SESSION 3
Later – Seoul
“Take your time,” Dr. Kim said.
Silence settled between them.
“Last time, you told me you blamed yourself for your brother’s death.” Noeul kept his eyes on the floor. “Today… can you tell me about the day you found him?”
His fingers tightened around the paper cup in his hands. “I don’t know if I can.”
“You don’t have to tell me everything. We can stop whenever you need to.”
A long silence followed.
“Just tell me where the memory begins.”
Noeul closed his eyes. “How could I ever forget that day?”
“What do you remember first?”
“How happy I was when Gong was discharged from the psychiatric clinic. We had planned to spend the afternoon at our favorite hiking trail after my classes.”
“What happened when you returned home?”
“The moment I stepped into the apartment, I knew something was wrong. The way the sunlight cast long shadows through the living room window… the unnatural calm… I felt it somehow.”
“What did you think had happened?”
“My first thought was that Gong was having another episode. I searched for him in a panic, but there was no sign he’d been there. Except for one thing.”
“The note?”
Noeul nodded. “I remember sitting at the kitchen table with a crumpled piece of paper clenched in my trembling hands. His words carved themselves into my mind. The note was two pages long… I still don’t have the strength to speak about most of it. But one part…” He stopped.
Dr. Kim waited.
“One part said, ‘I’m sorry, Noeul. I can’t do this anymore. The pain and the shame are unbearable. I’m going to the place we always loved. I hope you can forgive me.’”
“What did you do after you read it?”
“My stomach tightened with fear. I knew exactly where he meant. There was a circular path near Yeongdeungpo-gu where we used to walk. Without thinking, I grabbed my keys and ran.”
The memory blurred.
“What do you remember about the drive?”
“Only fragments. I kept thinking… How could I have been so blind? How could I not have seen what was happening to him?”
“And when you reached the parking lot?”
Noeul’s fingers tightened further around the cup. “I was already too late.” His voice broke. “The path was exactly as I remembered. The river. The wind. The bench.” He drew an unsteady breath. “Then I saw him.”
Silence.
“He was sitting there. For one second… I thought he’d moved. Maybe it was the wind. Maybe I just wanted him to.”
Dr. Kim leaned forward slightly. “You’re here, Noeul. Take your time.”
“I knelt beside him… and…” He stared at the floor. “I was too late.”
Dr. Kim didn’t interrupt.
“I lost my other half. My twin brother. The person I’d shared everything with.” He rubbed his eyes. “The worst part… the part I’m ashamed of… was realizing I’d lost someone I’d spent years hating.”
“You hated him?”
“I loved him. More than almost anyone. But every time he hurt me… that love disappeared. Then he’d smile, and I wanted my brother back again.”
“Did loving him erase what he did to you?”
“No.”
“Did what he did erase the fact that you loved him?”
Noeul looked down at the cup. “No.”
Silence filled the room.
“I still don’t understand how both things can be true.”
Dr. Kim nodded once. “You don’t have to understand it today. You only have to tell the truth.”
Noeul looked up for the first time. “That’s the truth.”