Chapter 33 Ruger
Ruger
You did the right thing, Walter says as we sit in the coffee shop after hours, nursing beers instead of lattes. His hand is steady on my shoulder, and it feels like he’s holding me together with that one touch.
I nod. I know.
The truth is, the past few days have been a slow dismantling of me. I’ve stacked wood. Untangled fishing line. Cleaned every square inch of my house. Kept my hands busy because when I stop, I swear I can hear my heart breaking apart piece by piece.
If she doesn’t marry me, I don’t know how to move forward.
A knock at the door drags me from my thoughts. Brandt’s face fills the window, grinning, carrying two six-packs and a book tucked under his arm. The grin fades when he sees me.
Not the face I was expecting at your bachelor party, he says as Walter lets him in.
I drag the heels of my palms into my eyes until colour sparks. The pain is sharp, but it doesn’t come close to the ache sitting in my ribs.
I think you need to tell him, son, Walter murmurs.
I exhale heavily and meet my friend’s eyes.
Long story short, Wrenley didn’t come here for me, I say.
Her career imploded, and she was trying to find a way into the fashion industry in the States.
Remi helped put the whole thing together, but they needed someone willing to fake a marriage, and that someone ended up being me.
Brandt blinks. You agreed to commit a felony for a woman you barely met?
Well, when you put it like that, it sounds significantly worse, I say. You didn’t hear what happened before all this. Her boss was an abusive asshole who used his position to destroy her career because he decided he wanted someone else.
Men are gross, Walter says into his beer.
I still feel like I’m missing part of the story, Brandt says.
I take a breath. I fell in love with her, I say. And then she got a job offer that’s impossible to ignore, and so we’re taking some space before the wedding to make sure this is what she wants.
Doesn’t she live with you?
She’s staying with Remi for now.
That explains why Remi was busy last night, he mutters.
Walter and I look at Brandt.
A faint flush creeps up his neck.
I just figured you’d be busy with Wrenley last night, he says, attempting a course correction. I wanted a beer and some company, so I thought, hey! Remi!
Why not me? Walter asks.
Same reason. You have a wife.
What about Zeke? I ask. He had to leave camp early because he sprained his ankle. You could’ve called him.
What is this? An interrogation? Brandt says. Let’s get back to the real issue. You’re heartbroken. Now, couldn’t you have saved yourself the trouble by just letting Remi marry her?
Walter snorts. Yeah, right. The girl who used to go door to door, trying to sell Backstreet Boys posters to fund a trip to marry Nick Carter? This whole town would’ve laughed themselves sick.
I huff a laugh despite myself. God, the Backstreet phase was bad. Almost as bad as the sparkly vampire one.
Robert Pattinson, Walter and Brandt say in unison.
Walter points. Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Brandt grins faintly, handing him a cold one. For a moment, it almost feels normal.
Still, Walter says, cracking it open. Easier to sell her marrying Ruger than marrying Remi.
Wait. Am I the last to know this was fake?
In your defense, I mutter, you’ve been out at camp.
Maybe I should just move here, Brandt sighs. Feels like I miss all the juicy stuff.
Maybe if you didn’t always have your nose in a book… I tease, managing a ghost of a smile.
He punches my arm lightly. I should’ve known. You settling down never tracked.
Walter chuckles. Don’t feel bad. You’re actually one of the few who do know.
Who else knows?
Just Walter, Remi, Wrenley, and me, I say. As far as I’m aware.
Sheesh, Brandt says, leaning back. A fake engagement turned into you finding the one.
I nod once. The one doesn’t even cover it.
My life has always been filled with silence. I made it that way by design, by living in a small town and being perpetually single.
But with Wrenley, silence isn’t empty. It’s peace and warmth.
It’s climbing under the heaviest quilt on the coldest night and knowing you’ll be safe until morning.
This time without her has felt nothing like that.
It has felt restless and raw, like some essential part of me is missing and my body hasn’t figured out how to function without it.
I still don’t get it, Brandt says. If you both want each other, why would some job matter?
Because she picked the man over her dream once before, I say. I can’t let her do that again. All I can do is put on my wedding suit, walk into the Cultural Center, and pray she’s going to be there too.
What if she decides at the last minute to not go through with it? Brandt asks. What if you show up and you don’t get married?
I pause before I answer. I’ve already asked this question to myself one hundred different times.
I know what I want is to let her go quietly, and on the outside, I will.
I’ll smile and tell her I’m proud of her if that’s what she needs from me.
But inside, it’ll tear me apart. I’ll spend months reaching across my bed for a woman who isn’t there.
I’ll see her favourite mug in my cupboard and wish I were still sharing my coffee with her.
But I’ve accepted that her happiness matters more than my preferred ending.
Then it’ll be the worst day of my life, I say honestly. But I’ll learn to live with it.
Walter lifts his beer. We should toast.
What are we toasting? Brandt asks. Potential misery? The complete collapse of Ruger’s happiness?
You should never do toasts, I say.
Courage, Walter says. To whatever comes next.
Brandt arches a brow at me, waiting. Slowly, I raise my own bottle, deciding I will drink to courage, because it’s exactly what I need.
We all clink bottles and take a drink.
For the record, Walter says, I think she’s going to show up.
Brandt nods. Same.
I can’t let myself be too hopeful because it will only add to the devastation.
But still, I say, I appreciate the vote of confidence.
Your last name is Seale, Walter adds. It’d be a shame if you didn’t ‘Seale’ the deal.
Brandt and I both make a face while Walter looks proud of himself.
That was horrible, Brandt says.
Neither of you should ever do toasts, I say.
Well, too bad, Brandt says, because I’ve got one more.
Oh God.
Brandt lifts his bottle. To Ruger.
Walter raises his. To Ruger.
I stare at the two men across from me, and I can’t help the small smile that tugs at my lips. At least I have two amazing friends to help me through this, no matter how it goes.
With that thought, I lift my beer.
To me.
The next day, I’m getting ready for work. I’m just pulling my shirt on when I hear my front door open. Immediately, my heart quickens, and I rush out of my room, equally hopeful it’s Wrenley but also scared.
When I’m halfway down the stairs, disappointment washes over me as I’m met by my sister.
Hey, she says.
Are you—
She holds up her hand. I don’t have any messages from Wrenley, she says. I just came to grab a few things she forgot.
There’s a part of me that’s relieved to hear she’s only picking up a few things and not all the rest of her stuff.
It means Wrenley hasn’t made any decisions yet.
Of course, that also means Wrenley hasn’t made any decisions yet.
Since she left, I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time looking at my phone, checking the driveway, and wondering if every notification is going to be the one that changes anything.
In doing that, I’m also deeply aware that Wrenley isn’t the kind of person who would tell me her choice over the phone.
This waiting thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
She’s good, though? I ask, unable to help myself.
Remi nods. As good as she can be, given the circumstances.
We stand in silence for a moment.
You know, I’m really proud of you, Remi says.
My brows knit together. You are?
Yeah, she says. I know it couldn’t have been easy to let Wrenley go.
I’ve seen how you look at her, and I know whatever you feel for her is deeper than anything you’ve felt before.
The way you two are together… She trails off and smiles softly.
It made me believe that maybe people really do find the person they’re supposed to spend their life with. You know, outside my books.
I always assumed most of what I felt for Wrenley lived inside me, tucked away in the moments we shared together.
The realization that Remi noticed it makes me feel strangely exposed, like something I thought belonged only to us has been visible all along.
At the same time, I’m grateful for it. At least I know I got to experience a love that seeps out and touches the people around you.
Thanks, I say. I’ll let you do what you gotta do. I’m going to head out to work.
She nods and starts up the stairs while I continue down.
At the bottom, I stop and turn. Rem?
She looks over her shoulder. Yeah?
For what it’s worth, I think that person is out there for you too.
She scoffs in her typical Remi fashion. I appreciate the sentiment, but I like my romantic drama in fiction only.
I chuckle. Whatever you say.
Yeah, she agrees with a playful smile. Whatever I say.
You’re a pain in my ass, I say, but I love you. And I’m grateful for all you’re doing, especially now.
Love you too, significantly bigger pain in my ass.
She gives me one last smile before heading up the stairs.
I watch my sister, knowing I’m right. Remi deserves someone who sees everything she is and knows how damn lucky they are. Even if she’s convinced she doesn’t want them.