Chapter 13 – Nathan
CHAPTER 13
NATHAN
I remember the last time I felt a pit like that form in my stomach. The memory of Ben’s final moments is as clear to me as if it were happening right now.
Our buddy Ben got wounded on a mission in Africa, his lower half mangled beyond repair thanks to an IED going off under the JTLV he was driving.
We didn't even try to keep him alive. There’s only so much you can do in the field to keep a man from bleeding out—and you can't tourniquet someone at the ribs.
I’ll never forget his last moments. The look in his eyes—I thought he’d accept what was coming, the peace that awaits us all. Instead, to my horror, he was angry as hell, mad that the inevitable was coming instead of accepting it. Absolutely zero percent of him was okay with his fate. His determination, resilience, and the overwhelming feeling that he had been wronged were palpable as death quickly closed in.
The last words from a man have to be his most meaningful.
Of all the lessons learned in your life, big and small, only the ones that matter remain at the forefront of your mind.
In those final moments, with all of us huddled around him, some having to look away in fear and disgust, Ben looked each of us in the eye. His voice was weak, but it grabbed us all to the core.
“Promise me,” he said, his bloody grip shakily tightening on my hand. “Do something with your lives besides getting blown up. I wish I could fix... all the things I’ve broken.”
We nodded, each of us choking back tears. His eyes bore into mine as each muscle in his remaining torso, arms, and face started to go limp. “I promise,” I whispered.
We held his gaze until the light left his eyes, carrying his last wish with us like a sacred duty.
His words echo in my mind daily.
I wish I could fix... all the things I’ve broken.
I don't want that to be my final thought.
Looking down at Emma when I thought she’d drowned didn’t feel like losing a hostage… Didn’t feel like letting down Jax. It felt like losing... everything.
The moment her eyes fluttered open, a lightning bolt of hope and fear shot through me. I knew if I was going to get her off this island, it needed to be now, not eventually. I couldn’t let Ben’s warning go ignored. I couldn’t face another moment like that, not with her.
Desperation clawed at me, the urgency pressing down like a weight on my chest. I had to protect her, to do whatever it took to ensure she survived. The sound of her coughing, the feel of her cold, wet skin against mine, brought me back from the edge. I wasn’t going to let her slip away. Not now, not ever.
Ben’s face flashed before my eyes, his dying wish a haunting reminder of the promises we made. I wouldn’t fail him. I wouldn’t fail her. I had to be stronger, smarter, and more determined than ever before. Because losing Emma… that wasn’t an option. She wasn’t just another mission.
And so, with a renewed sense of purpose, I gently lifted her, cradling her against me as I made a vow to myself. No matter the cost, no matter the danger, I would get her off this island. I would keep her safe. The clock was ticking, and every second counted.
After ensuring she could stand on her own, we wasted no time debating options. We assessed our surroundings. Doubling back through the dense jungle seemed like a waste of precious time. Instead, we decided to follow the river, reasoning that it would eventually lead us to the ocean. From there, we could navigate the coastline to reach the hidden location where I’d stashed our plane.
With every step, the jungle seemed to close around us, its thick foliage and treacherous terrain offering constant reminders of the dangers lurking. The river’s current was our guide, its rushing waters providing a sense of direction amidst the oppressive heat and relentless insect swarms.
Emma's occasional stumbles and my own weary legs bore testament to our shared exhaustion, but the memory of Ben's final words spurred me on. We had to keep moving. Each step was a step closer to safety, to survival, to a future beyond the chaos of this forsaken place.
Eventually, the trees began to thin, the distant sound of crashing waves growing louder with each passing minute. The sight of the ocean on the horizon brought a glimmer of hope. We quickened our pace, the sandy beach within reach, our plane and our escape waiting just a few miles ahead.
A shock to comprehend, a small resort town nestled where the river met the ocean.
After the grueling few days we've been through, the pain we endured, the multiple times our lives were on the brink of being snuffed out... seeing a couple happily walking down the shore with coconut cocktails in their hands has to be the most surreal sight I've ever seen.
Beyond them, a small grass hut serving drinks barked out as a blender turned on. Pina Coladas?
We spotted a cafe and a cluster of bungalows. My goal when reaching the shoreline was to huff it double-time to the plane, but the draw of an actual meal, a shower, and a nap?
‘Dammit, Nathan! We're taking a break, even if it kills us."
I considered her words and looked about the edge of town, seeing only pasty-white tourists, seniors sipping boozy beverages through flexi-straws, and drink runners going from a small tiki bar made out of palm fronds to lounging tourists no doubt burning to a crisp.
In a brief lapse of judgment, I couldn't agree more with Emma's demand.
Besides the promise of boozy coconut drinks and a shower, we desperately needed food and rest. Rather than blindly follow what I saw as the mission, we decided to check into a hotel.
The front desk clerk raised an eyebrow at us as we walked up to his counter. I glanced at Emma. Between my blood schmeared across her in various places, her bra barely hanging on by the last frazzled thread, and her poor sunburnt... everything, she looked like she might have a zombie bite hidden somewhere on her too.
"We, um, were on a hike." I told the clerk.
He slow blinked at us, not sure what to say.
"Can we get a room?"
He winced, our stench no doubt just reaching his nostrils.
"Certainly. One bed, or two?"
I looked at Emma and a smirk tugged at the edge of my mouth.
"One, please."
Emma nodded in approval and slipped her hand into mine, intertwining our dirty fingers.
"A card for incidentals and ID, please."
I paid with my phone, and he accepted a scanned photo of my ID as verification.
He slid us two room cards with his arm stretched out as far as he could, acting as though we were deathly contagious.
I sniffed at my armpit, and the rank smell of BO and death filled my nostrils.
I'm afraid he might be right to be worried.
We took the cards and headed for room 111.
As we opened our door, the air-conditioned air hit us like a wall of bricks.
"Oh. My. God." Emma said, closing her eyes and breathing in the cool air.
"Dibs on shower!"
Goddamit.
She scurried straight to the shower, started it, and stripped herself bare as it warmed.
I used the moment to use the landline to check in with Smitty. I got the company voicemail, but that wasn’t entirely surprising since they were probably still on a rescue mission. I left a message with an update on our status as the sound of water splashing and the smell of body wash filled the room.
"Get in here, Nathan! Ohhhh..."
"Don't mind if I do," I muttered to myself, my lips curling into a smile. I took a quick scan of the hotel room, noting the entry points – a window, sliding glass door, and the front door. We were pretty safe. Few people had seen us check in, and even fewer knew we were alive, much less here, of all places.
I bolted the front door for extra measure, my mind already on the beautiful woman waiting for me.
Stripping down, I hopped into the shower, greeted by a super soapy Emma who giggled and pulled me in for a kiss, stopping right before my lips met hers. "On second thought, let's get you washed off first."
We took turns washing each other down, reaching places that were hard to reach for ourselves, but in desperate need of being scrubbed well.
Deciding I was cleansed enough, I smiled at her and drew her face in with my hands for a kiss.
Her lips were soft and tasted of warmth and relief. Her wet body pressed against mine, slippery and inviting. She wrapped her arms around my neck, her fingers threading through my hair as the hot water cascaded over us, washing away the remnants of our journey.
Her laughter turned into a soft sigh as I ran my hands down her back, feeling every curve, every muscle, every inch of the woman who had become my everything.
She arched into my touch, her body a perfect fit against mine, the dance of water, skin, and steam enveloping us in a cocoon of intimacy.
"You're here," she whispered against my ear, her breath hot and tantalizing.
"I'm here," I replied, my voice husky with emotion. "And I'm not going anywhere."
She looked up at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of love and longing. "Promise?"
I brushed a wet strand of hair from her face and kissed her forehead. "Promise."
We lost ourselves in the moment, the world outside forgotten. The shower became our sanctuary, a place where nothing else mattered but the two of us.
The water pounded down, masking our whispered confessions and shared breaths. We kissed deeply, exploring each other with a renewed hunger, our connection solidifying with every touch.
Emma's hands roamed over my chest, her fingers tracing the lines of my muscles. She pressed herself closer, her body a soft, yielding contrast to the hard planes of mine.
"God, you're beautiful," I murmured, planting kisses along her neck, collarbone, and shoulder.
My soapy wet cock was at full attention, bumping into Emma's belly as we embraced. She reached down to stroke me, but I caught her by the wrist before she started.
"You know, ninety-nine percent of all accidents happen in the shower."
"I don't see any snakes in here with us, love. I think we're in the clear."
Did she just call me "love"?
I let go of her wrist, and she grasped me delicately in her hand, her grip on my shaft sending alarm bells off in my mind. A switch in me flipped, and every pulse of my blood insisted, "GO, GO, GO!"
As much as I wanted to cup her butt and lift her up onto my shaft–that just didn't seem safe, not with the state of repair my body was still in.
"You're driving me crazy, Emma" I growled at her. "Turn around for me so I can... return the favor."
She bit her lip, cocked an eyebrow, and turned around.
Water rushed across her backside, flowing gracefully along the curves of her neck and waist. It cascaded over her beautiful buttocks like a mini waterfall before continuing down her firm legs, every drop highlighting her exquisite form.
Goddamn...
I wrapped my arms around her, cupping a breast with one hand and firmly holding her against me with the other, my fingers meeting her ribs. I sank a deep kiss on the side of her neck and bit her lightly as I pinched her nipple. Her hand shot back to my butt, her nails digging in as she tugged me closer.
Moving my hand from her ribs, down her belly to her nethers, I found the very top of her entrance, her slickness coating my fingertip. I drooled as her slippery folds wrapped around my middle fingers.
She spread her legs as far as the tub would allow, and I savored the salty taste of her neck as she moaned and wiggled her butt across my dick, mirroring the motion of circles I drew with my finger around and over her firm clit.
I moved my hands to her hips and placed my shaft between her legs, my head poking out under her belly. She rubbed the tip with her hand, sending electric bolts of pleasure all the way up my spine.
I nudged her shoulders forward while still holding her hips against me tightly.
Taking the hint, she arched her back and stuck out her butt towards me, bending over far enough for her entrance to meet the base of my cock.
I took myself in my hand and brushed my dick across her entrance, coating the tip with her slickness. I aligned the tip of my dick with her folds, barely getting my head inside. She let out a "hmmmm" as my head entered her. I put both my hands on her hips and slowly pulled her against me, my dick slowly disappearing inside her, her welcoming pussy practically pulling me inside.
"Oh fuck, Nathan." She let out.
She shuddered lightly and reached down to touch herself.
I rocked against her, and she pushed back against each stroke, our collisions making a slap with the warm water flowing over us.
"Don't stop 'till you explode."
"I'm in no hurry to, girl." I growled as I gripped her hips tightly.
The shower seemed to close in, the steam creating a private world where only our love existed.
Minutes, hours – I couldn't tell how long we made love like that, the water washing away every trace of stress and leaving nothing but pure pleasure shared between us.
Feeling her pussy finally clench, I slowed my pace a bit. I returned my hand to her breast, cupped the most beautiful bit of flesh I've ever felt, and twisted her nipple ever so delicately. Gripping her hip with my other hand, my fingers dug into her hip bone as I controlled her pace to match mine.
For a moment, I wondered if my fingers would leave marks on her, evidence of our intimacy.
"Nathan!"
Her outcry brought a mischievous grin to me.
"'Atta girl."
She pushed back towards me with one hand on the shower wall, the other gripping my forearm. I delicately raked her nipple with my thumb as I delicately squeezed her breast and she braced herself for what was to come.
"Yes! There. Oh. We. Ohhhhhh...."
Emma's legs shook, and she nearly collapsed.
I held her up as best as I could, her orgasm taking over her whole body.
Fresh warm Emma juice recoated my cock as she came, and I knew I could not last a moment longer.
I held onto her until her trembling subsided, and I dug deep to keep myself from finishing.
I finally pulled out, and her warmth leaving my cock was a jolt to my system, ripping my soul straight out of my chest.
What the hell is happening to me.
I blinked the water out of my eyes, my whole world seeming blurry for an instant.
Emma had already turned toward me, smiling and giggling, water rushing over her shoulders and down between her chest.
"What?" I cocked an eyebrow at her, not knowing what the heck she was thinking.
"Oh, you poor boy." she taunted.
She delicately flicked her middle finger against the tip of my dick, and it practically knocked me over.
I chuckled at her as I regained my balance.
"You came pretty hard there."
"Thanks to you..."
She bit her lip and gripped my shaft, her warm touch partially returning my soul to my body, my motor skills flipping back on like a switch.
She rubbed her thumb across the tip of my dick's head, and I exploded, my hips bucking as I involuntarily thrust in her hand.
I let out a chuckle, surprised at how little control I had over myself while in her hands.
I palmed her face in my hands and kissed her hard as a sense of relief flowed through every inch of me.
This woman's going to be the end of me.
I got out of the shower first and handed Emma a fresh towel.
Everything feels so crazy perfect. We're still alive, we're together, we're even clean and sheltered. For the first time in what feels like forever, a sense of peace flowed through me.
Using her emergency credit card –don’t ask me where she’d been keeping it–Emma ordered us takeout and asked room service for two extra plush robes fresh out of the dryer. I paced around the bungalow, peering out through the gauzy curtains, searching for any signs of threat. I just can't help but be paranoid when we're so close to the finish line.
There’s a small chance that they thought we were dead after the plane went down. Maybe their military wasn’t trained to confirm the kills before returning to base.
I tried to convince myself that was the case, but something in my gut said that was too easy. Maybe they changed their mind at the last second because they still needed something from us. If they assumed Estelle told Emma more than she did, maybe they thought she’d have a record of it somewhere.
If they searched her home and office and didn’t find it, they might have assumed she sent it to someone or stashed it somewhere. If I was a corrupt leader, I wouldn’t want to take a chance on something like that surfacing. Judging from Emma’s shock when she found out about the Prime Minister’s involvement, she didn’t have any such documents, but our enemies didn’t know that.
I scratched my chin as I looked out the window. We might be able to use that to our advantage somehow.
“I think everyone should have at least one near-death experience.” A knock at the door whipped consciousness from doomsday planning back to the room.
"Room service"
Emma opened the door and let a uniformed man with a plastic cart in. The smell of sweet, salty BBQ filled my lungs. Instantly I felt hungry enough to devour a bear.
As the bellboy left, our hands went straight for the cloche covering our two plates of BBQ, hers beating mine by a hair.
Pulling the cloche up, steamy air revealed jerk chicken, a BBQ sauce, dirty rice with vegetables, and fried plantains.
Emma reached for the chicken, her fingers delicately grasping the succulent piece. She opened her mouth and looked at me as she bit into the tender flesh, her eyes twinkling with anticipation. "Mmmmmmm," she moaned, the sound vibrating with pleasure. Her eyes fluttered closed in pure bliss as she savored the rich, smoky flavor. She licked the dark, aromatic barbecue sauce from her thumb, her tongue lingering on the savory taste. Then, she took a long drink of water, the cool liquid washing away the spices but leaving behind a warm, lingering heat. “It’s like my entire life has turned up to eleven,” she murmured, her voice filled with contentment. The steam from the hot food mingled with the cool air of the room, creating a comforting cocoon of satisfying warmth and aroma around us.
I smiled as I took it all in, the savory food filling me with a renewed appreciation for still beating heart.
“Kind of makes you re-evaluate your life choices, huh?” I crossed the room and pulled out the chair across the table to join her.
“I took so many things for granted.” She got a far-off look in her eyes and took a deep breath. “And… I can’t help but think that maybe I had a lot of things wrong, you know?”
“Anything specific ?” I grabbed a barbecued drumstick off my plate and stripped the meat off with my teeth.
“This idea I had in my head of what I was supposed to be doing with my life…” She mumbled and shrugged as she chewed. “When it comes right down to it, I’m not sure it was really what I wanted– Or at least it wasn’t the only thing that should have mattered.”
“I kind of envy you.” I chewed slowly, savoring the sweet, smokey flavor of the sauce before swallowing. “Early on in my career, when I had my first close calls, it was like every time I came home from a mission was a new beginning. It was a chance to start over and be the man I wanted to be. But over time, you start to get numb to it. Your first beer when you get back from a dangerous mission tastes like heaven on earth. Then, after mission one hundred twenty-three, beer just tastes the same.”
“I can’t even imagine that.” She took a napkin and wiped off her lips. “So this whole thing is… just another day in the office for you?”
“Well, I didn’t say that.” My eyes locked onto hers.
There was so much I wanted to say, so much that had changed in me over the last few days. But it had nothing to do with being in mortal danger–I was used to that. This was a different kind of danger. The kind that doesn’t bury you, but soaks into your soul and forces you to carry it for the rest of your life.
Voices outside stole my concentration. I placed my chicken drummy back on the plate and darted to the window, crouching and peering out at two men in Hawaiian shirts whispering about someone’s wife being a sloppy drunk. I exhaled, relaxing as I returned to sit at the table.
“Are you on edge like this all the time?”
“Not always.” I shifted in my seat. “I’d like to think I’m normally a pretty laid-back guy, but we’re not out of the woods yet. We came in here looking like we had survived a plane crash, and you just used your emergency credit card for food. Where were you keeping that thing anyway?”
“Don’t ask, don’t tell.” She smirked, winking. “Just kidding… It was still in my slacks from the last time I used it. I forgot it was there until I started digging through the pockets.”
“You keep a credit card in your pocket?” I furrowed my brow.
“Yeah, I like to live dangerously once in a while.”
A knock at the door made me jump to attention, reaching for my knife.
“Room service,” A voice called through the door. “We have the robes you requested.”
“It’s okay.” Emma’s brow furrowed as she gestured for me to stand down with her hand.
She answered the door, accepting the robes and thanking the man who delivered them.
"You want a hot robe? It sounds dumb, but it feels like pure luxury."
"I'm good. I wouldn't mind some new clothes, though. These..." I gestured to my clothing spread in front of the bathroom door. "They're beyond gross."
Her shoulders fell, and disappointment clouded her expression. She forced a smile. "You deserve a little luxury, too, soldier," she said before disappearing into the bathroom. I took a deep breath.
Emma's happiness should have been a relief to see, but I just couldn't completely give into this mini-vacation we were knee-deep in.
I looked at my hands, admiring the lack of dirt underneath my nails, and briefly recalled a vision of Emma in the shower with me.
I really need to learn to relax.
Still, the fact that I didn’t have the balls to put my foot down and drag her kicking and screaming down the beach in the opposite direction of this town and toward the plane... I should have stuck to my guns.
Hearing her happily hum to herself as she did whatever it was women did in the bathroom for so long, made it apparent we were from two different worlds. Unfortunately, it was easier for me to let her live in ignorance of the unrelenting danger we were in than it was for me to make her understand.
Maybe that was why I’d never had a relationship last longer than a few months. Communication was too damn hard.
Yes, I'm quite certain I love her. I feel it deep in my bones.
But in the grand scheme of things, did that matter?
The best thing I could do for her safety, stability, and well-being was to get her to Puerto Rico and then stay as far away from her as I possibly could.
As sad as the epiphany was, there was some comfort in the fact that I hadn’t told her how I felt. No one, least of all Emma, needed to know that I had a weak spot. I’d know the truth… and I’d always be able to look back fondly on these few days we spent together and remember that I’m capable of feeling more than I ever thought I was.
Rushed footfalls on the sidewalk outside caught my ear, and I sidestepped to the edge of the window. It sounded like at least three people moving together, and they were moving faster than the average family would be walking to their vacation rental. The thing that really set me on edge was the fact that they were shout-whispering at each other. Something's just not right.
As the shrubs rustled under the window, I sank slowly into a crouch. Slitted hurricane window covers creaked as they were opened from the outside. A set of stubby, calloused fingers with chewed-off nails lifted the window slowly. I held my knife to my chest as a familiar chill washed over me.
After being ambushed so many times, it’s like a switch flipping a light switch on in my head. The tension hangs in the air like static right before a big storm. No matter how many people were involved, close hand-to-hand combat was usually over in seconds. In moments, I'll either have a pile of bodies at my feet, or we'll both be dead.