CHAPTER 48
Noeul woke slowly, wrapped in unfamiliar warmth.
For several seconds, he didn’t know where he was.
The room was darker than his own bedroom, the curtains drawn almost completely shut except for a thin line of morning light cutting across the floor.
Something warm rested around his waist. Someone was breathing against the back of his neck.
Then the memories returned. The bar. Duri’s apartment. His hands. His lips against Duri’s neck.
I’m in love with you, hyung.
Noeul’s eyes opened fully.
Duri.
He was in Duri’s bed.
His entire body stiffened. He looked down beneath the blanket, panic rising before reason had the chance to catch up. He was still wearing his shirt and trousers from the night before.
Nothing had happened.
Nothing except holding each other. Sleeping.
Noeul closed his eyes again, relief washing through him.
Behind him, Duri shifted in his sleep and tightened his arm instinctively around Noeul’s waist. Noeul froze again. Duri’s chest was pressed against his back, his face buried somewhere near his hair. One of their legs had become tangled beneath the blanket.
He should move.
Instead, Noeul remained perfectly still.
The memories came back in fragments now, clearer than before. His mouth against Duri’s neck. His shameless flirting. Duri stopping him.
You’ve had too much to drink.
And if you still want it tomorrow, I’ll be right here.
Heat spread across Noeul’s face.
“Oh, God,” he whispered.
He wanted to disappear. He had practically thrown himself at Duri.
No, there was no practically about it.
He had thrown himself at Duri.
And Duri had stopped him.
Noeul covered his face with one hand. What kind of person behaved like that?
Someone drunk, obviously. Someone hurt. Someone desperate enough to seek warmth wherever he could find it.
The explanation should have comforted him. It didn’t.
Because underneath the embarrassment lay a far more frightening truth.
He remembered wanting Duri.
And now, completely sober, lying in his arms with the dull beginning of a headache forming behind his eyes… he still did.
Noeul slowly lowered his hand and stared at Duri’s fingers resting loosely against his stomach.
For once, being held did not feel like being trapped. There was no hand gripping his wrist. No command. No threat hidden behind affection.
If Noeul moved, Duri would let him go.
The certainty of it made something ache inside him.
Carefully, he turned around. Duri stirred but didn’t wake, and Noeul found himself studying him from only a few centimeters away. Without the piercings catching the light, the teasing smile, the deliberately careless clothes and all that confidence, Duri looked younger while sleeping.
He is younger, Noeul reminded himself.
Four years.
It had always seemed enormous when Duri was a child trailing after Noeul, trying desperately to keep up with him.
It didn’t seem enormous now.
Duri’s hair had fallen messily across his forehead. Noeul resisted the urge to brush it away.
Then Duri opened one eye.
“Are you watching me sleep, hyung?”
Noeul immediately rolled onto his back. “No.”
Duri laughed sleepily. “You were.”
“I was trying to figure out where I was.”
“For five minutes?”
Noeul turned his head sharply. “You were awake?”
“Long enough.”
“You little brat.”
Duri smiled and stretched beside him before rubbing his eyes. “How’s your head?”
“Fine.”
“That means terrible.”
“It means fine.”
“Do you feel sick?”
“No.”
“Dizzy?”
“No.”
“Regretting your life choices?”
Noeul stared at the ceiling.
Duri waited.
“That one requires further evaluation.”
Duri laughed. Noeul tried not to smile.
He failed.
The silence that followed was different from the night before. There was no alcohol softening the edges now, nothing they could blame for what had happened. Duri seemed to realize it too. His smile faded slightly.
“Hyung.”
Noeul’s stomach tightened.
“About last night…”
“I remember.”
Duri went quiet. “Everything?”
“Unfortunately.”
That earned him another small laugh.
Noeul turned his head and found Duri watching him. Neither spoke. The words from last night returned again.
I’m in love with you, hyung.
Noeul looked away first.
“You said something to me.”
“I said many things.”
“You know which one.”
Duri’s expression changed. “Yes.”
“You meant it?”
There was no hesitation.
“Yes.”
Noeul swallowed.
Duri shifted onto his side to face him properly. “But you don’t have to say anything back. And last night doesn’t mean you owe me anything.”
“I know.”
“If you regret what happened…”
“I don’t.”
The answer came so quickly that both of them went silent.
Duri blinked.
Noeul’s face burned. He could have taken it back. Laughed. Changed the subject.
Instead, he forced himself to meet Duri’s eyes.
“I don’t regret it.”
A smile slowly appeared on Duri’s face.
Noeul immediately pointed at him. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Look so pleased with yourself.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re smiling.”
“Am I forbidden from smiling in my own bed?”
“You’re annoying.”
“And yet you kissed my neck.”
Noeul pulled the blanket over his face.
Duri laughed and tugged it down again. “Stop hiding.”
“I preferred you when you were asleep.”
“No, you didn’t. You were staring at me.”
“I hate you.”
Duri’s laughter faded. Noeul’s smile disappeared.
“Hey.”
“I’m fine.”
“You always say that when you’re not.”
Noeul stared at the ceiling again. Images from the previous day returned without permission.
Kija’s apartment.
The slap.
The floor beneath him.
Chung-Hee’s hand in his hair.
When he disobeys, he must be punished.
Duri didn’t ask.
“He hit me in front of Kija.”
Duri became completely still.
Noeul continued before he could interrupt. “He followed me there. Or had someone follow me, I don’t know. He came inside and tried to make me leave.” His voice weakened. “I refused.”
Duri’s jaw tightened. “And?”
Noeul swallowed. “He slapped me.”
Duri sat upright. “That fucking…”
“Duri.”
“No. Don’t Duri me. He hit you because you went to an art lesson?”
“It wasn’t really a lesson. We were discussing Ji-Woo’s portfolio and my paintings.”
“That makes it worse!”
“I know.”
The words stopped Duri.
Noeul slowly pushed himself upright against the headboard. “I know,” he repeated. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Duri stared at him.
Noeul’s eyes filled before he could stop them. “I went there because I wanted to help Ji-Woo. Because I wanted to do something with Haneul’s paintings. I was happy, Duri. For maybe an hour, I was actually happy.” His voice cracked. “And he came there and made me ashamed of it.”
Duri said nothing.
Noeul wiped his eyes angrily. “I’m so tired.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.”
“You’re right.”
The simple answer made Noeul look at him.
Duri moved closer but stopped before touching him. “Can I?”
Noeul stared at the space between them. Then nodded.
Duri wrapped his arms around him. Noeul rested his forehead against Duri’s shoulder.
“I made a decision last night,” Noeul whispered.
“What decision?”
“I can’t keep doing this with Chung-Hee.”
Duri’s arms tightened around him for a fraction of a second. Noeul noticed.
“I don’t know what happens next,” he continued. “I work for his company. He has access to my apartment. He’s everywhere.” He shut his eyes. “And part of me still feels guilty for leaving him alone with everything he’s carrying.”
“Hyung, you can’t stay with someone because you’re afraid of what will happen to them if you leave.”
Noeul gave a weak laugh. “That’s easy to say. And what if he hurts himself?”
Duri was silent for a moment.
“Then he needs help you can’t give him.”
Noeul lifted his head.
Duri brushed the tears from beneath his eye. “You can care about him and still leave.”
Noeul stared at him.
Could he?
Duri started to pull his hand away.
Noeul caught it.
Their eyes met.
No alcohol this time.
Just morning light slipping through the curtains and Duri sitting beside him, waiting.
Noeul remembered his words.
And if you still want it tomorrow, I’ll be right here.
He leaned forward.
Duri didn’t move.
Noeul kissed him.
It was brief, soft, almost embarrassingly careful.
When Noeul pulled away, Duri stared at him.
“That,” Noeul whispered, “was sober.”
For once, Duri seemed to have nothing clever to say.
Noeul smiled. “What’s wrong? You talked a lot last night.”
Duri blinked several times.
“You kissed me.”
“I noticed.”
“Sober.”
“Yes.”
“Because you wanted to?”
Noeul rolled his eyes. “No, Duri. I tripped.”
Duri laughed, and Noeul laughed with him.
Then Duri touched his cheek.
“So what does this mean?”
Noeul’s smile slowly faded.
“I don’t know yet.”
Duri nodded.
“But I know I want to find out,” Noeul added.
Duri’s eyes softened.
“And I know I don’t want to go back to what I had with Chung-Hee.”
“Then we’ll figure it out,” Duri said.
Noeul raised an eyebrow. “We?”
“If you’ll let me.”
Noeul looked at him for a long moment.
Then he lay back down and opened one arm.
Duri understood immediately and settled beside him. Noeul rested his head against his chest.
“Stay until my headache disappears.”
“That’s very romantic.”
“Shut up.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes.”
“What?”
Noeul closed his eyes.
“Make me coffee.”
Duri laughed. “You’re in my apartment.”
“And?”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Americano. Strong.”
“Anything else, Your Highness?”
Noeul smiled against his chest.
“Breakfast.”
Duri groaned dramatically, but his fingers had already begun moving gently through Noeul’s hair.