Chapter 9 Katelyn
Katelyn
Head pounding, I open my eyes. The marble floor is cold beneath my cheek. What am I doing on the floor? But even as I think it, everything comes rushing back to me.
The screaming.
The profanity.
The fist.
A whimper leaves me as I sit up, my hands pressing against the cool stone as I pull myself up on the counter.
I run my hand over my slightly swollen belly, panic pushing through the pain.
What if this is the time that everything ends?
What if—my son kicks. A fluttering in my belly that eases the fear.
He’s okay.
Once again, Victor avoided the baby he hates.
With silent tears streaming down my cheeks, I study the destruction. A vase that once held flowers is shattered all over the granite island, the red rosebuds that were Victor’s last apology destroyed as well.
The glass he’d been drinking from last night has been shattered on the far wall, and the dinner I’d worked hard to prepare is cold and still sitting on top of the stove.
God, why me? Why is this happening to me? I lean backward, the sobs shaking my shoulders as I cover my mouth and try to remain silent. It’s doubtful Victor will wake anytime soon, but the fear sends tremors through my body.
So with one hand to cover my mouth, the other cradling the life growing within me, I stand in my destroyed kitchen, wishing I were anywhere but here. A steady beeping from my cell phone alerts me to the time.
I have thirty minutes to clean this up before the staff gets here. Not that it will matter. They’re all afraid, too. I could be bleeding to death on the floor, and I doubt that anyone would utter even a single word.
Not when the penalty for speaking up is them joining me in this hell.
The last thing I want is to put them in that predicament, so I’ll do what I always do. I’ll clean up, then go upstairs and use the fetal monitor to listen to the life I’m terrified he’ll rob me of…just as he robbed me of mine.
The night air is cold on my face as I step out onto the balcony, a mug of tea in my hand.
In the distance, lightning splits the sky even though the rain stopped about an hour ago.
Wind sends my hair flying around my face, and a few strands stick to my still-wet cheeks, thanks to the tears I’d woken up crying.
It’s always like that with one of my nightmares.
Each and every one is a reminder of what I escaped. What I’m still hiding from.
“You come out here often?”
I jump, the masculine voice a reminder of the screaming still fresh in my mind.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Garrison waves over at me from his balcony, a few feet away from mine and separated by a half wall.
“It’s okay. I guess I’m not quite awake yet.” I force a smile and press a hand to my heart. “What are you doing up?”
“Couldn’t sleep.” His expression is more serious than I’ve ever seen it.
“Are you okay? Kyle?”
“Everyone’s fine. How about you? Are you always up this early?”
“Not usually. I guess I was just having trouble, too.” I offer him a half-hearted smile, hoping that the shadows of the night will keep whatever remnants that remain of my nightmare hidden from view.
Still, when I meet his gaze, I can’t help but feel completely transparent. As though he can see down to the deepest, darkest pits of my soul.
Finally, he looks away, turning back to the sky as he grips the railing on his side with both hands. “Worried about baseball camp?”
I take a deep breath, so grateful he’s not prying on any other level. “That would be a yes. I’ve never spent a night away from him.”
“That’s going to be hard.”
“Understatement,” I reply with a soft laugh. “He’s my whole world.”
Silence settles around us, and I take a moment to breathe deeply, inhaling the salty sea air just beyond our porches. Silvery moonlight shines down on the ocean, illuminating the waves as they gently crash into the shore.
There’s a road between us and the ocean, but this view is one of the main reasons I chose this apartment. Because sitting here, looking out at it helps me realize that no matter how big my problems are—how vast the darkness may seem—it’s nothing but a blip compared to the depth of the ocean.
A single tear in a seemingly endless depth.
“You’re a great mom.”
Those four words rip me from my thoughts, and I turn toward him, unsure how to respond. Aside from Thomas telling me from time to time how much he appreciates me, no one has ever told me I was a great mom.
I’ve heard all the ways I was failing from Victor in the short month we stayed with him.
How my son shouldn’t need to cry and the only reason he did was because I wasn’t providing for him in the way all other moms did.
And I guess I never let anyone else close enough to see anything beyond the walls I’ve put up.
Yet standing here in the darkness with Garrison a few feet away from me, he manages to completely disarm me with four simple words.
“Th-thanks,” I finally say once the silence has stretched enough to be awkward.
He smiles, and a small dimple appears at the corner of his mouth, barely visible through his beard. “I just thought you should know.”
Heat flushes my cheeks. “I really appreciate you saying that.”
With a shrug, Garrison turns his attention back to the view beyond the porch, and with his gaze turned away from me, I can finally draw a deep breath to steady myself against the pull I feel toward a man I barely know.
It has to be because I saved his life.
Right?
“What about you?” I question, hoping to shift the conversation back to him.
“Eh, just restless, I guess. I don’t do well being cooped up.”
“You don’t look like a man who spends a lot of time inside.” Heat climbs up the back of my neck. “I mean, you just have the build of someone physically active.” Oh, come on, Katelyn. You might as well have told him you thought he was hot.
Garrison chuckles. “I don’t tend to spend a lot of time inside.”
“You do seem to be doing better, though.”
“I am definitely getting back to normal, and I’m seriously hoping to be cleared completely tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? That seems soon.”
“Doc Alex says I heal fast.” He winks at me, and my knees go weak.
Ridiculous, the effect he has on me. Haven’t I learned my lesson? Haven’t I suffered enough to know better? I take a sip of my tea. “I’m glad to hear it. Well, I’d better get inside and try to grab another hour or so of sleep. Thanks for the late-night chat.”
“Thank you,” Garrison replies, his gaze locked on mine. “I hope you sleep well, Katelyn.” The deep baritone of his voice warms me up from the inside.
“You, too.” I force a smile, then step back behind the separator that will provide some privacy from Garrison Holt.
I open and close the door, but don’t go inside. Instead, I settle back onto the patio chair and draw my knees up to my chest.
As the silent tears stream down my cheeks, I hear his door open and close softly. Will he go back to sleep? Or will he sit up the rest of the night, haunted by whatever ghosts he carries?
“You are so welcome, Mr. Jenkins. I hope you enjoy.” After sliding my notepad into my pocket, I move back toward the counter of the diner. It’s been a long few hours, but I’m nearly half-done with my shift.
“You doing okay?” Maddie, my boss and the owner of the diner, asks. Her grey hair is pulled back in a tight bun, her soft blue eyes full of concern.
“Yeah, why?”
“You just seem tired.”
“I didn’t sleep well.”
“Ahh. Baseball camp. That’s coming up fast.”
“Yes.” I turn toward where Thomas is sitting at a back booth, his homework open in front of him. “Seven days away.”
“I wish I could tell you it gets easier the older they get. My Diana is twenty-six with kids of her own, and I still miss her every day.”
Tears burn in the back of my throat as I turn back toward Maddie. “I am trying not to think about that.”
Maddie laughs softly, then reaches forward and covers my hand with hers. “Getting to see how they handle what’s thrown at them makes the journey worth the heartache.”
The bell overhead dings, so I cover her hand with my other one and squeeze gently. “Remind me of that sometimes, will ya?”
“Anytime, darling girl.” She pulls her hand back and winks, so I turn to greet the newest customer.
“Hey, Mr. Holt!” Thomas calls out.
I hate that my heart jumps in my chest at the mere mention of him. But it does. My treacherous body is delighted to know that he’s so close even though my brain is screaming for distance. For safety.
Plastering a smile on my face, I hope doesn’t look nearly as fake as it feels, I turn toward him. Only to find him settling into the booth across from my son. Those alarm bells turn even more frantic, a deafening screech that has the blood pumping in my ears.
On shaky legs, I make my way over toward him. Thomas’s smile is wide as he talks to the man across from him, but I can’t hear a single thing over my hammering pulse.
When I reach the edge of the table, my son and Garrison both turn toward me.
“Hey, Mom, I invited Mr. Holt to eat with me since he’s alone.”
“That’s so sweet.” I smile. “What about your homework?”
“I ran into an issue with algebra. But I’ll figure it out.”
“I’m actually pretty good with algebra. Can I see?” Garrison asks.
My heart leaps. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t mind. Math and science happen to be two of my favorite subjects.” He flashes a grin my way, and my stomach twists.
I want to pull Thomas away from him. Not because I’m worried about his safety with Garrison but because I’m worried about my own. About what will happen to my heart if I watch this man grow closer to the most important person in my life.
And what if we have to leave again? What if I have to pull Thomas away from someone else he’s grown close to?
We’re not moving, I remind myself of the promise I made when we first set foot into Stormwatch Landing.
Even if the fight finds me here, I will stand my ground. My son will graduate with his new friends. He will finish high school at one school. Not two, not three. One.
So, with that in mind, I take a deep breath and turn toward Garrison, who is already focused on the math book in front of him. “Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
He shifts that ridiculously gorgeous gaze my way. “Water and a burger with pepperjack cheese, onion rings, and a side of ranch, please.”
“You’ve got it.” I turn toward Thomas. “Did you decide what you wanted yet?”
“The same as Mr. Holt,” he says. “Please.” The grin on his face breaks my heart because I can see right through it.
He looks up to Garrison. And it only highlights the emptiness I have worried about since Thomas was young. I do my best, but I’m only one person, and I know he wishes he had a dad.
“Sure thing, honey.” With tears gathering in the corners of my eyes, I turn away and move back toward the counter to turn the order in to Maddie’s husband, who works the kitchen.
As I do, I hear Thomas’s laughter ring out through the diner, followed closely by Garrison’s, and the combined sound makes my heart ache in a way I’m not prepared for.
It makes me long for a future that feels completely out of reach.