Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Leena
I’m scrubbing dishes when Charlie comes home a few hours later.
I keep my back to her as she unloads her lunch box, trying unsuccessfully to engage me.
After two straight minutes of silence, she moves into my personal space to place a fork and a glass tupperware bowl in my soapy water.
When she doesn’t move away, I huff out a breath.
“You can try ignoring me all you want, but I’m not going anywhere until we talk about what’s up with you,” she says.
Defeated, I pull the drain stopper, then rinse and dry my hands to buy a little more time. Turning around and leaning against the counter, I finally look up at my best friend.
Her eyes are filled with concern. “Talk to me, Mama. I’ve been worried about you since this morning. Then the way you bolted after time out . . . I’ve been freaking out.”
“God, Charlie! I don’t even know where to start,” I whine.
Charlie continues to patiently wait. We’ve been through a lot together over the years, so I know she’ll want to know everything. Especially the part about her being right.
Blowing a raspberry, I start from the beginning. “You were right this morning. About me taking off too quickly yesterday. But I really did think he was blowing me off and I honestly couldn’t handle the rejection. I would have been mortified, so I just left.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “I hate that you don’t see how amazing you are.
You’d be surprised by how many guys would jump at the chance to be with you if you gave them even the slightest hint you were interested.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in your head, but I want you to find some guy who will treat you like a queen.
But, Leena, to get that you need to open yourself up to possibilities, and running away ain’t it, babe. ”
“Rude.” I bump her shoulder. “Okay, but fair. And same,” I say pointedly. Master evader that she is, Charlie wraps her arm around my shoulder, face remaining impassive. Resigned to talking only about me right now, I go on. “But that part really doesn’t matter anymore because I know who he is now.”
“What? That’s good news!” she interrupts, bouncing her shoulders and squeezing mine.
“It would be. If he wasn’t the new ortho surgeon who officially just signed on with the hospital. The one I gave a tour to today,” I reply with a bitter snap. Burying my face in my hands and mumbling, “Why is life so unfair?”
“Wait, what? Dr. Ian Jacobs from today is Julian from the coffee shop?” Charlie abruptly takes her arm away and begins pacing up and down the kitchen in between the sink and island.
“This explains so much! The way you were acting fake happy and being super standoffish. You were in ultimate, hardcore, ‘Clin Sup’ Leena-mode.” She abruptly stops pacing and whirls toward me.
Her hand flies up, pointing at me as she rushes on, “But, oh my god! This is why he was sad boy eye-fucking you until you left the room!”
“Sad boy eye-fucking?” I snort out, distracted from the Ian versus Julian name confusion.
“Yes! He looked like you stole his fucking puppy but he still wants to dick you down. Hard.” She throws her head back laughing.
“He is so into you, even with your icy as hell cold shoulder!” She hops up on the counter opposite from where I’m still leaning.
“Alright, alright. Tell me what happened when you guys figured out this coincidence.”
Groaning, I tell her exactly how we first met and everything that went down between Julian and me.
“We’ve talked about this a lot, and you know I don’t entirely agree with your ‘no personal relationships’ boundary.
I mean hello, look at us. We’re best friends and roommates.
And even though you’re lowkey about it, you are totally friends with Walsh.
You even call him Connor. So you do make exceptions. ”
“Besties since day one,” I agree. “But even then, you know people gossiped about how well we worked together. And now, we both know people think I give you special treatment.” I make my voice high and obnoxious.
“Oh, Leena gives Charlie the best call shifts because she makes the staffing schedules.”
Curling her hands on the edge of the counter and leaning back, she wobbles her head back and forth. “I know. And we just let all that crap roll off our backs,” she says with a bat of her hand.
“But it would be different getting involved with Julian. We would have no privacy. Like if I texted him while he was in surgery, I don’t want anyone but him reading it.
Not even if it was a super normal message.
” I’m rambling, but I don’t know how to stop the words.
The floodgate has been opened and they just keep coming, spilling out one after the other.
“Plus, I could fall too easily for that man. How can I put my reputation on the line for something that has the potential to be so messy? I don’t think I could handle everyone talking about us when it ends.
And what if he starts seeing someone else in our department?
I would be devastated. I’d have to see or hear about it.
No, that would be terrible.” Breathing heavily, I clamp my mouth shut and bite my cheek to keep myself from adding anything more.
Charlie is staring at me wide eyed, mouth hanging open.
Then, as if she’s clearing her head, she blinks repeatedly and says, “Girl, you are spiraling. And self-sabotaging! I’ve never seen you act like this, you’ve never been so worked up talking about romantic work relationships.
It’s okay to be scared about how strong the connection between the two of you is, and to worry about it working out.
But I think you’re looking for reasons why this can’t go anywhere.
I know you aren’t into casual hook ups or having regular dick appointments.
But you can still see what happens with him. ”
“What if I somehow become like Merritt’s ex-wife?” I ask quietly.
“That was different,” she says with a wave of her hand.
“Merritt is an asshole for letting that whole situation happen. He shouldn’t have left his phone with you to monitor during surgery.
He knew there was a good likelihood of you seeing his wife confront him about cheating.
All while he was standing fifteen feet away with the person he was currently cheating with.
That was all kinds of messed up, and I’m sorry you were placed in that awkward position. ”
A shudder rolls through me at the memories of being asked to check Merritt’s phone when it went off.
I refused to read it out loud and just held the phone up for him to read.
I can still clearly see the lack of remorse on his face.
The rest of that day was awful. Messages rolled in, getting more heated, and I was asked to check his phone each time an incoming notification sounded.
At the end of the day, he never apologized or even acknowledged the situation before he left with a slimy smirk aimed at Tasha.
Years later, they still cause me headaches when he uses his influence to let their personal relationship affect how we make staffing decisions.
“And that’s just one of the reasons I have a firm self-imposed no fraternizing rule,” I remind her.
“But Mama, we’ve also seen how successful and drama-free romantic relationships can be. David and Kaley, Dr. Weblin and Caleb. Oh, oh, oh, Dr. Hannaway and Dr. Smith-Turner!” She ticks off couples we work with—an anesthesia provider and scrub tech, a surgeon and nurse, and a surgeon couple.
Now I’m the one flicking away what she says.
“Yes, there are healthy, no-drama couples. But there are at least twice as many that have all the drama that affect how we run the OR.” I straighten up and move towards the fridge.
“I just don’t ever want to be one of them, and the best way to ensure that is to.
Not. Get. Involved.” I say the last part over my shoulder.
A dull thud sounds when she jumps off the counter followed by soft steps as she comes up behind me, then she pushes the door closed over my shoulder and spins me around.
Clasping both my shoulders and putting her face right in mine, she asks, “Is Julian or Ian or Dr. Jacobs or whatever we’re calling him, opposed to coworkers getting together?
Because it sure seemed like he wasn’t.” I reluctantly shake my head.
“Then don’t shut him down. See what happens.
Come on Leena, I want to see more of the girl who had stars in her eyes when you told me about this dude.
Because even after you ran off and started questioning it, there was a part of you that was still totally giddy about the connection. ”
I want that version of me, too. I always have. But I’m scared.
To take a risk with Julian when I see how much drama can come from relationships between people in the OR, not to mention the infidelity that goes on, I’m not sure I want to put my heart on the line.
I really know nothing about this guy, besides our insane physical attraction, to chance the anguish, stress, and possible heartbreak if I give in.
I say as much to Charlie.
“Then just be open to getting to know him. Observe him, see how he treats people around him, and go from there.”
I hum noncommittally.
Narrowing her eyes but otherwise not acknowledging that I did not agree to her brilliant life advice, she proclaims, “Buck up, buttercup. We’re going out!
I think it is just what you need.” With a gleam in her eye, she starts bouncing, and clasps her hands to her chest. “Come on, dinner at Nonna’s? ”
The thought of eating the comforting food from Nonna’s right now while washing it down with one of their specialty drinks has my mouth watering. With a small smile, I agree.
“And we are both having a Showgirl,” she declares. Her hands come up, and she's pinching my cheeks in an attempt to lift the corners of my mouth. “The Pop Rock rim might finally bring a real smile to this beautiful face.”
Batting her hands away and feigning annoyance, we head out the door, and I’m once again grateful we both had the same start day that led me to my bestie.