Chapter 33 Lincoln
We spent a few days in the hotel, letting Laynie heal and sleep. She was in and out of emotions. One moment she would seem okay, and then the next she wanted to slit her wrists open. I knew she would need serious therapy and help outside of what I could provide for her. I knew she would eventually call her mother and I would have to her go and it would seem like the last month of my life didn’t even happen. How could I just let her go?
I rented a new apartment in a different name across town from my other apartment. In order to avoid leading Alek to me, I had to be extremely careful. I told Liam to get a new car for me to use temporarily, making sure it had license plates from a different state that couldn’t be traced back to me. If Alek wanted to find me, I wouldn’t make it easy for him. I knew I had to end this for good. I needed to take him out, and that was on my agenda.
We arrived at the apartment, which was much smaller than my other one, but it would fit the 4 of us for now. I couldn’t let J.C. and Charlie go, either. Although Charlie is extremely hard-headed and acted as though I had no right to know her whereabouts or question her. If she got taken again, it would be on me to find her and I would prefer to not have to go through that shit again.
Laynie was extremely distant and not sleeping much. She would wake in panic every few hours, forgetting where she was. She didn’t want to be close to anyone. I had thought now that Charlie was here she would cling to her, but it had been the opposite. She is grieving the loss of her dad and the loss of her innocence, her life, everything that was important to her. I had to convince her that she could keep going, that she had something to live for. Trafficking victims were at risk of suicide, becoming an addict, depression. I couldn’t let Laynie fall into the trap of that statistic. I knew I had done the right thing by getting her out, but the cost she had to pay was high. It hurt to look at her body. The welts, the bruises, the burns, it was all too much.
The most appealing part of the apartment was the giant windows in the master bedroom and living room. We could see the Empire State Building. I saw Laynie’s eyes light up for just a moment when she first saw the view. A little glimpse of happiness had touched the light in her eyes.
I was sitting on the couch while Laynie had her head in my lap, scrolling through my phone, asking me what different apps were.
“Guys.” We all looked up at J.C. standing in front of us, arms crossed across her chest. “Christmas is in 5 days and we have nothing in this apartment that even remotely screams Santa Claus.”
“I’d prefer to not scream, but if I did, it wouldn’t be Santa Claus’s name.” Charlie piped up from the rocking chair near me.
“Okay…but like we need to do something. I love Christmas and this has been the shittiest month of our lives. Can we, like, get a tree or something?”
“You mean leave the apartment?” Laynie asked just above a whisper.
“No, we aren’t going anywhere until I handle Alek.” I felt Laynie’s body relax against me.
“I’ll go get stuff. No one is looking for me.” J.C. said.
“Can’t you just order the shit? Amazon is probably delivering every hour.” Charlie stated without looking up from her phone.
J.C. peaked over at me with big puppy dog eyes. I knew what she wanted.
I rolled my eyes and tossed her my wallet.
“Thank you!” she squealed and went back to the bar stool and her computer.
“Charlie, want to help me?” she called out over her shoulder.
“Not really, but I have a feeling you won’t leave me alone until I do.” Charlie sighed as she got up from the chair and sat next to J.C.
“Okay, so we are going to need a tree…”
I looked down at Laynie and touched the side of her face. “Do you need anything?”
“No,” she said. She handed me my phone back and sat up next to me. “Will I ever feel normal again?”
“What do you feel now?”
She took a deep breath. “I feel disgusted, embarrassed, used, stupid, lost, empty.”
I pulled her onto my lap where she curled her knees to her chest. I leaned my head against her and whispered in her ear. “You feel disgusted because what they did to you was disgusting, but that doesn’t make you disgusting. You feel embarrassed because you are ashamed of what they did to you. You had no control over that, even when you think you had control, you didn’t. You are a survivor. You feel used because they forced you to work and the exchange for that was more pain and suffering. You are not stupid. The only reason you are sitting here right now is because you were brave and smart enough to find Liam at that party. You were smart enough to survive, even when the odds were against you. You are lost because you have to find yourself again, but you won’t be lost forever. You feel empty because those monsters have depleted your soul, but we are going to fill you up with love, memories and life, baby girl.”
“I’ll never be the same.”
“No one is telling you that you have to be the same. No one is expecting the old Laynie to appear after this. You have to find some inner peace in order to move forward in a healthy way.”
Laynie jumped when Charlie busted out laughing from the dining table. I saw her look over at the girls and smile.
“I have no idea what the fuck they are ordering.”
Laynie cracked another smile.
“Speaking of ordering, let’s order some clothes and stuff you’ll need. Amazon delivers the next day.” I handed her my phone and opened the Amazon app. “Add anything you need or want to the cart and I’ll order it.”
“No, you don’t have to do that. I will figure it out.”
I ran my hands up the back of her head and tugged gently on her hair. “Why are you so stubborn?”
She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and I knew she wasn’t afraid of me. She knew I would never hurt her.
“If you let me order it, you’ll have 47 pairs of llama pajamas.”
“With sombreros?” she giggled.
“With the finest sombreros.”
“Fine.” She scrolled through the app and added a few outfits and essentials.
She handed me the phone 20 minutes later, hesitantly. “This is too much,” she said.
The cart was only $300. I looked at the things she ordered and doubled most supplies. I added 10 more outfits matching the sizes she had selected. I also ordered her tons of face products, I knew women loved that shit. When I was done, the cart was over $1000 but I didn’t show her.
“It will be here tomorrow I said.”
“Thank you. I will pay you back, I swear.”
“You aren’t paying me back, but it’s a sweet gesture.”
“No, I am serious,” she sat straight up. “I will make sure I give back anything that I can. I mean, it might be awhile. When it comes to work, I’m sort of a loser—I haven’t even had a real job, except for being a bartender.”
“A bartender is a real job, first. Second, I don’t want anything back from you. I just want you to work on healing and feeling better.”
“Can I ask you a question and you will be honest in your answer?” she asked.
“Swear it.”
She gave me her pinky.
I laughed but crossed my pinky with hers. I hoped this was something I could be truthful about.
“If I went back home, would they come for me there? Could I just return to my life as long as I never stepped foot in N.Y. again?” I could feel the tinge of hope that touched her words.
I closed my eyes before speaking and she already knew the answer. “They would find you.”
She nodded in understanding.
“I am going to kill them all. So you’ll never have to look over your shoulder in New York City again. Or anywhere.”
“You can’t do that. You’ll go to jail.” Her face was studying mine.
I laughed. “I promise that’s not something you’ll need to worry about.”
“You know Alek, he’s not the leader. There’s another guy.”
“I know. There’s always another guy. We just need to eliminate the ones who are focused on hunting you down. I can’t take out an entire sex trafficking ring, but I can remove some key pieces.”
She nodded and leaned back into me. “Why are you doing this for me?”
“Because I want to.”
“But don’t you have a life to get back to? A job? A business to run? I can’t be the person who is consuming your life and time.”
“Why not? It’s my life. I can do what I want with it. And I want to spend it with you right now.”
“There are no Prince Charming’s. They don’t exist. You must want something in return. You must get something out of it.”
“I get to know that saved a life. Is that not enough?”
“It should be, but it’s not.”
“Okay, Ms. Glass Half Empty.”
She rolled her eyes. “Can you teach me how to fight?”
I laughed but saw she was serious. “I can teach you a few things.”
“I’ve shot a gun before, at home.”
“Guns are good to have, but knives are sometimes better. You can swiftly kill with a knife. I’ll show you, once you’ve healed up some.”
She nodded, “Thanks.”
Charlie and J.C. must have finished spending unnecessary money on my card because when I looked up, I saw Charlie lacing up her combat boots at the door.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“None of your fucking business, honestly.”
I got up from the couch and grabbed her arm. “What are you doing? Are you stupid?” I knew my tone was harsh.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” She yanked her arms from my grip and pushed me in the chest. “If you ever put your hands on me again, I’ll kill you.” She kept shoving me and pushing me.
“Charlie, stop,” I said, trying to grab her arms, so she’d stop hitting me.
“You don’t own me! Do you hear me? You don’t own me! I can leave if I want.” She was punching at me now, trying to hit my face.
I heard J.C. begging Charlie to stop, but she wouldn’t. She was on a rampage.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Charlie, I am doing this to protect you,” I yelled over her screaming.
“You can’t protect me! I found YOU in that basement. Who needs protecting here?”
I saw Laynie out of the corner of my eye coming towards Charlie. “Stop it! Leave him alone!” She pushed Charlie away from me.
“Are you seriously defending him?”
“He’s only helped us. Why are you doing this?” Laynie said, her voice shaking.
“Oh yeah, help us? Do you know what he did when he saw you on Facetime getting your finger nails ripped off?”
“Charlie, stop,” I said.
“He went to fuck his girlfriend, ask him.”
Fuck.
“What?” Laynie said as she turned to me.
“That had nothing to do with you, Laynie. It’s not even important.” I reached out for her arm but she jerked away.
“You’re right, I’m not his girlfriend, Charlie. He has the freedom to do whatever he wants. Thanks to him, I was able to break free. He has never hurt me. He has never made me do anything I didn’t want to do. You hate the wrong person.”
“Yeah, well, get married for all I care. I have shit to do.” Charlie ripped away from us and left the apartment.
I turned back to Laynie and I could see the hurt in her face.
She ignored me and went towards the bedroom.
Fuck.
I wasn’t mad at Charlie. I know that she is damaged and hurt, just like Laynie. These outbursts would happen and I had to be forgiving and patient with them. They endured daily torture and rape. I was a man that was keeping her from leaving and her fight or flight kicked in.
J.C. was crying at the kitchen counter.
“J.C. it’s okay. Everything is going to be fine.”
“I know. It’s just a lot.” She wiped her eyes. I saw her phone ring through her MacBook and our father’s name pop up. “He’s been calling a lot, wanting to know where I’ve been.”
“Fuck him. Ignore it.”
I walked into the room and saw Laynie curled up in the bed, sniffling. “Baby, I’m sorry.” I tried to touch her, but she pulled away.
I laid next to her until her crying stopped. “Do you want something to eat?” I asked.
“No.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking, Laynie.”
There was a long pause. “I feel sad about Charlie. She’s fucked up. Like me. I’m not mad about the girl. We are nothing. You don’t owe me anything at all.”
I didn’t do relationships for these reasons. I didn’t want to be owned by anyone. When it comes to relationships, I enjoy my freedom and keeping things uncomplicated. Most women knew if they were with me, it meant nothing. Julie was probably the longest girl to stick around because she could handle not doing the relationship part. She could handle when I left or slept with someone else. There was something different about Laynie, though. I had this urge to explain why I had gone to Julie. My intention was to justify my actions to her and I had never felt like this before.
“I’m sorry if that truth hurt you,” I said.
“It didn’t.” She turned her back to me.
* * *
I woke to Laynie shaking me awake.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I jumped up, trying to focus.
“Your phone, it keeps ringing.”
She handed me my phone and saw it was Liam.
I answered it, “What’s wrong?”
“Another carrier was killed tonight. I’ve been calling you.”
“What happened?”
“Same shit as before. Right after he picks up the drop, he gets attacked half a block from the warehouse. They know where we are operating out of.”
“Fuck. That’s it. I’m doing the next drop. When is it?” I asked.
“Tomorrow night. 9 PM.”
“Meet me there. Who was the carrier?”
“New kid, you didn’t know him,” Liam said.
“See you tomorrow.” I hung up the phone.
I could see Laynie wanted to ask questions, but she didn’t. It was 4am. I wondered if Charlie was back. I got up and walked into the living room and saw her asleep on the couch.
I poured myself a glass of water and saw J.C.’s computer lighting up. It was our father, again. What the fuck could he possibly want at 4 AM?
I answered the call. “What do you want?”
“Son?”
I wanted to slit his throat. “What do you want?”
“J.C. hasn’t been home, I’ve been worried,” his tone was clipped.
“She’s with me. She’s fine.”
“Tell her to call me tomorrow. We need to talk.”
“About what?” I snarled, but he hung up before answering.