CHAPTER 37
Around twelve o’clock, I get ready to go for a run around the woods.
Dante left me alone after our discussion, and I won’t think any more about what happened a few minutes earlier.
The whole thing is just a bump in the road that I’ll eventually forget, as always, even if bits of it still come back to me.
If Dante is lying, he’ll stop this nonsense as soon as he fucks me.
I want him too, so it’s a win-win.
After my shower, I put on another blue lace bra with matching knickers. Over them, I wear a summer dress. Poor choice, considering it’s raining, but it will make things easier for both of us. I also put on a pair of tights. The thought of him tearing them apart excites me.
I ask Greta to watch Finn for a few hours, and she nods with a shy smile. I hope she thinks we’re going on a date. If she knew what we had planned, I’d be mortified.
Traitor: I’m in my room.
Good. Then he has no idea I’m going out.
I try not to make a sound as I leave, tiptoeing downstairs and placing the phone on the living-room table. Javier went home a little early, and there are no other men around.
When I reach the kitchen, I grab a knife—to make things more interesting—and as I step out of the back door, I start running.
This plan has spiralled out of control. I no longer want to leave. Greta and Finn have grown fond of each other, and I have grown fond of her, too. Plus, having her around is a huge support, especially with her knowledge of children.
The place is safe, which is a terrific addition to the list of pros, and I have never experienced such peace of mind as I have here, aside from the fact that I’ve been terrified about Dante, my nightmares, Angelo’s flirting, and my flashbacks.
I can’t leave this house. Not when I have everything I want, including not feeling the burden of being a Müller, having to live afraid someone will hit me for breathing in a bad way, or someone coming into my room and forcing me to do things I don’t want to.
For once, I can go shopping at ease because no one knows who I am.
I can shower without worrying about someone coming inside to watch me.
I can go to sleep knowing I won’t be awakened in the middle of the night because someone is raping me or touching me.
Lana Müller is dead.
I need to come up with another plan—something long-term that will ensure the stability I have now, something that won’t make me dependent on Dante. In the meantime, though, I need to focus on regulating my breathing, or I’ll pass out before he finds me.
I’m sure I’m running in circles. There’s nothing but trees around me. The rain falls lightly, and my footsteps, along with my breathing, drown out any sound that might alert me to Dante’s presence.
He’s probably sleeping, and you’re still running like an idiot.
I halt, panting. Soaking wet, I lean against a trunk and take a deep breath to calm my pounding chest.
I close my eyes.
I’m stuck here, whether I like it or not.
Because of me. My heart had an owner before, and it’s beating for him again—psycho or not.
For Finn’s sake, I’ve tried to ignore my thoughts, but I’m sick of fighting.
Once Dante finds me and reminds me of everything we used to do, I won’t be able to hold back any longer.
I know that, and it worries me I will be the one begging after this.
Being with him was an addiction I wasn’t willing to give up. The months I spent by his side were everything, and I need to fill the void his absence had left. He asked me to trust him, and that’s what I’ll do.
“Show me how you touch yourself, sweetheart. Show me what you like.”
A shiver runs down my spine. Dante’s words echo in my head. Sex with him was everything I could have ever dreamed of. He taught me how to claim my body, how to touch myself, and which things I liked. He fulfilled most of my desires, no matter what they were.
During that time, I discovered a side of me I didn’t think I had.
For years, my family taught me sex was painful and unpleasant for women, and I should let anyone use me regardless of my desires.
But Dante kept his hands off me until I was ready.
And that day, while I pleasured myself, he praised me.
But I needed more. I wanted him to take control.
I wanted him to use me like the others had.
I wanted to replace pain with pleasure, to replace abuse with consent.
Dante made me forget how disgusting and insecure I felt.
At first, he praised me, then he began to degrade and humiliate me as I asked him to.
The mix of both made me feel on top of the world.
His brutality gave me no time to think. Everything was pleasure, love, and adoration, even when he didn’t explicitly show it.
I didn’t need reassurance of his feelings.
I knew he didn’t want to hurt me; I could trust him blindly.
Now, according to him, I must trust in the same way—and I want to.
But I’m terrified of the possibility that he’ll break my heart once again.
I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t handle that pain, and Finn needs me at my best.
“Tired of running, cara mia?”
I open my eyes to find Dante staring at my mouth. He’s wearing that skull mask he used our last night together…
Fuck.
He presses his body against mine, pinning me against the tree, and pushes his leg between mine. I gasp.
With one hand, he holds my arms above my head.
With the other, he slips under my dress, tearing my tights to slide his hand down my pussy.
He inserts two fingers inside me, then pulls them out and forces them into my mouth.
I moan around them. Next, he grabs my cheeks, gets his mask off, and kisses me, taking over my mouth.
“You taste as good as I remembered,” he whispers, lowering his kisses to my neck. “Did you think you’d get away with this?”
I bite my lip to suppress a smile. His free hand searches my arms and finds the knife.
“What do we have here?” he says in a mocking tone. “Did you want a little revenge after all?”
He runs the back of the knife across my neck, forcing me to tilt my head up. Then he reaches down, finds a slit near my neckline, and rips open my dress.
“Let me go,” I growl.
He runs the knife around my breasts, then down my stomach.
“We talked about this, sweetheart. I won’t let you go until I get what’s mine.
” He licks my neck. “Until I get pleas out of this dirty little mouth.” He rips the rest of my dress, exposing my underwear.
“I’ll make you cry; I’ll make you beg. You’ll wish this had started the second I brought you home. ”
When I try to let go, he carefully presses the knife in my belly. I gasp again.
“You’re not bleeding yet,” he warns. “Be a good girl and hold still.”
“I’m not a good girl.”
“I know. You’ve been a fucking ungrateful brat lately.”
The burning inside me intensifies.
He throws the knife aside, puts his mask on again, and reaches roughly under my knickers. Fingers brush my clit, but he doesn’t stop; he continues moving down, rubbing my wetness along my slit before his fingers plunge inside me.
“You’re so wet,” he says. “Is it because of me? Do you need my cock, amore?”
“It’s because of Angelo,” I lie, purring. “I haven’t stopped thinking about him. I might call him one of these days.”
He adds two more fingers, and I cry out from the tension and surprise. I arch my back as he moves them faster and faster.
“Do it, and I’ll kill him in front of you.”
I smile, biting my lip.
“What was it like... to see me wanting another man when I can’t even stand you?” I ask.
“You looked so pathetic.” He leans close to my ear. “We both know no one fills you up like me.”
His movements, accompanied by the slap of his palm against my clit, bring me to the brink of an orgasm. My legs tremble, but everything stops when he takes his hand away.
I laugh, nervous.
His hand moves up to my face, running his wet fingers across my lips until I open my mouth to taste him and suck as if it were his cock.
Staring at his lust-filled gaze, I smile and bite down hard.
He jerks his hand away, growling, and slaps me across the face.
I bite my lip to stifle my mocking smile, though he deserves it.
“I’ll let you go,” he warns. “But if you try to run, I’ll punish you—and you won’t like it.”
I nod.
He lets go of my arms slowly. I remain still as he walks away with a triumphant smile, not taking his eyes off me. He unbuttons his trousers. As he pulls them down, I shove him aside and start running.
I reach a tree much bigger and wider than the last one. I cover my mouth so my breathing is muffled. For a while, the only sound that fills the air is the rain. I sigh, relieved to have won this time. But when I turn around, I find him staring at me.
I gasp and try to run again, but he grabs me by the hair and slams me against the trunk. “What did I say, huh?” he asks, removing his belt with one hand. “Didn’t you have enough with being humiliated by that bastard? Now your punishment will be worse.”
“It felt better than having you.”
He rips my knickers with one pull. This time I won’t run. I want him so badly.
“No one will make you feel as good as I do.” He pulls my hair until I’m on my knees.
“No one will make you scream like I do, and you know it.” He puts me on all fours on the floor, grabs my face, burying his fingers in my cheeks, and forces me to look into his deep blue eyes.
“You need me. You need me to take care of that sweet little cunt of yours until you’re completely satisfied.
Until you beg me to stop, because until then, I’ll get every orgasm I can out of you.
I’ll make you cry for more. I’ll fuck you so thoroughly, you won’t want anyone else touching you, not even to get me jealous.
” He pushes my head until it touches the floor, with my arse up. “You are mine.”
He stands up and starts walking around.