Chapter 39
Ava
Reality sweeps back in like cold air under a door.
The magic cracks.
The kids hug me so tightly it physically hurts my heart.
“I’ll still FaceTime every day,” I promise them, brushing tears off Snooki’s cheeks. “Just like always. And I’ll have production send my filming schedule so you know exactly when I’m free.”
Snooki’s lip wobbles.
I rub my nose gently to hers. “Don’t grow too fast while I’m gone.”
She smiles sweetly. “I won’t.”
Next, I kiss Ollie’s forehead.
“I want you to take care of your brother for me.”
Ollie nods immediately, solemn as a tiny knight being sent into battle. “Your wish is my command, m’lady.”
Despite everything, a laugh trembles out of me.
Connor, meanwhile, has pulled his hoodie halfway over his head like maybe cotton can successfully conceal human emotion.
It cannot.
I reach up and tug it back a little.
“And you, mister…”
“What?” he asks quietly, already sounding sad.
“Take care of your dad.”
Something fragile flickers across his face before he suddenly pulls me into another fierce hug.
Then Harrison’s voice cuts quietly through the ache.
“Guys, give me a minute with Pix.”
The kids nod sadly.
Harrison takes my hand and leads me toward the giant windows overlooking the runway. Planes drift through endless sheets of gray sky the exact color heartbreak must look like from space.
Everything outside feels cold and distant.
Muted.
Like me.
His thumb traces the same absent little circles over my knuckles he always does, and that tiny familiar touch breaks me a little more.
“Pix—”
“Please don’t.”
“Don’t what?” he asks quietly, like he honestly doesn’t know.
But he does.
He knows exactly what that rough edge in his voice does to me.
How easily it slips past every defense I have.
How dangerous hope becomes when it sounds like him.
I won’t survive Harrison Evans right now.
“Don’t do this.” Slowly, I pull my hand from his and force my walls back into place one brick at a time. “You know what they say. If you love someone, let them go.”
“Who exactly said that?” he asks, annoyed. “It’s stupid. It should be if you love someone, chain them up and keep them forever.”
A broken laugh escapes me before I can stop it.
“Really, Hannibal Lecter?”
A rough laugh leaves him too.
And for one terrible heartbeat, it feels like us again.
Easy.
Warm.
Like maybe love could still save us.
Then the hurt rushes back in.
“You already made it pretty clear where you stand, Harrison.”
The truth of it hangs between us like grief.
Hope flares so suddenly inside me it almost hurts.
I stare at him.
Is he saying he’ll come with me?
That he’ll pack up the kids and chase me across the world?
“You could come home with us,” he says quickly, like the solution is suddenly obvious. “You don’t have to carry this all alone.”
“All what? Abandon my job?”
He frowns without an answer.
And there it is.
My heart walks straight into the trap again.
The happily-ever-after trap.
Because he still doesn’t get it.
He’s asking me to give up everything for him while sacrificing nothing himself.
My career.
My dreams.
The life I fought like hell to build before he crashed into it a fucking month ago.
My mother worked double shifts until her body gave out so I could have more, be more, while the world constantly found ways to remind us dreams like this were never meant for girls like me.
And Harrison still somehow thinks love means I should be the one to surrender.
To shrink my life down small enough to fit neatly inside his.
“What happens the next time?” I ask quietly.
His brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
“The next time your emotions swallow you whole, Harrison.” My throat tightens painfully. “When you decide to leave the playground and take all your toys with you again… what happens to me?”
Pain flashes across his face.
“Don’t you love us?” he asks.
The question hits so hard I flinch.
How can he ask me that?
“Love?” I whisper sadly. “Love is building each other wings. Not clipping them.”
Tears blur my vision as I look up at him.
“Love is lifting each other high enough to reach for impossible stars.”
His entire expression cracks.
His voice roughens, emotion scraping through every word now.
Needier.
“We can fix this.” He swallows hard. “I bought you a ring, Pix.”
His eyes lock onto mine, red-rimmed and raw.
“Be my wife.”
The world stops.
He’s proposing. Out of… desperation?
“Be their… mom.”
God.
Pain rises through my chest so fast it steals my breath.
Because it’s exactly what I want.
Them.
All of them.
The loud messy beautiful what-if-this-was-my-life dream.
But not like this.
I force myself to stay standing on the only solid ground I have left.
“Why do your feelings get to decide everything?”
His jaw flexes hard.
“You stopped talking to me for three weeks, Harrison. Three. Weeks. Remember?”
His eyes slam shut. “We’ve all been through a lot.”
I gesture toward the kids across the lounge.
“They’re fine.” I point to his chest. “You’re not.”
I shake my head. “You told me to stop talking to them.”
“Pix—”
“You took them away from me because you were afraid.” Tears spill over now. “Not because they were afraid. Because you were.”
His entire face tightens.
“I would never actually keep them from you.”
Wouldn’t he?
Then the overhead speakers crackle softly to life again.
“This is the final boarding call for Flight 247 to Keflavík International Airport. We are awaiting one remaining passenger. Please make your way to Gate Twenty-Two immediately. Final boarding.”
“Please don’t go,” he says.
His voice cracks completely on the last word.
“I love you, Pix.”
And the worst part?
I want to believe him.
To fall into his arms and believe every single word.
Maybe that’s the saddest part of all.
“No.” Tears blur my vision instantly. “I don’t think you do.”
He goes still.
“Yes, I do.”
“You knew what those kids mean to me.” My breath shakes harder. “And when you were hurting, you took them away.”
“It’ll never happen again.”
“I know…” I wipe angrily at my face. “You can’t trust me with all your hearts. To protect them. To cherish them.” My voice cracks. “So I can’t trust you with mine.”
Fresh tears blur everything.
I give the kids one last crushing hug goodbye and get out of there as fast as I can.
Away from the beautiful wreckage of a life that could’ve been mine.