Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Julian
As promised, Chelsea sent me my locker number and combination last night. So, with some time to kill before we begin rounds on the floor, I start unpacking. A restless night's sleep left me dragging this morning, leaving only enough time to change into my scrubs.
Connor’s lounging in the seat next to me talking while I, in an orderly manner, put away my standard locker essentials to tide me over if I get stuck here for days on end.
Toothbrush and toothpaste, three-in-one shampoo body wash, comb, deodorant, a couple changes of clothes, extra scrub caps, and my back-up hospital shoes.
Shortly after our first meeting, I was surprised to hear Connor left his position heading the Ortho Trauma Department at a Level I Trauma Center. At the top of his game, he walked away when he became a single father. I couldn’t fathom having to make that decision.
When he came to Palmetto Regional Medical Center, it was his mission to provide high quality orthopedic trauma care and keep Bayberry Park patients in Bayberry Park.
It now regularly boasts a complex twenty-plus patient service that is managed with ease, and that’s not even mentioning the many skills developed and strengthened by his guidance and leadership.
Connor has successfully implemented this massive undertaking, routinely consults on cases around the country, and continues to be a phenomenal doctor, but even with this thriving career, it’s clear he has a bigger point of pride.
Connor’s huge grin and shining eyes as he regales me with his daughter’s antics tells me fatherhood truly is his biggest priority.
It's funny to think how long I’ve been acquainted with him, but I don’t really know him as much more than my surgical mentor.
I’m looking forward to seeing this more personal side of him.
“That girl keeps me on my toes,” Connor says, a wide smile still on his face.
“Kids will do that. I definitely remember how my parents had to be on their game at all times with us,” I say.
He barks out a laugh, then nods in agreement. Shutting my locker with a snap, I glance at Connor. There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to him about, and there’s no time like the present, especially with him being so open this morning.
There has been a lingering flicker of jealousy I haven’t been able to let go of since hearing Leena call Connor by his first name.
It has only burned brighter since I’ve noticed that she refers to every other surgeon as Dr. So-and-so or just their last name, which is a pretty common practice in the OR.
I need to know what kind of relationship they have.
After I've finished stocking my locker, we make our way to the unit where most of our service’s patients are located for morning rounds. I try to subtly broach the topic of Leena. “So, tell me more about the OR staff. It seems we have a team pretty much dedicated to us.”
“Charlie is great. She is smart and quick, always able to anticipate your needs before you ask. Makes even the most difficult surgeries easier.” Taking the stairs two at a time, his words float back to me.
“There are other techs that are really great, but there are also some that you’re always hoping aren’t on call when it’s your weekend.
Those ones make me seriously contemplate holding cases until Monday. ”
“Okay, good to know.” Reaching the fourth floor landing, I ask, “What about nurses?”
Connor looks at me over his shoulder as he pushes through the door.
“Lately we’ve had Sarina assigned to our room, and honestly she’s been the best since we lost Leena.
Before she became clinical supervisor, she was our lead nurse and it's been a hard adjustment without her.” We both automatically pause at the hand sanitizer dispenser by the unit doors and rub the gel into our hands.
“Charlie and Leena are great on their own, but as a team? Fuck, everything was so seamless. Plus, they really are a trip together.” He chuckles.
“How’d they end up as the Ortho Trauma leads?”
“They were pretty new when I started. I think management wanted to foist them off on the newest surgeon, so they were frequently assigned to my room. But I guess the joke was on them because our service line became the most efficient. With them, our First Case On-Time Starts and turnover stats led all other rooms. So, I asked them to be our leads before another service line snatched them up.”
“Leena seems very competent. I’m guessing management took notice and snatched her up from under your nose?”
“Yep, and that’s when I saw how separately Charlie and Leena impacted our service. But like I said, Sarina is the first nurse to really fill that void. Her personality fits in well.”
This is it. With a slow breath, I try to maintain a neutral facade and ask, “Have you remained close with Leena?”
“Yeah. The way we were all thrown together, working closely for all those years, we became friends. And don’t tell anyone I said this, but I think she still takes a little extra care of us.
” Connor quickly glances at me then looks forward again.
“But I don’t think that’s what you mean.
My daughter is my priority, so beyond friendship, pursuing any personal relationships hasn’t been on my radar. ”
The tips of my ears heat as Connor side-eyes me, but I remain focused on where we are going.
“Until recently, no one’s tempted me that way.”
“Oh?”
He clears his throat before he speaks. “Hmm, she started working here last year. But as luck would have it, the first person to attract my attention in years would be in a relationship.”
I feel both relieved that Leena and Connor have only shared friendship between them, there is also sadness for my mentor.
Leena and I have this insane connection, but she has not made herself available to me because of her self-imposed professional boundaries rule.
If things were different and she was with someone else, my current yearning would be a terrible case of unrequited pining, just like Connor.
“I’m sorry, man. That can’t be easy.” Clapping his shoulder, I give him a small smile.
With a shrug, his face clears. “Alright, let’s get on with rounds.”
A large yawn escapes me as I stand at the scrub sink performing my usual hand antisepsis routine prior to the first surgery of the day, and I’m suddenly grateful I downed a cup of coffee—even the subpar lounge coffee—after rounds and seeing our first patient in pre-op.
With Connor taking a call, my mind inevitably wanders to Leena.
Seeing the confusion and hurt flash in her eyes when I remained politely detached this morning gutted me. After last night, I was in my head about scaring her off. But, my forced coolness will probably still end up hurting my chances with her.
When I apologized for moving too fast before, I also promised I would be on my best behavior. While I mean to keep that promise, it doesn’t mean I won’t let her know of my intentions to pursue her. After yesterday’s lapse in control, I’m just determined to do it the right way.
Navigating this has me floundering in ways I never have before. My romantic history sorely lacks any insight.
I had my fair share of hookups in college. It came easy being away on my own, and as a former athlete, I had plenty of athlete friends. Lots of girls always around. However, during medical school and residency, those dwindled with how busy I was.
I did have a steady short-term situationship during my fellowship.
We both knew the score and were too focused on our careers for anything more serious.
She was fun when we could find time to hang out, but when we were apart, I never really thought of her.
So, when she told me she met someone she could imagine a future with, I was relieved.
I’ve been celibate since, not due to lack of opportunity or attention—I’ve just had blinders on to anything but surgery.
Therefore, I should have been shocked when Leena rocked my world with one look from her expressive, vivid green eyes. Rather, it was as if something clicked into place inside me.
I’m starting to realize it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Right now, no one else needs to be privy to my feelings for her, but I can let her see my desire and longing for more while also maintaining control over my body’s reaction to her presence.
Yes, I want her physically. So much, I’m aching at the thought of her small body in my arms. Under me.
Over me. It doesn’t matter how, really. I just hope I get the chance to explore everything with Leena.
But I need to build her trust in me, trust that I will respect her boundaries and remain professional here at the hospital.
I don’t want to bulldoze my way through her walls, I want her to invite me in.
It will be like walking a tight rope to find that balance. But if slow and steady is how I get her to give me a chance, then I’m ready for a marathon. Leena is worth the effort. She is worth the wait.
My gaze floats into the window of our operating room I’m standing next to.
I spot Charlie standing off to the side, gowned and ready for surgery.
The nurse stands by the patient at the head of the bed while anesthesia administers medications necessary to place a breathing tube and render the patient unconscious for their surgery.
I leave Connor at the sink as he starts his own hand scrub and head into the room. “Charlie, it’s good to see you again,” I say as I approach.
“Good morning, Dr. Ian Jacobs,” she replies, draping a sterile towel over one of my hands.
Not missing the emphasis on my first name, I can’t quite grasp how she feels about me. If I had to guess, she’s heard about my faux pas this morning.
Before the nurse comes over to tie me up, I lower my voice and quickly say, “People have called me Ian since I was in high school, but most of my family and those closest to me still call me Julian. It felt right to introduce myself that way to Leena.” I lower my voice even more when I say her name, ever mindful of my girl's concerns.
“It still feels right for her to call me that. I want her to.”
Charlie stares me down as she holds out the gown for me to slip into, contemplating my earnestness.
I stand tall under her scrutiny, holding her gaze.
Part of my plan requires Charlie as an ally.
I’ll need to feel out where she stands on making Leena mine.
She seemed to approve at the restaurant, going so far as giving me that gentle nudge to go after her.
I’m hoping she hasn’t changed her mind, though.
I also need to tread carefully while I’m with Connor this week until I’m on my own. Until I am free to talk to her.
Unable to say more without the privacy this conversation deserves, I need her to see my sincerity where her friend is concerned.
With an indistinct hum, she finishes gloving me as the nurse comes over to tie up my gown. Only when I hand her the card attached to one of the front ties and spin around, do I break eye contact.
Connor comes in as anesthesia and the nurse are unlocking the bed, spinning it so we have plenty of space to work on the wrist fracture.
The rest of the day, and cases, go smoothly. In the evening, with nothing needing immediate surgical intervention, Connor and I head out.
When he came on board, he restructured the department so a PA would always be on site if the Emergency Department needed a consult.
If we are able to reach the hospital within twenty minutes, it is at the surgeon’s discretion to stay because incoming Trauma STATs usually allow enough time for us to get to the hospital while the emergency room physician and general trauma surgeon evaluate immediate needs.
Plus, with seven-day shifts, it allows us to go home regularly.
Staying with Jace while figuring out my housing is definitely a perk.
He lives close enough to the hospital that I won’t have to live in an on-call room during my shifts.
I’m disappointed I didn't get to see Leena for the rest of the day, not that I’m really surprised.
Earlier, as I was passing by the charge desk on my way to pre-op, I did overhear the charge nurse direct someone to her office.
You better believe I lingered under the guise of studying the large screen on the wall displaying the surgery schedule, all so I could see which door was hers.
In the hopes of seeing her walk out, yes, but also to catalogue any information about her that I can.