CHAPTER 65
It’s almost Christmas season. Dante goes out on weekends because of work, and on Monday he’s exhausted. The only thing he wants is to be with us and cuddle up.
There are days he comes home so pissed and frustrated that I distract him in bed, though he has stopped being so rough lately. I don’t mind, but he’s restraining himself, and I love it when he doesn’t.
I haven’t stopped thinking about Mum. I recall a day she went up to a window and was looking at the sky.
I got up because I heard Tara crying; our father was in her room.
He was saying some nasty things that I didn’t understand at the time.
I asked Mum to get down, that it was dangerous.
I didn’t know she wanted to kill herself.
She never did it because of us.
The only thing worse than seeing a son dying is to die knowing he won’t have anyone else. I want to believe she kept going so she wouldn’t leave us alone and, at least, give us some love when things explode. I’d like to hear her reasons someday.
Javier and I have been training every day. By now, I can get him on the floor without effort… almost. The problem is, I couldn’t make those moves with Finn near or in my arms. I don’t know how I would handle things if we ever got in danger, both of us.
Lately, Dante is more paranoid and tense. I have no idea what happened in the organisation, but he told me there are a lot of things going on.
I’ve been giving my mum time, but I can’t anymore. I need to talk to her, so while Greta and Finn are eating downstairs, I call her, but she doesn’t pick up.
I insist three more times, and still nothing.
I sigh and call the only one who’s always got his phone on, even if I might regret it: my father.
A phone rings in the closet. I frown and move closer, slowly, in case Dante’s put a bomb in there or something.
There’s a box inside, with no locks. The phone keeps ringing, so I open it… and my breath catches in my throat.
There are a lot of papers and valuable things in there. I hang up, then call again. A plastic bag holds at least ten phones inside, all of them covered in blood. My father’s phone rings again.
I take it and call my brothers’ numbers. Every one of them rings, except one.
I call my mum with my phone once more, and that’s the only one that just buzzes.
I pick it up. My number isn’t saved; she didn’t even know how to write my name… and there are a lot of missed calls, mine and Tara’s, along with some text messages.
Unknown: Mum, are you okay? I heard the news.
Unknown: Declan told me you’re dead. Please, pick up.
Unknown: I know you don’t know how to read, but please, pick up, Mum!
Unknown: How was I supposed to trust Dante if he fucking killed you all?
No.
He couldn’t—but here are the phones, the papers, their jewellery…
I knew it!
This can’t be. He couldn’t have done this to me. He promised he was going to keep her safe… did he?
Why did he kill her? I couldn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t say I’m sorry. The last thing I told her was that she was a shitty mother, and she did everything she could for me!
I run to the bathroom. I had been nauseous, but now I can’t help but throw up while I cry.
I can’t believe this.
He killed my mum.
I wash my mouth, then go back to the closet. Behind his clothes there are tonnes of weapons, the wedding dress I didn’t get to use, the pearls my mum gave me when we first met, the paper from his first present, the dress he gave me… Everything I kept hidden in my room.
I don’t want to think about what else happened. My heart hurts, and I can barely breathe.
Everything hurts.
I’m shaking.
He didn’t give you an opportunity to say goodbye. He kept you in here for months, waiting for your father to falter, and he killed them all. You let him fuck you however he wanted, day and night; he treated you like his whore.
That’s why he was paranoid. He killed my family, and he didn’t even warn me. All these weeks I thought it was because he couldn’t save some girl, because of his rescues, not because of this!
I find my mum’s necklace, and I clutch it to my chest.
He killed one of the most important beings in my life. I endured so fucking much for my mum, just as she endured so much for me, and he fucking killed her!
How could he, when he knew how much she meant to me? How could he play me after everything we said to each other?
Because he doesn’t care about you! Wake up!
He even told me she was alive! Did he lie again? Was it all a trick? Did my mum know? Who’s not lying to me?
Everyone is lying to you.
No. No! Dante wouldn’t. He told me—
He just wanted to get between your legs.
“He fucked you good. Now you’re all mine.”
“He never wanted you, püppchen.”
His text messages, the pictures… everything. But Tara said… no. She trusted him too, and he tricked her. She must be the only one as confused as I am. She must know what to do. She can help me.
He’s one of them.
No! He can’t be. I gave him my all! He can’t betray me!
But he already did.
I want to tear my heart out. It hurts so much. I can’t take it anymore.
Please… no more.
Everything is spinning…
No more.
Now I’m going to get us out of here.