Chapter 53 Ryder #2
“No one told me loving you would feel like dying. At least it feels like heaven too.” Together.
It was just the two of us now, sharing a bubble in the middle of this massive stadium. The rest of the band faded into the background, though they kept the music flowing perfectly. The fans didn't exist. The lights above didn’t burn. The floor beneath our feet didn’t vibrate.
Her eyes locked with mine, wide and vulnerable, yet also blazing with newfound confidence. I didn’t have to convince her she belonged here anymore; she knew it for herself now.
I stepped back, letting her take center stage.
This was her moment, and I wanted her to own every second of it.
Tessa faced the crowd, her small frame commanding the entire stadium.
She hit the high note we'd practiced for weeks, her voice soaring above the instruments.
Pure. Raw. Shockingly ethereal. As the music died with little warning, ending with that powerful note, the crowd erupted.
When they calmed, we moved into our next song. Tessa stayed on stage, offering her vocals to the chorus. Performing “How to Swallow Glass” felt anti-climatic after “Land of the Lovesick”.
“You’re an echo in my brain, and your voice won’t let me sleep. Girl, I tried to spit you out. But you’re like broken glass that won’t come out…”
It felt so right to be on this stage with my pack brothers and Tessa. So natural.
I could play a thousand songs, travel to a million shows, if they were by my side.
“It figures. One of the best nights of my life, and my heat would start.” Tessa frowned up at me, pulling her legs onto the sofa, one palm pushing into her stomach.
“The calendar was pretty spot-on though,” I sat on the edge of the recliner, leaning towards her. The guys and I shared a heat tracking app with Tessa, so we were usually prepared to help when one hit.
“Hmph,” she grunted, “I used to be so irregular, and now it’s like clockwork. It’s annoying.”
“And healthy,” I reminded her. She didn’t know how grateful we all were that she had regular heats now, it meant her body had fully healed.
“Being healthy is stupid,” she grumbled, though I knew she didn’t mean it.
Her hair was still dripping from the shower, beads of water curving down her chest. That silk camisole barely covered anything.
The sight of her made my blood warm. Nothing I’d act on though.
I knew she’d need a day or two to get past the beginning of her heat.
All she needed right now was complete and utter pampering.
“I hate we didn’t make the after party with Cat.” She changed the subject object, fiddling with a wet curl, wrapping it around one finger absentmindedly.
“Do you hate that? Because she was bringing Gary again.” I cocked my head to the side, waiting for Tessa to think it over.
Gary was Cat’s boyfriend. They’d been together for months now. He was an average Beta. He worked at a museum, divorced, had one grown son, and a fondness for Pomeranians. I thought he was a snooze fest, but he made Catalina happy, and that’s what mattered.
“Okay,” she said slowly, “maybe, I don’t hate we’ll miss Gary. He’s nice and all…” Tessa’s voice trailed off.
“But you can’t listen to another hour-long lecture on the best way to groom an ankle biter?” I grinned. That was a true story. Second time we’d met the guy, he’d given us a crash course on shampoos, conditioners, drying techniques, the works.
She laughed, crossing her arms. “Don’t call little dogs that. But… yes,” she admitted. “He is unnaturally infatuated with his two dogs.”
“Moe and Curly,” I said the names, shaking my head. “You know, Cat’s planning on getting him a third for his birthday, on the firm condition he calls the new one Larry.” Cat had to explain the reference to me. I’d never watched the Three Stooges.
“Do you think she’s going to move in with him?” Tessa suddenly asked, pulling a plush blanket more securely around her legs. “I’m going to miss her. Not that she’s around much since meeting him.”
I smiled down at Tessa. Cat had helped her settle into our home, and hearts. She’d been a mother figure to Tessa. But now Cat was building more of a personal life outside of being our PR manager. It was bittersweet for all of us.
“She’s dropping hints,” I gave a little shrug, standing up and grabbing one of the pink decor pillows Tessa had added to our, once very masculine, travel bus prior to this new tour.
“Here,” I pushed the pillow towards her with one hand, and lifted her arms with the other, placing the pillow against her stomach. “Hold this against your belly while I heat up that stupid bat thing you got Dixon.”
“It’s not stupid. It’s adorable.”
“If you say so,” I smirked, padding over to the kitchen and opening a draw, pulling out the microwavable animal.
“Do you think they’ll be back soon?” Tessa shifted so she could gaze out the window. It was dreary outside, lightly raining. The guys had taken one of the staff vehicles to get Tessa supplies.
“Yeah, I’m sure they will be. They know the area pretty well, and they’re on a mission.” I popped the bat compress into the microwave, plugged in three minutes, then hit start. “Anything I can get for you right now?”
She screwed up her face, thinking. “Just a water, I guess. I’m holding out for pizza and ice cream.”
While the microwave heated the bat, I snagged the water and padded over to her. Once I sat down, I lifted my arm and Tessa curled into my side. She didn’t make a move for the water, so I just kept holding it. After a heartbeat, she spoke again.
“What are you thinking about?”
I didn’t hesitate, not for a second. “How lucky I am.”
“We’re all so lucky, Ryder,” she murmured softly.
A meow broke into our moment, the sound preceding Josie as she padded out from the back of the bus.
She beelined first for the cat tree secured to the wall, scratched herself lazily against it, then set her sights on us. When she was close enough, I scooped her up. Her entire body rumbled as she purred.
Before I could baby talk to her, or pet her properly, she squirmed in my grip, clearly trying to get to Tessa.
I loosened my grasp and watched as the cat hopped into Tessa’s lap.
Automatically, Tessa began to run her fingers through the cat’s fur, smiling softly as Josie started kneading the blanket.
“You know, I do a lot for you, cat. You could be nicer to me,” I teased, reaching over and mussing her fur.
Josie was unfazed. There was truly no creature on Earth more disinterested in life than a cat. Josie was positively unflappable, though Tessa told us once that the decontamination room at Eros scared the daylights out of the feline.
I watched them like they were the best show I’d ever seen. Every detail. Every movement.
When Tessa cringed, my heart skipped a beat. I hated when she was hurting.
“You sure you just want the water?” It was stupid, since I was still holding the damn bottle. But I needed to do something else; I needed to be useful to her. I was beginning to think she’d just asked for water to give me something to do, to make me feel better. She was kind that way.
Expression strained, blue eyes a bit glassy, she shook her head. Then, she seemed to change her mind. “Unless you can make my heat disappear? Or at least the shitty part before I’m horny as hell and just want my brains fucked out?”
I laughed, but she wasn’t really joking. The early part of heat was a mess: headaches, stomach cramps, the weird sense of being hollowed out. That’s how she described it, like it was her ‘Omega’ needing to be filled.
“Why can’t this part just skip to the good stuff?” She sighed out the question.
“Because biology is an asshole,” I said, grabbing her hand and massaging her knuckles. “But I could try a distraction.”
She eyed me, lips quirking. “Like what?”
I shrugged, playing it cool. “I dunno. A round of Sorry Knot Sorry? Or we could take every available snack on the bus and combine it into one of your kitchen sink creations?”
I leaned in, voice dropping lower. “Or, you know, we could try the one surefire way to stop your heats for a while.”
“I don’t know any surefire way,” she tilted her head, jutting her chin out. “Not. A. Single. One.”
“Are you sure?” I raised my eyebrows, daring her to pretend she truly didn’t know. Our pack had been dancing around this subject forever.
Finally, she chuckled. “Pregnant while on tour sounds like hell. We’ve got four months to go.”
I bit back the urge to say what I was really thinking, that nowhere on the planet could be hell if our pack was together. Instead, I just grinned. “So, pregnant after the tour?”
She looked away, but I saw the way her cheeks pinked. “I could be convinced,” she muttered, so quietly I almost missed it.
I dropped off the sofa, falling to my knees in front of her, hands sliding under the mess of blankets to rest against her thighs. I disturbed Josie in the process, who huffed and hopped out of the way, going to perch on the back of the couch cushions.
Tessa’s skin was fever-hot, smooth and trembling under my palms. I gripped her legs gently, though I had to fight the urge to clamp down tighter and claim her with bruises. She didn’t know how her words affected me.
“Name your price. I’ll make it happen.”
She reached out, fingers tangling in my hair. “It might be more than you can afford,” she said, but her voice was sweeter than I’d ever heard it.
“I’d give up everything, Tessa, to bring a pup into our pack.” I said it with earnest, even though I knew it was irrational.
“Not everything. Diapers are expensive,” she teased, tightening the grip in my hair, pulling me towards her.
We were lost in a kiss when noises outside the bus alerted us to the return of our pack mates.
“You think they really want a pup as much as you do?” Tessa mused, staring towards the bus door. “Tray almost seemed scared the last time it came up.”
“Tray is probably going to slot himself into the cool, irresponsible Uncle role,” I laughed.