24
I look at the clock on the dresser and jump out of bed. I have a half hour to get to the university. I rub my forehead when I realize that last night was not just a bad dream. I’m part of a real-life horror movie, there are people out there who want to get rid of me. But this isn’t my world… I shake my head. I’ll go back to my sane world now, and in time everyone will forget about me. I shower quickly. Take my backpack out of my suitcase and go downstairs. Liam is talking quietly with a man holding a gun, and they both turn to face me.
“Good morning,” I say as I walk to the counter to take my computer. I put it in my backpack and shove my wallet in as well. My smashed cellphone is lying on the counter. “I’m going now,” I mutter and start towards the door.
“How do you feel?” Liam asks, concerned and starts following me. I turn my head towards him and see that he’s still wearing the clothes he was wearing yesterday.
“Great. The best ever. And now, if you don’t mind, I don’t want to be late to my first class.”
“I’ll take you there. It’s the safest place for you apart from here.” He stands in front of me and strokes my shoulder.
“Don’t touch me.” I shake his hand off me and he removes it. I open the door to the garage, he follows me out, and we both get on the motorcycle without saying a word. For the first time since I've met him my mind overcomes my body when we are physically close, and all I want is to put as much distance between us as possible.
The garage door opens, and he drives away fast. The Volvo follows us all the way to the campus parking lot. He stops at the entrance and looks around tensely.
“What time do you finish?” he focuses on the Volvo.
“Evening.” I give him a general answer, hoping that he’ll leave me alone.
“Elena, I need an exact time,” he raises his voice.
“Six,” I reply and start walking away.
“Don’t leave the campus until you see me here,” he calls after me and I run inside.
I look for Johanna in the lecture hall, but I can’t find her anywhere. Five minutes after the second class starts, she slips into the hall with flushed cheeks, noisily moves past the students in my row, and sits down in the chair next to me.
“What a night,” she whispers in my ear.
“Shhh…” I whisper impatiently.
“After you left, no one would tell me what happened,” she continues whispering, “but there was a smashing party going on.” She giggles and the student sitting on her other side asks her to be quiet. “They took out all the good alcohol and Tommy gave everyone some white powder and then…” she gets quiet for a minute and I nudge her with my shoulder, “and then I went upstairs with him.” She gets closer to me and sticks to me like glue. “I never saw anything like it… even in the porn I used to steal from my big brother. I thought I would faint, it’s so—”
“Shut up.” I raise my voice and the professor looks in my direction.
“Sorry,” I apologize quickly and push Johanna away. This time she understands that she needs to keep quiet.
During the break I try to get away from her, but she keeps following me. She looks sharp and energetic. I sit down on the grass and she clings to me again.
“At first it seemed sick, shocking even,” she says excitedly, and I realize that she is still talking about the upper floor. “But very quickly you understand that it's an animalistic passion. Pure physical passion—”
I groan. “There’s nothing pure about that place,” I say annoyingly.
“Well, maybe not pure, but intense.” She lays her head on her backpack. “Intense physical pleasure of two people who take advantage of each other.”
“It’s not mutual advantage.” I'm getting angry.
“Yes, it is,” she insists. “The man gets the woman’s body for a limited time and in return the woman gets a lot of money.”
“Disgusting.” I open my textbook and hope that she will get the hint and stop talking.
“You’re so judgmental!” she says angrily.
I raise my head from the book. “Can we either stop this conversation or change the subject?”
“Fine,” she says and just when I think she has stopped talking, she starts again.
“I didn’t know you’re with him,” she whispers. “He is so different and strange. He is scary on one hand, but on the other, he seems to care for you.” She strokes her golden hair. “I didn't think that he is your type.”
“He isn’t.” I cut her off abruptly. "He’s far from being my type. “I made a mistake, and gave into my stupid physical instincts and now I need to fix it.”
“Then why are you sleeping at his place and not our apartment?”
She just won’t let go. “Because I made a mistake,” I stress each word. “And now, if you don’t mind, I want to read.” I go back to my book and she finally stops talking.
Half an hour passes, and she is still quiet. I raise my head from my book and see that she is fast asleep. I try to wake her up for several minutes. When she finally awakens, she pokes around in her bag in a panic and then proudly shows me a small bag with some white powder.
“This will fix me for today,” she says, stands up, and runs off to one of the buildings.
I don’t attend my last class and go to Professor Sawyer’s room. I haven’t seen him since the conference, and I have no idea how he will react when he sees me. Will he feel as embarrassed as I do? Maybe he’s realized that the days we spent together were a mistake, and that we both overstepped the line? I knock on his door cautiously, and his voice tells me to enter. I go inside.
Professor Sawyer is sitting behind his large wooden desk, and as soon as he sees me a big smile spreads over his face.
“Would it sound strange if I say that I’ve missed you these last few days?” He stands up and looks as nervous as I feel.
“Not really,” I sigh in relief and sit down in the armchair. “The weekend was too long.”
“I hope I didn’t give you too much work,” he is still smiling, and now he looks as relaxed as always.
“You should have given me more,” I sit up and open my laptop. He comes over to stand behind me. The scent of his aftershave envelops me and when he leans towards the screen, I realize that for the first time in days, I feel completely safe. I open up the file and start going over the paragraphs, pointing out the topics I chose to focus on.
“Interesting,” he murmurs and stands up straight. “I have to leave now, I have a function tonight,” he says apologetically. “But I really want to discuss this at length. How about Friday at six?”
“Excellent,” I say and close the laptop quickly. “I apologize if I’ve kept you.”
He laughs. “Elena, I’d rather sit with you now than go to this function.” He takes his briefcase and leaves the room with me. “All of those arrogant physicists in one room… if I could skip it, I’d happily stay here.” He groans and exits the building with me. We're walking towards the parking lot side by side, and as we get closer, I see the black motorcycle. He turns me around to face him, still at a safe distance. “I had three amazing days with you. I rediscovered my need for the opposite sex after a long time.” He scratches his clipped goatee and smiles. “You've managed to awaken something in me that had been turned off since I left my wife. And the problem is…” he falls silent and clears his throat. “The problem is that I’m not talking about all the opposite sex, I think I’m talking about only you.”
Before I can respond, he turns and vanishes among the cars in the parking lot. Is he back to that again? I thought we both agreed that it’s too dangerous for both of us. I think about what he said as I walk, confused, toward the motorcycle.
“Faster.” I hear Liam ordering and I pick up my pace.
“I don’t want to go to the bar,” I complain.
"You have no choice." He says furiously.
As soon as I sit down, he starts driving. When I peek behind us, I see the blue Volvo, and against my will I am drawn back to my hideous black reality.
He stops at the entrance to the bar and quickly pulls me inside.
“You were late,” he says irritably and pulls me towards him. I move away and raise my chin defiantly. “And the man who walked you to the parking lot doesn’t look like a student to me.” He looks at me and narrows his eyes.
“Because he isn’t.” I reply coldly. “He’s my professor.”
“I see…” he goes over the counter and Charlie hands him a bottle of beer. “Did you tell him that you’re with me now?” He’s standing in front of me again.
“Why would I do something like that?” I smile mockingly.
“You’d better,” he shoots back the same smile. “If you don’t want me to get rid of him the next time I see the two of you together.”
“Don’t threaten me!” I raise my voice angrily, and he sneers at me.
“Elena, I only give one warning.” He turns around and walks over to sit at the round table.
I start setting the tables and I'm quickly drawn into my regular routine. I ignore the girls’ looks and whispers and manage to pass the hours quietly. Johanna comes in, blows me an air kiss, and sits down with Tommy and Liam at the round table. A few minutes later, she goes upstairs with Tommy. I feel like going up there after her and slapping some sense into her. I can’t understand why she chooses to spend her time here, as if it’s just another innocent bar and not a filthy brothel.
When the last customer leaves and Johanna hasn’t come back downstairs yet, I sit down on a bar stool and wait impatiently for my boss to decide to get up.
“We can go.” He picks up his file and comes over to me. I get off the stool and now he’s standing close to me. My body is back to its old ways, but my brain is sending warning signals and this time I'm stronger. “Come,” he puts out his hand and I ignore it. I can see that this is annoying him, but he doesn’t say anything, and walks out to the street. I follow him. During the ride he seems tense again, driving like a maniac until we're inside the closed garage.
I start going upstairs and stop on the first step. “I need to take sick leave,” I say quietly. He walks into the kitchen and pours himself a drink. “I don’t know how it works exactly, but I can’t come to the bar for a while.” I fake a cough. “I think I have a virus.”
“Fine,” he answers coldly, and I escape upstairs. After I wash myself, I go to bed. I'm here because I don’t have any other choice. If I leave, I’ll find a solution. I’ll find another job, I’ll find a few different jobs, just as long as I can get away from this world. Every time I think I can leave, something terrible sucks me back in, but no more. I look at the bedroom door tensely, worried that if he comes in, my mind will be sucked into turbulence and my body will go crazy. But that doesn’t happen, and I manage to relax and fall asleep.
The next morning, he drives me to campus, waits for me to enter and leaves.
My intensive classes comfort me, and all day long I manage to repress the terrible situation I’m in. Johanna comes to one class and then disappears from campus. In the evening, the motorcycle is waiting for me and when we arrive, he drops me off inside the garage and doesn’t even come into the house with me. I catch up on some studying and papers and go to sleep. This routine continues to take place over the next few days. I thought that the more I ignore him, the easier it would be for me to cope with my physical yearnings, but unfortunately, I find them growing stronger. Every time I cling to him on the motorcycle my body burns, and it won’t cool down for hours after we part. Every morning when I go downstairs and see him, I have to force myself to keep my act together. My desire and need for his touch have become unreasonable and completely exhausting.
Friday arrives and I wait impatiently for my meeting with Professor Sawyer. The classes pass by quickly, and during the last class I notice that Johanna has fallen asleep in her seat. I shake her gently. "You're crazy," I stroke her head and she looks at me sleepily. “You have to pull yourself together. You barely come to classes, and when you do come, you fall asleep.”
“But I am living the life,” she smiles and rubs her eyes. “I am in love, I am satisfied and most of the time, I'm happy.” She sits up and begins rummaging through her bag. “Anyway, there is nothing that the magic white powder can't fix.” She stands up and stretches. “Should we go get something to eat?” She looks confused.
“I have to go to a meeting with Professor Sawyer,” I apologize and hurry out.
I reach the heavy wooden door just as two female students are leaving. I press myself against the wall and lower my head. The last thing I need is to encourage more gossip. They don’t notice me.
“I’m in love,” says one of them, with a dreamy look on her face.
“He didn’t even look at you,” the other giggles. “Even your cleavage didn’t help this time.”
“No worries,” the first one answers calmly. “Men are men. Give me a few more advisory meetings with him and he won’t be able to ignore me anymore.”
They both laugh and walk off. I knock twice and when I am invited in, I open the door. Professor Sawyer stands up for me immediately and I smile with satisfaction.
“Shall we start?” He points at the sofa and after I sit down, he sits next to me. I open my laptop screen and I’m confused by his presence. My body is sending contradictory messages. I blush when I recall how I had to finish this paper sprawled on the kitchen table, with Liam’s burning body pressed against mine from behind. I can’t get rid of that image and I feel that it’s spoiling the positive energy in the room.
“Is everything all right?” I feel his breath close to me.
“Of course, Professor Sawyer.” I answer without looking at him.
“Brian,” he corrects me, and I nod and pray for the file to open already.
We go over the first couple of paragraphs and discuss each of them at length, when suddenly he places his hand on my thigh. “Shall I order something to eat?” he asks and crosses the room to the phone.
“Actually, I’d like that.” I smile and stroke my rumbling stomach. He orders some food from a nearby restaurant and returns to sit by my side. We move on to the third paragraph and when we finish, the food arrives.
“I think we’ve worked enough for one evening,” he says and places the containers on the table in front of us. “It’s important to enjoy the ride as well.” I take my shoes off and cross my legs casually on the sofa. Our conversation turns to the conference we attended, and he imitates one of the older professors. I burst out laughing and he joins in. I'm relaxed, calm and content, an old feeling that I have missed so much. As I sip my drink, I glance at the clock and panic.
“I have to go now,” I say sadly and put my shoes back on. “I had such a good time.” I stand up reluctantly and he stands up too, throws the containers in the trash, and looks at me.
“I don’t feel you’re my student and I find that odd.” He scratches his short goatee. “I feel like you’re a colleague.” He smiles his bashful smile and I grin.
“We both know that’s not exactly the case.” I leave the room and he follows me out. We cross the hallway quietly and go outside.
“You look troubled,” he says just before we reach the parking lot. “I hope you know that you can talk to me about things that aren’t about studies, as well.”
I fake a calm smile. My stomach is turning. There’s nothing I want more that to tell him everything. That I have fallen into a dark world, so different from ours. That I need a lifeline before I drown. Instead I just keep smiling and I shake my head no.
“Everything’s great,” I say, and walk towards the parking lot. “I’m looking forward to getting more assignments from you.”
I look around for the black motorcycle, but I can’t see it anywhere. The blue Volvo is parked in the second row and my stomach clenches in anxiety. Suddenly the silver Hummer glides through all the cars and stops in front of me.
“See you next week!” I call to the professor and climb inside quickly.
Ralph is sitting on the white leather seat, glaring at me angrily. “You're half an hour late.” He says and hits the front seat, signaling for the driver to start driving. “And who is the fucker who walked you out?” he asks accusingly.
“No one. Just one of my professors.” I’m not going to give him any information. I look through the darkened window and make sure that we are leaving my wonderful world as quickly as possible. I don’t want to taint it with the filth of my new dark world.
“So why does he look at you like he wants to fuck you?”
“Shut up!” I raise my voice. “In my world, not every man who talks to a woman is wondering how to get her in bed.”
Ralph laughs mockingly. “Well, my educated lady. In one thing your world and my world are completely the same. When a man looks at a woman the way he looked at you, he wants to fuck her.”
“Fine. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” I lean back on the seat and cross my arms defiantly. “Hold on,” I break my silence seconds later, “why did you come to get me? What happened to Liam?”
“He had some things to take care of. He is waiting for you at his house.”
Waiting for me at his house? He should be at the bar by now. Weird. What if he decides to stay in with me tonight? I’ve become used to just sharing a living space with him and not having to deal with his closeness. I open my mouth to try and get some more information, but I change my mind and I don’t say anything else. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone, especially not Ralph.
The garage door rises, and the jeep enters. One of the bodyguards opens the door for me.
“See you later,” Ralph says just before I get out and the jeep leaves the garage. Why would I see him later? I think, confused. Maybe Liam has decided that my sick leave is over? I am frustrated by this possibility. I tap in the code and go inside.
Liam is sitting on the sofa, dressed in a fancy black suit and talking on his cellphone. The battle between my mind and my body grows intense and a warm shiver travels down my spine.
“You’re late.” He sounds annoyed, and I shrug my shoulders indifferently.
“I’m going upstairs to study.” I start up the staircase.
“Stop.” He raises his voice and I freeze on the spot. He ends the call and walks over to the kitchen counter. “We don’t have much time. Go take a shower, we’re going out tonight.”
“Going out?” I ask surprised. “Us?”
“You heard me the first time.” He is annoyed.
“I don’t want to go out with you,” I continue up the stairs and he follows me quickly and grabs my elbow.
“I didn’t ask if you wanted to.” He raises his voice. “I’m stating a fact. Those bastard Italians are spreading rumors that they made you disappear from the bar and that you’re buried in some dump. That’s a fatal blow to our reputation and it requires serious retribution.” I grow pale and he continues, “I’m not going to fan the fire any higher than it’s already burning… especially to defend the honor of a dead woman who’s actually breathing and right here next to me.”
“Maybe it’s better if everyone thinks I’m dead…” I stutter. “That way, no one will be looking for me and I can go back to my life—”
“Elena!” he smacks the handrail and I fall fearfully silent. “Stop being such a spoiled brat and think only about yourself. There’s a war going on out there and you keep chattering away about your perfect life.”
“I hate you right now.” I smack the handrail as well.
“I don’t care.” He lowers his voice and takes one step down. “Go and take a shower. It won’t look good if we’re late.”
His answer hurts me. I realize that I have no choice but to do as he says. “I don’t have any dresses here,” I try to get out of it again.
“Carly will be here to take care of you soon.” He turns around and continues down the rest of the stairs. “Make it quick.”
I go into the bathroom and wash myself. A nice calm week has to end exactly the opposite of it. In no time, I am back in the scary, dark world. I’ll get through tonight and find a solution. How is it that I haven’t yet found the formula that will set me free? I go into the bedroom wearing a bathrobe, and Carly is already sitting there with a big suitcase. She takes out some dresses and places them carefully on the bed.
“Hon, we don’t have much time.” She comes to me and asks me to take off my robe.
“Where are we going, anyway? A strip club? A brothel?” I ask contemptuously.
“To the Jews’ wedding party,” she replies and picks up one of the dresses.
“The Jews?” I ask in the same tone. “Who talks like that? Who categorizes people by their religion or where they come from?”
“Nature,” she answers simply, and when I bend down, she pulls a puffy pink dress over my head.
“Are you crazy?” I shout when I look at myself in the mirror. “I look like a scary piece of candy!” She giggles, takes the dress off and puts a different one on me.
“Absolutely not.” I pull the deep neckline of the red dress up. “I look like a top of the line hooker in this.”
“But Elena,” she smiles calmly, “everyone will be dressed like that. You don’t want to stand out.”
I cross my hands over my chest. “You go with him, then.”
“Don’t talk nonsense.” She looks at the dresses inside the suitcase with frustration. “Everyone will be there tonight. The Italians, the Russians, the Poles…” she takes out another dress. “And you need to look respectable and try not to embarrass him.”
“Why would I embarrass him?” I am insulted by what she just said.
“Because you have a tendency to say exactly what’s on your mind,” she laughs. “You need to understand that the rules are different in our world.” She holds up a lilac strapless dress proudly. “I think this will look perfect on you.”
She unzips it and I get into the dress, thinking about what she said. “Take a deep breath,” she orders and when I do, she pulls up the zipper and I'm trapped inside the long gown. "Perfect" she claps her hands cheerfully and I turn around to the mirror.
“It really is beautiful,” I say casually, hiding my amazement. The top part of the dress wraps around my chest and shapes it, while the bottom part curves around my body elegantly and sensuously. The slit reaches my thigh and I can move my legs freely. The dress looks like it was made just for me.
“Now we have to do something about that braid,” she points at my hair and wrinkles her forehead. “Can I touch it?” she asks and stretches her hand out towards my hair.
“No!” I cringe backward.
“Okay. You are so weird… then twist it around and make a bun.”
I twist my hair around like she said and fasten it with bobby pins.
“You have a rare kind of beauty,” she smiles. “I can see why he fell so hard.”
“Nonsense,” I say and look in the mirror again. “External beauty fades away. You need to look at someone’s internal beauty.”
“Then it’s a good thing that you’re beautiful on the outside,” she laughs, and I turn around angrily. “Hey, I’m just kidding,” she keeps on laughing, and I throw one of the dresses at her and burst into true, uninhibited laughter. A minute later I clutch my stomach and grow serious.
“Carly, I’m scared,” my voice trembles and I sit down on the bed.
“I know, honey,” she says in a caressing motherly tone. “But Liam won’t let anyone hurt you. It’s difficult for both sides, but we’ll win in the end.” She says confidently and starts applying makeup to my face.
“How come you're speaking to me so freely about it all?” I ask. “Everyone’s always so careful not to talk next to me.” I shake for a minute, still paralyzed with fear.
“You’re one of us now,” she says and signals that I should close my eyes.
“No, I’m not.” I say firmly. “I’m just a guest. Once this business is over, I’ll go back to my world and you can forget I ever existed.”
“Elena,” she puts blush on my cheek, “there are no visitors in our world. Whoever comes in, stays forever.”
“Carly, hurry her up.” I hear him calling from downstairs and I can’t move. Don’t listen to her, my inner voice orders angrily. She’s trying to confuse you. playing mind games with you. You don’t belong here. You don’t belong in this world and you never will!
“Come on,” Carly sounds stressed. She puts a pair of high black heels on my feet. “Smile,” she pulls me up. “Look confident, and most importantly don’t say anything stupid.” She puts back the other dresses back into the suitcase and hands me a small black purse. “Perfect,” she smiles again, and we leave the room and go downstairs.
“So, how do you like my masterpiece?” she asks, standing at my side.
Liam looks at me quietly. He studies me all over and looks as if he is hypnotized.
“Well?” Carly is waiting for an answer. He blinks and nods his head once.
“Very nice,” he says almost inaudibly, and doesn’t look at me again.
“Good luck,” Carly says. She kisses me on the cheek and leaves the house.
Liam opens the door to the garage for me. I pick up the fabric of my long dress, sit behind him on the motorcycle and try to arrange the skirt around my knees. The garage door rises, and he starts driving. I hold on to him and my body awakens, suddenly I don’t want this ride to end. I lean my head against his back and absorb his body heat. He veers right and continues overtaking the cars in front of us. It’s only when he stops outside a big iron gate that I notice the blue Volvo behind us. Liam identifies himself and two armed guards open the gate. The Volvo stays outside, and we park by a high staircase.
He helps me off the motorcycle and places his hand on my back. “If you play the game well, we’ll be out of here quickly,” he says coldly, and my body reacts appropriately. The shivers go away and my brain is back in charge.
We go up the stairs slowly, and at the top we meet an older man. His hair is white, and he has a Yarmulka on his head. I catch my breath and stand up straight.
“Mordechai,” Liam says respectfully and when the man holds his hand out, Liam kisses it. “Thank you for inviting us. It’s a great honor.”
“Liam, my friend.” The man pats him on the shoulder affectionately, “The honor is all ours.” He turns to me and stares. A wide smile spreads over his face. “I understand that the young lady has risen from the dead.”
“Yes,” Liam chuckles and I don’t know what to do with myself.
“What’s your name, child?” The man is still smiling cheerfully.
“Elena, sir. And thank you for inviting me.” I shiver as Liam’s hand strokes my back.
“Beauty and the Beast,” he murmurs happily and winks at Liam. “This is definitely a young lady worth going to war for,” he says as he continues to look me over. “You have an excellent posture.” He picks up his Yarmulka, turns it around and places it back on his head. “You remind me of a young Katharine Hepburn.” I blush at the compliment. He looks at Liam, and grows serious. “She’s safe here. Go in and have a nice, quiet evening.”
“Thank you and congratulations,” Liam says as we cross the path and reach an enormous lawn with round tables set out on one side, a dance floor in the middle, and small bar tables on the other side.
“It’s lovely here,” I murmur, and he holds my hand, striding towards the bar. We pass men and women dressed in exaggerated elegance, who stare at me curiously. “Liam, everyone’s looking at me,” I whisper, taking care to stand up straight.
“Maybe because you’re beautiful,” he replies indifferently and stops at the bar.
“Maybe because I’ve crawled out of my grave,” I whisper back.
He ignores my comments and orders drinks. “Don’t look so nervous.” He hands me the wine glass. “Smile.” He raises his glass to mine and kisses my cheek. The contact sends a spark through my body and heats me up. I blush and hold my glass tightly.
“Will there be a ceremony?” I ask, sending fake smiles to anyone passing us by.
“No, this is the party. The ceremony’s over.” Liam shakes a man’s hand politely and exchanges a few words. "Son of a bitch," he mutters angrily, as soon as the man leaves. He puts his hand on my back, leads me across the dance floor and pulls out a chair at one of the tables. The familiar faces look at me with amusement.
“So, Elena, how was it in the grave?” Tommy asks with a smile and rubs his red eyes.
“Yeah,” Mike laughs and plays with his fork. “You look pretty good for a dead woman.”
“That’s enough,” Liam quietens them.
I sit there nervously. All this talk about me being dead or in a grave stresses me out and makes me feel bad. Anyway, I’m tired of faking smiles for all the weirdos watching me.
“Are they here yet?” Liam asks looking to both sides.
“They just arrived.” Ralph points with his knife at three other familiar faces, and my stomach turns. Carlito is walking in the middle, Giovanni and Mariano by his sides. They're walking towards me.
“Oh mama…” I mutter hysterically, and Liam puts his arm around my shoulder.
“Good evening,” Carlito says with an evil smile and looks straight at me. No one at the table answers, and I start to shake.
"I heard you lost some friends today," He fakes a sad tone and his two sons smile with pleasure.
"Then I understand you still haven’t heard that you lost some friends as well," Ralph grins and wipes a knife with a tablecloth.
The boys’ smiles vanish and Ralph mutters, “Too bad we had to take a break to come here. I’d like to hear some more pussies cry before I—”
“Is everything all right here?” I hear an unfamiliar voice and turn my head to see a thin, attractive man in his fifties standing there, wearing a white suit with a Yarmulka on his head.
All the men stand up and I do the same.
“Ilan,” Liam says and hugs him. “Congratulations, man. You were so good at being a bachelor, isn’t it a shame to give it up now?” They both laugh and the Italians quickly convey their congratulations and leave the table. As soon as the three other men at our table have congratulated him and moved aside, I stretch my hand out to him. He brings it to his mouth and kisses it gently.
“It’s time I meet the girl who’s set our streets on fire,” he lets go of my hand. “You certainly stand out in this landscape,” he spreads his hands to the sides and laughs.
“Congratulations,” I mumble in embarrassment and sit down. Ilan nods. He sits down next to Liam and leans towards him.
“You know that we can’t take sides,” he says apologetically. “We're in a rough spot with all the media talking about gun trafficking.”
“I know,” Liam nods in understanding.
“But it’s about time that someone would take those fuckers down once and for all,” Ilan’s voice grows edgy. “You won’t get a second chance. If you don’t take them down now, they’ll just grow stronger.”
“I know that, too.” Liam sips his drink.
“Good.” Ilan stands up, glances at me and places his hand on his Yarmulka . “We’ll do what we do best.” He smiles mischievously. “We’ll pray for you. That always helps.” He goes over to a young woman in a white dress and embraces her.
The music starts to play faster, and a lot of couples are moving to the dance floor, surrounding the bride and groom and dancing in circles.
“Do they sell the white powder as well?” I ask curiously.
“No. They’re in the weapons business.” Liam answers.
Two girls in ridiculous outfits, who look as if they’ve spent far too much time at the plastic surgeon, are standing by the empty chairs at our table. The men stand up until they sit down, and then return to sit in their seats. How strange. This twisted world still has gentlemanly manners.
“Where have you been?” the bleached blonde in the puffy pink dress, similar to the one Carly tried to get me to wear, asks Liam in an offended voice. “You heard that my father bought me a new apartment?”
Liam shakes his head no but smiles at her. My stomach twists with a strange sense of envy but I scold myself immediately and sit up straight again. “You have to come see it,” she lowers her voice and moves her chair closer to his. “We'll party just like we know and used to” she winks, and I stand up. The orders coming from my brain aren’t helping and this nagging feeling is irritating me.
“Where are you going?” Liam stands up beside me.
“To get myself a drink.” I leave the table and walk towards the bar.
I order a glass of wine from the bartender. I can’t stop myself from thinking about that plastic-looking bleached blonde flirting with him. Why the hell does it bother me? After all, I’ve already decided, I don’t want anything to do with him or his dark world. After tonight everything will be over. But the thought of him having sex with that woman, pleasuring her like he pleasured me, making her feel all those amazing feelings… Yes, I must be going crazy. Suddenly Mariano is standing next to me, talking to the bartender. My legs are paralyzed. He turns his head slowly towards me and I feel the blood draining from my body.
“Come dance with me,” I hear Liam’s soft voice behind me, and I quiver. I put my glass down on the bar and let him lead me to the dance floor. The music is soft, and we're surrounded by dozens of dancing couples. He’s still holding my hand. He places his other hand on my hip and pulls me close to him.
“Don’t let them scare you,” he whispers in my ear, and his warm breath makes me shiver again, this time not in fear.
“Can we leave now?” I pull back from him, forcing my brain to send warning signals.
“Not yet,” he pulls me tighter again and I close my eyes and groan in frustration.
“Try and look like you’re enjoying yourself,” his voice has turned cold again.
“I’d need acting lessons for that.” I raise my chin defiantly and he snorts.
“I bet that if I put my hand inside your panties, I’d discover that you’re soaking wet.”
“Only if my tears have reached down there.” I’m angry at myself. How is it possible, that even now, in this situation, I’m wishing for the song not to end so that he'll keep holding me. Suddenly he grabs my chin and kisses me hard. His lips wrap around mine and his warm tongue slips inside. My chest is heaving with excitement, and when he pulls away, I’m panting.
“You’re probably so wet,” he smiles cheerfully, and I look aside, trying to deal with the insult. The song ends and he leads me back to our table. The table is filled with delicious food, but I can’t eat a thing. Everyone around me seems relaxed and happy. I see that Tommy is in deep conversation with the other plastic woman and he is stroking her arm.
“Tommy, where’s Johanna?” I ask irritably and move around the lettuce on my plate.
“How should I know?” he replies indifferently and strokes the girl’s cheek. “She’s probably waiting at the bar for me to bring her some more magic powder.” The girl giggles, and now I feel insulted for Johanna as well as for myself.
“Wow, that powder…” The bleached blonde at Liam’s side gushes. “Ralph, ever since I started sniffing that new stuff you gave me, I feel like a ball of energy.” She shakes her chest and laughs. “Thanks to you, I’m creating a new energy and blasting our pathetic universe.” She continues laughing out loud.
“You’re talking such crap…” I hiss angrily and stab the lettuce with my fork. “There’s no such thing as energy that comes from nowhere. All energy is transformed. It changes, it’s not created, and it doesn’t disappear. The universe has a certain amount of energy and that doesn’t change.” I stop and look up from my plate. Everyone is looking at me silently. The girl’s eyes are widen in shock and I feel so embarrassed as I remember Carly’s warning.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble, avoiding Liam’s glare. “I have a tendency to chatter without thinking.” I move my chair back. “You just wanted to describe your feelings, and I offended you.” I finish off my wine in one long gulp and start walking around the table.
“She’s such a weirdo. I didn’t understand a thing!” the girl starts laughing.
“Don’t feel bad,” Mike tells her, “I never understand what she’s talking about.”
“My poor Liam,” I hear the flattering voice of the bleached blonde and look back. She’s leaning towards him and puts her hand on his chest. “You have to listen to all that boring stuff.”
“That girl has more brains in her pinkie finger than you do in your whole body,” I hear Ralph defending me, but I’m too far to hear the rest of the conversation.
I order another glass of wine and the music stops as Mordechai gets on the stage. Everyone is silent.
“Good evening to all our honored guests,” he says into the microphone. “I want to thank you on behalf of Ilan and Sarah and our large family for honoring us today with your presence.” He gestures to the bartender, who hurries over to him with a glass of wine. “I am happy and thrilled to see everyone here.” He points at the tables. “I know that there is tension on the streets,” he smiles for a moment but then grows serious and his voice is firm. “But I am certain that you will choose to respect our seven days of blessings and allow us to celebrate in peace.” The garden is still silent. “Now, let us raise our glasses, le’chaim to the bride and groom.” He raises his glass to the table at the far left. Everyone there raises their glasses and he smiles. He moves on and turns to the second table, the third table and so on, until he reaches Liam’s table. I can see that Ralph is fuming, but everyone raise their glasses. He moves on to the Italian's table. The father is playing with his gold pendant, and it is only after he raises his glass that his sons do as well. “Wonderful,” Mordechai says cheerfully, “and now we can continue the celebration.” The music starts playing again and he leaves the stage.
A guy who looks around my age is standing in front of me, smiling. “You look like you’re really suffering.”
“Am I that obvious?” I ask and lower my head in embarrassment. “I apologize, this is all lovely. I just—”
“Don’t apologize,” he laughs. “I feel like I’m looking in the mirror.”
I raise my head and smile back.
“What are you doing here?” he asks curiously. “You don’t look like one of the gang.”
“That’s because I’m not exactly one of them.” I shrug.
“Who are you, then?” He orders a drink and smiles at me again.
“It will bore you.” I sip my wine.
“I can’t believe that.” He looks at me intently.
“I’m a physics student. That’s my whole life and I only feel alive at the university where I'm fulfilling myself.”
“I don’t believe it.” He puts his glass down on the bar and comes closer to me. “Boston University?”
“Yes,” I answer and nod.
“I go there too, I'm studying math.”
“Now I can’t believe it.” I burst out laughing and offer him my hand. He shakes it and shakes his head in astonishment. “So, what are you doing here?” I make a disgusted face and he takes a small black Yarmulka out of his pocket and puts it on his head.
“I’m the bride’s brother.” He laughs, and I flush with embarrassment. “It’s okay, it’s not my choice to be here, but you can’t choose your family.” He shrugs and for the first time tonight, I feel relaxed and carefree. We talk about strict professors and exams, and I can’t stop smiling. I’ve found a haven of sanity in this chaos.
“Come on, we’re leaving.” Liam puts his arm around my shoulder and looks at the guy from above.
“That’s too bad,” I say in disappointment.
“I’d like to see you again,” the sweet guy calls after me as Liam takes me away from the bar.
Liam turns around to face him, without letting go of my shoulder. “Don’t count on it,” he says in a decisive tone, and forces me to keep walking.
“You’re so rude,” I say angrily, but he doesn’t answer. He hands me my purse and keeps moving. He doesn’t say goodbye to his friends at the table but takes me quickly down the stairs and waits impatiently for me to arrange my dress and climb on the motorcycle. He sits down in front of me and drives. The iron gate swings open and as we start driving, I can’t spot the blue Volvo behind us.
The motorcycle enters the garage and the door shuts behind us.
I get off the motorcycle and he remains sitting. Suddenly, his hand grabs my arm and he pulls me towards him.