29. Joshua
Chapter 29
Joshua
“ E ase up and don’t ride the clutch,” I tell Cole.
“I’m not,” he grits out.
“You are. I can smell it. You’re burning it.”
He lets his foot off the clutch.
“Was that so hard?”
“When are we going to get to the good stuff?” he complains.
“When you stop riding the clutch.”
He groans.
“By the good stuff, do you mean–”
“Drifting, yes!” he says.
“Wow… you and Cassidy are cut from the same cloth,” I tease. “No, drifting until you nail the basics.”
We pull up to the house. It’s nothing like Keelan’s mansion back in Houston. There aren’t enough rooms to house an entire hockey team. No decked out pool area or synthetic ice rink in the basement.
Nope. It’s a four bedroom, three bath home with a big enough backyard to get a dog eventually. And maybe a pool.
The kitchen is a decent size with a peninsula for the kids to eat their breakfast. French toast mostly.
The first time I tried to make it I messed up and put paprika in the mixture instead of cinnamon. That was fun. The kids were scarred for a while and refused to let me cook anything.
We have a nanny. She’s a grandmother whose kids all moved out of the area. She lives right next door so she’s available to watch the kids during my practices and games.
Our garage is full of moving boxes, bikes and tools. And there are small piles of laundry in random corners of rooms that need washing.
But it’s home.
It’s our home.
Paid for by my new contract with the Georgia Thunderhawks.A team I'm currently working on getting used to.
My phone rings in my pocket. My reminder that I need to get to the airport.
“You did good today, Cole. Tomorrow we can work on more hills.”
“Yay, me,” he says semi-enthusiastically.
“Hey! If you can conquer the hills, you can conquer anything.”
Cole rolls his eyes and waves me off. I take his place in the driver’s seat and roll down the window. “I’ll be back later. Tell Sadie she can hang out inside once I get home.”
I shoot a look to the next door neighbor’s yard and Sadie is already sitting outside waiting for him.
“I mean it, Cole.”
“I got it.” He walks over to where his new friend is sitting with a deck of cards and she starts dealing some to him.
I like this place. It’s quaint. People aren’t too worried about appearances and having the latest thing. It’s slower, but it’s perfect for the kids.
My phone rings again and I answer it this time, “Hey, Dad.”
“Joshy! Hey. I was just checking in. Your mom’s plane should’ve landed by now.”
“Yep. I’m on the way. I’m just a few minutes out.”
“Great. And thanks for meeting with her son. She really can’t wait to see you.”
I swallow hard. Ever since I found out what really happened between my mom and my bio dad–my relationship with my mother hasn’t been the same.
But it’s been a few months. I’m ready to put this all behind us if she is.
When I pull up to the the area just outside baggage claim, she’s there. She sees my car and waves at me.
I get out. Tucking my shirt back into my slacks and pop the trunk open.
“Hey, Josh,” she rolls her suitcase over and pauses there at the back.
“Hi, mom.” She looks at my attire and smiles.
“You look really nice.”
“I got a date tonight.”
“You do?”
I nod. I bend down to pick up her luggage. “Jeez, what’d you pack in here? Oliver?”
She laughs. “He wishes.”
She gets in the car and buckles her seat belt. She looks over at me.
"James had a car like this too," she says.
"Yeah, Cole told me."
Her eyes are sad.
"I'm so sorry I never told you about him."
I look over at her briefly.
"He was my first love. And everything I shouldn't have wanted. James was a good man. He wasn't rich like some of the boys I had dated. Their dads were all doctors and lawyers. Top of their class, creme de la creme, you know. James was different. He was salt of the earth. Worked with his hands. Didn't mind getting dirty."
I smile. Imagining my biological father in this new light. Not the dark shadow I had cast over him my entire life.
"Anyway… when I found out I was pregnant with you. I panicked. I was supposed to be starting college in the fall. I was going to be a doctor. So of course, having a baby wasn't ideal. And I let my parent's convince me that having a baby with someone who didn't want to do anything but fix cars—that wouldn't do."
"So what did you do?"
"I never told him."
"Mom…"
"He never knew you were his son, Josh. And that… that was all my fault. Because I was too stubborn and too proud to let my son be raised by someone who didn't seem to be going anywhere. By the time I finished my degree, you were already eight. I had met Oliver. It was too late."
"I knew it was wrong… I knew I should've told him. Not because I needed anything from him but just because he had a right to know. And you had a right to know him."
I nod. Because what else am I going to do about this information. We're almost at the house now. I slowly drive up to the driveway and park the car.
She plays with her hands in her lap.
"There's more," she says.
I look at her.
"When he came to see me, before he passed. I thought I was seeing a ghost. I was being punished. I was so full of guilt that I told him I couldn't help him. And the look in his eyes haunts me to this day. That I would refuse to help someone that needed the very thing that I specialized in. I realized then… I needed to do better. I looked into him. And by the time I located him—it was too late. He had passed away. "
"Knowing he had passed just spurred something in me. Like I needed to make amends. For your sake. But when I arrived and saw those kids, Josh." She shakes her head. "Mirror images of the man I once loved. The man I had let down. It was like I was being taunted. Teased by the universe. I knew exactly who they were."
"You didn't say anything."
"How could I? Without telling you everything? And you were so distracted trying to play up the girlfriend charade. I figured… one day I'd tell you. It just wasn't the time."
I turn the car off. The street is quiet. The sun has set and I can see my nanny fixing the kids dinner through the window.
"Those kids are apart of my life now. I'm not letting them go."
She nods. "I know. That's why I needed to come. They don't have anyone but you. But you have family, Josh. You'll never be alone. They'll have grandparents that will love on them. And when the time comes and the right woman comes along, I know she'll blend in perfectly. She'll fit like a puzzle piece."
"I hope you can forgive some day, Josh. I don't expect you to do it. I'll just hope that you can. And that those kids that you love so dearly can too. Because in the end, family really is everything. Whether we're related by blood or not."
I take in a deep breath. And look over at her. My mom. The woman who raised me all on her own because she thought that's what she needed to do at her young age.
I hope when I'm her age, I don't have regrets like she does. I hope that I can look back at my life and appreciate all the good, the bad, the beautiful and the raw.
One thing I know for sure… is that I'll never regret loving fully.
"Thank you for telling me your story, Mom."
She looks at me. "Thank you for listening."
"You ready to officially meet your grandkids?"
She smiles and a tear trickles down her cheek. "More than you know, baby."