Chapter 45 Laynie
Ihad so many emotions after leaving the poetry bar. How could simple words produce so much beauty? The feeling of being somewhere on my own free will, felt so freeing. If it wasn’t for this nagging feeling of fear pulling inside my brain, I probably would have enjoyed it even more. No matter how happy I wanted to feel I could only think of what Don had threatened me with. I wanted to so badly to tell Linc what he said and made me do but I couldn’t. I also felt weird around J.C. and also that the secrets I was keeping from Linc were building high.
He was so protective of me wherever we went.
After the poetry bar, we went to an Irish pub to grab a drink. We sat at the bar, but it felt like we were the only two people in the place. I ordered a rum and coke and the rum felt smooth as it went down my throat.
“What’s next for you, Alayna Morris?”
I laughed a little, feeling the sarcastic tone about to leave my mouth, but I held it back. “I guess I have to start over.”
“Start over with me.”
I looked up, and our eyes caught each other. His brown eyes pierced me like a laser, leaving me momentarily breathless.
“What does that look like? Our life?” I asked.
“It can look like whatever you want. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. There is no purpose for me. I have no career. I have nothing to my name.”
“First,” he said with a stern tone, “you have so much purpose and whatever is mine is yours. Start with something you love to do.”
“I like to dance and I like horses,” I said very matter of fact.
“So let’s find those things. I think there’s a nice horse stable in Howard Beach. It’ll probably take an hour to commute. I can look into it for you.” He swigged down the last of his drink.
I felt a surge of happiness explode in my heart. “I would love that.”
He leaned over and kissed my lips, and I could taste the scotch on his tongue.
“Am I your girlfriend?” I asked and then realized how stupid that sounded.
He leaned back and laughed a little and smirked at me. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”
I pushed him on the arm. “Shut up.” I felt the heat climbing to my cheeks.
“I’m whatever you want me to be.”
I took a sip of my drink and excused myself to use the restroom. I felt his eyes on me the whole time I walked to the bathroom door.
I felt incredibly sore from last night and winced a little using the bathroom. It was hard to hide the pain from Linc even though I could feel him watching my face every time I sat down.
I met him back at the bar, and I could already feel him studying me.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes,” I said, too fast.
“What happened at Don’s?” His voice was serious.
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to delay the conversation. I stirred my drink with the tiny black straw, avoiding his gaze.
“After he picked you up from the hospital, what happened?”
I was a horrible liar, but I knew I had to at least try. “Nothing happened. I just went to bed. I don’t like him and I didn’t want to stay there.”
“I looked at your discharge paperwork. You were there for hours before you left. What were you doing?”
“Stop it. Please.” I couldn’t take the questions anymore. I felt like I was being interrogated.
He nodded and didn’t ask anything else about it, but I saw his jaw clench. I was grateful, but I had a feeling he knew I was lying.
He changed the subject and asked me about my horses and my mom. I was grateful for the change and gladly answered his questions. I loved talking about home.
After three drinks, we left and walked back to the train station. I could feel the buzz crawling up my spine and felt silly. He began laughing at my stupid jokes and we were both laughing so hard inside the train I thought I might pee on myself again, but this time for a different reason.
Walking back into the house, I saw J.C. was still up playing video games on the couch.
“Hey guys. How was the date?” She turned to us with a genuine smile on her face. I noticed her eyes seemed sad, though.
“Perfect,” I said, smiling back at Linc.
“You guys want to play?” She tossed a controller onto the couch next to her.
“I’m feeling a little woozy.” It seemed like I needed to lie down. I felt Linc taking off my shoes.
“Lets check your sugar,” he said.
I flopped my hand out and let him prick it. I didn’t even feel it. Hmm, maybe being drunk was a good thing. Pain was limited and nothing really seemed to matter right now.
I saw him preparing the syringe with insulin but didn’t even have the energy to ask him what my sugar level was. I trusted him completely.
* * *
The next few weeks months flew by. I hadn’t heard from Don, and J.C. was acting a little more normal. Linc had signed me up for dance classes 3 times a week and I was thriving in them. It gave me purpose and my self worth was coming back. He also paid for me to ride anytime I wanted at the stables at Howard Beach. It was beautiful and felt a bit like home. I found out Linc owned a small coffee shop in Brooklyn and I begged him to let me work there. He told me I didn’t need to work, and it was silly for me to do that, but I insisted. He eventually gave in and let me work 3 days a week. I would go in at 6 AM and get off around 1 PM. It was the most quaint little spot in the heart of Brooklyn. The people working there were nice and helpful. I think they were just thankful for the extra help.
I felt happy again. I still had days where I had to cancel everything and lay in the bed and try not to have a panic attack. Additionally, I significantly reduced my cutting. Linc would always notice when I cut, but I had started to go to him more and he would help me through it. He also made me see a therapist once a week. I really wasn’t into it, but he said it was important and I trusted him. All I did was sit there and talk about myself. Giving her little pieces or details, I was vulnerable enough to share each time. She asked me open-ended questions and questions I didn’t want to answer.
Charlie was supposed to come back from Spain next month and I was excited to have her near me again. Things were different and we wouldn’t ever be the way were before but even having a piece of Charlie was okay with me.
J.C. was planning a surprise party for Linc’s birthday. He didn’t really seem like the type to like surprises, but she was his sister, so I did whatever she asked me to. His birthday was April 17th, but we were celebrating the weekend before. She was in charge of the guest list since, of course, I didn’t know any of his friends.
He had been busy lately. He told me he was giving up drug dealing, but it took a lot of planning to free himself from that venture. I tried not to ask questions about it because it stressed me out. I wanted him out of that and it scared me. He held such a position among the most dangerous people in New York City.
I had also been adjusting to my new life with diabetes. Through extensive research, I attempted to improve my diet. I also got a machine that could monitor my glucose continuously and an insulin pump. Linc paid for all of my medical bills and prescriptions. He also had the machine synced to his phone and helped me watch my levels. It was hard and some days and I wanted to give up. I talked to my mom about once a week but felt anxiety thinking of going back home and exposing her to danger again.
I was on the train ride back from horseback riding when Linc told me he’d be home late and to not wait up for him. I told him to be careful and put my phone back in my pocket.
Back at the apartment, I made a fruit salad and an iced coffee and sat down to watch T.V. J.C. was at her computer in Linc’s office. Things have really been tense between us and we only spoke if we were discussing Linc’s birthday party, which was coming up this weekend.
“Where’s Linc?” she called from the office.
“Working late,” I hollered back.
I pulled out my phone and saw a friend from dance class had messaged me.
Going out for drinks. Wanna come?
I bit the side of my cheek. Since Linc would not be home until later I guess I could go.
Sure. Where at?
He sent me the location, and I jumped up from the couch to change my clothes.
“J.C. I’m going out with some people from dance class. I’ll be back later.”
“Oh…okay. Yeah, be careful. Wait, does Linc know?”
“I’ll tell him, but he doesn’t care what I do.” I think my words came out harsher than I intended them to.
She eyed me, but eventually gave me a thumbs up over her computer screen.
I took an Uber instead of the train. I felt safer in an Uber than on the train at night. He dropped me a few blocks from the bar and I tipped him.
The bar was loud and smoky, but I spotted my friend Chris from the distance and he waved me over.
“Hey girl!” he said.
I smiled and embraced him in a quick hug.
A few others from the dance were there, and I greeted them. We had a high top table in the bar area and Chris passed around shots.
“It’s peanut butter whiskey. It’s good!” he yelled through the chaos.
I picked up the shot and clinked glasses with everyone. The burn hit my throat, and I wanted to gag, but I held it together.
“Hey Laynie, are you dating anyone?” A girl from across the table called.
“Yeah, I am.” I said.
They all made cheering noises, and I blushed.
“Damn, we were trying to set Ben up with someone. You have any ideas?”
Ben was a really quiet guy at dance class. He was nice, but a little awkward and nerdy. “I have no idea. Sorry, guys.”
They turned the conversation back to Chris, who was trying to buy more shots for everyone. I knew I didn’t want to get drunk, but I thought a few shots wouldn’t hurt. I downed the next shot, and it burned a little less. I kept a rum and coke close by to get rid of the whiskey taste after each shot.
“Laynie let’s dance!” A few of the girls grabbed my hands and dragged me to the middle of the dance floor. A few others were dancing since there was live music playing. I could feel the buzz hitting hard and I lost myself on the dance floor. They say alcohol gives liquid courage and, in my case, helped me be less cautious of who was around me and embrace the moment. We must have danced for 30 minutes before making our way back to the table where Chris tried to buy more shots.
“Noooo,” I said.
“Ah, come on, one more!”
They all started chanting, “one more, one more!”
“Fine.” I rolled my eyes and downed my last shot.
I realized I hadn’t checked my phone in a while, so I pulled it out of my purse and had trouble focusing on the screen. Man, I was more drunk than I thought.
I had 4 missed calls from Linc and a few texts. Well shit. I couldn’t focus on texting him back, so I tried calling, but he didn’t answer. I put the phone back in my purse and asked the server to bring me water.
“I’m going to the bathroom, guys.” I excused myself from the table. Once inside the stall, the ringing in my ears, from the noise, quieted down. I tried to call Linc again but again, no answer. He probably was home by now. It was 1 AM. I needed to head home, anyway. I saw I had several notifications from my Dexcom, but I’d worry about it later.
When I walked out of the bathroom, I bumped into someone who grabbed my arms. I panicked and pushed them off of me until I saw it was Linc. Oh shit.
“Are you okay?” he asked. Concern etched his eyes.
“Yes. I tried to call you back. Sorry, I had my phone in my purse.” I felt like I needed to explain, but my words were slurring.
“It’s fine, but your levels are high. I wanted to make sure your pump was working properly. What are you doing here?”
“I met some friends from dance class.”
He smiled but it seemed forced. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yes, but I want to tell them bye first.”
He nodded and waited nearby while I hugged Chris and the others. I walked back over to Linc and he put his arm around me as he walked out of the bar.
I fell asleep in his car on the ride home and didn’t wake back until I was laying in the bed. I didn’t even remember getting here. On the nightstand next to me, there were two Advil and water. I smiled and realized he had also changed my glucose monitor while I was asleep. I didn’t see him next to me, so I got out of the bed to look for him.
“Linc?” I walked to his office and saw him sitting at his desk, staring at the screen.
He turned around when he heard me enter. “What are you doing up baby? You okay?”
“Yeah, I just want to be with you.”
He turned his chair around, and I curled up in his lap. We hadn’t had sex since I came home from Tennessee, and I think he was waiting for me to be ready. I never thought I’d want to have sex again, but it was different with him.
I looked up at him, and he kissed me, dipping his tongue into my mouth. As I moaned into him, he reached up and gripped my hair from behind, pulling my head back to expose my neck. I could feel him growing beneath his sweat pants and pushing against me.
I pulled at his pants, and he freed himself. I gripped his dick with my hand and rubbed it up and down. He moaned but didn’t take his eyes off of me. I dropped to my knees and sat between his legs. He was watching me, watching to see any hesitation. I wasn’t hesitant. This man was everything I ever wanted, and I loved him. I licked the top of his dick and he sucked in a breath. I worked my mouth around his shaft and moved up and down. Every now and again, I would come up and lick the precum seeping from the tip. He moaned and grabbed my hair again, pushing me down onto him until I gagged.
“Stand up,” he ordered.
I stood, staring down at his hard dick.
“Take your clothes off.”
I stripped out of my clothes while he watched. The scars always made me feel disgusted, so I tried not to look down at my body as I undressed.
“Come sit on me.”
I straddled his waist in his office chair and eased myself down on him slowly.
He moaned again, and I could feel his hands touching my back and moving down to my waist. With his large hands wrapped around each side of my waist, he rocked me up and down on his dick. His head leaned back into the chair as I picked up a rhythm. His hands left my waist and moved to my breast. He grabbed them and squeezed, using the pressure against them to move me up and down faster. I could feel his climax building as I moved faster and faster until he exploded inside of me.
He picked me up and laid me on his desk and spread my legs. He pushed his fingers inside of me and I flinched.
“You okay?”
I nodded.
He continued working his fingers inside of me and pushing his thumb against my clit. He pulled me to the edge of the desk and knelt on his knees to where his face was level with my opening. I felt his tongue move up and down my core, and I shuddered and arched forward. He began to suck and lick until I was crying out for him. He moved his hand up against the opening to my ass and pushed his thumb inside while still licking and sucking. It was enough to take me over the edge and cummed into his mouth. He kept sucking and licking until my shudders stopped. He kissed me all the way up my stomach until our mouths met and he worked his tongue inside my mouth in the same way. I grabbed onto him, and he pulled me up from the desk and carried me back to the bedroom.