Chapter 36
I layin bed thinking about the day, the boat ride, the swim, the kiss. I’d started the day confused and as I lay there my mind showed me I still was. I’d opened up to her with fear in my heart. And the fear was still there. But not the same as it once had been. I wasn’t scared about being judged or that she would be calculating and use it against me in the future.
I was scared that piece by piece I would unravel and then what was left would show an empty soul. I thought about every conversation we’d had and every time I divulged something new…it had been both a relief and a burden. Because I didn’t understand why I was doing it.
I breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. I needed to situate myself. I was in bed. The sound of small waves lapping against the shore was constant. The lack of streetlights meant the only light came from the moon. I took another deep breath.
Kissing Jasmine had been better than I could have imagined. It was like I was alive for the first time in a long time. A fire had been stoked. A fire could be coaxed gently or it could erupt. I needed to keep it at the lower level. I needed to not lose myself completely.
I shook my head. I needed not to think about the fear of losing myself, but to enjoy the memory of the kiss. And enjoy Jasmine for all she was. That kiss had been fantastic.
I’d sort of been in a daze after it. Our afternoon had been just like any other afternoon when the kids got home. Was she lying in her bed now, two doors away, thinking about it? Would the morning be weird? Would she regret it?
* * *
Jasmine smiledat me as I entered the kitchen, gesturing to a cup on the bench. “Made your coffee for you.”
“Thanks.”
As I took the cup, I inhaled the strong aroma. Jasmine making a coffee for me was unexpected. I was usually the one making coffee. My stomach lifted. It may have been a small gesture, but it showed me what it was like to be cared for. I’d never really had that before from someone other than family.
“It’s not such a rush in the morning now the kids are on holidays, so I have more time.”
I grinned. “Did you make my breakfast too?”
She gave me a friendly nudge. “Don’t push your luck.”
“Does that mean a kiss is off the table too?” I turned her toward me. “It would make a great start to the morning.”
What the hell was I doing? I had no idea if Jasmine regretted the kiss or not. Maybe the coffee was her way of letting me down gently. She glanced in the direction of the kids’ bedroom. They were awake. I could hear Rose talking to Timmy.
Jasmine clasped the back of my neck and tilted her head up to mine. Our lips met for a moment, long enough for me to appreciate the softness of hers. She pulled away and ran her tongue across her lips just as Rose came running into the kitchen. So maybe the kiss wasn’t a once off.
This was madness. And I was embracing it.