38. Clay
Clay
Rain pounds down around us.
Cold.
Heavy.
The kind of storm that turns the entire world gray and wild.
Nobody moves for a few seconds after crawling out of the river.
We’re too exhausted.
Too wrecked.
Too busy realizing we’re somehow still alive.
Russ and Lucas pull Eli farther up the muddy embankment while Miles checks the little girl for injuries.
Nora kneels beside Gabriel, who’s coughing river water onto the grass and swearing under his breath.
Good.
If he’s cussing, he’s alive.
But me?
I can’t look at anything except Hannah.
She’s kneeling in front of me in the rain, both hands gripping my face like she’s terrified I’ll disappear if she lets go.
And the way she’s looking at me right now?
Jesus Christ.
That look could destroy a man.
“You came back. You scared me.”
Her voice breaks on the words again.
Like she still can’t believe it.
Like nobody’s ever come back for her before.
Something inside my chest cracks wide open.
“Hannah…”
Rain drips from her hair down her cheeks like tears.
Maybe some of them are.
I don’t know anymore.
Everything tonight feels too raw.
Too real.
She shakes her head slightly.
“No.” Her fingers tighten against my jaw. “You went back for Gabriel.”
“He’s your brother.”
“You could’ve died.”
The answer leaves me instantly.
“So could you.”
Her breath catches.
There it is again.
That look.
The one that says she’s trying not to feel something too big all at once.
Too late.
I’m already gone.
Completely.
Wu tried to turn love into programming.
Into weakness.
Into manipulation.
But sitting here in the mud and rain with Hannah touching me like I matter?
I’ve never felt anything more real in my life.
Thunder rolls across the sky overhead.
Hannah flinches instinctively.
Tiny movement.
But I notice.
Of course I notice.
A memory flashes across her face suddenly.
Children huddled together during storms.
Hannah singing softly in the dark.
Her eyes fill instantly.
“Oh God…”
She breaks.
Not loudly.
Not dramatically.
Just—
quietly.
Like everything tonight finally became too much.
Avery.
Gabriel.
The memories.
The children.
Wu.
The list.
All of it.
I reach for her immediately.
“Hannah.”
The second my arms wrap around her, she collapses against me.
Completely.
Her forehead presses into my neck while she shakes silently in the rain.
And hearing her cry?
That might honestly be the thing that kills me.
Because she spent years surviving horrors most people couldn’t even imagine—
and somehow she still became soft enough to care about people.
To save people.
To love people.
God.
I am so far gone for this woman.
I slide one hand into her wet hair gently.
“You’re okay.”
Lie.
Nothing about this is okay.
But I say it anyway because right now she needs something solid to hold onto.
“You found them,” I murmur softly. “You remembered them.”
“I left them there.”
The pain in her voice tears straight through me.
“You were young.”
“I promised Avery I’d come back.”
Her voice cracks harder.
“I forgot her.”
“No.” I pull back just enough to make her look at me. “They took your memories, Hannah. That’s not your fault.”
Her eyes search mine desperately.
“What if I still become what Wu made me?”
Absolutely not.
I cup her face carefully.
“Look at me.”
Rain runs between us.
Thunder shakes the sky again.
But the second her eyes lock onto mine, everything else fades.
“You are nothing like him.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.”
Her breathing stumbles.
“How?”
Because Wu would’ve left people behind.
Wu would’ve protected information before human beings.
Wu would’ve saved himself first.
And Hannah?
Hannah tried to run back into a collapsing tunnel for Avery’s dead body.
She comforts terrified children while bleeding.
She remembers names.
She sees people.
She feels everything.
I brush rainwater gently from beneath her eye.
“Because after everything they did to you…” My voice lowers. “You still chose kindness.”
That hits her hard.
I see it.
Right in the center of her chest.
And suddenly the space between us changes.
The air.
The breathing.
The way she’s looking at me now.
Oh hell.
I know this moment.
I’ve felt it building for weeks.
Her gaze drops briefly to my mouth.
Then lifts again.
Question.
Fear.
Want.
All mixed together.
“Hannah,” I say softly.
She swallows hard.
“What if this is real?”
The question nearly wrecks me.
Because she sounds terrified to hope.
I slide my thumb slowly along her cheek.
“It is.”
Her breath catches.
Then she whispers the words that finally destroy every wall I had left.
“I don’t remember what safety felt like before you.”
That’s it.
Done.
Absolutely done.
I kiss her.
Right there in the rain.
Hard enough to pour every single thing I can’t say into it.
Relief.
Fear.
Need.
Love.
God, so much love already.
Hannah gasps softly against my mouth before kissing me back instantly.
Not hesitant.
Not uncertain.
Like she’s been drowning for years and finally found air.
My hands slide into her hair as I pull her closer against me.
Rain pours around us.
Thunder crashes overhead.
The river rages behind us.
And none of it matters.
Because Hannah kisses like she’s trying to convince herself she’s alive.
And maybe I am too.
She grips my soaked shirt tightly while the kiss deepens, desperate and emotional and messy in the best possible way.
No polished control.
No careful restraint.
Just two broken people finding each other in the middle of absolute chaos.
A soft sound escapes her throat when I pull her fully into my lap.
Jesus Christ.
That sound nearly kills me.
I slow the kiss slightly, resting my forehead against hers while both of us struggle to breathe.
Rain drips from her lashes.
Her lips are swollen from kissing me.
And she’s looking at me now like she finally believes it.
Not conditioning.
Not programming.
Not manipulation.
Us.
Real.
Mine.
Her fingers brush lightly across my jaw.
“You kissed me like you were angry.”
I huff out a rough laugh.
“I am angry.”
“Why?”
“Because Wu made you doubt this.”
Emotion flashes across her face instantly.
Then something softer follows.
Something warm.
She touches my face carefully like she still can’t believe I’m real either.
“I think I started falling in love with you before I even remembered who I was.”
Well.
That just punched directly through my chest.
I kiss her again immediately.
Softer this time.
Slower.
Like I finally have something worth surviving for.
Somewhere behind us, Russ mutters,
“About damn time.”
Nobody even looks at him.