Chapter 45 #2
“They were kept in cages while they were being trained,” he continues.
“Occasionally, one would be thrown in The Pit with a Berserker. Punishment for her, or reward for him… didn’t matter, the result was the same.
When one of the Berserkers was in The Pit, it was a big event.
They expected a spectacle from us. More niche.
More… violent. I didn’t mind the fights so much but when a woman was thrown in with me.
.. I felt like I was losing another piece of my soul. ”
Watching the expressions on his face twist, I let him talk. He wants to share and trusts me enough to be vulnerable with this.
He takes a deep breath, voice roughening. “They made me do horrific things. Things to prove my loyalty, my devotion. Things I still see when I close my eyes. Hurting people in ways I won’t describe... especially those women. That girl I told you about…”
My stomach turns, hands frozen in the soil.
He swallows hard, looking away. “She was thrown in with me once… and I killed her. I never thought I’d be able to touch another woman again after everything I did… I don’t deserve to,” he adds, still avoiding my eyes.
“Zane,” I whisper, my voice tight. “You didn’t choose that. You were forced to do those things.”
He nods, but he’s still refusing to look at me. “But my body still responded to all of it.”
A chill runs down my spine because I know that betrayal too well. How your body can hum against your will, just because it’s wired to. The shame never belonged to us, but it lingers like a brand all the same.
I sit back on my heels, blinking against the burn in my eyes. “Just because your body responded, doesn’t mean it’s something you wanted. You’ve never hurt me. You’re always so gentle—Oh… That’s why you’re so gentle.”
He finally looks at me again, nodding—and the weight of it, the pain in his expression—it wrecks me.
I reach over and take his hand in mine, callouses rough on my softer skin before his muscles loosen.
“I know what it’s like when your body betrays you. You weren’t the only one forced to do things,” I say quietly. “The man who kept me… his name is Bennett. He was a selfish man but when my body responded to him, he’d boast about it for weeks.”
Zane’s fingers tense around mine.
“When he bought me, it was to replace one of his other wives… one he’d beaten to death because she wasn’t ‘taking to his seed’.
” I swallow hard. “Kate replaced her as the wife who was supposed to continue his bloodline. She was kind and naturally maternal. She’s the one who taught me how to grow food, how to keep my head down and keep Bennett happy. ”
Zane’s fingers twitch against mine, a pulse of fury flashing in his dark eyes before he tamps it down. His jaw flexes, like he’s swallowing words he wants to spit into the dirt.
“Kate became like a big sister to us. But… when she died, and it was just me and Jade, I became his next choice. He shared Jade with his men, but never me. He was the only one ‘pure’ enough to… impregnate us. Promised carrying his ‘seed’ would ‘purify’ us too. I think he was shooting blanks, but he was getting more desperate… and crueller.”
Zane’s grip on my hand tightens almost painfully, and for a heartbeat, I think he’ll snap. His chest rises with a sharp inhale, then steadies. He doesn’t speak, but the silence is a thundercloud.
Looking down at our dirt-covered hands, laced together, I sigh heavily.
“We didn’t know how long we’d last with his track record.
.. so, we started planning.” I suck in a shaky breath.
“I didn’t think I’d survive out here for long.
.. I just didn’t want to die like they did.
But I still feel guilty for not meeting her.
I just hope she got far enough that they haven’t found her. ”
There’s silence for a while. Just the sound of wind through the trees, birds singing, the hum of life still daring to grow.
Zane’s voice is low, a growl smoothed into a promise. “I’ll kill him for you. We’re going to hunt him down. When you’re ready.”
I press my forehead against his shoulder, the sun-warmth of his skin flooding my senses as I close my eyes. “I know.”
We sit like that for a while, wounds bared to each other, dirt on our hands and ghosts at our backs. But there’s sunlight on our skin and something green ready to break through the earth.
For the first time, the ghosts don’t press against my lungs—they just… sit with me. Manageable. Because he’s here.
Zane leans in and presses a kiss to the top of my head.
“Something strong,” he whispers, handing me one last seed. “Something that can survive anything.”
I close my fingers around it like a pledge before pushing it into the soil and covering it over.
Then he stands, and holds a hand out to me. I take it with a new appreciation for his tender nature.
“You think the others are awake yet?” I ask.
He huffs a soft sound that might be a laugh. “If they’re not, I’m dragging them out myself. I’m not cooking twice.”
A smile breaks out on my face at his mock impatience. He freezes for a second when he sees it, his pupils expanding. Then he clears his throat and starts walking toward the station with my hand in his.
But I hear him mutter under his breath, “God, I love that smile.”
The words sink under my skin, leaving a tingling warmth in my chest that spreads until I have to bite my lip to keep from grinning wider.
Love. Directed at me.
I want to clutch it to my chest and never let go. Even though part of me whispers I don’t deserve it.
But maybe I do.
Because either way… I think it’s already mine.