CHAPTER 37 #2
He clutched his head, trying to steady his breathing, trying to quiet the chaos inside him. Then, gathering what little strength he had left, he shoved Chung-Hee backward and ran toward the elevator.
He pressed the button once. Twice. Again.
Nothing.
“Why isn’t it working?” he shouted, slamming the button repeatedly. “Come on… move!”
Only then did he remember the sound of Chung-Hee’s access card when they had entered the apartment.
His blood ran cold.
“You locked it…”
Before he could react, a sharp blow sent him stumbling sideways.
“Fuck…” he muttered, catching himself against the wall.
Chung-Hee grabbed him by the hair and dragged him back toward the living room. “You think you can escape?” he said, his voice shaking with anger.
Noeul struggled weakly against him.
His grip tightened. “Everything about you, your emotions, your actions, your body, your soul, belongs to me. You will never be free of me in this life.”
His gaze drifted briefly toward Haneul’s shrine before returning to Noeul.
“Whatever your family owes mine… I’ll collect from you.”
“Please, hyung,” Noeul begged. “Don’t stop me. I need to get out of here. I don’t feel well. Please.”
“And go where?” Chung-Hee asked bitterly. “Home to hurt yourself? Or to some random bar to drink until you can’t remember your own name?”
A hollow laugh escaped Noeul. “Does it matter?”
His shoulders slumped. “My heart hurts so much… I can’t take it anymore. Please, hyung… Why won’t you let me die?”
His voice broke. “I hate this. I hate the pain. The grief. The loneliness.”
“Why won’t you let me die?” Noeul asked again, tears spilling freely down his face. “Isn’t that what you want?”
“Aren’t my brother and I the worst things that ever happened to Haneul? Haven’t you grown tired of seeing my face every day?”
Chung-Hee laughed, startling him.
“You’re just as na?ve as ever.”
He stared at Noeul. “Fine. Go die.”
Noeul froze.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean exactly what I said,” Chung-Hee replied, frighteningly calm. “You want to die? Sure, go ahead. I’m sick of seeing your fucking face. You’re right about that. But don’t blame me when I reunite all three brothers in the other world. Maybe I’ll bring your friend along too.”
“What?”
Chung-Hee smiled without humor.
Noeul stepped closer. “My younger brother? Duri?” His voice dropped. “You wouldn’t.”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me.” Chung-Hee moved closer until only a small distance remained between them. “Do I mean it, or don’t I?”
Noeul couldn’t answer.
“Do you really think you’re the only one losing his mind?” Chung-Hee demanded.
His voice began to crack.
“What do I have left of my past if not you?”
He lifted his sleeve slightly, exposing the bracelet.
“This?”
Then his eyes dropped to the ring hanging around Noeul’s neck.
“Or maybe your brother’s ring?”
Noeul instinctively closed his hand around it.
“Go ahead and leave, Noeul.” Chung-Hee’s eyes were wet now. “But if you leave me, I’ll take everything with me.”
“Stop.”
“What do you think your parents would do if they lost another son?”
“Hyung, stop.”
“And my mother?” Chung-Hee continued, almost as though he couldn’t hear him anymore. “I’m the only one she has left. What happens to her if I follow?”
“Stop!”
Noeul’s shout echoed through the apartment.
Chung-Hee fell silent.
Noeul stared at him, horrified. “What the hell are you saying? Are you going to blame me for everything?”
“Absolutely. Everything.”
Chung-Hee’s breathing grew uneven. “The pain. The shame. The guilt. The confusion.” His face twisted. “It’s all your fault.”
Noeul flinched.
“God, how badly I want to destroy that beautiful face of yours sometimes.”
Chung-Hee reached toward him, then stopped before touching his cheek.
“The same face.”
Noeul understood.
“How I wish I could tear his blood out of you,” Chung-Hee whispered. “Erase every part of him and leave only you.”
His hand fell to his side. Then the anger disappeared almost as quickly as it had come.
What remained looked far worse.
Despair.
“What’s wrong with me, Noeul?”
Noeul stared at him.
“Why is it so hard for me to let you go?”
He had never seen Chung-Hee like this. Not angry. Not cruel. Not commanding.
Lost.
And suddenly, beneath all the threats and hatred, Noeul recognized something painfully familiar: guilt, confusion, grief.
They were drowning differently, but in the same past.
Noeul should have been afraid of him.
He was.
He should have hated him.
Part of him did.
He should have walked away the moment the elevator opened.
Instead, he did the only thing he could think of.
He hugged him.
Chung-Hee stiffened as Noeul wrapped his arms around him as tightly as his exhausted body allowed. For a moment, he didn’t respond.
Then his arms closed around Noeul.
“I’m sorry, hyung,” Noeul sobbed against him. “I’m sorry for everything that happened. I’m sorry I didn’t see what Haneul was going through. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him.”
His grip tightened.
“I’m sorry our families ended up like this.”
“Noeul…”
“I wish I could take it all back. I wish you were free of it. I wish we all were.”
Chung-Hee buried his face against Noeul’s shoulder.
Still holding each other, they sank onto the couch. Neither spoke. They cried until there seemed to be nothing left to say.
Eventually, Chung-Hee noticed that Noeul’s grip had loosened and his breathing had softened.
He remained still, afraid to wake him.
His mother’s words returned.
He knew. He chose his brother.
Then Haneul’s final words followed.
I don’t think Noeul knows. Please don’t blame him.
Chung-Hee looked down at Noeul’s sleeping face. A third voice joined them.
I didn’t kill Haneul.
For years, Chung-Hee had silenced the voices that threatened his certainty. That night, for the first time, he could no longer decide which one he believed.