28. Weston
Weston
“So, marriage, huh?” Sawyer drops down on the couch beside me, freshly showered and wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. “I haven’t really had the chance to talk to you about everything Zane said at the gym when you were letting Ryker beat the snot out of you.”
I snort. Leave it to Sawyer to soften even the hardest of topics with his sarcasm.
“Shouldn’t you be getting to bed? You do have an early shift at Anastasia’s coffee house tomorrow,” I reply. Garrison is going with him, too, though he’s still awake. Reese is the only one who turned in for the night, leaving the rest of us to do what we do best: prepare for war.
“I’ll get there.” He eyes me curiously, so I set down the list that Garrison made of all possible targets. Garrison, Zane, and Ryker are both looking at the same list, trying to narrow it down just like I am. But so far, any one of these seventy-two targets could be the one.
When Sawyer doesn’t say anything else, I lean back on the couch and run both hands over my face. “Get it out now so we can move on.”
“I’m not trying to pry,” he says. “I just—I’m sorry, man.
” His tone changes, shedding his typical Sawyer-ish charm.
It catches me off guard. I’ve only known Sawyer to be serious a couple of times.
The most recent was when his fiancée, Anastasia, had been in danger.
“I haven’t had the chance to tell you that, and I wanted to say it now. ”
Briefly, I look over to the other three members of my team, who are all watching the interaction. Ryker’s tense, as if he’s prepping for a fight. Why? Because he thinks I’d take out my anger on Sawyer? Am I truly that violent?
Zane’s look is more curious. As if he’s been wanting to bring up this very subject but hasn’t gotten around to it yet. Same thing with Garrison. Frustration eats at my already sour mood.
“It’s in the past.” I reach for the list again, though I can’t focus on anything else.
“That doesn’t make it hurt less,” he says. “Losing your sister, unborn baby, and your wife? All at the same time?” He shakes his head. “You’re the strongest man I’ve ever met, Cowboy. Just one of those things would have leveled me.”
I doubt that. Sawyer has this strength about him that I’ve always respected. This ability to take the darkest circumstances and add light.
“I’d second that,” Ryker offers.
“Same,” Zane adds.
Garrison simply nods.
My throat constricts as an onslaught of emotion hits me. I’ve spent so many years running from this that the constant reminder has worn those walls down entirely. I’m exhausted and so ready to move forward—whatever that may look like.
“It did level me. I turned to alcohol and fighting to cope. I was doing everything I could to destroy myself. Not even Zane could pull me out. If it weren’t for Leopold—”
“You’re still standing, Cowboy. And that’s not for nothing,” Ryker says.
“Only because other people kept pulling me up,” I retort, my gaze landing on Zane. How many times did he try to sober me up in those months when I lost myself? Even after Tessa left him, he’d fought for her.
He was driven by his desire to get her back, but I just gave up.
“You did the same for me when I lost Tessa.”
Truth be told, I barely remember that time.
But I do know that I should have done more.
I was already so angry that it was gasoline on an already deadly fire.
“I don’t need to be coddled,” I snap. “I wanted to die and did everything I could to fast-track that. Pretending I’m something that I’m not just because I didn’t succeed is not helpful. ”
“This whole beating up on yourself thing is getting old,” Sawyer quips. “Just once, take the compliment.” He gets to his feet. “Ryker once told me that I struggled to see the good in myself. You make me look like a ray of confident sunshine.”
I don’t know why, but the comparison makes me grin. It releases all tension in my chest, and I shake my head. “Now I can’t see anything but sunshine shooting out of you.”
“Ray of light,” Sawyer replies with a grin. “That’s what I am. Just ask Anastasia.”
“She’s in love with you, so asking her won’t do me any good.
” I run my hands over my face. “Look, guys, I’ve spent two decades running from those days.
From the guilt I carried over taking Reese to bed in the first place, marrying her on a whim when I should have done it right, then not being there for her because I was so strangled by my own pain.
Ever since Reese showed back up, I’ve been reliving every single moment, over and over again. ”
“It leaves you raw,” Garrison offers.
“Understatement. I just—if somehow this is my second chance with her, I don’t want to mess it up. And with Brenda in the mix…” I take a deep breath. “I don’t even know what the future holds, so it seems like a waste of time to worry about it.”
“Not a waste of time,” Garrison offers. “We’ll find her and handle this.” His tone is sharp, leaving no room for argument. “Just like any other mission.”
The five of us fall silent, and my thoughts drift over the missions we’ve completed in the past. More times than not, I’ve marched into danger right alongside these men. They are my brothers in every sense of the word.
My family.
“Like any other mission,” I agree, then clear my throat. “I have an idea, but I don’t think any of you are going to like it.”
“I already don’t,” Sawyer offers.
“What are you thinking?” Zane asks.
“You let me draw her out.”
“Absolutely not,” Sawyer says.
“You barely made it out alive,” Garrison adds. “And you’re still healing.”
“I had Reese to worry about. Keep her safe, and let me do what I do best.”
Ryker shakes his head. “Cowboy, that’s a risk. Even for you.”
“I’m the wild card, remember?”
“Except Brenda knows us. She knows how we strategize. Which means she will have already planned for whatever you can throw her way.”
“Then we don’t strategize,” I reply.
“So you want to take on a psychopath who is likely well-funded and connected in ways that granted her the ability to escape a high-security prison, without a plan?” Sawyer asks. “Still craving that death wish? Because that’s one way to get it.”
“No.” Truth be told, for the first time in two decades, I want to survive. “But there is no future for any of us while she’s out there. She wanted me to do a job, so I’ll let her think I plan to do it.”
“She’s not going to just accept that you had a change of heart,” Ryker comments.
“No. But she’ll believe I want to do it to protect all of you.”
“She’ll put a bullet in you the first chance she gets.” Zane gets to his feet. “We won’t risk your life for this, Weston. Especially not when there might still be another way.”
“How’s that?”
“I don’t know yet,” he tells me. “But there has to be.”
“If we sit here and wait, we might as well sign our own death certificates. You know I’m right.”
Brenda is a lot of things, and unfortunately, cunning is at the top of that list. She managed to throw our last mission as SEALs so far off the rails that we nearly landed in prison. That was right before she swept in and ‘saved the day,’ by offering us jobs with her government agency.
From the moment we met her, she was playing a game none of us realized we were pawns in.
There is no way she comes here without a plan. Which means we have to get to her first. The lives of everyone in this house depend on it.
With everyone turned in for the night, I move through the silent house.
Ryker is on watch outside, sitting on the roof of the house, a rifle in hand.
Sawyer and Garrison are sleeping upstairs, with Sawyer crashing in Reese’s room while she sleeps in her mother’s room.
Garrison is in the spare room where I slept last night, and Zane is sleeping on the couch.
It’s dark and quiet—which is not a good combination for a man trapped in his own thoughts.
I head up the stairs, still able to avoid the ones that creak even after all this time, and step onto the landing. After passing where Garrison and Sawyer are sleeping, I pause at the end of the hall just outside Vivian’s room. The door is slightly ajar, so I push it open.
Aragorn lifts his head from where he’s sleeping on the edge of her bed, his ears perked. As soon as he sees me, his tail starts thumping, so I move in to pat him on the head and check in on Reese.
I just need to see her.
Need to know that she’s safe.
Her red hair is splayed across the pillow, a sea of color against the white fabric. As I start to turn away, she reaches out and grabs my arm. The contact jolts me, but I settle quickly when I see her looking up at me.
Slowly, I kneel beside her bed, keeping her hand in mine. “I just wanted to check on you,” I whisper.
“Is everything okay?” Her expression is drowsy, her eyes still heavy with sleep.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Do you want half of the bed? I can scoot over.” She starts to move, but I shake my head.
“Nah. I’m okay.” Even as badly as I want to hold her again, it’s a bad idea. I’m volatile right now, and the last thing I want to do is end up doing the exact thing I’ve avoided since she got pregnant.
I’m not strong enough to deny myself the one thing I’ve been craving since the day I lost it.
“You’re sure?” Brow furrowed, she looks up at me and yawns.
“Positive. Goodnight, Reese.” I love you. How I long to say those three words. But without knowing what’s on the horizon, it feels unfair to her. What if I don’t make it out of this? What if I love her in this short period of time, just to leave her alone in the long run?
“Goodnight, Weston.” She smiles at me and settles back down into the blankets, so I stand and walk around the bed, petting Aragorn as I go. But instead of heading down the hall toward the living room, I take a seat right outside her door, then lean back against the wall and close my eyes.