Chapter 21 Autumn
Autumn
Isit on my balcony a lot.
It’s a good place to think, just like the morning after prom, but unfortunately with a much less peaceful view.
I love having a balcony, but my apartment faces the end of the parking lot, so the raccoons that occasionally visit the dumpster are the most interesting views I usually get.
The fresh air is nice, though. Plus, the lack of stimulation is actually quite suitable for sitting and thinking. I definitely have a lot to think about.
The other woman. I am the other woman. Any time I’ve ever pictured “the other woman” in a scenario, it’s always been someone nasty, and bitchy, and ugly on the inside. Someone who didn’t care about anyone but themselves, but that’s not me, and I ended up here anyway.
As days, then weeks, then the first month went by, it was as if not a single year stood between then and now. Jimmy’s the first person I talk to in the morning and the last one I talk to before bed.
Once we started seeing each other regularly, I thought the guilt would eat me alive, but it didn’t.
It still hasn’t, and I don’t know what to do with that.
Does that make me the bad, nasty person I’ve always pictured in my head?
Or is it the universe telling me that everything happens for a reason, like he did?
I feel more guilt about not feeling guilt, and again, I don’t know what to do with that.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to stop, and I don’t even think I can. No matter how much time I sit here staring out at the garbage, I can’t convince myself to stop talking to him.
Even though I didn’t feel it the way someone should, I knew that guilt was in there because I told no one. Not even Kory, I’m reminded as a text comes in letting me know she’s almost here.
That gives me something besides Jimmy to think about: How nice it is to be home and have someone to just do life with.
Like today, Kory needs to go shopping, so she asked me to join.
I ended up making a list of my own to make use of the time, but even if I didn’t, just being in the company of someone makes the errand worth the trip.
Not ever getting close to anyone in Wisconsin left me with a really quiet, solitary existence. I didn’t mind it at first. I actually quite enjoyed it, until I didn’t.
The only ones I ever got close enough to spend routine time with were Lucas and Drew, the two jerks I dated.
After I left Lucas, was when I finally started to feel loneliness again.
I realized after having it for a short time, I did actually miss having someone to grocery shop with, pick out movies with, or just hang out with at home.
In hindsight, I’m sure that’s how I ended up jumping into what I thought was a serious relationship with Drew just three months later, until he changed his mind via a thirteen-word text message.
‘I’m sorry, but I just don’t think this is working for me anymore.
’ I was done with relationships after that.
Lucas made me feel like the other woman, even though he swore they were actually broken up, and she just needed a place to stay. Maybe they were, and she was the other woman, but either way, one of us was getting cheated on.
Drew made me feel like I wasn’t even worth a phone call, let alone a face-to-face conversation, after a year and a half. Plus, he ended up with one of the few girls I considered a friend less than two months later.
Like I said before, meeting new people really never lived up to the hype.
But none of that matters now anyway, since I’m back here with Kory to do things with, and despite my refusal to be one with Lucas, I’m now unequivocally someone’s other woman.
And just like that, I’m back to thinking about Jimmy.
If I can trust anyone in this world, it’s Kory, but I can’t bring myself to tell her.
I know she won’t judge me too harshly, but really, I think I enjoy some of the secrecy right now.
It’s just me and him in on this, and I think I love that.
There’s no one telling me not to, no one telling me it’s wrong, no one meddling between us at all.
Plus, I’m pretty sure it’s me avoiding the guilt I fear I’ll finally feel when I say it out loud.
“So do you need to get anything?” she asks as she pulls her car into a parking space. Another thing that’s been nice since being home: enjoying being a passenger princess while Kory does all the driving.
“I’m just going to grab a few little things,” I tell her. “But I need toilet paper. Please do not let me forget the toilet paper.”
She laughs as she shuts the car door. “Okay. TP duty got it.” The lock on her car beeps as I grab a small shopping cart. “What are you doing tomorrow?” She asks, dropping her purse inside.
Tomorrow is Thursday. Thursday is one of my days with Jimmy.
“I think I’m going to see my dad.” I lie.
I can’t use my mom because if she accidentally talks to anyone, it will be her, so Dad is the safer choice. His house is thirty minutes from Mom’s, in the opposite direction from mine, so the chances of Kory bumping into him are slim.
“Damn, ok. I need you to come over and help me rearrange my furniture. I hate it.”
I laugh as I inspect a box of strawberries. She was notorious for rearranging her bedroom every time the wind blew when we were teens. It’s comforting to see that it hasn’t changed.
“How many times have you rearranged that same furniture?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe four or five? I’m just sick of it. I need a fresh set of eyes.”
I grab a bundle of bananas; perfect ones that are still a little green. “Maybe you just need new furniture then.”
Her eyebrows grow tall with excitement. “That’s a great idea! Let’s go shopping then.”
I shake my head as we move towards the avocados. “Maybe Friday before work.”
The first avocado I grab is too hard, so I put it back and grab another. Once again, not ripe enough. As I look up to try a different spot in this mound, my eyes meet Jimmy’s two stands over, holding a bag of apples.
He smiles, and I know I smile back before looking away. My stomach twitches, and I try to focus back on the problematic fruit in front of me. Except that doesn’t happen because I feel him still staring, so I look up again, and I was right, still staring shamelessly.
But in those quick seconds, I know we’ve messed up. I look away from him to Kory, still right next to me, now looking back and forth between me and him.
“The avocados suck today. I’m good.” I quickly turn the cart around to walk in the other direction. My phone buzzes in my back pocket, and I know it’s from him before I pull it out to read it.
Who knew someone could make fondling avocados look sexy?
“Autumn Meredith Harper, what is going on right now?” Kory demands.
I slide my phone back in my pocket and take a step, but she stops. Her eyes and folded arms are full of accusation.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I know you and I know him. I know both of you, and if you tell me nothing is going on, I know you’re lying.”
I push the cart forward, trying to walk again, but she grabs it.
“Oh no. You’re not getting out of this one. I saw him taking your clothes off with his eyes, and you smiled like an idiot at your phone immediately after. It was him, wasn’t it?”
Honestly, I’m surprised I managed the secret for this long, she’s right. We’re busted. I cave and nod my head.
“Oh my GOD, Autumn!” she says louder than I’d like her to. I keep walking to get farther away from him.
“Have you guys like actually...” she pauses, tightening her lips together and nodding her head towards me. I just respond with another nod.
“Oh…my…God.” She says slower this time.
“Will you stop saying that?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just surprised, yet I’m not, yet I still am. Autumn! He’s…”
I cut her off. “I know, Kay.”
“Wow. I just… You really moved back with a bang, literally.” She laughs at her joke. “Let me see it.”
“See it? See what?”
She holds her hand out. “Your phone. Gimmie.”
“Why?”
“Because clearly, you’ve been hiding something big from me, and I want to know everything. Now. I need to catch up.”
I roll my eyes, but hand her my phone in defeat. This will probably be easier than answering all her questions.
“Wait.” She says as she grabs it from me. “You guys didn’t like send anything nasty, did you? I’d rather not see that.”
“No. You’re good. Nothing you can’t handle.”
She nods and begins her investigation. As we walk, I look over at her a few times, watching her eyes both shrink and grow as she reads through every conversation.
“Well,” she starts as she hands me the phone back. “You know this is messed up, right?”
I nod my head. I’ve somehow managed to still not say any of this out loud. I just keep my communications to one, now shameful motion of my head.
“And there’s a good chance this will end badly, like really badly.”
I nod again. She doesn’t say anything else for a few minutes. Clearly, she just needed a short time to process the fact that her best friend is having an affair with a married man, because her next question is
“So, is it better than back then?”
“Oh my God, Kory.”
She laughs. “What? I’m just asking. Is it like, worth it at least?"
“Definitely worth it,” I whisper.
We both laugh together as we go back to walking and let the subject naturally change. I know it will come up again at some point, but this introduction is good enough for now.
Once we think we have everything we came for, we start walking towards the front.
As we pass one of the aisles, a cart comes out, almost colliding with ours.
Jimmy is pushing it. I pull ours back, motioning for him to go, trying my best not to smile anything other than a ‘friendly stranger passing another stranger in the store’ smile this time.
But he doesn’t do the same, and as his smile stretches across his lips, it just gets sexier. He motions for us to go instead, and I nod in response and push forward, awkwardly avoiding any conversation.
“Excuse me, sir.” Kory calls out behind us. “Please stop staring at my friend, she’s taken.”
I pull on her arm. “Girl, shut up, come on.” She laughs, amused with herself.
We get in line, and I pay for my stuff first. Once we’re in the car and start loading everything in, I notice I have a text.
Taken huh?
I text him back.
Yeah, she's talking about you dork. She figured it out.
Oh.
His short response leads me to believe that he’s not thrilled with the fact that someone knows. I guess I can’t blame him, but it’s a little sting in my gut I didn’t expect.
Don't worry. It's just Kory.
I sed another.
Wait a minute. Were you jealous?
Maybe.
“What are you doing out there?” Kory calls out the window. I shove the cart away and jump into the passenger seat. “He didn’t like my taken comment?” she asks, clearly already aware of what is distracting me.
“Just drive, Kory.” I shake my head with a laugh.
It’s not until I am home and have all the stuff put away that I realize I forgot the toilet paper.