13
I stretch my arms in bed and yawn. Wow, I haven’t felt so wide awake since my mother called me with the bad news. I smell myself and feel sick. How did I allow myself to end up in such a shameful situation? All at once the events of last night come back to me. I cover my head with my thin blanket and shrink myself into a ball. I sat across a strange man who used me to get himself off… I didn’t choose to give this service, I was forced, and I couldn’t stand up for myself because I was so exhausted. I remember the brunette's mocking toast and the fury on Scarface’s face. My God, I’m so stupid. I laugh bitterly under the covers. How the hell did I let that bitchy girl manipulate me like that? Why didn’t I just slap her? And Scarface… he was so angry, and humiliated her, all because what she did to me. Thinking about him makes my body grow warm and that frightens me. I cross and press my legs and let my brain regain control. He took care of me. He drove me home, put me to bed and didn’t try to take advantage of the situation. On the other hand, he’s rude. He’s a manipulative bastard who used me for his business needs. He’s in love with himself and he’s sure that I’m just another girl he can manipulate like a puppet on a string. If I add to the equation the fact that he’s a criminal and probably uneducated, I really have no idea why my body is still on fire when I remember that he was in my bedroom just a few hours ago.
I shower leisurely, get dressed, and even eat some breakfast. If I don’t start taking care of myself, I’ll probably find myself out of control again, and I don’t intend for that to happen again.
I arrive at the university around noon and join Johanna in the lecture hall. She looks at me concerned.
“You missed three classes,” she says, half-amazed, half-scolding. “You never missed so many classes before.”
“You were right,” I answer with a smile. “If I don’t start taking care of myself, I’ll collapse. And that nearly happened yesterday.”
“I missed you.” Her face grows sad. “Today I was told that I've been accepted to assist in Professor Forman's research.”
“That’s great, Johanna.” I hug her narrow shoulders. “So why are you sad? You should be jumping in joy.”
“Because I have no one to celebrate with.” She plays with a lock of her golden hair. “I feel lonely and old, and I want to feel happy and young.”
“You have me,” I say, still hugging her.
“So, will you go out to celebrate with me?” Her eyes light up with hope. “Today is Friday, you should have one day off a week.”
“Mmmm…” I try to give her an answer that won’t break her heart.
“Never mind,” She removes my arm from her shoulder. “Everything is fine. I understand.”
“Screw it all.” I hug her again. “I’ll go to work early and leave to celebrate with you. We’ll dress up and go out for drinks like big girls.”
“Yesssssssss!” She’s smiling ear to ear. “We'll go to the new bar that opened in town. I heard you can meet some nice students there.” She giggles, and quietens down as the professor approaches the stage.
I skip my last class and take a cab back to our apartment, pack a small bag with clothes for tonight and then I go to work. When I get there it seems like the place is empty, but then I notice Scarface sitting across the table from Ralph, who is aiming a gun at him and looking very angry. The German’s square face is frozen and his piercing light blue eyes are glowing. It doesn’t shock me. On the contrary, I feel that I can easily ignore the whole situation. I go behind the bar counter, get two bottles of beer and place them in front of the men, and of course, make sure to place a napkin to the right of each bottle.
“Good evening,” I say and Ralph lets out a curse. Scarface chuckles and winks at me.
I turn around to return to the counter.
“Stop,” Ralph orders and I turn around again to face him. “You are a smart girl,” He says, without taking his eyes or his gun off my calm boss. “You explain to this idiot that a real partnership should be fifty-fifty and not sixty percent to him and only forty percent to me.”
“I don’t know anything about your business.” I hope that my answer will be enough, but he’s persistent. “You don’t need to know anything. Just tell me why even though he gets the merchandise and I distribute it, we are still not equal partners.”
“I really don’t have a clue and I don’t think I should get involved in your business anyway.” I straighten the napkin and Scarface intentionally moves it again.
“This time I demand that you get involved.” Ralph drinks from his beer and makes a face as if he’s just drank cyanide.
I look at Scarface and wait for some sign from him, but he just continues to smile and moves around the napkin.
“Fine.” I fume. “If you’re so unhappy with this partnership, why don’t you just get your merchandise from someone else and make a deal that will give you the percentage you think you deserve?”
“Because no one else will work with this maniac,” Scarface smirks and moves the napkin again.
“Stop doing that,” I whisper angrily and bend down to replace it. “Then why don’t you find another distributor who won’t aim his gun at you like you’re acting in some Western movie?” I look at Scarface and lock my jaw angrily when his fingers start moving towards the napkin. He doesn’t move it this time, he just laughs to himself.
“Cause I kinda like this crazy German.” He drinks some beer and then sets his bottle back down on the table.
“But you could find another distributor?” I continue with my questions.
“Sure. Everyone wants to work with me.” He looks at Ralph, still smiling. “But I would rather keep working with this laid-back guy.” He raises his bottle and laughs.
“Well then,” I cross my arms over my chest, “I can solve that with the Game Theory. The ‘sum zero game’ describes a situation where one side’s profit is balanced by the other side’s loss, so that the total sum of profit and loss of both sides, is zero. That’s not your situation right now.”
“I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.” Ralph is still pointing his gun at Scarface but he turns his head to me. “But when you talk like that, it's very sexy.” A small smile creeps up on his face.
“I’ll explain,” I grumble, “My irritating boss could continue getting his merchandise and he could distribute it through someone else. You, on the other hand, can distribute but you have no one else to get the merchandise from. And if you can’t get the merchandise, what would you distribute?” I raise an eyebrow questioningly and see that Ralph has scrunched his forehead and is thinking. “To summarize it all, if I were in his place right now,” I point at Scarface, “I would change our contract and take seventy percent of the profits and leave you with only thirty percent.” I cross my arms again and see Ralph’s stare harden. His handsome masculine face is drawn as he grinds his teeth, but suddenly he slams his pistol down on the table and bursts out laughing.
“Believe me Liam, this beautiful creature should not be working as a waitress in this stinking place. I would give her a job right now.”
“This creature will pass the chance,” I respond quickly, before I find myself in a discussion about my professional career. “And if I’m done here, I’d like to ask a small favor,” I turn to Scarface, who is looking amused and particularly angelic.
“Anything you want,” he runs his hand through his ruffled hair and smiles that captivating smile at me.
“I have to leave early tonight, there’s something personal I need to take care of.”
“You got it,” he answers shortly and looks back at his partner. “So should I take your part down to thirty percent?” He asks seriously and laughs when Ralph lets out a curse in German. “You know that I always meet our agreements. Why don’t we agree that you should do the same?” He raises his bottle, and Ralph follows him.
"Let's raise a toast to the 'game theory'," Ralph calls out, and they clink their bottles and drink from them.
The bar is starting to fill up. The working girls are polite to me, none of them let out a sarcastic remark in my direction and they don’t even whisper or giggle when I walk past them. The evening passes quickly and I need to leave. I go to the round table again. Ralph and Scarface are talking quietly.
“I need to go,” I say to Angelface, and he glances at his watch and nods. I go back to the counter, take my backpack and go into the restroom.
I go into one of the stalls and take off my loose jeans and T-shirt. Instead, I put on the clothes I borrowed from Johanna. Light blue skinny jeans and a black tank-top with a low back. I feel my bare back and play with my bra strap. I don’t want it to show so I unhook it and take it off.
I come out of the stall and stand in front of the large rectangular mirror. I replace my sneakers with flats and now I look like a normal student on her way to a night out in the big city. I twist my long braid into a thick circle above my nape and push the edges in. This simple change gives me a much more feminine reflection than I planned on, but this time it feels strangely right. I use a black eyeliner around my large almond eyes and finally smear some transparent lip gloss. I like what I see and I’m in an unusually good mood.
I go back out to the bar and see that I’ve been replaced by someone who looks like a supermodel, wearing a very short miniskirt and a tight crop top. She serves a drink to one of the customers and stands chatting to Scarface. She’s batting her eyelashes and wiggling her ass, he is nodding and Ralph doesn’t even look up from his cellphone.
“I’m out of here,” I say as I walk past them.
I stop by the counter to take a sip of water from my bottle. “Where exactly do you think you’re going?” Scarface is standing really close to me as he puts his arm on the back of the chair. I almost spit the water out over his black polo shirt.
“You scared me,” I put the bottle down on the counter and arrange the stack of napkins beside it. “I told you that I had a private thing tonight and you said I could leave early.”
“What private thing are you going to dressed like that? So revealing.” He won’t move away and I’m trapped.
“Revealing?” I laugh. “I’m wearing jeans and a tank-top. Look around and you’ll see what revealing is.” I lift my hand and gesture him to move away from me. He doesn’t.
“They’re whores. You aren’t.” he states. “And I’ve changed my mind. You can’t leave early tonight.”
“Oh come on, seriously…” this conversation isn’t amusing anymore. “I’m going. And if you don’t like it, fire me.” I duck under his muscular arm and walk out of the bar.
The front door that I just closed opens again. “Stop following me,” I say angrily.
“I’m not following you,” he says and picks up the black helmet that was sitting on a chair by the bouncer. “I’m driving you.”
“I don’t want you to.” I walk away toward the curb.
“You don’t have a choice.” He grabs hold of my hand and forces me to get on the motorcycle, puts the helmet on my head, and the only thing that stops me from screaming at him now is knowing that in five minutes he’ll drop me off at the new bar and I’ll enjoy a normal evening with my normal roommate and other normal people like us. I give him the address and the motorcycle roars forward.
I put my hand around his hips and lean forward. Feeling through my thin tank-top the muscles in his back flexing, as the overpowering and illogical attraction floods through me once again. I try to ignore it and touch him as little as possible – just enough so that I won’t fall off. He stops at the entrance to the bar and I sigh in relief. I immediately recognize Johanna’s golden hair among the dozens of people there. She hasn’t noticed me, and I prefer it this way.
“Thanks for the ride,” I say quickly and give him the helmet. He takes it from me, and I tidy my hair.
“Why aren’t you wearing a bra?” he asks suddenly, and I lower my arms down in a panic and pull my backpack from him.
“Listen, I don’t owe you any explanations about anything I do or do not wear.” I say aggressively. “I’m going to have fun tonight, like a regular student, with my roommate and other students.” I glance behind me, worried that Johanna has noticed me by now, but she’s busy flirting with the guy she’s standing with. “And I’ll have some drinks and I might even have an intellectual conversation with one of them.”
“Yeah, because your brain is really what all these horny bastards are interested in. Especially when you’re not wearing a bra.”
“There's so much more to me than just a pair of boobs. But if I do meet someone interesting, maybe I’ll let him enjoy them tonight.” I raise my chin defiantly and march off towards the crowd at the entrance. Johanna sees me and hugs me affectionately. She introduces me to two guys she just met and the four of us go inside together.
We order a bottle of wine and talk. They’re both studying Business Administration at Harvard. The conversation is going well and flowing. Johanna whispers to the guy sitting next to her and I’m talking to his friend, who is asking me about the new research. I can talk freely to him and use professional terms and he understands me immediately. I’m enjoying his company. I move onto my second glass of wine and as the evening goes on, the guy I’m talking to seems like the right partner to end the night with. It looks like Johanna feels the same way, because right after we toast her new project, she tells me goodbye and leaves the bar with her cute new friend.
My body is starting to feel the alcohol, I can feel my insides heating up. I feel pretty and sexy and I want to feel it from my random partner as well. But something is bothering me. I can’t stop thinking about Scarface. It feels like he’s lurking around every corner and I shudder from my need for his touch.
“Where do you live?” my polite date asks, and when I answer he smiles. “We can share a cab,” he offers, and I immediately nod, knowing that if I want it to, the cab can make just one stop.
He pays our tab, pulls my chair out gently and helps me up. We walk out to the street together and I choke when I see the black motorcycle parked exactly where I got off. Scarface looks at me quietly, and I decide to handle the situation quickly and maturely.
“I didn’t know you were still here,” I say calmly, “Everything’s fine. We’re going to share a cab home,” I gesture with my head at the guy with me.
“Get on the bike,” he orders as if he hasn’t heard a word I said.
“I don’t need a ride,” I take a step backward. “I told you, we’re sharing a cab.”
“Is this guy bothering you?” my polite date asks, and I shake my head angrily.
“Elena, get on the bike before I get off and beat the shit out of this asshole.”
I turn to my date quickly. He looks at me in shock, trying to understand what's the deal between me and the scarred man. I fake a laugh. “This is my big brother, he’s just kidding. He can be over-protective sometimes.” I realize that I have no clue whether Scarface’s threats are serious, but I’m not going to call his bluff over this sweet guy who’s standing next to me looking agitated. “I’m sorry, it looks like we won’t be sharing a cab tonight after all,” I say sheepishly and get on the motorcycle.
“And I’m not really her brother.” Scarface takes my backpack from me and puts it on his knees. “And if anyone’s going to enjoy those boobs tonight, it will be me, not you.” I gasp and he puts the helmet on my head forcefully. “OK, you have a good night,” he says to the stunned guy and drives off.
“Asshole!” I yell but I can barely hear myself. My heart is beating so fast, my head is spinning, the only thing I can think of is the poor guy’s scared expression. I could slap myself for being unable to control my treacherous body. I am burning from just being near Scarface’s body.
The motorcycle stops outside my building and I rip off the helmet, throw it on the floor and hit him in the back. “You’re disgusting.” I hit him again. “Who gave you the right to embarrass me and behave like that in front of my friends?” I get off the bike and find myself being dragged right back on it. He pulls me back by the hips, picking me up like a puppet and putting me down facing him. My legs are spread, and he tucks them around his body. “Leave me alone, asshole.” I try to free my legs but his grasp is too strong. “You disgust me.” I say angrily, but fall silent when I feel his lips on my neck. He pushes my upper body back gently until my back is resting on the front of the bike. His lips trail over my neck and I can’t control the moan that comes out of my throat. His lips travel downwards to the bare skin above my breasts and I feel a pleasant warmth between my legs. His hands are holding my hips, caressing me over my tank-top and moving upwards. They stop at my breasts and rub them gently. The warmth turns to fire when I feel his erection pressing up against me.
“Do I still disgust you?” he asks hoarsely. He’s holding my ass, grinding his hips against me forcefully as I moan weakly. The scarred side of his face rubs against the skin of my cleavage and his lips close around my nipple. He blows warm air on it and I moan again.
“Do I still disgust you?” he insists, and I awaken from the sensual dream that he’s locked me into.
I pull away from him. My body is protesting, but my brain is back in control. “I don’t know why my body wants you so badly when my brain would never allow it,” I say honestly and stand up straight. Our faces are nearly touching and the smell of his aftershave is heating me up again.
“Because you want me,” he says and puts his lips to my ear. “You want me so badly that you can’t fall asleep at night,” he whispers, and his warm breath makes me sigh. “You fantasize about me in the shower,” he is still whispering, “when you touch yourself. And even when you’re thinking about going to bed with some academic boy, you’re still thinking about me.”
“That might be true.” I push him away and his piercing gaze makes me dizzy. The angelic side of his face has taken over once again, and his cat-like green eyes hypnotize me. “But it’s only physical desire. And that will never be as strong as mental desire.” I can’t help myself, and I slide my fingers over his deep scars. “My future is very clear, and you’re not in it.” I stop where the scars become more concentrated and bite my lip. “How can anyone be so disgusting and so attractive at the same time?” I ask myself out loud.
The smile is back on his face. “You know I could have fucked you right here, right now, if I wanted to.” His finger is playing with my nipple and my chest is going up and down in anticipation.
“You’re probably right.” I move his finger. “So maybe you don’t really want to?” I leave his burning body regretfully and stand up, throw my shoulders back and walk towards the building. Just before I go inside, I turn around to look at him, and I see an arrogant smile on his lips. I sigh in frustration and walk inside. Me and that criminal? Is he serious? That could never happen.