Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Avery Jane
Clearly, Dixon was trying to redirect the conversation, and that was his prerogative.
If he wanted to talk about his dad and his childhood, I’d listen. Some of it was my childhood, too, but if he wasn’t ready, I’d just show him that I would be there for him when he was.
I stood and stretched. He’d talked about Stu’s mom for a while, but I noticed he never said he’d been in love with her. Which was kind of sad, and it made me wonder.
“Still want that tea?” I asked.
“Sure.”
He followed me into the kitchen and sat at the island again as I poured filtered water into our mugs, but this time I zapped it in the microwave.
Handing him his peppermint tea, my fingers brushed over his, and Dixon looked up at me.
“Sugar?” I asked.
He shook his head and sipped the plain, weak tea, but I added a spoonful to mine and stirred.
“What do you wanna know?” I asked as I sat across from him. “There’s not much to tell, really.”
“Not much to tell? You’re kiddin’, right?
It’s been, what, almost twenty years since we’ve seen each other?
Maybe less, but I wasn’t exactly present the last few years I lived here.
” Swiping the hair up off his neck, he pulled it back into a loose ponytail, let it drop, and then reached for my wrist. He tugged the elastic band I wore there for the same reason and slipped it over my hand, then used it to tie his hair back.
“Well, I went to school locally to get my business degree.
Gran wanted to retire and I always knew I would take over the flower shop, so when I felt confident enough, I did.
It was kind of cool. I was in my last year of classes, and my professors and the other students were invested in helping me figure things out, so I got a lot of guidance.
“I graduated, then Gran retired officially, and all of a sudden, I was a full-time small-business owner.” I shrugged. “That’s about it.”
“What about friends? Men?”
Men. Right.
“Friends faded away as we got older. They moved away or got married and had families, and I didn’t. But I made new friends in the local business community. They’re better anyway. They don’t come with ancient high-school drama.”
“What about that girl you used to hang with? What was her name… Bindy? Bobby?”
“Brandy?
“Yeah,” he said, “that’s the one. She had a weird last name.”
“Brandy Noon. Everybody called her Nooner. She’s married now and her name is Brandy Sheets.”
“A nooner in the sheets?” He laughed and took a sip of his tea. “But you two were thick as thieves in high school. Best friends, right?”
“Friends, yeah. I don’t know about best friends. She was pretty shallow back then, and our friendship revolved around what was goin’ on with her.”
“But I always saw you two together—”
“Because that’s what I wanted you to see.”
“What does that mean?”
“You were my best friend, Dixon.” Embarrassed to admit it to him, I sipped my tea, too, and blew at the steam rising from my mug.
“But you were on a different path. You had all those friends and y’all were the life of the party.
I was just the quiet, mousy girl you used to know, so when you looked, I acted like I had life all figured out.
But I was just as lost as you, and I still went to bed every night thinkin’ about you. ”
His eyebrows rose higher the longer I talked. “You did?”
I nodded slowly, remembering all the nights I pined for him, for the friendship that had shaped my childhood and the hurt I felt when it ended. It wasn’t Dixon’s fault. He was living in hell, but I still missed him and cried for him when I was alone.
“Yeah. I missed you even though you were right here. But we grew up and then you left.”
Reaching across the table for my hand this time, he held it within his grasp, his calloused skin roughing over mine. “I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” I smiled at him, trying not to let tears fall. Tears for the loss of our closeness all those years ago. Tears for the abuse I knew he’d suffered, and tears for the loss of what could’ve been.
“I’m not so sure about that,” he said. “I don’t know if I should tell you this, but I was the opposite. I saw you. I saw you clear as day back then, but I wouldn’t allow myself to think about you.”
Sadness must’ve shown on my face, because he rushed to explain.
“But not because I didn’t wanna think about you.
I pushed the thoughts away because I always remembered your smile and your goodness, and I knew I was lettin’ you down.
Every time I started a fight at school or got suspended, I looked around for you, because I knew the disappointment I’d see on your face.
Part of me feared your judgment, and the other part of me wanted to see it.
If I knew I’d let you down, that meant I was doin’ a good job of fuckin’ up my life.
That was my goal for a long time. If my dad didn’t love me, then clearly, no one else could. ”
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
He dismissed my concern, shifting in his seat, and he angled his body away from me slightly.
“I’m damn tired of talkin’ about myself,” he said. “So, what about men? You scoffed when I asked.”
“Yeah, ’cause there’s not much to tell. There have been a few guys over the years.
There was one in college, but as soon as we graduated and he realized my little flower shop would never be his cash cow, he took off.
I heard he married some trust-fund princess in Texas.
And you already know about Cody. He’s the most notable because he’s a nuisance, but there were a couple others before him. No one to write home about though.
“No, I focused on the shop. It’s what makes me happy. Who needs love anyway?”
Dixon set his mug on the table. “Everyone? Literally everyone needs love, AJ.”
Shrugging, I said. “Well, maybe I don’t.”
We moved back into the living room and took our spots on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other, but this time I stretched out my legs, and Dixon relaxed his around mine and pulled my feet into his lap.
“So, if you don’t date and you hate everyone from high school, what do you do in your spare time?”
Kicking his thigh playfully, I said, “I don’t hate anyone. We just grew apart. But if you must know, Gran’s been tryin’ to teach me to knit. Although I have to admit, it hasn’t been goin’ well, and also, I volunteer.”
“You do?”
“Yep, at Mountain Home, you know? The local retirement community.”
“It’s still there? It used to be pretty run down.”
“It’s still there, but they received a few large donations over the years, and now it’s not just for the elderly.
They added a second wing, and they take in rehabilitation patients after injuries or difficult surgeries.
They even offer scholarships to pay for care if someone can’t afford it or their insurance won’t cover it.
A lot of times it’s kids. So, one day a week, I go and spend time with the residents, play games with them or take them for walks or whatever.
“And once a week, I deliver fresh flowers for the common rooms there. Gran still helps me put the bouquets together for the nursing home, and she jokes that when she can’t pee on her own anymore and we stick her in there, at least she knows she’ll have pretty flowers to look at.
And then I deliver the bouquets, and it is the best feeling in the world, seeing the patients’ smiles when they smell the flowers, knowin’ somethin’ I did brightens their world for a moment. ”
The smile on Dixon’s face grew, and his eyes glittered and lit up like the sun reflecting off a crystal alpine lake. “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“What is?”
“You. You’re still the coolest girl, and you might think you don’t need love, but you got it inside you, and you give it away in spades.”