down my thighs.
His eyes locked there and one of his hands slipped between us to trace my landing strip until he found my clit. He rubbed it in a circular motion, his mouth licking and sucking my nipples. I moaned, every touch feeding the hot buzz in my core, pleasure nearly overwhelming me.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groaned against my ear, his heartbeat racing against mine.
His hands were everywhere—down my spine, grabbing fistfuls of my hair to angle my head the way he wanted it so he could keep me harder and deeper.
And then he took over completely.
I threw my head back. His deep thrusts shook my body all the way down to my foundation. He grunted and strained as he chased his breath, but he didn’t stop driving.
“Oh… God… please… ahhhh.”
He swallowed my gasp in his mouth as I climaxed with the force of a category five hurricane. I came so hard spots scattered behind my eyes.
He clamped his strong arms around my body and buried his face in my chest while a series of pleasure-soaked moans fell from his lips. And, with a punishing last thrust and a shudder, he finished inside me, softly nipping my neck in a rough sort of appreciation.
His mouth brushed against me as he whispered, “I love you so fucking much,” and warmth filled me like sunlight.
I curled my fingers in his hair as our heavy breaths filled the silence, our naked flesh pressed against together. I was high on a languid post-coital bliss when I rested my face in the crook of his neck.
Christian softened his hold on me, just enough to peer into my eyes. “This is just the beginning of the rest of our lives.”
I dropped a kiss on his lips. “Forever.”