12. Iceberg
Iceberg
“ Y ou had to ask him. You never ask Cody what he wants to do. It’s always something corny.”
“Come on, Nat! This is going to be fun! What do you mean?”
“Oh, Simone, you sweet summer child, hang around us a little longer and you’ll see.”
We were all lacing up our rented skates at Chill’s Rink and Adventureland, the place Cody had chosen to go to after we finished our brunch. Chill’s, so far, seemed like a Dave and Buster’s, but make it winter wonderland-themed year around.
As soon as we entered, there was a stark drop in the temperature. The entire space was colored in icy blues, whites, and some pinks and purples as accents. A long counter stood when we entered with many workers in sweatshirts and hoodies manning it. Televisions were mounted above their heads with the prices listed as well as videos advertising the various activities you can do. On the wall behind the employees were ice skates, hockey sticks, merchandise, and various other equipment on display.
After Quinn paid for the eight of us, we walked around the counter into a bright room with vibrant but small blue lockers for holding belongings and dark purple benches. Past this room were the main attractions, the most immediate being the expansive ice skating rink with rows of stadium-style seating that you had to walk past before you got onto the ice. There were signs leading off to the left for the arcade, laser tag, a rope course—or, Journey Thru the Alps, go-kart racing, mini-golf, a food court, and so much more.
Quinn had purchased tickets to everything for us without a moment’s hesitation along with tokens for the arcade and skate rentals. I had tried to offer to pay for at least my own and Simone’s and Maisie’s, but she had insisted.
“I appreciate your kindness, sweets, but we literally have so much money that even our grandkids wouldn’t be able to spend it all. We can definitely afford to pay for a date day out.”
“Oh, does this count as a date?” I raised my eyebrows. Quinn winked.
We carried our rental ice skates that we exchanged our shoes for over to the seats in front of the ice skating rink. I sat down further into the seats to give everyone room to sit nearby. Quinn joined me with a smile, sliding down into the seat next to me while everyone else sat either next to her, behind us, or in front of us. The space was unfortunately too small for her—most spaces were not built for bodies like ours, after all—but it fortunately meant her body heat got to radiate toward me. I leaned into it, needing it to combat this chill however I could. She didn’t seem to shiver at all, and I didn’t feel any goosebumps on her tan bare arms.
“You aren’t cold?” I asked her, rolling my shacket sleeves down to capture and hold more heat.
“Not at all,” She slipped her feet into the blue ice skates they gave the folks who wanted masculine sizes. As she tied them up leaning her skates against the chair in front of her, she continued. “I run hot as hell. Both my parents always have and I got it from them. I rarely get cold.”
“Ah, you are one of those people without color who can wear a hoodie with shorts and flip-flops in the winter, huh?”
“Hey! It’s a hoodie and chanclas , muchas gracias , Se?orita Dulces .”
I laughed as I slipped my feet into my white ice skates, the ones given to those wanting feminine sizes. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the fit, but rental ice skates always fit weird compared to the custom-made ones I had as a kid. They were also far easier to put on in a small space. I was about to just struggle to lace and tie up the skates when Quinn patted her thick thighs.
“May I tie those for you?”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.”
I beamed, propping my feet onto her thick thighs. Quinn’s fingers were thick and attached to her large hands, but she was able to maintain a deft steadiness as she looped the laces through the holes of the ice skates and eventually tied the laces tightly. It made my mind stray, imagining what other things those hands could do or what other things they could tie and bind.
Byrd. Come on. Get it together, you freak. Yes, you haven’t gotten any in ages, but you aren’t some horndog. Remember your promise!
I mentally shook my head. Thankfully, she was done before I knew it, leaving perfectly done bows behind. They were a better job than I would have done, even on my own skates.
“Thank you so much! You tied these amazingly!”
“I love sneaks like any typical stud, so lacing and tying shoes is nothing for me,” She shrugged, but I saw her stand a little straighter with pride out of the corner of my eye. Gods, she was so adorable.
“Well, I thank you all the same.” Before I let myself become even further consumed by how cute this specimen of a woman was, I decided to look away from this gorgeous woman short-circuiting my brain. I asked the others, “Have any of you all been ice skating before?”
Everyone shook their heads. Nat said, tying her skates, “I think we all have always wanted to try! We have dabbled in everything else from pickleball to snowmobiling, so ice skating is one of the few things we never got to do. Surprising, given that Cody’s gay ass used to make us watch the Winter Olympics specifically for the figure skating competition every time. It’s no wonder he wanted to do this today.”
“First of all, this ass is bisexual to you, whore. Second of all, I seem to remember your equally bisexual ass watching them right next to me,” Cody remarked, pointing to Nat using his middle finger.
“I’m surprised you haven’t been ice skating before, Sea-sea,” Cole said. Maisie and I made eye contact immediately, mouthing, “Sea-sea” and smiling at how stinking cute the nickname was.
Simone shrugged. “Ice skating is a favorite of mermaids in cooler climates, usually. You should see them! They look like they are almost swimming on the ice. Surfing is more my cup of tea, but I’m excited to try this! Mermaids are usually really naturally good at anything on any kind of water, so this should be easy!”
Once we were all in our ice skates, everyone stood up. I felt right at home, back on the metal of the blades. I hadn’t realized how much I missed them until now. However, my nostalgia was short-lived.
Immediately, Simone wobbled, unsure, flailing and about to fall on her ass. Cole caught her, helping to steady her. I bit the inside of my lip to swallow my chuckle.
I held back behind the glass wall entrance to allow everyone else to carefully step through the gate and onto the ice. They all looked like baby deer learning to walk for the first time.
Simone wasted no time in falling flat on her ass straight out the gate. Cole attempted to help her up, but she ended up taking him down with her, causing them to devolve into cute couple laughter.
Cody clung to the glass, trying to get his bearings, I think, and get used to his skates on the sheet of ice. Maisie, my bestie who had no shame and never felt embarrassed, grabbed a walker that looked like a giant iceberg complete with a horn in the shape of a penguin to warn skaters of her presence. Unabashedly, she leaned on it to help her get used to the ice as she made her way around the rink.
Cooper and Nat both went in headfirst as they slowly skated forward without the help of the glass or a walker. They tried to pizza and french fry the situation like they were on skiis. It worked for a time, and I was starting to nod with how impressed I was with their first try. But then, they got to their first turn. Nat lost all of her balance. She flailed even worse than Simone before taking herself, Cooper, and Maisie who was passing by out, resulting in a pile of skates and more laughs. I shook my head as I chuckled along.
They were really bad at this.
Near me, Quinn stepped off the cement floor and onto the ice. Almost as suddenly as Simone, she threatened to fall on her ass before she actually caught herself against the glass wall and assistance railing. Her long legs remained shaky and unsure as she wobbled on this new terrain.
Oh, I was wrong. Everyone else were baby deer, but my beautiful queen was as graceful as a baby giraffe learning to walk on stilts, bless her heart. I couldn’t even stifle my chuckles this time.
Quinn looked over at me, her arms quivering while she struggled to keep herself upright. Her face was bright with humor and some slight embarrassment.
“Come on in, babe, the water is greaaaaaat ,” she joked before she slipped and had to try to catch herself again to keep her ass off the ice. “Okay, it’s messy, but we are all embarrassing ourselves. So, you aren’t going to be alone. Come try it!”
I raised my eyebrows. How presumptive there, queenie.
I walked to the gate.
I took one step onto the ice.
Then I pushed off.
As a child, Pops often joked that I could find a way to trip on energy alone. In ballet, I used to trip on my tip-toes. In gymnastics, I rarely stuck the landing, as if the wind and gravity had beef with me. But it was different on ice. When I was four, Pops, Mom, and I went up to Chicago to visit Pops’ family. As soon as my tiny blades made contact with the crystalized frozen water, I was flawless perfection. I didn’t need the walker or my parents to hold my hand. I could not only skate, but I was a prodigy. Just like playing the cello, I felt a connection down to my blood, bones, and soul. My love for it was instant, deep, fun, beautiful, and just everything . It had been years since I had last been on the ice, but it felt like I hadn’t ever left. This was a bike I never forgot to ride.
I skated around the rink, loving the cold air against my face that also blew my locs back. I loved the sound of the blades cutting the ice, marking my tracks. The sway in my body as I built momentum was better than anything I had felt dancing at a party or club. I missed feeling so good in my body.
Feeling weightless and elated, I lept off the ice and felt myself spin in the air before I landed perfectly on my blades. I maintained my speed and did more spins, this time on ice instead of midair. I held my arms out as I turned around and around. Spinning, I held one of my legs out. I bent my knee and brought my foot closer to the ice as I spun. Then I brought my legs together and continued to spin. Losing momentum, I kicked off and away to skate around some more around the rink, panting but with a smile I could not get off my face, even if I wanted to.
How had I forgotten how freeing this felt and how much I adored the feeling?
“Oh my gods, Byrdie!” Simone clapped in applause along with Maisie, Cole, and Nat, who were all still on the icy floor from their fall. Their jaws were on the ice, staring at me. “ You can ice skate? No, you can figure skate ?”
“I can do a little something-something on some blades,” I shrugged playfully, smiling breathlessly. I skated backwards until I came to a stop against the assistance railing right next to where Quinn still stood. To her credit, Quinn was standing fully now. Yet, her jaw had definitely fallen to the ice where her shaky knees almost had. She stared at me with a look that I could only describe as pure awe. I put my index finger under her chin and closed it.
“That was… magical . Those spins and that jump?! That was incredible!”
“Thank you!” I twirled one of my locs in my fingers, my heart light yet also full. I wanted to relish and bask in this feeling, in the look on Quinn’s face that was blazing so bright?—
You are quite extra, aren’t you?
The thought had no voice, no identity, or personality. It was like a sudden text bubble in my brain with a silent notification. But it made me falter. Not on my skates, but just in my feelings. Had I overdone it? Had I gone too hard like I always do and done the most? I looked down at my skates and the ice underneath, trying to mentally shake the feeling. “I-I didn’t want to be too much of a show-off or anything, especially since everyone else didn’t know how to skate, but I think I got lost in the moment a bit.”
“You are more than allowed to get lost in the moment. That was beautiful . I wish I had a better word for it. It was just phenomenal and awesome and extraordinary and just… wow. You are so gorgeous, I just… I can’t,” Quinn went on.
Another bubble popped up: You’re a little much, girl. You just always do the absolute most.
“Where did you learn to skate like that?” Quinn asked.
You have a lot going on! Where will I fit in?
My face heated under my blush, and the bottommost button on my shacket seemed incredibly interesting and needed most of my attention all of a sudden. “So, uh, I was kind of this prodigy with ice skating when I was a kid. As soon as I got on the ice, I was able to do all the jumps and flips and spins with, like, zero teaching from anyone. Mom really wanted me to be the first Black gold medalist in figure skating, but it wasn’t that much of a passion of mine. It was just something fun for me to do with my family. Just like the cello. I preferred reading or playing video games. That was way more fun to me. But I guess ice skating is something I never forgot how to do. I’m so sorry, I’m rambling again.”
“No, no, it’s totally fine. You aren’t rambling at all. I’m, like, so in awe of you.”
You are amazing. You will find someone. But it isn’t me. I will just have to stand back and watch you shine bright.
My stomach did backflips, and I felt like I could take flight at Quinn’s words. They had so much power. Still, as much as her words made me want to soar, there were also things trying to nudge their way to the surface to ground me. My past, text messages from lives before. They haunted me. I had made a promise this morning. I wanted to avoid getting hurt by a life I created that would never come to be. I didn’t want to reach this high and ride it only to crash into so many pieces no one would ever be able to put me back together fully this time. I wouldn’t survive.
So, even though Quinn’s words moved me like no one’s had before, and being with her was unlike being with anyone else before, and touching her made me feel like I never had before, I had been here before. This time, I was too aware of the signs and the paths this could take toward the inevitable break.
Without really thinking about it, I started to skate away ever so slightly to get some distance. “I can be a little extra at times. It’s a lot, or, at least, I know it can be a lot. I know I can be a bit too much for people at times?—”
“Hey. Don’t do that.” Quinn reached out and took my wrist in one of her hands before I got too far away from her. She easily pulled me against her, her warmth and scent all encompassing so suddenly. Instinctually, I placed my hands on Quinn’s chest near her simple gold chain. Quinn placed her hand against my cheek, toasting it after the cold of me ice skating.
Her hazel eyes took on a flambéed caramel color as she looked down at me with that godsdamn smolder that was hot enough to melt this whole arena. Her smirk was gone to make way for the seriousness of this moment. “You will never be too much for someone who can’t get enough of you. And to be clear, I’m that someone, sweets. Everything you do, every word you say, pulls me in more. I just can’t learn enough about you, and I want to learn everything , every detail no matter how small or minor. You are stunning on the outside, and I’m really liking finding out how much more brilliant you are inside, too.”
Something inside me began to unfurl and stretch out like she had been asleep for too long. All my thoughts and memories of dates were quieted. My breath caught in my throat. I didn’t know what to say, but I was also terrified to ruin this… or whatever this was. We had just met the night before. Literally twenty- four hours prior, I didn’t know this woman existed. I didn’t know anything about this girl. I didn’t know her middle name. I wouldn’t be able to buy her a gift for Christmas or her birthday. I didn’t even know when her birthday was. I didn’t know what temperature she liked the house, her coffee order, or how clean she was in her day-to-day. But why did none of that matter? How had she found a way to make it so hard for me to remember my promise? Why was falling in like with the idea of her becoming more like I wanted to fall in like with just her and everything that entailed?
Quinn brought me back to the present with a caress on the other side of my face. “I know I sound very lesbian right now, and you said you wanted to take things slow. So, I hope I didn’t scare you by saying all of that. I promise I’m not about to call up a U-Haul or anything,” She chuckled, and I did the same in her arms. “I still want to go at your speed and let you lead. But I do want to see where this goes. I want you to know that.”
I reached up on my skates. She met me halfway and bent down to kiss me. It was like our first kiss. Delicate and soft and sweet and cool. But I was just as obsessed as I was with any of our kisses. They were all addictive nectar to me.
I was so focused on the kiss that I forgot we were still on ice. And that Quinn didn’t know how to ice skate. I was too slow to correct and save us from falling backward as Quinn lost control and took me down with her. Quinn fell on her ass and nearly hit her head if it wasn’t for her Titties hat cushioning the blow. And I ended up on top of Quinn.
Well, straddling her, actually.
My top half rested on her chest. My knees framed her thick waist, the ice fighting with the hot babe underneath me to try to chill my body. It was battling a losing battle since Quinn’s large hands were holding onto my thighs. I was trying not to notice how they gripped them nicely and although they couldn’t wrap around them entirely because of their size, they were still perfect for me. My face was on fire from my blush.
“I would say we should stop ending up like this, but that’s no fun,” Quinn joked.
I pushed off her chest to look down at her—Still, very much straddling her. Quinn’s smirk was so hot, I once again found myself wondering how this skate rink wasn’t a pool by now.
“Oh, I could absolutely get used to this view and position of you.”
“You know, I was going to say that I wanted to see where this goes, too, but you have me questioning that with your non-stop flirting and inability to be serious for longer than half a minute.” I rolled my eyes, but my fingers flexed against her chest.
Quinn sat up and readjusted me in her lap. She gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “That is one of my many charming qualities. You are going to grow to love it.”
“Yeah! Get it in, Quinn!”
Quinn flipped Cody off. I turned to see he had not moved that far from the gate. I shook my head. “Cody, you look like you are struggling over there. You know it’s common to have performance problems even at your young age?—”
“Fuck off!”
“These girls are so fun!” Nat joked, leaning on Maisie’s walker like they were handlebars for a bike but pumping her fist in the air. Quinn and I laughed. I got up to stand on my blades again and helped Quinn stand, too.
The rest of our time on the ice was childish, stupid, ridiculous, absurd, and classic fun. I performed more figure skating tricks for everyone, including spins and jumps, but I mainly spent time alongside everyone. Quinn and I held hands as I guided us along the ice, joking and flirting the entire time. Simone, Maisie, and I skated together, too, using the wall and Maisie’s walker. I even led a line of the eight of us holding onto all of our waists as we skated our way around the rink. We were like a game of Snake, trying to dodge the walls to avoid crashing but still failing as we all ended up falling onto each other. We honestly spent a lot of time falling on the ice or onto each other, but it was so much fun. It was the best time I’ve had in a while.
Eventually, everyone wanted to go and play the other games, so we got off the ice, took off our skates, and returned them to get our shoes. The others quickly put on their shoes and skedaddled to go do activities, but Quinn and I took our time. We were too busy laughing, talking, and flirting with each other and enjoying our time together.
Quinn had just finished putting on and tying her sneaks when the employee handed me my Docs. I bent down to push my socked foot into my Docs, their laces still tied and knotted up from earlier since I hated tying up my shoes every time I put them on. As I lowered, my shacket fell from my shoulders to sag against my elbows. Having been skating for at least an hour, the chill felt nice on my back, cooling my warm sweat.
“Oh, hey, I love that tattoo,” Quinn complimented, as she leaned against the counter next to me.
I chuckled. “Hahaha, thank you! Which tattoo are you talking about? I have, like, thirty, at least.”
“Your back tattoo. It’s badass. How did they make it look that realistic?”
I turned to look up at her, my brows furrowed. “So sorry, what tattoo are you talking about, starlight?”
“The giant tattoo on your back, sweetness. It kind of looks like… dragonfly wings? But they are huge, detailed, and lifelike. They could seriously be real.”
I straightened and stood with both my feet in my shoes now. I blinked at Quinn, staring at her with more confusion than I ever had experienced in my life. There was no humor in her voice or on her face, just genuine interest and curiosity. She was serious.
But… it was impossible…
There was no way.
When I was thirteen, I was one of the last people to see my mother before she was murdered. Uncle Everett and I found her surrounded by a gang of masked men, and she had been tortured. From what I remembered, her red and gold raincoat was in tatters around her bleeding skin. Her hair was disheveled. Her entire visage was a tortured mess, and it broke me. Then the perpetrators noticed me and Uncle Everett, and he told me to run while he tried to save Mom. I ran away until I found a tree to climb to be safe. I climbed and climbed and climbed until I reached a limb big enough to hold me fully. That is where I stayed. I stayed up there long after the murderers ran off elsewhere. I stayed up there until my legs went numb. I stayed up there for what felt like hours. I stayed up there until I was too tired to hold myself up any longer. That was when I fell. I hit every branch with my back and scratched it to high heaven before I landed on the ground. Or that is what I was told when I woke up after passing out to find my entire life had been ruined.
Waking up later, I was on my stomach. My back was bleeding and forever marked. Even now, it was the only place I couldn’t ever get tattooed because of the scars from the base of my neck to the base of my spine. I had made peace with this, and I had even accepted these scars as a part of what made me uniquely me. It was just another thing I had to turn into a positive to continue to survive, to keep going.
But now?
“C-Can you take a picture of my back?”
Quinn furrowed her brows, but she pulled her phone out and complied. Then she showed the picture to me.
I only saw my scars.
No tattoo.
“You really don’t see your tattoo there?”
I shook my head.
“How is that—?” she began.
I gripped my necklace hard enough for it to feel like it was cutting into my hand. “Quinn? Can I meet you by the games or something? I-I need to go to the bathroom.”
Quinn’s furrowed brows deepened. “Byrd, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I-I just need to use the bathroom really fast. So much orange juice from earlier, you know?” I tried to joke, but even I could hear how hollow it sounded.
Quinn looked at me for a moment, but soon she nodded. She gave me a quick kiss on my cheek with a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I will meet you at the go-karts, okay?”
I nodded.
I watched her walk past me and toward the go-karts. I pulled my shacket back over my shoulders and wrapped my arms around myself. I told myself it was to keep Quinn’s warmth inside to fight the cold of Chill’s rather than face the idea that maybe I was fighting to hold myself together.
I shot a text to Maisie and Simone, asking if they could meet me in the food court. Maisie was quick to reply that they were on the way. They were there by the time I arrived.
Simone and Maisie took in my appearance, and they immediately became worried. I loved how well my friends knew me.
“Byrdie, what’s wrong?” Simone asked.
I sighed and quickly caught them up on what had just happened. Simone’s jaw dropped for the umpteenth time today.
“Holy shit, Byrdie, I’m—” Simone started when I was done, ever the sympathy queen.
“Turn around,” Maisie interrupted, her eyes determined.
I listened to her and turned around. I lowered my shacket to reveal what I could of my back without taking off my bodysuit. I knew without seeing her that Maisie was using her magic to look at my back with what me and Simone called her “witch eyes.” Her dark brown eyes took on a neon purple hue that easily glowed in any dark room. Sparkles would sometimes flow from her eyes like her magic was overflowing. But I didn’t feel anything as she completed her examination.
After a few moments, Maisie turned me around. Her eyes were back to normal already when she stared at me, but her face was etched with concern that made my heart sink. “I don’t see any tattoos. But there is definitely magic—a scientific metric shit ton of it. It’s swirling all around your back and out of it like a smoking cauldron at Halloween. But I have no idea what it is or anything about it. We will have to research it.”
A shiver went through me.
“Bee? Are you okay? Do you want to leave and go home now? This is crazy and a lot, so I totally understand if you want to head out.”
I sighed again, fixing my shacket to cover my shoulders and fight another chill coursing through me. What did any of this mean? What?—?
No, no, no . There was nothing we could do right now. It was out of our control. It was out of my control. I could worry about my questions and anxieties about all of this…
Or—
I shook my head. I took a beat, stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets, swallowed, and finally plastered a smile on my face. “No, let’s just go out and have fun, babes. We’ll figure all of this out later.”
“Bee—”
“Go back to the boys, girls. I will be fine. I promise. Let’s just have a great time right now.”
Simone’s lips set into a line, but Maisie put her hand on Simone’s shoulder and squeezed.
“Let’s have fun, please. We’ll have fun today. Then tomorrow, we’ll figure it out. But today, I will be fine. Let’s just have fun,” I repeated, wishing for my smile to reach my eyes and convince all of us.
At least Maisie was swayed enough by my ruse. She pulled Simone along, and the girls left to return to the cousins. I took another second to compose myself. I swallowed any other worry that remained. I took out my phone. I checked my makeup. I adjusted my bodysuit and righted my shacket. Finally, when I felt ready enough, I made my way to the go-karts.
Quinn was leaning against the fencing for the ride. Her leg bounced anxiously as she bit her bottom lip. I hated that I caused her to worry. Another wave of cold went through me.
“Hey, babe,” I said as I approached. “I’m so sorry I made you worry, and that I took a second.”
Quinn stared into my eyes for a while. I noticed hers were dark, like caramel that may have cooked for too long. She asked after several moments, “Are you okay?”
I bit the inside of my lip. I didn’t want to lie to her. If I hadn’t pushed my worries away already, I would definitely not be okay right now. I mean, I thought that what happened to me was set in stone?—
No . We aren’t doing that. We aren’t diving into things. We aren’t thinking about it.
We also aren’t lying to Quinn.
Not now.
Not ever.
“I honestly just want to have fun and would rather not think about this right now. Is that okay?” I answered her with a halfhearted shrug.
A beat passed. Then two. Then three. The entire time, her eyes remained on mine. It’s like they were searching for something. I was reminded of when we first met, how I felt like Quinn could see me unlike anyone else.
Finally, she nodded and held out her hand. When I took it, she squeezed it. Lightning and heat coursed through me, instantly staving off the chills and shivers.
“Well, let’s paint this place red, sweetness,” She winked.
True to her word, we had fun. A lot of fun. More than enough to actually make me forget. We raced each other on the go-karts with her winning practically every time, riding it until others joined the line for their turn. We went through the entire mini-golf course and gave up keeping score in favor of just seeing how many times I could struggle to get the damn ball in the hole before we devolved into laughter. We played laser tag, where I whooped her ass with my sniping skills that had cultivated from hours of video games. We did the rope course, which went horribly, given my clumsiness. But she was right there to save me and pull me up and hold me close so we could complete it together. We played arcade games together, and we got Icees, with all the flavors mixed into it like a frozen witch’s brew.
I don’t remember when I stopped thinking about my back scars or when Quinn’s brows finally relaxed. I also didn’t know when we started holding hands literally everywhere we went throughout Chill’s. Or when I first noticed the side glances Quinn would give sometimes. Or how often I would look at Quinn just to see her smile. I didn’t know when Quinn started winking at me along with keeping that smirk as a permanent fixture on her face. I don’t know when I started seeking the warmth of her laughter. I don’t know when falling in like with the idea of Quinn became too good of an opportunity for me to pass up.
All I knew was that I did like her.
And I didn’t want any of this to stop anytime soon.