Chapter 15 Jimmy
Jimmy
Ireally don’t remember the Uber ride back to the bar to get my car.
Honestly, I barely remember the last forty-eight hours.
I don’t remember my drive home. I don’t remember feeding the dog.
I don’t remember the drive back to her place.
I don’t remember what was on the radio, but what I do remember is what she felt like in my arms. I do remember the sound of her laugh and how happy it still made me.
I do remember the taste of her kiss and the way her skin felt so warm and soft, so easy to touch.
But what happened in all this time? Was it like this before? It couldn’t have been. How could we have gone from that to not even speaking at all? And what are we supposed to do now?
I pull into the driveway and head straight to the shower. I have a handful of times, I mean, reasons why I should hurry to clean myself up before Becca gets home, which should be any minute. Becca.
What am I doing? I should feel bad, so why don’t I? I have a wife whether I like it or not. I didn’t need to be married. We could’ve stayed happy the way we were, but being husband and wife was one of the things that were important to her. So I made it happen, but even that wasn’t easy with her.
I do love her. I wouldn’t have signed that piece of paper if I didn’t, but why can’t I stop questioning that decision now?
And despite what she thinks, I’ve never been interested in anyone else. I’ve always been firmly against cheating and had no sympathy for people who did. My parents had a long and happy marriage until death did they part.
I watched how Autumn’s parents’ divorce devastated both her and her mom. Marriage may have been just a piece of paper, but commitment was important.
So why don’t I feel bad? And seriously, what do I do now?
I turn the water on as hot as it will go. Leaning my hands against the cold tile, I let the heat shock my body as it runs down my back. I close my eyes and see her. Autumn. I imagine her in here with me, her hands wrapping around and sliding up my chest…
It was my senior year, and we all went to a party after just winning a big game. It was unusually warm for September, and this house had a pool that no one expected to still be open. After more and more drinks were poured, clothes started coming off, and people were jumping in.
She didn’t at first, but eventually looked at me mischievously and said, “I’ll do it if you do it.”
I didn’t hesitate to take my shirt off, which made her laugh, then she followed. Once we were both undressed, I remember noticing that her bra and underwear matched. I was surprised by how bothered I was that everyone else could see it, too. I felt like they were all staring.
I wondered if she felt it too because she never left my side. That night was one of the catalysts for the hardest dating rumors we ever denied.
As the pool got more crowded, she climbed up on my back.
I laughed because she didn’t ask. She didn’t even warn me; she just attached herself to me like a baby koala.
I didn’t stop her, though; I was happy she was hidden behind me.
I was also happy because I loved the feeling of her wrapped around me; her legs folded around my waist, and her arms around my chest.
I still distinctly remember how good it felt to stand there together, especially when I felt her lay her head against my back.
I hear the door shut and then Becca yell for the dog, who I forgot to put outside. After a few minutes, I hear the bathroom door open.
“Hey, babe, I’m home,” she says.
“Hey, honey,” I respond as I finally start to use some soap.
“How was your weekend?” she asks.
“Good,” I say, and finally feel a sting because I’m not lying, and I think that makes it worse. It was so good. The best weekend I’ve had in a long time.
“That’s good. We had one hundred percent of the graduates walk this year. They said that’s like unprecedented because there’s always a few who can’t or don’t want to participate in the ceremony.”
“That’s great.” That's all I come up with, but I need to say more. I can’t be this short with her. She’ll think something is wrong, and it will snowball from there. So now I lie and make up a story that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Yeah, it was a quiet one for me. Nothing exciting, which you know is always great for the weekend at my work.”
“Good, I’m glad.” She responds. “I hope you didn’t forget we have plans with your brother and Chelsey tonight. Hurry up, please, so I can get in there myself.”
“Aye Aye, Captain.” I joke. She laughs.
“Love you.”
“Love you too,” I say as I rub my hands over my face.
As soon as I am done, we share a quick kiss, and she takes my place in the shower.
I go into our room, where I can see she’s started to unpack while waiting for her turn.
She’s also pulled some clothes of mine out of the closet that she obviously wants me to wear tonight.
On the bed, I see my phone light up, and I sit down before opening the message.
You forgot something.
With Autumn’s message comes a picture of my white undershirt lying on her bed. It makes me smile. I write back.
A housewarming gift. You can keep it.
A few minutes later, she responds.
Too bad it's not my size.
Another picture comes next. But in this one, she is wearing the shirt, sitting in front of the tall mirror on her closet door. It’s big on her, fitting like a very short dress, and also a little see-through. My smile grows.
I guess I'll have to come back to get it.
Something tells me that last message is the end of the day’s conversation, but the start of something else. I don’t exactly know what yet, but I can’t wait to find out.
“Why are you so quiet today?” Becca whispers between bites of her chicken piccata.
I don’t think I’m being quiet, but rather just trying to enjoy our dinner.
This restaurant isn’t the place for noise.
The low lighting, classical music, replicas of famous paintings on the walls, and ferns strung along the windows don’t exactly scream party.
It definitely doesn’t put me in the mood that the restaurant did on Friday.
I shake my head. “I’m not. Just eating.”
She nods and takes another bite just as Will and Chelsey sit back down.
Maybe I am being quiet, but I can’t talk about what I want to talk about.
I want to tell Will about Autumn. He knows she’s back, but as of the last time we talked about it, I hadn’t seen her yet.
I don’t think I’ll tell him everything, but I still feel the urge to tell him something.
Tell him I saw her and she’s still great.
We make eye contact from across the table, and his eyes tell me something is on his mind, too. Or maybe it’s him trying to figure out what’s really on mine.
We have an uncanny resemblance to each other. Most people we met as kids thought we were twins, and sometimes I think we were meant to be because, like right now, he’s always known things before I told him.
At some point, I grew taller than him, so I got to enjoy being the ‘bigger little brother’ for a while. I don’t know why puberty hit me first, but eventually he caught up, only an inch or two shorter than me now, with a few grey hairs that I don’t have yet.
“So what’s new with you?” he asks, never looking away from me as he takes a drink of his pop.
“Not much.” I shrug. “Just preparing to be busy for the summer, but that’s nothing new.”
He nods as Chelsey interrupts with something she apparently forgot to tell Becca the other day.
The girls have taken over the conversation, but Will’s eyes haven’t left me, seeing right through my bullshit.