Thirty
Kat
Fade Into You – Mazzy Star
Freddie’s carrier sits on my lap as the Maybach glides down the highway again.
His orange head pushes insistently through the half-open door, whiskers twitching with every bump of the road.
One paw stretches out and presses against my thigh, like he’s checking I’m still here, like I might disappear again if he doesn’t keep his hand on me. Like I’ll abandon him again.
My fingers move through his fur mindlessly as he lets out a loud, satisfied purr and nuzzles his head even deeper into my palm. The vibration travels up my arm and hits me straight in the heart.
Fuck, I missed that sound.
I forgot how loud he is when he’s happy.
Outside the window, the Bridgeport skyline appears on the horizon as we speed towards it. Guardrails and hedgerows rush past us as we break every speed limit in the state. Right now, I couldn’t care less.
Freddie wriggles until he’s halfway out the carrier, climbing onto my lap like he’s reclaiming his territory.
His tail flicks back and forth as he settles, orange fur catching the dim light filtering through the Maybach’s tinted windows.
One claw hooks itself into my stockings, creating a hole I know will form into a ladder in no time, but I don’t even care.
He can shred them if he wants. I’d buy a hundred more pairs if it meant I never had to leave him again.
“He’s an impatient little one.” Elias chuckles beside me. “He must take after his mother.” His voice drops low as he gives my thigh a torturous squeeze.
Freddie, now completely out of the carrier, gives Elias’s hand a quick sniff before kneading his paws into my thighs and curling up into a warm orange ball.
“I can’t believe he’s here,” I murmur, scratching under Freddie’s chin. “I thought I’d never see him again.”
Elias’s thumb traces small circles over my thigh. “You don’t have to worry about that anymore, little rebel. You just have to make up for lost time.”
His words settle harder in my stomach than he probably intended them to. I stare down at Freddie, my fingers pausing briefly in his fur. Lost time indeed. Weeks of imagining him somewhere else. Somewhere unfamiliar and cold. Wondering if he thought I’d abandoned him.
My throat tightens. “Elias?” I say softly.
“Mm?”
But I hesitate. All the questions are lined up, ready to be fired out.
How did you find him?
What did you have to do?
Was he happy?
The words stick half-formed in my throat, and I pause, my mind drifting back to the practice room with Ryland. The words whisper like ice around my mind.
Do I even want to know?
I’m definitely in denial, but I don’t think my heart can take any more shocks today. There is something about him that I’ll have to confront someday. But that day is not today. Today is about spending time with Freddie and making sure he knows how loved he is.
“Thank you,” I say finally.
Freddie stirs again and crawls up Elias’s arm. He gives him a small sniff before settling into the crook of his neck. His purrs grow louder than the Maybach’s engine.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” I say, reaching for Freddie.
Elias grabs my hand midair and pulls it back down to my lap. “It’s fine.” He chuckles. “It’s an honor to be approved by him.”
My heart flutters in my chest. The picture in front of me right now is one I’ll commit to memory until the day I die.
Elias has his head resting on Freddie’s side as Freddie sits nuzzled into his shoulder.
Both of them seem content. For a moment, the chaos of the day fades into something distant and blurry.
There’s just this car, this quiet stretch of road, and the ridiculous sight of the most beautiful and intimidating man in Bridgeport acting as a human cat pillow.
I hold Elias’s hand as the rest of the drive passes easily between us. By the time the familiar streets of my neighborhood appear, Freddie is back on my lap fast asleep. Elias pulls up outside my apartment and shuts the engine off. Freddie immediately lifts his head, ears twitching.
“We’re home, boy,” I whisper to him as I gently scoop him back into the carrier.
He protests with a small chirp, clearly unimpressed with the sudden loss of freedom, but he doesn’t fight me. Elias rounds the car and opens my door. The winter wind bites and I’m gravely reminded again that I’m dressed in last night’s clothes.
First stop, shower.
Freddie meows loudly, protesting his temporary imprisonment.
“Yes, yes,” I mutter. “We’re almost there.”
We walk to the door and I struggle with the keys, not wanting Freddie out of my hands. Elias’s warm hands engulf mine and slide the keys from my uncoordinated palms. He effortlessly unlocks the door and holds it open for me.
“Such a gentleman,” I say with a knowing smirk as I brush needlessly close past him.
Freddie’s carrier bumps lightly against my leg as he wriggles impatiently. I flick the light switch and stop. My brain takes a second to process what I’m seeing. Freddie yowls inside his carrier but I’m too busy staring at the corner of the living room.
A tall cat tower stands beside the bay window, gray and carpeted with multiple platforms. A dangling toy mouse swings gently from one of the levels.
My stomach flips as I slowly step inside.
A scratching post sits beside the couch. A litter tray peeks out from behind the bathroom door. And on the coffee table, a large felt box with Freddie’s name on it is filled to the brim with cat toys. Little stuffed mice, feather wands, crinkly balls.
I blink away the tears as Elias closes the door behind me and Freddie meows loudly again.
“Oh my god,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
On the kitchen island sits a small ceramic food bowl with a bag of treats stacked neatly beside it.
I set the carrier on the floor and open it.
Freddie launches out immediately, jumping from the couch straight onto the cat tower.
Within seconds, he’s climbed to the top, his big paws swatting the mouse toy.
He sits proudly, tail wrapped around his feet like a tiny orange king in his new kingdom.
I turn slowly to Elias. “You did this?”
He takes my hands in his and kisses the top of my head. “Technically, Cain did,” he says with a small shrug. “You shouldn’t have had to lose him in the first place.”
I bite back a sob at the memory the words bring back.
He tilts my chin up, my eyes gravitating towards his as his mouth meets mine.
This kiss is different. It’s slow, tender.
I taste everything in it. All the regret, the want, the need, the affection.
Everything. His hand cups the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
My breathing hitches in a silent sob as he pulls me close to him, wrapping his arms around me and holding me. We stay like this for a while, with me pressed against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath his suit jacket.
The embrace breaks as Freddie winds his way around Elias’s legs, leaving bundles of orange fur on his suit pants.
We laugh together as I snuggle into his side. Warmth blooms in my chest. The more time I spend around Elias Monroe, the harder it’s becoming to imagine my life without him in it.