37
37
Callum
Callum: Mum, I’m sorry if I’ve been pushing you these past few months to make decisions you weren’t ready for.
Callum: I just wanted to keep you safe.
Both of you.
Mum: You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart.
You’ve held us together.
Been burdened with a weight no parent wishes their child to carry.
Callum: I never saw it as a burden.
Mum: I know. I’ve always been so proud of your big heart.
So was your father.
Callum: I’m not sure I ever made him proud.
Mum: You did. All of you, even if he could never show it.
Callum: I love you, Mum, it’s all going to be okay.
Juniper cried so long, I might have worried she’d drown in her tears, if my shirt weren’t soaking all the moisture up.
After a minute of holding her, I lifted her into my arms, planning to set her on the impeccably made bed, then hesitated.
I still wore last night’s shirt and kilt and Juniper looked almost as filthy as that day with the cow.
I’d get that story later, because when she sniffled against my throat, the decision was made.
In the middle of the bed, I curled her into my good side, peppering kisses into her tangled hair.
“Why are you crying?”
“ Ugh —” She started to answer, only to cut off with another round of wracking sobs.
“Take your time. I’ll be here when you’re done.”
“Stop being sweet, you’re making it worse.”
I was …
confused. The love of my life lay weeping in my arms and she didn’t want me to be sweet to her?
“You’ll have to catch me up, sweetheart.”
Her sobs kept coming in a steady stream, so I decided easy questions were the best way to handle this.
I smoothed my hand down her spine to her hip, holding her body tight to mine, recalling the thousand times I’d imagined a moment just like this one.
Not the crying part, obviously – but offering comfort.
I couldn’t bungle it now.
“You’re upset about something?” No shit, Sherlock .
She started to nod, then shook her head, strands of hair catching on my shirt buttons.
“You’re not upset?”
“No.”
“Let me make sure I’m following … you’re crying but aren’t upset and I can’t be sweet to you?”
“Exactly.” She sniffled, using my shirt as a tissue.
Cupping her damp cheek, I tipped her head back, taking in the streaks of dirt and tracks of tears, waiting until her puffy eyes cracked open before I said, “There’s one problem with that, Juniper. I plan on being fucking sweet to you for the rest of my life.”
Her entire body melted, head tipping to my shoulder where she made this little choking sound.
I caught the fresh tear with my thumb before it could fall.
“This fucking sucks.”
I chuckled.
“A relationship?”
“All the crying that comes with it.” Pushing up slightly, she swiped her hands over her cheeks.
“Being emotionally stunted was so much easier.”
“You weren’t emotionally stunted.” She shrugged like she disagreed, but I’d always seen what lay beneath the surface.
It’s why there’d never been a choice in loving her.
“You found Shakespeare?”
She nodded.
“First thing this morning. I think I was more distressed than she was.”
I sighed with relief.
“Good … that’s good. I knew you would. I’ll check her over later.” She nodded, still lost in whatever thoughts were dragging her under.
“And then your mum came home – I ran into her in the hallway,” I explained at her quizzical look.
“Was she angry?”
“No.” She shook her head.
“She loved it, that’s the problem. I think I might be … happy .”
She said the words like a person might say fungal infection.
“Do you think it’s contagious?”
“ Shut up .” She slapped my chest, and I caught her hand there.
“For weeks you’ve been killing yourself to help me and – your dad! Shit.” She suddenly gasped, throwing a hand over her eyes.
“ See … I’ve been lying here letting you comfort me and I didn’t even ask about your dad. Is he all right?”
“Yes, you did. That was literally the first thing you asked me.” At least I thought it was.
Her speech had been too muffled to fully make out, but I’d gotten the gist around the third repetition.
“He’s fine. Safely back at home with only a few butterfly stitches and an order to rest.”
“Your mum?”
“Shaken. I think I’m finally understanding how hard this has been on her.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s always been this little resentful part of me that wondered why she stayed with him. Why she never stood up to him.” I fiddled with her hair.
“She was scared of him?”
“Not in any physical way. But I think he smothered her. His personality was so big it often left little room for anything else.”
Her hand met my chest, rubbing in a soothing circle.
“It can be hard to walk away from a relationship like that, when you don’t know how to be without them.”
“Aye,” I agreed sadly.
And even harder to watch that person slowly slip away from you, day by day.
“But she’d always find ways to make it easier on us. He used to have this stupid rule about no sugary food in the house, so every day after school she’d take us to Brown’s and let us pick out whatever treat we wanted. When he eventually found out, he didn’t even try to fight her on it.”
“The neck that turns the head,” she hummed.
“What did you pick out?”
“An oat and raisin cookie. Obviously.”
Her laugh brushed over my lips.
“I’m impressed with the level of commitment it takes for a seven-year-old to be that boring.”
I was on her in a flash, tickling her side until she squealed, but her eyes were still a little sad.
“I should have come with you to Portree, you’ve done so much for me—”
“Nope.” I could already see where her mind was taking her.
Scooping her around the waist, I lay back, planting her in my favourite spot with those long legs either side of my chest. I suspected that she loved it too because her cheek immediately lowered to my heart.
“None of that. You’re allowed to have a crappy few weeks and ask for help.”
“I didn’t exactly ask .”
“Precisely. I wanted to help you.” Lifting my legs, I settled her firmly into the V.
“Just like you did that day in the village with my dad, when you helped get him to the car, even after all that shit he said to you. I swear I was so close to losing it; I had no idea what to do. Then you handled him so easily I think I fell in love with you all over again.” She still looked unconvinced, and I realised she truly didn’t get it.
“For the better part of a year I’ve been going through the motions, rushing between work and my family, sleeping on my parents’ pull-out on the nights Mum couldn’t cope alone. You were right when you said I didn’t have time for all of this,” I waved a hand around the room.
“But I wanted to have the time. You woke me the fuck up, sweetheart, not a single second I’ve spent with you has been a chore.” There was no way this woman couldn’t understand her value.
I wouldn’t allow it.
“No more waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ever.”
She drew back.
“You heard what I said to Fiona?”
“Aye.” I pressed my forehead to hers.
“There is no other shoe, Juniper. This is it. Through every awful moment I’ve been waiting for you, I’ve loved you, and I’ll continue to love you through whatever comes next.”
She crawled up my chest, her hair tickling my cheeks as she kissed me.
The touch was achingly tender, still I felt it like a caress between my legs.
“I love you too.”
I didn’t expect the words to feel like such a blow.
Could a moment be so exquisite it almost felt horrific in its magnitude?
My eyes screwed shut, tears needling the backs of my eyelids.
That was her lips’ next destination, kissing beneath each eye, then tracing the line of my beard from nose to cheek.
“I love you.”
That time I moaned.
And when her teeth bit my earlobe, I jerked.
“Sweetheart …” My eyes flew open, seeing only the top of my head as her mouth blazed a line from my jaw to my throat.
“ Juniper , it feels wrong to have a hard-on right now.”
Her eyes flicked up, full of amusement.
“Oh?” She opened the top button of my shirt.
I didn’t even try to stop her as my head fell back.
“I always pictured … ah .” Her mouth closed around my nipple.
“I pictured the moment you said you loved me to be a little more romantic.” I should have taken her out to a fancy restaurant.
Bought her flowers. The whole big thing.
She paused, her lips a hair’s breadth from my quivering stomach.
“What’s unromantic about your cock in my mouth?”
“ Christ .” Now that she mentioned it, I couldn’t think of anything more romantic than coming apart under her then holding her down while she did the same.
With a wicked grin, her lips continued their torture all the way to my waistband where she paused, grabbed my hand and pressed a sweet kiss to it.
“I’m sorry about that night in Glasgow.” I blew out a breath, taken aback by the sudden turn in conversation.
“I think that was the night I finally started to move on … I was scared as hell. I’m still sorry I used you in that way.”
“ Fuck . I would have let you use me, Juniper. I kicked myself for years after, but I wanted a real shot with you, and that wasn’t the way.”
“That was then,” she said after a heartbeat.
“And now?”
“Now … I want to treat you how you deserve to be treated.”
“And how’s that?”
“Like mine.” Her hand moved up, pressing over my heart as it raced for her.
“Deep down, I think you’ve always felt like mine.”
“Always,” I agreed.
Hers .
I laced our fingers together, taking a heartbeat to acknowledge the perfection of the moment before I tumbled into the next one.
“Harpy, I’ve changed my mind about the bed.” Before she could blink, I swooped up from the sheets, tossing her giggling body over my shoulder and slapping that gorgeous arse.
“We should christen the new shower first.”
It wasn’t until we were beneath the spray, both of our hands pressing the tile while I thrust inside her that she spoke again.
“Something doesn’t feel right.”
I immediately stilled.
“The position? This might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Not the position …” She wiggled her hips, urging me to keep moving.
My hand sank between her legs, finding the tattoo from memory alone.
Lucky. “This. Us,” she continued and my hips snapped to a stop.
“Don’t stop!”
“ Fuck , you just told me to.”
She moaned, taking matters into her own hands and swivelling her hips in little thrusts I couldn’t help but fucking stare at.
“All I’m saying is perhaps we should set some ground rules.”
Should I have expected anything else?
“Such as?”
“We don’t start being nice to each other.”
I barked a laugh that had her back arching.
“It would break my heart if you started being nice to me, harpy.” I rolled her pert little nipple.
“What else?”
“We don’t move in together for at least a year.” Damn.
I’d actually expected her to want longer.
But even with her only a hundred yards away …
it felt too much.
“No.” Pressing a hand between her shoulder blades, I urged her forward, watching as the spray hit her back and rolled down her spine, pulling back so I fucked her with shallow strokes that tortured us both.
“No time stamps. We take that step when it feels right, before or after a year.”
“ Shit …” Her whole body quivered.
“Fine. Now fuck me hard, Macabe.”
I kissed the base of her neck.
“You gonna say my name?”
She shook her head.
“Slow it is.”
* * *
I scooped the wriggling cat back into its carrier, its black fur so like Shakespeare’s I couldn’t help but wonder what the little demon was getting up to.
Her owner too, she’d been half asleep when I’d slipped out of bed this morning to make an emergency house call.
“That should be you until next year.” I handed the carrier to the smiling owner.
“Keep her out of trouble.”
He laughed good-naturedly, petting the cat through the wire door.
“I’ll do my best, this one has more energy than me and my husband put together.”
Just like another cat I knew.
Fuck. I needed to get a hold of my obsession at work, but I couldn’t stop smiling.
I didn’t even wait for him to exit the reception before I called out to Kelly, “Who’s up next?”
She shot me a wide look.
She’d been doing that a lot lately.
I think the constant smiling was weirding her out.
“It’s your lunch hour.”
“Right.” I pulled my phone from my scrubs pocket, wondering if I had time to pick up lunch and make it to Ivy House and back before my next appointment.
No doubt Juniper would have nothing more than cereal if I didn’t intervene.
Then the bell sounded and …
Alistair ducked beneath the door, head swivelling as he sought me out.
I still couldn’t get used to this new look on him.
Hair shaved only millimetres long, it made his sleek profile appear roughened, like he didn’t spend his days in scrubs and Crocs, but doing something more outdoorsy.
As did the splits across the knuckles of his still healing hand.
Meeting my eye, he stared me down, the frown on his face almost dangerous.
When did he grow as wide as me?
A loud crunch cut through the tension.
Behind her desk, Kelly ate from the bag of crisps in her hand, wide eyes pinging between the two of us, clearly ready for a show.
I cleared my throat, and her cheeks turned pink.
“Let’s do this out the back, shall we?”
“If you prefer.” Alistair strode ahead, the portrait of casual as he disappeared into the surgery room.
“If you need me, boss, I totally have your back,” Kelly whispered.
“I’ll buzz twice,” I joked, then laughed at her very serious salute.
I knew I should have felt nervous.
But if Alistair had come to have it out again, I welcomed it.
Maybe then we could move on with our lives.
Pausing to close the door, I pointed out the still healing split and yellowing bruise on my lower lip.
“Come to hit me again? My face could use the evening out.”
He didn’t move from his reclined position against the table but his jaw tightened.
“Of course not. It shouldn’t have happened at all.”
I shrugged.
“I deserved it.”
He tilted his head but didn’t disagree.
“Was Juniper upset that I ruined your good looks?”
Here we go .
“I think she prefers it actually.” My woman had claws.
“Did you ever try anything when we were together?”
“No.” I winced.
“Well … not exactly.”
He huffed a laugh and folded his arms. “Yeah … going to need you to explain that one.”
“The day I first met her at your apartment … I might have asked for her number on the train. I didn’t know who she was.” I held up my hand though he didn’t try to interrupt.
“She turned me down. Hard. I couldn’t believe it when she showed up at your place not even an hour later. I swore to forget all about her, but I couldn’t.” I shrugged sadly.
“I think I fell in love with her on the spot.”
Jaw ticking, he mulled over my explanation.
“You should have told me.”
“And ruin what you two had? I’m not that bloody selfish. Juniper didn’t want me, she loved you.” That particular truth would always make my chest ache.
But it was no longer the gaping wound it had been back then.
“Nothing happened until a year after you broke up, and then again the past few weeks.”
“What happened exactly?”
“Fuck off. I’m not giving you the gory details.” I crossed my arms. “I’m sorry if that pisses you off, but it’s not happening.”
He rolled his shoulders.
“You shouldn’t have kept it from me.”
“It wasn’t my call. I should probably apologise again, but if I’m being honest … I’m not sorry. I’d do it all over again if she asked.”
His eyes widened in surprise, like he was seeing me for the first time.
“You’re in love with her,” he said.
“Yes.” I answered simply.
He scrubbed a hand over his slightly scraggly beard.
“Looking back, I should have guessed. There was always something more in the way you interacted with her, and the way she looked at you outside Brown’s … she used to look at me like that once. I think I deluded myself enough I didn’t see the signs.”
She used to look at me like that once .
The way he said it niggled at me, he almost sounded wistful.
“Are you still in love with her?”
He was silent for long enough for that niggle to grow wings that lurched around stomach.
“No. At least not in the way you think. Obviously, you know how impossible she makes it not to care about her, even when she’s infuriating.” We shared a small grin at that.
“She’s actually the reason I’m here.” My surprise must have shown on my face because he drew a velvet box from his pocket that I knew extremely well.
“She asked me to meet her at Brown’s so she could give the ring back.” He seemed unaware when his fist squeezed around it.
“Then she told me to get over my shit and come and talk to you and … here we are, getting over our shit.”
“Very mature of us.”
“Wonderful. This might have been the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had.” Heading for the door, he slapped me on the shoulder.
“Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Keep showing up, even when she doesn’t want you to. Yes?”
“Yes.” I didn’t even have to think about it.
“Great.” He clapped me a second time.
“Let’s never talk about this again.”
“Agreed.”
“ Oh .” He paused with the door cracked.
“I figured you’d want to know. Mum agreed to hire a night nurse three days a week. She rang and made the appointment herself; he starts next month.”
It’s what I’d hoped for months now, and yet …
I didn’t feel relieved.
Our family would never be the same again.
“I knew you’d convince her.”
“It wasn’t me, it’s just …”
“Time,” I finished for him.
“Aye. It’s time.” He nodded sadly, the world seeming to weigh on him when he turned again, as if he’d accomplished his task and couldn’t wait to get out of here.
“I’m about to grab lunch if you want to join me?” I rushed to say.
He paused with his back to me and I hated the distance still lingering between us.
He was my little brother, the feeling to protect would never disappear.
“I can’t, I’m helping Mal at the distillery this afternoon.”
Instinct made me push.
“That’s great. If you ever want to talk – about anything at all – I’m always here. You know that?”
For a moment, I thought he wouldn’t reply, but then he said over his shoulder, “I know.” The door didn’t shut fully behind him, I heard his murmured goodbye to Kelly and the bell ringing on the door as he left.
Sighing heavily, I pulled out my phone, already craving Juniper’s voice.
She’d ease all my worries with a single sarcastic comment.
It buzzed in my hand, “voice note from Juniper” flashing across the screen.
Pressing play, I put it to my ear, already grinning with anticipation.
“You left early this morning.” Her sultry voice made me shiver.
I hit her number.
It didn’t even take two rings for the line to connect.
“Macabe.” She spoke my name breathily and fuck …
I was instantly hard.
“Some of us can’t laze around all morning,” I said without preamble.
“Besides, you and Shakespeare looked so cute snuggled up, I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“The little arsehole is actually starting to grow on me.”
I laughed, imagining the adorable as fuck frown she wore whenever Shakespeare offered affection.
“I think she wants the full Juniper Ross experience.”
She laughed too and it lit up my insides.
“Callum?”
“Aye, sweetheart?”
“You forgot to ask which colour today.”
My hand curled around the phone, barely stifling my groan.
I swear this woman would be the death of me.
“What colour?”
“None.”
I was already reaching for my keys, swinging the surgery door open with a crash that made Kelly jump.
“I’m taking a long lunch.” I didn’t pause for her acknowledgement, ducking out onto the high street and turning my attention back to Juniper.
“Don’t hang up the phone and get back into bed.”
“Already there,” she hummed and I picked up my pace.
“I’ve just been waiting for you.”