Chapter 7 – Emma
CHAPTER 7
EMMA
I t cracks me up when men talk about how women are complicated and send missed signals. I made it clear from the moment we met that I was attracted to him. We’re adults. I have no problem keeping things casual if he wants the same.
But when he kissed me– and the way he looked at me…
I huffed, shooing off the butterflies in my gut as I tramped through the brush. With one look, I thought we were about to grow old and have a pile of babies–definitely not a thought I ever expected to invade my mind. Then, on top of it , he immediately clammed up afterward like he’d just walked in on his great granny in the shower.
I have no idea what the hell he wants from me, and honestly, I don’t care anymore. I’d been married to my career long enough to be fine with dying alone. Minimal complications, no strings, no man messing with my peace… But one kiss in the middle of the jungle in the pouring rain made me stop and re-evaluate everything I thought I wanted.
A bush snagged my shirt, slicing the skin open underneath my collarbone. Dammit! I took a step backward and tried to unhook the fabric. A long thorn stuck into my thumb, sending pain shooting into my hand.
“Ouch!” I yanked my hand back. “I can’t wait for this to be over,” I muttered.
“You alright?” He asked.
“I’m fine, thanks.” Just fucking peachy… Squeezing my thumb I examined the bead of blood appearing where I’d been stabbed.
Three hours into the next day of hiking, and he’d barely made eye contact with me. Obviously he regretted everything about this "job" of his, especially the part involving the mistake of kissing me, and that was okay. That should have put me at ease. We're both running on pure adrenaline and being in such an intense situation is bound to bring certain impulses to the forefront.
The mind finds ways to distract itself from stress.
So, why am I so annoyed by his ignoring me?
I’d memorized the exact shade of blue in his eyes, and my heart fluttered at the thought of him looking back at me.
How come I can’t stop thinking about him?
I've never been kissed like that before.
And even worse–it hurts like hell to think he’ll never kiss me like that again.
My shoe stuck into a mucky mud puddle and made a sucking noise as I pulled it out. I looked ahead and did my best to step where he did since he seemed to have a sense for where the dead leaves and twigs would keep him from sinking into the soft ground.
A therapist would tell me that this is a classic trauma-bond situation. I went over it in my head, looking through the cold, analytical lens of someone without emotional bias. The trail broadened and I let my mind process everything. Obviously I can’t fall in love with a man I don’t know, right? Love requires some common goals and interests, intellectual respect for thoughts, beliefs and philosophies of their partner.
He glanced back at me as if to make sure I was still there and continued on, not losing a single step.
This is a man that's used to going it alone.
That's probably why he ran hot and cold on me. He was so out of touch with how to interact with other humans outside of his little SEAL club that it was better to just forgo it altogether.
“Actually, I need a minute.” I wiped the sweat off my face, and crossed the path to sit on a fallen tree. It felt hollow as I sat on it, but it held despite being half rotted out. My butt felt like it was vibrating–most likely from over-exertion.
He let out a heavy sigh and trudged back toward me. “The more time we spend sitting down, the longer it will take to get back.”
"No shit, Sherlock." And with people somewhere within a thirty-mile radius actively trying to kill us, our best shot at surviving was to keep moving. But I just didn’t have it in me.
“I get it, believe me.” My throat tightened as I rubbed my temples. “I’m just… reaching the end of my rope here, and I need…” Tears rushed to my eyes and I trailed off, folding my arms to hug myself as I looked back up toward the mountain where we’d been a few hours earlier.
He crouched down, perching on his heels a few feet away and took a deep breath. “I know you’re tired.”
Understatement. I’d pushed through exhaustion, hunger, and stress that was so far beyond anything I’d experienced that I’d finally hit a wall. I feared I couldn’t take another step.
“I’ll be fine.” I sniffled, holding back tears. “I just need a minute.”
My heart raced as I struggled to slow my breathing and control the early warning signs of a panic attack. I just needed to think about something else. Anything but the fact that I was on an island and might not live to see the beach again.
“Did Jax ever tell you how we met?” Nathan smiled softly, threading his fingers together.
I sighed, shrugging slightly. “It was in A-school, right?”
“We graduated boot camp at the same time. We were stationed down at a Navy base in Mississippi.” He slapped a mosquito on the back of his neck. “There wasn’t a lot to do in the town where the base was, so a bunch of us got together to go see a baseball game.”
“Jax isn’t into baseball.” I scrunched my chin.
“Neither was I.” He laughed. “We were just that bored. In bootcamp you don’t get to listen to music or really do anything to keep your mind occupied, so the thought of just getting back out into the world was a pretty exciting prospect all on its own.”
“It’s easier to brainwash people when you completely cut them off from the world.” I rested my elbows on my knees.
“Something like that.” He nodded. “Anyway, none of us had any alcohol for months. We didn’t have an ounce of fat on us after boot camp. So when we all went down to a pub to have a few beers… Things got out of hand pretty quick.”
“What happened?”
“We missed our train back to base, and we had a hell of an adventure figuring out how to get back before curfew. We thought we’d just been through all that hell, and we were about to get dishonorably discharged before we could even make it to our first station.”
“Well, obviously, you made it back in time, or you wouldn’t have had such long, successful careers.”
“We caught a train and piled into a cab and ran the last three miles.” He shook his head. “But yeah, we made it back to check in with less than five minutes to spare.”
“Did you guys hit it off right away?”
“We were at each other’s throats the entire day, actually.” He scratched his neck where the mosquito had bitten him. “I thought he was boring and too serious. He no doubt thought I was loud and obnoxious… Looking back, we were both right.”
A melancholy expression clouded his brow, and my heart sank a little.
“Jax gets that same look in his eyes when he thinks about the past.” I shifted my weight as the high-pitched buzz of a large mosquito darted past my ear and I swatted at it. “Even good memories seem like they make him sad these days.”
A faint buzzing noise tinged the air around us, and the lull of the frogs and crickets thrummed from the branches overhead.
“Things definitely felt different after we served.” He pressed his lips together. “It’s like you could draw a line through our lives… before SEAL Team Six and after it.”
“I don’t really know the exact details of what happened, but I know you lost some close friends.” I reached out and put my hand on his. “I’m sorry.”
“Our work is dangerous.” He cleared his throat and stood up. “Sometimes things go wrong. It’s just a part of life.”
“I guess so– Ouch!” A burning sensation jabbed into the back of my thigh and I frantically swatted at it. Something black with prickly legs and wings fell to the ground.
The buzzing of wings grew louder as I looked closer at my legs, realizing that my black pants were crawling with dozens of shiny black wasps, their skinny bodies glinting like obsidian under the sun.
“Shit!” I sprang to my feet, brushing them off furiously.
“Oh, God.” Nathan started swatting them out of my hair and off my back. A swarm of angry wasps poured out of the log, forming a horrifying cloud of winged sociopaths. “Emma, I think you sat on their nest! Let's run!”
Panic surged through my veins as I yelped and bolted down the trail and through the trees, not caring about the thorny bushes as they tore at my skin. My legs felt like a hundred sharp, spiny legs were crawling under my pants, biting and stinging.
“Go!” Nathan yelled behind me as I manically stripped my shirt off over my head.
I kicked off my shoes and pants, like they were on fire and ran faster than I’ve ever run in my life. A steep ledge ahead registered just in time for me to skid to a stop, shredding the tender bottoms of my feet as I slapped at the wasps still clinging to my skin. Nathan, also mostly naked, barreled through the trees, followed by the swarm.
Looking over the ledge, I spotted a river that fed into a pool about twenty feet below. My heart pounded in my chest as I mustered the courage to make the jump. The swarm of venomous insects buzzing closer left me no choice. Taking a deep breath, I launched myself into the air.
For a split second, I was weightless, the thrill of freefall mingling with a rush of fear. The wind roared past my ears, and I instinctively rotated my arms to avoid a belly flop. The feeling of falling was both exhilarating and terrifying.
I hit the water feet-first, and a sharp sting shot through my legs as they pierced the surface. The impact sent a shockwave through my body, but the cold water instantly numbed my skin, providing relief from the painful stings of the insects.
As I plunged deeper, the frigid water engulfed me, soothing the burning welts on my skin. I surfaced with a gasp, the icy chill seeping into my bones. I wiped the water out my eyes and looked up to see if Nathnan was going to make the jump too. I heard him rustling through the trees and swam backward to give him space in the pool.
Nathan made it to the ledge, spotted me, and jumped just as a dark cloud of wasps began to surround him.
I watched the swarm, wondering if it would pursue Nathan as he bolted down to the pool, but they hovered above as he hit the water.
Moments later, Nathan surfaced next to me, his hair plastered to his forehead, water streaming down his face. He gasped for air, then flashed a grin that made my heart skip a beat.
“Well, that was refreshing,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Next time, let's try a spa day instead.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, the tension of the past few minutes melting away. Despite everything, Nathan’s humor was like a lifeline, pulling me back from the edge of panic.
“Yeah, I’ll pencil it in,” I replied, rolling my eyes but smiling back at him.
“Good, because I’m not sure how many more of these death-defying jumps I have left in me,” he said, still grinning.
We floated there for a moment, catching our breath and enjoying the brief respite from danger. Nathan looked back at where he'd jumped from, the cloud of wasps churning in the air, but not descending toward us. The adrenaline coursing through my veins left me both exhilarated and drained. For now, we're safe.
“I think they gave up.”
Bobbing there in the water, his eyes captured mine and inevitably, my gaze drifted down to those kissable lips.
Get your head on straight , I told myself.
“Crap.” I pinched the water out of my nose. “We'll have to go back for our clothes at some point. Do you think they’ll come after us again?”
“I mean… we don’t have to.” He grinned. I rolled my eyes and splashed him in the face. Surprisingly, his smile shone through my attempt to wipe it off his face. This man's utterly incorrigible.
We swam toward the shore, and although his flirty remark warmed me, more hot and cold is the last thing I need from this joker.
Real love is not based on fuzzy feelings and sexual chemistry. I pulled myself up onto the rocks. I’m an educated person, you’d think I’d be beyond having to reason with myself about this stuff. And yet…