Chapter 16
Chapter
Sixteen
NATHAN
Sunlight filters through the crack in Thea’s window curtains when I wake.
She’s still snuggled into my side, her thigh hitched over my own and an arm draped across my chest. Although our conversation didn’t go in the exact direction I was hoping it would, a weight has been lifted off of my chest with my admission.
I wanted to tell her that I love her. That I’ve loved her for so long.
But I didn’t want to put an expectation out there for her.
An obligation that she felt like she had to respond to.
She wants to find herself again and I want to respect that decision, even if it kills me.
I’m not dumb, I know that her confession means we can’t do this again.
But bloody fucking hell, staying away from her, keeping my hands off of her… it seems impossible.
She shifts against me then, pressing her face into the crook of my neck with a sleepy sigh.
I tighten my hold on her instinctively, despite the arm that’s underneath her being asleep, and inhale the familiar scent of her hair—coconut with an undertone of vanilla.
My fingers trace the bare skin of her back where my shirt that she’s wearing rode up in lazy circles, taking this moment as mine and keeping it selfishly tucked away before she has a chance to wake up and erase it with the inevitable.
She shifts again and this time she lifts her head just enough for our eyes to meet.
“You’re awake,” she murmurs, her voice still thick with sleep as she tries to wake up.
“I didn’t want to move and wake you.” I force a small smile.
She returns it as she says, “Thank you.” But she doesn’t move right away, allowing this moment for herself as I am.
That is until her phone rings, interrupting the moment.
“Sorry, I should get this.” She rolls over, tugging the shirt down as she looks at the caller ID and sighs. “What do you want, Lucas?”
Sitting up straighter, I wait for her to ask me to leave or for her to seek privacy herself but she doesn’t.
I can hear his voice on the other end of the line as he speaks and it makes me clench my jaw in irritation.
I may not make out what he’s saying but the tone of his voice tells me he isn’t treating her with the respect she deserves.
I can’t wait until she can cut all ties with him.
Her fingers tighten around the phone as she listens, her lips pressing into a firm line. “No, Lucas.
This is final. You made sure of that when you fucked your way through base.” A pause. Another sigh. “I don’t owe you anything else. I don’t owe you explanations or empathy.”
All I want is to reach out and rest my hand on her thigh, to offer her support, but I feel as though that would be crossing the boundary she has set between us. His voice rises on the other end.
“That’s not my problem. You didn’t fight for this, for us, when it mattered.
You can regret it all you want. It won’t change my mind.
” She steels her voice and a surge of pride goes through me.
But I don’t miss the way her hands are trembling, the way he still manages to get to her.
“I’ll see you in court tomorrow, Lucas. And after that?
I don’t want anything to do with you. Ever again.
” She hangs up before he has a chance to say anything else and sets the phone back on her nightstand before leaning forward, face in hands. “I hate that he still gets to me.”
A heavy silence lingers between us as I try to figure out the right way to approach this. “What was that about?” Maybe it isn’t my place to ask, but I want to know everything when it comes to her.
Her voice is steady when she responds, although she still hasn’t turned around to address me directly.
“I think he’s suddenly realizing that I’m taking this seriously and that it’s officially over between us, so he’s trying to do damage control.
As if he just expects me to forget everything he’s done, forgive him, and take him back.
Because I’ve always taken his shit laying down, so he thinks if he apologizes it’ll be water under the bridge like it has been in the past with other shit.
The reality is he just doesn’t know how to lose.
He doesn’t want me back because he loves me.
He wants me back because he can’t stand the fact that I took the power back and am walking away on my own terms.”
“That’s not love.”
The laugh she lets out isn’t filled with humor as she turns around and leans against the headboard with me, pulling her knees to her chest. “If only I had realized that sooner…”
She deserves better. She’s always deserved better.
She deserves to have someone who worships the very ground she walks on.
I wish she’d realize that I could be that guy for her.
However, I don’t say anything because I don’t want her thinking I’m manipulating the situation.
And she doesn’t need me to say anything else because she doesn’t need empty reassurances.
She’s proving she deserves better by leaving.
“Anyway, the final hearing is tomorrow. We managed to speed up the process by the grace of God. And after that, it’ll be over.
No more shared accounts, no more legal ties.
No more reason to pick up when he calls.
I think I’ll block his number after. Erase any trace of him from my life besides the one thing that matters.
” She glances over to the urn. She’s created a shrine around for Hallie, and it’s the first time I’ve gotten a good look at it.
It’s simple, surrounded by small clothes, candles, and toys.
The urn itself has a picture of Hallie on the side; her birth and death dates engraved with an imprint of her little foot.
“You could do it now, you know,” I suggest carefully.
She shakes her head after a moment of consideration. “If I do that then I give him the satisfaction that he’s gotten to me. After, though? He can get fucked.”
“Do you need anyone to come with you?”
“It’s online, so I don’t have to drive home.” That’s convenient.
“I could always sit with you?” I offer. She might have drawn an invisible line between us, but I want her to know I’m here in whatever capacity she will allow me to be. She finally gets her freedom tomorrow, and I would be honored to watch her step into it.
“I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea—not because I don’t want you there to support
me. I would love that…I just don’t want the wrong signals to be sent to the court or our families.
They don’t exactly know I’m staying with you.” It stings, even though it makes sense in retrospect. “Maybe just…cheer me on from the sidelines?”
One side of my mouth lifts. “I can do that. What time?”
“Nine, I think.”
“I’ll be there, well here, kind of.” She laughs and it’s real, bringing heat to my heart in the best way, which causes me to laugh in return until it dies down and we’re in silence again.
“So, I guess I’ll go back to my own room…
” I don’t want to leave. This feels too much like a hook up, and that is the furthest thing from what this meant to me.
She nods, but I don’t miss the hesitation in the way her fingers grip the blanket pooled around her legs.
I would give anything for her to tell me to stay, but I know she won’t.
“I’ll get coffee going?” I say, lingering in the doorway.
“After I get dressed, I mean.” God, I’m rambling.
“Sure.”
This should be the part where I turn and leave. Where I close the door behind me and let her have the space she clearly thinks she needs. But instead, I shift my weight, running my hand through my hair. “Thea, if you change your mind—about us being together—”
“I know,” she says, effectively stopping my words before they have a chance to go any further.
Successfully leaving her room, I return to my own, leaning my forehead against the door as soon as it’s closed.
I remain there for a few minutes before I pull myself together enough to hop in the shower and get dressed.
Ten minutes later, I’m in the kitchen making coffee and searching the fridge for food to whip up for breakfast. I’m determined to make Claire feel welcome in whatever way I can, especially after her first night here.
She isn’t awake yet, which gives me time to mix something up.
I’m in the middle of frying up pancakes and bacon when I hear the staccato of Thea’s footsteps down the hallway before she makes an appearance in front of me, and fuck, if she isn’t the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.
She’s dressed in a denim skirt that lands about mid-thigh on her, paired with a pink floral tank top that ties together at the top.
Her hair is thrown into a messy bun on top of her head with a braid on one side of her head before it meets the tie holding her hair up.
But my favorite part? She’s kept her face free of makeup.
Don’t get me wrong, I love her with both, but this right here?
When I can see the natural glow of her skin?
It feels like I’m seeing her for the first time all over again.
Between the way her eyes seem to shine a little brighter, the subtle flush of her lips, and the soft smattering of freckles across her cheeks, it’s enough to bring me to my knees.
And apparently enough to make my cock spring to life. “Uh, Nathan?”
“Huh? Were you saying something?” I adjust my stance, hoping she can’t see the boner that I’m rocking.
“I said your bacon is burning.” She gestures to the smoke rising from the pan.
I flip the pancake I’ve been working on before rushing to the pan full of bacon, removing it from the heat.
“Fuck.” Some of the pieces are charred but most are salvageable.
She chuckles lightly at my expense before walking and sitting herself at the island while I finish what I’m doing.
Reaching for her mug where I’ve prepared it next to the coffee pot, I hand it to her and watch her take a tentative sip.
“Mmmm,” she moans as her eyes roll back. I have to avert my gaze because this is not helping me focus on anything except the raging hard-on I have. “This is perfect.”
I glance at her as I dish her up a plate. “Yeah?”
She nods. “What did you put in it?”
“Two tablespoons of caramel syrup and a quarter cup of cream. Whipped cream optional, but…” I open the fridge and pull out a can, setting it in front of her.
“This is my favorite coffee combination,” she sighs as she tops her coffee off with the whipped cream.
Smirking slightly, I plate pancakes for Claire for when she chooses to join us. “I know.”
Her eyes flick to mine, surprised. “You do?”
“I pay attention…”
She doesn’t say anything, but I don’t miss the softness in her eyes or the way she blushes.
“I’m going to see if Claire wants to eat anything, I’ll join you in a minute.
” Walking down the hall, I rap on her door several times but am greeted by silence.
Checking the time, I note it’s ten. I knock again before trying the doorknob and realizing it’s locked.
Frowning, I press my ear to the door but hear no sound on the other side.
“Claire?” Still nothing. My stomach knots.
I have no idea if she’s a heavy sleeper or not, this is only her first night here.
She wouldn’t have run off, would she? I turn back toward the kitchen, where Thea is still sipping her coffee. “She’s not answering her door.”
Quiet concern flashes across her brows before she stands up and makes an attempt at getting her to answer, but still she doesn’t come to the door.
“I’m going to grab the spare key,” I say before entering my room.
My fingers close around the cool metal of the key I keep in my nightstand for emergencies before I insert it into the keyhole and swing the door open.
Her bed is neatly made, untouched despite the amount of time she spent in here yesterday and last night.
My pulse spikes in fear. Thea checks the window where the blinds are drawn, but it’s unlocked.
“She’s not here.” I run my hand through my hair as I rest my other on the back of my neck. “Fuck.”
Thea walks to the closet then, opening it slowly, and physically relaxes.
When I approach her side, relief floods me.
Pushed into the farthest corner, hidden beneath clothes hanging above her, she is curled underneath a blanket with her head resting against one of the spare pillows.
It’s no wonder she didn’t hear us, she has her headphones snug over her ears and is fast asleep.
Thea places her hand over her heart as she looks at me with sadness in her eyes.
“Oh, Claire…” She pushes past me and kneels, lightly brushing her arm.
She stirs immediately, sitting ramrod straight with wide eyes, and I note the moment her breathing increases. She’s scared.
“It’s okay, it’s just us.” She blinks from Thea to me before her posture relaxes and she tugs her headphones from her head.
“What time is it?” she asks with a hoarse voice.
“Almost ten. You weren’t answering and I got worried.” I try to keep my tone light so she doesn’t hear the lingering concern. She still doesn’t trust us fully, but I plan to rectify that.
There’s a rare vulnerability to her expression and posture. One that I haven’t seen from her yet as she rubs her eyes and says, “I’m sorry…I couldn’t sleep in the bed last night. The closet felt safer…”
I can see the moment where Thea’s heart cracks at that because it’s in the same moment mine does. “Are you hungry? I made pancakes and bacon.” I choose not to push because she would elaborate if she wanted to.
“Maybe just stick to the pancakes,” Thea remarks. “The bacon is more like charred wood.” She holds a hand up to shield her mouth from me, feigning a whisper.
“I heard that,” I grumble. But for the first time, a true smile graces her face. It’s small, but it’s there. She nods slightly as Thea helps her out of the closet and leads her from the room to the kitchen. I don’t miss the look she gives me when they walk by me. It’s a start.