CHAPTER 35
“Please, I need it,” I cry.
The men around me laugh and touch me eagerly.
Why do I want it now? What did they give me?
“Look how she’s dripping,” one of them says.
“She’s soaking wet.”
They leave me on the bed. One of them restrains my wrists while the others continue to touch me.
“She’s all swollen. Look at her pussy.”
“Please...”
I don’t know whether I’m begging for them to let me go or for this feeling to go away. My breasts feel heavy, my core is throbbing, my whole body is more sensitive than usual, and I’m getting desperate. The feeling doesn’t go away with anything.
I don’t want this, yet I still beg for more, because that’s the only way to ease some of the pain.
I don’t want this!
Help.
Memories hit all at once. I feel the same as before. My body burns, and I just want someone to fuck me so the pain will go away.
“Vuoi guardarmi mentre la violento? Come preferisci.”
Dante kisses me and keeps me pinned on the table.
I don’t want it. I don’t want him touching me. Why is he touching me? What did I do? What the fuck is happening to me?
Did he drug me? Who was it? What happened? I can’t recall a thing. Is Greta with Finn? Where is my son?
Dante devours my mouth again, getting his tongue inside.
I want to throw up. This doesn’t feel right.
“No… blood… Dante, stop!”
I try to shove him away, but he digs his fingers into my skin and pulls me to him. The bulge on his trousers rubs me right where I need friction, but I don’t want to feel him.
I don’t want this. I’m feeling disgusting.
I move my whole body as fast as I can—which is really slow—and he slaps me, hissing.
Oh, God. It’s not Dante. It’s Angelo.
What the hell is happening?
I don’t want this…
Someone fires a gun, and Angelo screams in pain.
“Get the fuck away from her!”
He yanks my arm, positioning me in front of his body.
He’s using me as a human shield? I barely cover him!
Dante’s dark eyes don’t leave him. Both men start arguing in Italian. Angelo presses a gun to my temple, but I can’t worry about that when my body is aching, and Dante looks really hot like that.
He’s aiming at us, behind me, keeping his gaze fixed on him. His tattoos are hypnotising. His scars… God, he’s too handsome.
The gun presses on my temple, but I can’t stop rubbing my thighs. I hate this feeling.
I look down… I’m naked. What the hell? I want to cover myself, but Angelo holds my hands and shoves them away, then he brushes his fingers over my skin.
My father used to do that whenever I took a shower.
I don’t want this.
Angelo says something about me. Dante stares at me, his expression desperate as he silently asks for something, but all I can do is laugh.
My heart beats faster. Can I get a heart attack because of these drugs? I guess I can. The last time I got a high dose, I fainted.
I don’t want to die. Finn needs me. Where is he?
Angelo shoves me away, and I fall in front of Dante. They both fire their guns, but only one stays to help me get up.
When I’m a bit steady, I yank his arm and step in front of him.
“This is m-my fault. Stop!” It must be.
Dante wraps his hand around my neck with his usual tenderness and pins me to the wall.
“You stay here,” he growls. “It’s enough.”
He leaves the dining room. I stay frozen in place.
“You thought I’d be satisfied with just touching you, you slut?”
“It’s enough.”
My eyes fill with tears.
I wanted this, didn’t I? The drugs in my body… I must have asked for it. I thought it was Dante, but he didn’t stop.
I’m so confused.
Why do I feel disgusting? Why do I want to rip my skin off?
I run to pick up my dress and cover myself with it. I hug my body. Tears stream down my face. I don’t know whether it’s the drugs or me feeling guilty over the fact that Dante’s going to kill Angelo—but I feel disgusting.
How long have I been drugged? Is that why I’ve been dizzy these days? Is that why I’ve been losing my memory?
I told you there was something wrong!
I can’t even tell if I should blame Angelo for what just happened. He’s a man, after all. My father always warned me that men are never satisfied with just touching, unlike him. They will take what they want, even if you say no.
All except Dante. He’s never forced me unless I asked him. The first time we tried, something triggered me, and he stopped. He held me while I cried until I was fine. That’s why I didn’t understand why he wasn’t stopping now. I thought… I thought I was with him. When did Angelo come here?
I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know how to calm myself. His words don’t work.
My hands are shaking. My body is shaking. I’m still wet, still burning, but I don’t want to do anything. Not now. Not with Angelo. And I don’t even want to be near Dante. I wanted him days ago, but now? Now all I want is to know where Finn is. But I can’t get out of here.
What if Dante comes and tries to seize the drugs?
No. He was… why was he away from me? Why was I with Angelo and not him? I thought it was him the entire time.
You wanted to get him jealous.
No. You wanted that. Stop messing with my head!
What have I done?
“That’s it, girl.”
The man yanks my legs as if he wants to rip them off my body.
I wish he does.
I can’t handle this. I don’t want this.
Help.
I don’t know what’s moving inside me, but I’m losing my mind.
I can’t scream for help.
My body betrays me, and they know it.
I keep begging for more, even though I don’t want it, and they give me just enough to ease the pain.
“You’re delicious, girl.”
“They broke you in right.”
I hate this.
Please, just stop.
“Lana!”
I look up. Dante is standing in front of me, cupping my cheek. Blood drips down his forehead. My hand lifts on its own, searching for the wound, but he pulls away, his brow furrowing.
“Did you kill him?” I whisper.
“Not yet.”
Yet.
I shake my head.
“I-it was m-my fault. I-I asked him to—”
“It wasn’t your fault. Just… stop this, Lana.”
Lana. No nicknames.
“He just… I told him—”
“You’re drugged.” He rubs my cheeks. “You need to go back to your room.”
“What—where is Finn?
“With my mom. What do you remember?”
I shake my head again.
“I had breakfast outside, and then I went back to my room. I never left my room! I… I thought you were doing… I didn’t recognise him until he slapped me.”
He exhales hard and stands up, shaking his head.
“What am I going to do with you?”
A shiver runs down my spine. I step back, trying to get away from him, until my back hits the wall, but he only laughs.
“You came here and sucked me off,” he says. “I tried to stop you, but you were all clumsy, and then you handcuffed me to the fucking chair.”
Heat floods my face. I blush, trembling.
“I did not.”
“You did, sweetheart. And I almost lost my mind because you wouldn’t listen to me.”
“You didn’t realise—”
“I did. But I didn’t want you to freak out because something like that might have happened.”
He steps closer and wraps his hand lightly around my neck.
“Now, what are we going to do?”
My heart plummets. Is he going to take advantage of me, after everything he made me believe? Again?
“W-what do you mean?”
He smiles, and it melts me completely.
“About us. About your situation. You’re clearly desperate to be with me, yet you don’t give in. You really want to keep torturing yourself?”
I shake my head slowly. He rubs my cheek with his thumb.
“I don’t know what I did, or what I said, but I’m… I don’t know. I can’t understand myself—”
“But I do, ragnetta.” His voice drops, softer now. “I do understand you. And I know you do want me, but you’re also scared as hell because you think I’m like all of them. Haven’t I done enough to prove I’m not? Haven’t I said enough for you to trust me?”
“If you do understand me, then you’ll know it’s not enough.”
He sighs again and pulls away from me.
“It’s still your choice. Everything we do is your choice. I’ll wait, I’ll crawl, I’ll do anything you ask me to. I just can’t tell you what happened yet.”
“W-when?”
His eyes spark.
“A week from now. I promise I’ll tell you everything.”
Tears gather in my eyes.
That’s too far. I want to trust him now. I want to be with him. I’m so confused.
I rub my thighs together again. The idea of having him all to myself is overwhelming, but I don’t know if the truth will be enough. What if I don’t like it? What if he really did buy me but backed down at the last minute?
“You want me to touch you?”
I nod, even as a part of me says no. He once told me I could replace memories. Maybe I need this—
“I’ll give you two choices,” he continues. “Ask me to keep my distance… or give me the green light to fulfil one of your fantasies. The forest is at your disposal, and if you choose that option, so is my body.”
I gulp. My legs tremble at the thought of him fulfilling my wishes… even if it’s for one last time.
“So you’ll keep being too prideful to just take what you want?”
He smiles.
“It’s not pride; it’s respect.” He sits on the table in front of me, leaning in slightly. “You want me to treat you like a slut in bed? Fine. Done. I’ll do it because you like it. But outside that room, I’ll respect you. I’ll adore you as a goddess, and I’ll kiss your feet if you ask me to.
“I told you when we first met, and I repeat it now: relationships are built on respect. I respect you. I always have.
“I don’t need your permission to do a lot of the things I want to do to you; I need your trust. The same trust that made you open up the first time we were together, when we were engaged.”
“I didn’t know you bought me back then.”
“It wouldn’t have changed a thing. Your husband did that and more, yet you were crying for him.”
I wasn’t. I was terrified, and he wasn’t helping to calm me down.
My heart burns. He didn’t deny it.
I can barely think clearly. The only things in my mind are how much I want him inside me and how much I hate him—or how much I’ve been trying to hate him ever since he left me. But he told me he was tortured, and that’s been clawing at me ever since.
My skin itches, my jaw is tight, and my nails dig into my arms.
I hate losing control of my body.
Dante holds my hand tightly. I’m still shaking.
“Make your choice, amore. This will change everything for both of us. I’m tired of this, too. My only request is that you do it at night.”
“Is it… because I’m high?”
He smiles softly. “Yes.”
Tears well up in my eyes.
“Why? I was supposed to be safe here.”
He exhales slowly.
“I have my suspicions. I fired Angelo a few days ago. This was his last.”
“But I’ve been feeling like this for more than a week.”
“That’s why I’ll get to the end of this.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb. “If you had told me before, I would have handled things differently.”
“I didn’t know.”
He sighs. “I’m taking care of this. Don’t worry about it.”
I nod, leaning into his touch, closing my eyes.
We stay like this for a while. My body relaxes a little under his hand. Dante moves closer, holding my waist, and I don’t argue.
I want to feel him. It’s not the drugs.
I miss him now more than ever. I feel so vulnerable; I need someone to rely on. I miss his love—to feel wanted, needed… safe, truly safe. I want everything back, but I’m terrified it will break my heart again.
A loud sound startles me, and I flinch, instinctively trying to hide in his arms. Javier bursts into the room, panting.
Dante rolls his eyes.
“Out.”
“But—”
“Wait in the living room. Out!”
Javier closes the door, and I can’t hold my laugh. Dante snorts.
“Don’t be mean. He’s trying.”
“I know,” he mutters, “but he just interrupted something I’ve been waiting for since they took you away from me.”
My heart clenches. I look up at him. He has a sad smile plastered on his face.
“Are you sure you want to do it at night? “ I manage to ask. “I could stay in my room if the drugs wear off.”
“If you’re still high, then we won’t do a thing.”
“What if you can’t catch me?”
“Impossibile.” He smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear so carefully I think I’m going to explode. “Ti farò godere come mai prima d’ora..22 I’ll follow you until you can’t keep up.”
I narrow my eyes. “And what if I regret it when I’ve already started running?”
“You just have to scream your safe word. You remember?”
I nod.
“Blood.”
He smiles again and brushes our lips together, not yet pressing them fully against mine.
“That’s my girl.”
Notes:
22. I'll give you pleasure like never before.