Chapter 38 Laynie
He booked our flight for 7 PM that night and I couldn’t think of anything else except getting home to my mom and horses. I could tell he was hesitant to let me go, but this was not his choice. Charlie seemed indifferent about leaving and I could tell there was something in her eyes that was holding her back, but she wouldn’t say. It crossed my mind if there was someone or something she was leaving behind that she was failing to mention. I spent the day packing my things Linc bought me in a duffle bag. Although I felt bad for taking this stuff, I knew these weren’t things he could use. I planned to pay him back as soon as I could. He probably wouldn’t take it, but I would make him.
“I have to run some errands. I’ll be back in less than an hour,” Linc said.
I looked up at him from my position on the floor. His hair was disheveled, and he had let the scruff on his face grow longer.
“J.C. has a phone if you need me.”
I nodded, and the door shut behind him. I took a few more minutes packing up my items and brought them into the main room. J.C. was french braiding Charlie’s hair, and I giggled.
“Hey boo,” J.C. said when she saw me come in. “You ready to go home?”
“More than you know,” I said.
Charlie gave a weak smile, and it seemed like something was off.
“What’s wrong, Charlie?” I asked.
She took a deep breath before speaking, “I’m not going Laynie.”
“What?” I couldn’t even comprehend these words right now. She wasn’t going back to Tennessee? She wanted to stay? Why would she risk that?
“I have nothing in Tennessee. My life is here.”
“What fucking life, Charlie? We barely lived here! We were captives, slaves. I don’t understand.” The tears were building.
“Well, I’ve built a life the last 6 months and maybe you’d know that if you took the time to even speak to me. All you do is stay locked up in that room with this guy you just met.”
I wanted to shake her. “Fuck you.”
“Guys, stop this. You both are healing, so have some compassion for one another.” J.C.’s voice was soft.
I sat on the bar stool and rubbed my fingers through my hair. It hurt to do this alone, but I couldn’t stay here. There was this huge part of me that knew I was going to miss Linc and I was trying to ignore it, but now I would have to miss Charlie too.
Charlie was still upset about Linc being a dealer but she seemed to be getting over it when he told her Don had cleared us from being hunted down. I wondered if this was what made her change her mind. I didn’t trust Don at all, but Linc seemed to have some confidence in his word.
I wanted to leave the apartment and get some fresh air, but I wouldn’t dare. Not alone and not without Linc. Charlie wanted to remain a prisoner in this city, but not me.
Linc was gone most of the day and Charlie wasn’t speaking to me, but I tried to stay busy and keep my mind off of both of them.
At 4 PM Linc came in and must have sensed the tension in the room. “What happened?” he asked J.C. as he laid his keys on the counter.
She was painting her nails at the kitchen counter. “Well, Charlie isn’t going to Tennessee. She snapped at Laynie for bring a recluse with you and Laynie is still going to Tennessee.”
Linc looked at me with concern in his eyes.
“I’m fine,” I whispered.
He came and joined me on the couch, handing me a bag. “I bought you a phone. It will work as long as you want to use it. I put my phone number in there. If you need me.”
I took the bag from his hands. “You have to stop buying me stuff, you know?”
“Never.” He kissed my cheek. “I also got you a copy of your ID so you can travel.”
“Who did you have to kill for this?”
He winked at me with a smirk on his face.
I took out the phone from the bag. It was a powder blue iPhone. Inside the bag was a case. I couldn’t contain my laughter when I turned it over. It had a llama’s face smiling, with pink flowers on the bottom. “I love this.” I felt my cheeks turn warm as he smiled at me.
“Did you buy two tickets to Tennessee Linc?” J.C. asked.
“Yeah, I did. Why?”
“Can I go with her? I’ve always wanted to see Tennessee. I mean, I won’t stay long.”
Linc turned back to me. “What do you think?”
“I’d love that, J.C.” I could feel the bricks on my shoulders lift at the thought of not being alone.
J.C. smiled. “Well, let me go pack then! Oh my God, I have the cutest cowboy boots in my closet!”
Linc and I laughed as I snuggled under his arm.
“You’re going to be okay. You know that?” He didn’t wait for my answer. “This is just part of your story. Don’t make it the entire plot.”
I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant but also knowing that this would always be the haunting of my every thought. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing Eddie’s slimy hands wrapped around my neck.
“We need to leave in 20 minutes, J.C.!” Linc called out.
Charlie emerged from the back room. “What’s going on?”
“J.C. is going with me to Tennessee for a few days.”
“I just need a couple of days to get my place, Linc.” She must have been thinking about how, without J.C., it would be awkward here with him.
“Take as long as you need, Charlie. I plan to move back into my old apartment. You can rent this out.”
“Oh no, I can’t afford the rent for this.”
“It’s on me until you get your shit together.”
She stuttered, saying she couldn’t accept such a generous offer, but he ignored her and turned back to me.
“I’m going to miss you.” He leaned in and sucked on my bottom lip.
I shuddered. “You’ll never know what you mean to me.”
He crashed his lips into mine, and I heard Charlie gag and walk back towards the back room.
J.C. entered the room with a bag full of luggage and a huge smile on her face. “I’m ready, lovebirds!”
* * *
The airport was buzzing, and I was suddenly sad. Saying goodbye to someone who meant so much to me was hard. We kissed and hugged at least 7 times before he finally turned around for the last time.
“Text me when you board, when you land, when you get home.”
“I will.” I wanted to say something silly, but the sadness of leaving consumed me. Having J.C. here felt like an extension of him, though.
I watched him walk out the sliding doors and turned back to J.C.
She grabbed my hand. “Let’s do this, girl.”
TSA was a breeze, and no one questioned the ID Linc gave me.
“So tell me about your brother,” J.C. said when we were sitting at our gate.
“Well,” I started, “he’s two years older than me and he was really annoying 5 years ago, but maybe he’s changed.” He was 29 now. I wondered if he had a wife or kids. I told J.C. a few things about him, but I wondered if I even knew him anymore.
J.C. must have sensed my sadness and excused herself. She came back with two Starbucks drinks and opened her MacBook to play an episode of Friends. We laughed as we sipped our drinks, but I couldn’t quite relax. I was constantly scanning the faces in the crowds for anyone that I knew.
We boarded the plane without incident and realized that Linc had put us in Business Class. I had never experienced a flight quite this way, and I felt guilty as others passed by. I kept my head down and tried not to make eye contact. Meanwhile, J.C. had already opened her blanket and started a movie inside her little pod. I wanted to be J.C. when I grew up.
The flight was smooth, but I couldn’t sleep at all. Once we landed and deplaned, I took a deep breath and dialed my house number.
“Hello?” she sounded older, tired.
“Momma?”
“Laynie!? Where are you, baby?” Her voice was breaking as she spoke and I could hear her rummaging around, probably looking for her glasses.
“I’m at the airport. Can Levi come and get me?”
“I’m coming to get you. What terminal?”
“Mom, I don’t want you driving this late. Please let Levi come. Is he there?”
“Y-yes, he’s here. We are on our way. Are you okay? Where have you been?”
“Mom, we have plenty of time to catch up. I’ll see you soon.” I hung up the phone and took a shaky breath.
“You’re doing great, Laynie.” J.C. squeezed my hand. The airport was busy, although it was close to 11 PM. We found some seats close to the exit.
I noticed messages coming through on my phone, now that I had service again.
Hey baby, call me when you make it. 8:05 pm
I am missing you. 10:26 pm
I wish I had come with you.10:53 pm
I swallowed the lump that built in my throat and pressed call.
He answered on the first ring. “You made it?”
“Yes. My mom and brother are going to pick us up.” I looked over at J.C. She had her Beats headphones on and was bobbing her head. She was so carefree.
“How long will that be?”
“Probably about an hour. We are going to grab some food.” I turned around, looking for the restaurant.
“I left my credit card in the front zipper of your backpack. Please use it.”
I closed my eyes, feeling guilty. “Whatever I spend, I’m paying you back. I don’t enjoy owing drug dealers.”
He chuckled. “Well, I don’t know how many dealers you have owed before, but you don’t have to pay this one back. Also, tell J.C. I bought her a return ticket for next week.”
“I’ll tell her.”
“Text me when you’re in the car.”
“Okay, bye.” I hung up the phone. Something in me knew this relationship was far from over and that made me smile.
“Well, the only thing open is McDonalds. Is that okay with you?”
J.C. removed her speakers. “Sure.”
We stood in line and I realized how thirsty I was. I chugged my entire bottle of water, but it didn’t seem to quench the thirst. I felt like a fish out of water, but I probably just needed to eat something. After we ordered, I sat across from J.C. where she pulled out her MacBook.
“What you doing?” I asked.
“I’ve been doing some freelance stuff and I am trying to debug some software. Boring honestly.” She gave me a weak smile.
I looked down at my phone and downloaded some apps I knew I would need. I could log into my old iCloud account and it reloaded many photos and even messages back on my phone. All my contacts came back through.
I went to messages and saw the last message Charlie had sent me. I don’t even remember reading.
On my way back with your food. This girl is weird. Can’t wait to tell you about this date.
This was 5 years ago when Charlie was on her way back. The night we were taken. I wiped away tears that had formed in the corner of my eyes.
“You okay?” J.C. asked.
“Yes.”
She eyed me from her computer screen.
After eating, I laid my head down on the table. I was really feeling nauseous, and I wasn’t sure if it was the idea of seeing my family or the food. My phone rang, jolting me up.
“Let’s go.” I said to J.C.
We met my brother outside and when we saw each other, my heart stopped. He looked so much older, like a man. He had muscles. Who was this guy? His wavy hair was short. I ran into his arms and he hugged me for a long time. The tears were spilling out all over his shirt.
“Who is this?” he asked after letting me go.
“This is my friend J.C. She came with me, so I didn’t have to travel alone.”
He extended his hand, and she shook it. I knew he was eyeing her beauty. How could one not? Her radiant blonde hair and big blue eyes. She was stunning.
My mom climbed out of the car slowly and she looked like she had aged 10 years.
“Momma.” I hugged her, and she squeezed me back.
She backed up for a moment and gave me a once over. As she grabbed my hands, she caught sight of my nails. She touched the sides of my face outlining my scars. “Who did this to you?”
“Let’s just go, mom.”
We all piled in the car, and the silence was loud. I know they had questions, and I had answers, but I felt embarrassed telling them what I had been through.
“Were you trafficked Alayna?” My mom’s voice broke the silence as me and J.C. sat in the back seat.
“Yes,” I said.
She sucked in a ragged breath, and a sob escaped.
“I’m okay.” I wasn’t okay actually, but that’s what she needed to hear. “J.C.’s brother saved me.” I paused. “He’s back in New York, with Charlie.”
“Charlie is okay?” Levi asked.
“Yes. We are both okay. But please, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Alayna, we need to tell you something about daddy.”
“I saw the news, mom. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”
“Alayna Morris, it is not your fault. Your daddy had heart problems well before this happened.”
They didn’t say another word, and I cried in silence on the ride home.
We pulled up to the farm, and it was exactly how I remembered it, even in the dark.
My mom set up the spare bedroom for J.C. but I didn’t want to be alone, so I asked J.C. if she would stay with me. She agreed, of course.
* * *
I realized at 5 am how unfair it was to ask J.C. to do this. I had woken up every hour from a nightmare and she had to calm me down. When I was with Linc, this didn’t happen as much. I realized I had forgotten to text Linc that I made it home, so I opened my phone. I had three missed calls from him, but no texts.
Laynie: I’m home. Sorry, I forgot to text.
He responded 5 minutes later.
Linc: Are you okay?
Laynie: Not really.
Linc: What can I do?
Laynie: Nothing.
He said nothing else, although I saw the little dots appear, then disappear.
I got up early. The sun would be up soon, and I could do some chores for Levi. I opened the closet and saw it hadn’t been touched since I left. I pulled some jeans on and a hoodie and slid my boots on. As I made my way downstairs, I caught sight of Levi sipping coffee and engrossed in his phone.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hi.” I passed by him and reached for a cup.
“I can’t believe you’re here. It’s like seeing a ghost.”
“Boo,” I said.
He touched my hand, trying to look at my nail beds, but I jerked away. “I don’t want anyone to touch me.” I said, barely above a whisper.
“How bad did they hurt you?”
“Does it matter? I’m fine now.”
“It does matter, and you can’t be fine. No one can be kidnapped for 5 years and come out fine. Let your guard down.”
“Well, I said I’m fine, so I’m fine. Get over it.”
“Why isn’t Charlie with you?”
“She didn’t want to come. She said her life is in NYC.”
“She was with you the whole time?”
“No, I didn’t see Charlie until I escaped, but yes, she was also trafficked. Can you stop with the 21 questions now?”
He eyed me. “We haven’t seen you for years. We thought you were dead and now we can’t ask questions? I mean, were you being raped?”
“Stop it!” I yelled, too loud for 5 am. I burst into tears as I was pouring my creamer into the coffee.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Do you want to go on a sunset ride? I’m sure Chispa would love to see you.”
“I would love that, Levi.”
After we finished our coffee, we walked out to the barn. Levi pulled open the big red doors that had faded to an almost pink color now. I walked in and inhaled the smell I had missed for so many years.
I went straight for Chispa’s stall and she came to the window immediately. “Hi sweet girl,” I said while rubbing on the top of her nose. She sniffed my arm and rubbed her face against mine. In a quiet manner, I led her out of the stall and tacked her up while Levi tacked up his horse, Benny. I got onto the stool nearby and climbed on top of her. I thought about how this would be a cool picture for Linc to see, so I asked Levi to take a pic of us on my phone.
“Sending this to someone special?” he asked.
I didn’t answer but smiled, looking at the photo of me and my girl. I hit send and slid the phone inside my jacket pocket. It buzzed shortly after, but I ignored it, smiling at what he might have said.
Levi let me lead the way into the fields and down the path to the river. It was a beautiful morning and I could see the orange kissed sky reaching the horizon. I cantered alongside the river and put my hands out in the air beside me. The breeze hit my cheeks and for a moment; I felt free. I steered Chispa to an opening in the tree line and we could see a distant mountain. It was beautiful. Levi was farther behind, but he wasn’t worried about me. If there was one thing I knew, it was horses. I hopped off Chispa and sat in the grass close by. Levi joined me a few minutes later. We didn’t speak, but I leaned my head against his shoulder and we sat in silence for a long time.
When we got back, it was already close to 8 and I could see Momma cooking through the kitchen window. She had several tiny vases lined against the window seal with wildflowers placed in each one. Some were yellow, purple, and white. J.C. sat on the front porch steps on her computer and smiled when she saw us.
“Have you ever ridden?” Levi asked her.
“Never.”
“Want to try?”
She looked at me for guidance, and I smiled and nodded.
I walked off as Levi prepared to give her a lesson and took my phone out.
Linc: Beautiful.
Linc: I meant you. Well, and the horse.
I laughed and FaceTimed him. We talked on the phone for 30 minutes. I told him about my morning ride and how the first meeting went with my family. I then turned the camera around so we could laugh at J.C.’s horse lesson. She really was a natural, though. I could tell Levi was crushing hard. A country boy and a city girl.
Momma made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She didn’t ask questions about what happened to me. She could tell I didn’t want to talk about it and I was happy she respected my silence. I told her about Linc and she had her reservations. I left out the drug dealer part and, well, some other parts too. Some things really should be on a need to know basis. When she asked if I loved him, I was silent for a moment, but eventually, I told her I think so. She nodded. She then went into a speech about what a trauma bond was and I needed to be careful trying to be with someone so soon after such a traumatic event. My mom, the therapist.