31. He Saw the Woman He Loved
He Saw the Woman He Loved
Aiden
When all the lights around my house were out, and the whole world was asleep except me, I replayed my favourite memories.
Lola. Me. Her cottage. The Storm. Dancing. My confession. Her forgiveness. The perfect moments before the nightmares started again for both of us.
I drifted somewhere between the heaven of remembering Lola’s kiss on my lips and avoiding the hell of my past when a scream ripped through the silence.
Lola’s hoarse, aching cry always tore my chest wide open. It never got easier to hear her pain.
But I didn’t throw my legs over the side of the bed and race to the other room. I reminded myself not to panic. I fixed my gaze on the black lines of nothing out the window and…waited.
Feet pattered across the hardwood floor.
I never had to wait long.
My bedroom door creaked open. Light splintered through a crack just wide enough for Lola’s head to poke inside.
Neither of us spoke. We didn’t need to. After three nights of her staying with me, we’d figured out a routine.
I peeled back the covers. She scurried across the room, dove into the bed, and wriggled across the white cotton sheets until she was safely tucked in beside me.
Only one of her eyes peeked at me. The puff of the pillow hid the other. And even though icicles with pink toenails sent a shock wave of goosebumps up my legs, I loved how close Lola was when she tangled around me and the tip of her nose tickled mine.
I rested my forehead against hers. “Another bad dream?”
She blinked at me with a wordless nod.
“Oh, love…” I whispered. “You’ve been so brave.”
“I don’t feel brave,” she whispered back. “I feel like I’ve taken a hundred steps back to exactly where I started when I moved here six months ago. I feel safe here with you, but soon… I’ll be on my own again… and…and… I’m scared, Aiden.”
“He can’t hurt you,” I whispered before sealing the promise with a kiss on her forehead. “Not anymore.”
“I don’t want to look over my shoulder my whole life.”
“I know you’ve been worrying, but Chris was refused bail.
He’s locked away until the hearing. We’ve got time before we need a new plan of attack.
” My thumb stroked her cheekbone before I kissed her there.
“Sometimes knowing that won’t help, so you just tell me…
or Ruth…or Brooke. We’ll be there. You’ll never be on your own. ”
“Can I come stay with you sometimes?”
“You can stay with me whenever you want.”
Lola sighed with a little purr of relief, snuggling into me like a kitten, her head burrowed in my neck and her fingers tracing my collarbone. “And tonight?” Her voice was cautious. “Promise me you won’t disappear again?”
I swallowed, but the knot stayed stuck in my throat. Lola’s fingers stilled on my neck. My silence unsettled her. I’d give that girl the whole damn universe if it were possible, but I couldn’t promise her that.
“Aiden?” I hated the cautious way she said my name. “I don’t like when you sleep on the lounge… or…or worse…”
The words slammed into my chest. Or worse. “Lola, if this is about last night—”
“You know it is.” She propped herself onto her elbow, frustration pinching her voice. “I’ve been trying to talk to you all day, but you keep avoiding me by banging around doing who-knows-what in your garage.”
“I told you,” I protested weakly. “I’m working on something.”
“Yes, your big secret project.” Her giggle faded when she touched her hand to my cheek. “Aiden, I was worried. When I found you last night…you were sleeping slumped over the bath…”
“I’m just… My brain’s in overdrive. It’s not your fault. It’s not. But the night of your attack…when I heard you…my brain…and not getting there in time… So much old shit spewed to the surface…”
“More flashbacks?”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up? I could’ve helped.” Her voice ached with hurt. “I’ve helped before, haven’t I?”
“Always, love. Always. But you shouldn’t have to prop me up all the time. You’re dealing with so much— too much .”
“Our pasts aren’t going to magically disappear one day. We have amazing moments together, but we need to learn how to make space for our challenges, too. I never want you to feel like you have to deal with everything on your own.”
Instead of listening to her, I dug my heels in like a stubborn ass. “I won’t let my problems be another burden on your shoulders.”
Lola huffed in frustration. “Do you want me to pretend that I’m okay? Hide my nightmares from you?”
“Of course not. I want to be there for you. Help you.”
“Why do you think you should expect any less from me?” She silenced me from muttering about how worthless I was by pressing her fingers gently to my lips. “When we have suffered for a long time , ” she recited, “we have great difficulty believing in good fortune.”
A chuckle rumbled from my chest. This girl. “You sweet-talking me with quotes from The Count of Monte Cristo , Lola?”
“For a book that’s allegedly your favourite, you haven’t taken much of it to heart.” Her face was still hidden in the dark, but I heard the smile in her voice. “Believe, Aiden. Please? Don’t you think we’ve had enough suffering in our lives? Things can get better. I know that for both of us.”
“I want that, but—”
Her fingers pressed back on my lips. “No buts. I’m not asking you to be perfect or to pretend that you have no past or no problems. All I’m asking is for you to be mine. That’s all. Just…mine.”
Hers? I was floating. Dreaming. Was this happening? Not that she even needed to ask. “I was always yours.”
“Good.” She kissed the corner of my mouth. “So, next time you’re struggling, you wake me up. We can count together. Or have a cup of tea. Or cuddle here and talk. Whatever you need. Just…please… stay .”
A weight heavier than a thousand oak trees was stacked on my chest, but I swallowed back the fear. I trusted her. I wanted this. All of it.
“I’ll stay,” I promised.
She flopped onto the pillow and shimmied closer to wrap herself around my body.
Her feet weren’t ice on my legs anymore.
She was a warm tangle of sunshine and hope.
I loved that. I loved her. I wasn’t sure how I ended up such a lucky bastard, but I was never letting her slip through my fingers again.
Lola talked a little about looking forward to spending time with Ruth for lunch the next day and finding a new place to live, but her voice soon trailed off in drowsy murmurs. Then, she snuffled quiet breaths on my neck.
I couldn’t say what happened after that. I fell asleep with the love of my life in my arms, and my past no longer haunting every dream.
My eyes opened, squinting into the blur of daylight.
Sunrise burned over the mountains, and the white-hot spears of light through the fading purple sky told me it was later than when I usually got up at the butt-crack of dawn.
But I wasn’t bothered. I was flying.
I’d kept my promise to Lola.
I rolled over, and my palm landed flat on a cold pillow. A smile tugged at my lips. I’d expected that. Lola’s breakfasts were one of my favourite parts of this strange routine we’d created since she’d been staying with me.
She was Breakfast Boss. I was Helper Lackey. Sometimes, I was Mr. Eye Candy. Either way, Lola ran the show, and if she kept flashing me that dazzling smile while she flipped pancakes, I’d never change a damn thing.
So, I took my time making the bed, stuffed around in the bathroom, threw an old T-shirt over my plaid pyjama bottoms, and eventually wandered down the hallway to see if she wanted help with anything. She wouldn’t, but I’d offer anyway.
I poked my head into the kitchen. No Lola, but…
Hell.
A Lola-sized cooking bomb had gone off. Almost every bowl and measuring cup I owned was piled on the counter. Flour was—my eyes darted around the kitchen—yep, everywhere. A fluffy white mountain in a mixing bowl. Smatters on the benchtop. A handprint on the fridge door. Everywhere.
I chuckled. Even the perfect woman needed at least one tiny flaw. Actually, was that a flaw? Nah. It gave me another reason to hang out with her.
I grabbed the blue dish rag off the sink and started to mop up the mess. My eyes drifted out the kitchen window. Fog over the valley… And a blur of red wobbling through the grass to the chicken coop.
Oh… Shit…
I flew out on the porch, then jumped down the back stairs and bolted after Lola. I instantly regretted forgetting my shoes when the sharp chill of the dewy grass spiked my bare feet.
“Lola!”
She paused, turning, a huge smile lighting up her face. “You ran out of eggs!” My red flannel shirt swam around her like a tent, and there was only a hint of knobbly knees and skinny legs peeking out from the top of my enormous gumboots. “I can’t make pancakes without eggs.”
I pecked a kiss above the smear of flour on her cheek. “Where are your glasses, love?”
“I don’t need them to find a few eggs.” Her nose scrunched up as she squinted at the coop. “I can see those clucky ladies just fine.”
“Oh, yeah?” I smirked. “But can you see the snake?”
“The”—she gulped—“s-snake?”
“Yeah. Great big tiger snake.” I pointed to the brown lump curled by the coop door. “See him? He’s a regular. Comes up here looking for the mice who steal the feed. He’s got himself an all-you-can-eat buffet with a real nice view.”
“How about we skip pancakes this morning?” She laughed. “What about some toast?”
“I love toast.”
A gentle tap on her bottom got her moving. The snake wouldn’t bother her if she didn’t bother him, but I wanted Lola back inside— safe —all the same.
With her hand steadied on the top of the outdoor lounge, she bent over to wrestle off the gumboots.
Not that it did much good. She toppled over with an airy laugh when she yanked off the first one, but I caught her before she could fall out of the second.
That earned me another one of her magic smiles.