Chapter 12 #2
The fucking nerve of that man to say all of that about Miles knowing what I know now.
I try to remember, but all I can pull from that night is the blur of headlights, the screech of tires, and the sickening crunch of metal.
I thought I had somehow caused it, that it was my mistake that somehow sent us across the center line into the other vehicle before colliding with the tree.
I had felt so much relief when I was told there were no charges being filed against me, and I always thought that was weird because there should have been.
It isn’t like I’d been drinking that night, so I was never worried about a DUI, but surely a reckless driving charge or vehicular manslaughter.
It was the least I deserved. It’s why I’ve been punishing myself all of these years.
Even having the truth revealed, it doesn’t bring the relief I thought it would.
If anything, the weight in my chest only sinks deeper…
because it isn’t going to be easy to bring Harrison Clark down.
When Thea and Claire return, I’m still sitting at the kitchen island, head in hands.
I’m not sure how long I have been sitting like this, my heart heavy with memories that should bring me happiness but only bring pain.
Images of Miles’ face, smiling or laughing while we frequented our favorite places, are replaced by unseeing eyes as I try getting his attention from where he’s laid at an odd angle in the passenger seat, blood trailing from his ears and nose.
God, I can’t process how much I blocked out about that night, but now that I’ve started, my mind won’t stop.
“Dude, are you ever going to ask my sister out?” Miles says from where he’s sitting in the passenger seat.
I choke on the water I had been drinking, sputtering as I try to gain my composure, because there is no way he just asked me that. I’d never talked to him about my feelings for Thea, let alone acted on them, so how the hell does he know? “What?”
“You heard me. I like Lucas, I do. But you’re my best friend, and honestly? You’re the only one I trust to take care of her heart.” Glancing out of the corner of my eyes as I come around a bend, he’s eyeballing me.
“Are we really going to have this conversation?”
He shrugs. “You don’t have to, but the only one in denial about it is you.”
We take another turn and a part of me thinks we should pull over to have this conversation. “Why are you even bringing this up? You really think that I’m just gonna—”
He cuts me off, not missing a beat. “I know you like to think nobody would notice, but you’re my best friend, man. You practically sweat every time she’s around. And lately? You’ve been wound tight any time you are in the same room together. You’re gonna have to stop running from it eventually.”
I scoff. “Stop running? It’s not running…I’m just trying to keep things normal. The last thing I want to fuck up is our friendship, let alone mine and Thea’s. Besides, you don’t find the age difference strange at all?”
“Nah, it’s not like she’s a little girl anymore.
But it’s not like you’re decades apart, either.
If she’s old enough to make her own decisions, then it’s not a problem.
Stop acting like you’re ancient or some shit.
If anything, having the foundation after knowing each other for all of these years is a good thing.
” I check out the clock, seeing how much longer is left in this drive, because a tinge of mortification floods my body that he’s figured this out.
We’re heading to a lake house for the weekend to party with some friends.
“Okay, that might be true. But it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m her brother’s best friend, and that still feels like a line I shouldn’t cross.
And I definitely don’t want her to feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment.
This wasn’t some hidden agenda…it just happened. ” I look at him pointedly.
“Fuck the lines, man. The only one there, is one your imagination has created. You’ve gotta stop letting that shit hold you back.
You might think I’m fucking with you, but I’m not.
You’ve always had her best interests at heart and you still do, which is why you’re being stubborn about this.
That’s why I trust you with her. If you care about her, and she feels the same way, what’s the harm? ” Jesus, he’s serious.
Running a hand through my hair, I sigh. “And you think she feels the same?”
“I know she does.”
Well, if that doesn’t settle it, then. As soon as the time is right, I’m gonna tell Thea how I feel.
I’m just about to respond, but as we come around a bend, headlights blind me and I can’t see what side of the road they’re on.
I slam on my brakes, heart racing as the car swerves slightly, but time seems to slow down as the screech of tires comes barreling toward us.
I’m not sure if it’s the other car or mine as I continue to press on the brakes, but the sound is interrupted as a jarring impact sends us flying off an embankment, and for a moment we’re airborne.
Miles is yelling something but I can’t hear him as I fight to take control of the wheel before the passenger side slams into a tree and everything is suddenly silent. Darkness.
“Nathan?” A voice cuts through the fog and I stand up, knocking the stool backward. “Woah, are you okay?”
Shaking my head to clear it, I look at Thea standing in the doorway as Claire retreats to her room.
Instead of answering her, I stride toward her in three steps and wrap my arms around her, needing to feel her against me.
Her posture is stiff, and for a moment I think she is going to push me away, but she surprises me.
She…relaxes in my arms and tentatively wraps her arms around my neck, dropping the bags that were in her hands. “I’m here.”
And suddenly I hate that I’m putting her in this position. But the way she’s holding onto me feels like maybe she needs it as much as I do, so I can’t let go. If that makes me selfish, then so fucking be it.