CHAPTER 5
“You know what I’ll do to our son?” he asks, rubbing my bare belly.
I stare at the ceiling. Tears stream down my face. I just want this to stop.
I thought being pregnant would push him away, but it did not. He just stopped his beatings, and I don’t know what hurts me the most.
It was the same with my father, but now there’s nothing untouched…
“If he becomes a liability, I’ll get rid of him.” He kisses my neck. “And if you’re an insolent brat, I’ll make sure I’ll kill him in front of you.” His smile brushes against my chest. “I bet you won’t be as annoying that way.”
I can’t reply. I can’t even make a sound when he gets on top of me and has his way with my body.
Again.
I was happy when they left me alone with my baby. I was going to try to get away with him; I had it all planned… but I fell asleep, and now there he is, my husband, holding my son and smiling at him.
“I was going to keep him if he were a girl,” he says. “It would’ve been a really beautiful toy.”
I know what he means. He doesn’t even have to explain. Püppchen meant doll. I was my father’s little doll…
He gives me my son back.
“I was going to do everything Daddy did to you,” he continues, staring into my eyes, stroking my arm. His touch burns on my skin. It’s disgusting. “Do you remember how he touched you every night? How you liked it? How you let him? Our daughter would’ve loved it too.”
My heart clenches.
I wouldn’t have let him get away with it. I would’ve killed her. Anything is better than living with a father who abuses you.
“Luckily for you, I’m not into boys.” He pauses. “Perhaps Dante would be interested in him.”
My heart stops.
No.
“Liar.”
He slaps me. Finn starts crying, and I latch him to my breast, so he stays silent.
I’m so sorry, little monster.
“Dante would’ve waited until he was big enough to fuck him without hurting him,” he continues. “Then he would’ve got bored, just like he did with you, and he would’ve sold him.”
Please, shut up.
“They call him ‘Il Maccellaio’ because he loves to dismember his victims.You think a kid will make any difference? They break so easily.”
Alba’s son comes to my mind. How they toss him like he was nothing.
I hold Finn harder against my chest.
Stefan laughs. “You’ll be good, Püppchen.” He brushes my tears away. “You’ll behave from now on, or the one who gets hurt will be this little boy.”
I nod, looking into his cold green eyes. “I-I’ll do anything. I promise.”
I promise.
He promised me so much.
Stefan smiles. “Or else, you’ll make me call Dante, so he’ll handle our son. He’ll teach him not to be a brat, like his mother.”
I shake my head.
I can’t erase the image from my mind. Finn is so little, so fragile. Stefan would be capable of calling Dante just to torture me. He would make him kill Finn in front of me just to amuse himself.
He would tell me we would make another son…
I’ll never let him get me pregnant again.
I open my eyes. The weight of the blankets covers my body.
Nightmares had stopped just before I got married—why did they have to come back?
Well, they’ve never been nightmares; they were always memories. Memories that burn my heart and tear my soul apart.
I feel so guilty now. Since I had Finn, I can’t stop remembering Alba and his baby.
At the time, I was just focusing on my pain; now that I’m a mother myself, I can’t stop thinking about what she went through.
She used to love that kid so much when he was on her belly, and she didn’t get to hold him alive.
I can’t even think about what I’ll do without my baby.
I frown. I’m hugging a pillow…
Crap! I fell asleep.
I stretch my hands out on both sides of the bed to look for Finn.
He’s not there.
I sit up. He’s not in the cot, either.
The door is open.
Oh, God. I locked it after the woman left.
I jump out of bed and run around, looking in every room, finding some of them empty or filled with things I don’t care about.
What if he did the same thing to him as he did to Stefan? What if he wants you all to himself?
No, no, no, no. No!
My legs are shaking. I struggle to walk down the stairs. There is a banging in the distance. An image of Finn being tortured fills my head, but I choose to ignore it. I can’t think about it now; I have to stay positive…
He’s killing him, hurry!
I can’t breathe.
Where is Finn?
More and more doors. In none of them is my son.
I move closer to the sound of the banging.
There are only two doors in front of me. I run and open the left one, but I find a bathroom.
The banging stops, and someone opens the door on the right. The same woman from a few hours ago comes out. “Lana?”
My chest shrinks. He’s not here.
I run back through the living room and into the hall.
I have only one door left.
I walk towards it, expecting the worst…
I discover Dante with my baby on his lap, feeding him some baby food.
I run to pick him up. I’m overwhelmed with relief for a moment, until I hear him crying.
I expected beatings or screams from Dante, relief from Finn… but not him stretching out his hands to Dante as he whines. He never did that with Stefan.
I ignore him, even though his rejection breaks my heart.
“Ragnetta! I was hoping you’d come with us to—”
“Don’t you ever touch my son again,” I snarl. “Don’t talk to us, don’t look at us, don’t—”
“Mom!”
The scream chills my blood.
Mum? Does he live with his mother here?
The woman from earlier enters the dining room. She looks at Dante with a scowl, and he nods at me. “Take Finn to their room. I need to talk to Lana.” His cold gaze sweeps over my body before returning to my eyes. “Alone.”
“No one but me will touch my son.” I turn away from the woman and hold Finn tighter, even though he wants to leave with the traitor.
“I know, ragnetta,” his voice softens, “but we need to talk.”
“I got nothing to talk with you. You already said enough.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath. “Do I have to threaten you so you will comply?”
I open my mouth to reply, but his mother comes faster and whispers, “He’ll be fine. I promise.”
Promises, promises. His son promised me my freedom, a life by his side, anything I wanted, but it was all a lie so he could use my body without feeling guilty.
Just the thought of his mouth and hands all over me makes me shiver. I’ve been trying not to taint that Dante with the real one, but it’s getting harder, even if I enjoyed it so much…
I can’t get over my broken heart and my shattered dreams.
Even though Greta—I think that was her name—extends her arms, she keeps her distance. Finn reaches out to her, and the pain in my chest grows. Tears fall from my eyes.
“P-please… he’s all I have,” I whisper.
Her face softens.
“They won’t leave the house, amore,” Dante says. “If you don’t trust me, at least trust my mother.”
My throat tightens. She comes into my sight, with a reassuring smile. “Il bambino will be safe.”
I’ll give in just this once. No matter what, I don’t want Finn to see what Dante will do to me.
I’m as still as a statue when the woman walks away with my son. Dante’s creepy eyes inspect me from head to toe. He must be thinking of every way he could fuck me, all the ways he could break me, torture me, or have fun with me.
He’s just like them, but this time I’m not scared. I will fight, even if that means I’ll die.
The sound of the door closing feels like someone just pulled a trigger.