Chapter Six
One Week Later
“I don’t know man, I’m thinking you should reconsider and maybe sit out this mission. You’ve been through some major shit and you have a solid team put together that can handle it if you want to pass. Everyone knows what they need to do, as well as what you’re going through. We’d be okay.”
Drew’s voice comes through the phone, and I’m annoyed with how angry I feel with his suggestion. I know he’s just trying to help, and I know he has a good point. The men we send into any of these missions have got to be on their game, and if there’s something in their lives that are distracting them, I suggest they don’t go.
I’m never the one who is distracted, and I’m never the one who has to miss anything because of personal things going on in my life. But as I’m learning, no one is completely immune to personal challenges and tragedy.
“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. “It’s been a week, and she’s stable, but I’m not contributing anything to her healing process… I’m literally doing nothing but sitting there and feeling helpless. I don’t see how it’s beneficial for her or me when there’s work to be done.”
“Don’t you think it might be good for your own mental health to be there?”
I know Drew was a medic when he was enlisted, and even now he’s looking out for my best interest, but I’m also stubborn.
“I think the best thing for my mental health is to find the fuckers who did this and end them.”
Drew laughs, though I know it’s a sympathetic sort of laugh. “I get it. Just don’t say that to whatever shrink the higher-ups bring in to assess you for PTSD.”
“Yeah, no shit. I think we’ve all learned what it is the head-shrinkers want to hear after a particularly ‘stressful incursion with casualties’ as they like to call them,” I laugh.
“I trust you, man. If you feel ready to continue the mission, then I’ll support that. But between you and me, I don’t think there’s a person on the team who would blame you if you want to pull out and stay by her side.”
“I’ll be by her side in principle,” I reply. “But getting back to work is what she would tell me to do if she was able. I’m already down here in Mexico, so it’s not a big deal to get over to the base and meet with the rest of the team. Look, if I get there and we talk and you think I’m not in the right state of mind to engage in the mission, then I’ll reconsider. But I’m telling you right now that I’m fine.”
“Rage is a great motivator to get things done,” Drew says. “Alright then, I’ll see you in a couple days, and please know that you’re not alone. Jess and I both send our positive vibes and want you to know that you and Allee are in our thoughts and prayers. This is going to be okay.”
“Yeah man, she’s going to be okay. And thanks,” I reply, appreciating that he’s saying the words I need to hear.
“See you in a couple days,” he says as we wrap up.
“Roger that, Drew.”
I hang up the phone and sigh. I’m at the hospital next to Allee once again, just as I have been every day for the past week. Camilla has seemed surprised each day that I’ve come in, and there’s a part of me that wonders if she’s keeping a calendar log and betting on how long it takes before I give up and walk out on the situation.
If that’s what she’s thinking, she’s not said it, and I know I might be overthinking the way she’s talking to or looking at me, but I still can’t help it. She all but said she doesn’t appreciate American soldiers, and that didn’t exactly get us started on the right foot.
My mind drifts back over the past week, and I know it’s for the best that I continue on with the mission as planned. Allee would want that, I know she would. In fact, if the situation were reversed, I could see her using the situation as motivation to excel while on the mission and to really prove to the assholes who did this that they can slow us down, but they can’t stop us.
She wouldn’t sit around and do nothing.
I smile to myself as I think about the scolding she’d give me when she wakes if she found out I didn’t go out on the mission in favor of sitting by her bedside.
“You did what?”
“I had to be here with you.”
“Your job is to get your ass out there and help those who are suffering!”
“You were suffering in here,” I’d say.
“I was fine! I was lying on a bed with every need being met! And you thought it was your job to sit and stare at me for how long?”
I’ve replayed the conversation several times, and each time, I draw the same conclusion. I know she’d want me to continue with the mission. Case closed.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting there bedside before a nurse comes in. They check on her every hour, and around mealtimes, they ask me if I’m going to eat anything. But instead of the usual nurse who comes in, it’s Camilla.
“Do you work every day?” I ask.
“No.”
“Seems like you’ve been here seven of the past seven,” I say.
“My sister is in a coma,” she replies. “I have reasons to be here.”
I bite my tongue. I’ve put up with a week of her comments, and I’m getting tired of it. But, Allee did mention that her sister was a bit uptight, and I’ve long since realized why Allee didn’t want to tell her sister about the engagement the afternoon I’d asked her to marry me.
I can’t say Camilla has done anything rude or unprofessional toward me, but it’s obvious she doesn’t like me, and she’s clearly not going to encourage any sort of friendship with me.
I’m here for Allee, and though I would like to be on good terms with her sister, it’s not a priority for me, nor should it be as far as I’m concerned. My fiancé is in a coma and that’s the most important thing on my mind, so that’s what I’m going to focus on.
“I have to take off for a few days,” I say.
“Shocker.”
“My team has a mission,” I say, “You know I have responsibilities as a team leader,” I reply, feeling immediately defensive. “You can’t expect me to be here all day, every day.”
“I don’t expect anything from you.”
Once again, I bite my tongue. Hard.
“I’m going to give you my personal number if you don’t mind,” I tell her. “It would mean the world to me if you would let me know immediately if there are any changes at all.”
I’m aware that my number is on file, but I don’t want it to just be on file. I want someone who is directly involved in Allee’s care to be able to send me a text or call me any time of the day or night.
“The hospital has it,” she says, but I hand her the slip of paper I’d written it on anyway.
“I know,” I reply simply. “But you’re family, and I think it’s better that family has more direct ways to interact.”
She didn’t respond, though I think I caught sight of a little eye roll.
“How long are you going to be gone?” she asks.
“No more than a week,” I tell her. “I’ve got several work things going on that I can’t get away from, but make no mistake, I want to know if there’s even the slightest change with her in any way, good or bad.”
“Then you’ll be back?”
“Then I’ll be back.”
There was silence in the room for a moment save for the beeping of the machines, then Camilla sighed.
“Alright. I’m not supposed to do this, but I suppose considering the fact she’s engaged to you I can make an exception.”
“Thank you,” I say.
There’s a part of me that wants to try to patch things up with her. I don’t know what I could say or do that would help, or if there’s even anything that would change her mind about me.
I personally know how it feels to have a younger sibling taken away, so I can relate on some level to what she must be going through, even if I don’t know how to put any of that into words. But I have a feeling that it wouldn’t do me much good to tell her about Libby, and it might actually backfire.
She’s made it clear she’s not a fan of American soldiers and she might use the fact that my sister was kidnapped under my watch against me in some way. I know the two women are each other’s only family. Their parents were killed and neither of them knew either set of their grandparents when they were growing up.
According to Allee, they relied heavily on each other for years, so it makes sense that Camilla would be leery of anyone who was close to Allee. Especially an American soldier.
There’s awkward silence so I just say “See you in a week,” and head out of the room after leaning over to kiss Allee on the forehead, as is my usual routine.
“Okay,” she replies.
I definitely don’t expect to get warm fuzzies from her, and everyone processes trauma and grief differently. Maybe her coping method is to put walls up to protect herself. She could be acting so cold toward me simply because of the fear she has for her sister’s well-being.
I remind myself of the last time I saw Allee before the attack; how good she looked and how happy she was. I’m going to keep that in my mind and motivate myself with the fact that I’m going to see her again.
She’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.
It’s time to go get the bad guys. It’s time to get justice for Allee.
That night, I pour out what remains of the bottle of whiskey that I’d been nipping on for the past week. I know drinking isn’t the best solution for this nightmare I’m in, but it helped me get some much-needed sleep.
But, I have to be up and alert as possible early in the morning, and that means I need to skip the booze tonight. I need to really have my shit together to be able to hunt down the people responsible for Allee’s condition, as well as focus on the JTFL mission.
I go to bed earlier than usual, intending to be up by four a.m. to get on the road.
Gunner follows me to the bedroom, but he chooses to lie on the floor rather than get in bed with me. I figure he probably finds it cooler on the floor than on the sheets with the covers, so I leave him alone. I could use the comfort of having another warm body in bed with me, but the fact that he’s in the room is enough to help my nerves.
I roll over and look at the clock on the nightstand. It’s nine seventeen, but feels like it should be midnight. The one thing I really can’t stand with the stress I’m under is the way that it drains the energy out of me. I know what I have to do, but in the back of my mind, all I really want to do is sleep through this bad dream.
Everything in the bedroom is Allee’s. Just being in the room is like being with her in ways, and it fuels my need to have her again. I have already sent off the ring that I bought her to be repaired, and I can’t wait to see it on her hand once more.
I close my eyes, thinking about the last weekend she and I spent together. It was only two weeks ago, but it feels like a century ago now.
We went to one of our favorite sandwich shops and ordered food to go, then we stopped by the store to grab a bottle of wine before heading down to the beach. It wasn’t the usual spot most people went to when they wanted to spend the day next to the water. Nope. I had a better place in mind.
I took her to a spot that I discovered in my early twenties. It was close to the water, but secluded with enough greenery and foliage to provide plenty of privacy for the two of us to be able to spend time together and not have to worry about being interrupted by anyone.
It was the first time Allee had ever been there, and she didn’t hold back in telling me how much she loved it.
“It’s so much like back home,” she said. “But back home, there are so many people around, it’s tough to find spots that are quiet like this and not chaotic. There are always crowds partying all around, and it’s not very relaxing or private. It’s like you found a secret little paradise just for the two of us.”
“Anything for you,” I told her.
“Oh, I bet you’ve brought plenty of girls here before,” she said.
“Where did that come from?”
“Well, you said that you’ve been coming here for years. Don’t try to tell me that I’m the first girl you brought to this place.”
“Yep, you sure are.”
“Wow, I feel special,” she said smiling.
“Yep, you sure are.”
And she laughed. Man, she’s got a great laugh.
I spread out the blanket on the sand, and we sat and ate our sandwiches. It was a sunny day with a breeze that cooled the air. The smell of the sea, the sound of the waves, and the cry of seagulls overhead made me feel like the two of us had our own private tropical oasis.
I really had been going to that same location for years, but that truly was the first time in my life I had taken a girl with me. It was a special place for me and I didn’t want to take just anyone there.
But with Allee, I wanted to share everything in my life. If there was anything out there that I thought she might enjoy, like, or need, I wanted to give it to her.
“This is incredible,” Allee said, breaking into my thoughts. “I actually don’t even care if you have brought other girls here. I should just be the last one,” she said laughing.
I laughed, knowing she was teasing me, but hoping she meant the part about being the last one. I hoped she’d be the first and the last. She had put the garbage from our lunch back in the bag, and I poured two glasses of wine. We sat and sipped on the red liquid for over an hour, talking about everything but nothing at the same time. That’s how it always was with Allee.
She was so easy to talk to about anything, yet she was also easy to not talk to. In other words, pauses in our conversations were not uncomfortable or awkward. She wasn’t like the other girls I’d dated who felt like they always had to be saying something and got nervous or uncomfortable when there were pauses in the conversation.
It was just easy to be around her no matter the situation. I had never met anyone like her and I knew I had found something special. I felt able to express my emotions and be vulnerable with her… a huge departure from my previous Neanderthal, macho man ways. There wasn’t another soul on the planet I had allowed to see that side of me, and the fact that I felt safe doing it with her told me that she was my person. I knew I wanted to ask her to marry me – and soon.
I’d had my eye on a ring that I’d found at a local jeweler. I didn’t want to go with a big box store and a cookie-cutter ring that you see on every commercial. That wouldn’t be Allee. I wanted to go with something unique like her and not froufrou or huge because that was not Allee’s style. I was pretty sure I’d found the right one.
“What’s on your mind, big guy?”
“Hmm?”
“You seemed a million miles away just now,” she said with a chuckle. “I don’t think you even heard me ask if you needed another glass.”
She nodded toward the drink that was in my hand, and I realized I had almost finished with my wine. I shook my head.
“I’m good,” I said. “There’s something about the combination of fresh air, day drinking wine, and a full stomach that makes me want to take a nap.”
I stretched out on the blanket. She laid next to me, put her head on my chest, and let out a soft sigh.
She smiled at me, and I leaned forward to kiss her. I barely had to move my head to reach her because we were just a perfect fit anatomically and physically. My Neanderthal side reminds me that’s a bonus because it makes for easy access in the bedroom. What can I say, it’s a thing.
She closed her eyes, tilted her head, and our lips met. My world felt complete.
I could taste the wine on her still, but I could also taste all the things that made her Allee. I had no idea I could love someone so much before meeting her. With each passing day we spent together, I knew even more that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She truly was incredible, and far more than anything I could have hoped for in a partner.
Her lips parted, and I slipped my tongue inside her mouth. She moaned gently, swirling her tongue around mine in response. I lightly swept the roof of her mouth with my tongue, causing her to moan a little louder.
“You better not start something you can’t finish,” she said with a grin as she put her hand on my chest. “You keep that up, and clothes are going to start coming off.”
“And that’s a problem?” I asked with a smirk. “It’s not like there’s that much left for either of us to take off.”
I looked down, and she did the same before she laughed. She had taken off her tank top earlier and was wearing just the bikini top she’d worn underneath it. She wore her jogging shorts, and I was stripped down to my own swim trunks.
We hadn’t been sure if we’d be getting into the ocean, so we wore swimwear under our clothes just in case. Plus, it’s just more comfortable than anything else—anything, that is, except being naked, which I was totally game for.
“Yeah, but I don’t want someone to see us.”
“Crazy talk. Who’s going to see us?” I asked. “You said so yourself, how hard this place is to find. I don’t think we have anything to worry about.”
“I can see it now,” she said, putting her hand in the air as though she was reading off a billboard. “Woman dishonorably discharged from service for public indecency.”
“Sounds like a good way to go out if you ask me,” I teased.
She punched my arm.
“That’s not helping,” she laughed.
“You can help me though,” I told her. Before she had the chance to say anything else, I reached down and pushed my shorts down to my knees, revealing the fact I was already hard as a rock.
“Mac!” she cried, but she was laughing. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Hopefully I’m about to make love to the love of my life,” I told her.
She blushed, but she didn’t argue. Instead, she reached behind her neck and untied her bikini, letting it fall free. Then she slipped out of her shorts and laid down on the blanket next to me.
“So do you like nudist camps too?” she asks.
“Noooo,” I laughed. “I’m not a pervert!”
“That’s debatable.”
“You like it.”
“I like you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she sighed with contentment in her features. She kissed me once more, pulling me over so that I was kneeling over her. I could never get tired of the way she looked lying naked under me. It didn’t matter if it was her place or my place or even out here in my – now our – secret spot. I loved everything about her.
She was an average height, lean, and tight. Her body was like an athlete’s but with just enough curves. She was naturally beautiful… a total knockout with or without makeup. Her dark skin was supple and begging for my attention.
Her nipples were darker still, and I loved the way they gathered and stiffened with the brush of my fingers or my lips. I leaned down kissing her fully on her plump, pouty lips, and then began to kiss my way down her neck to those beautiful, perky nipples standing fully at attention.
Kissing and then sucking on them, giving both equal attention, and then flicking my tongue and nibbling gently. Sheloved it when I gave her tits extra attention and I never tired of it. She had just enough size and they fit her body perfectly without being too much. Her moans told me what I already guessed… that she was likely wet with arousal… and that’s exactly where I was headed to find out.
I craved her scent as much as her taste and I needed it. I kissed my way down her taut stomach and lingered at what she called “My Man’s Land”. Not what one would think, but the spot that she claimed was a long-kept secret that she’d only ever told me about, which was apropos considering we were in my secret spot and I was indulging her secret spot.
We’d laughed about it because it’s not a typical erogenous zone, but hey, it worked for her. That area between her hip bones and her upper thighs, where the skin was smooth and soft, and apparently touching or kissing it gave her goosebumps, made her nipples even harder, and her sweet spot even wetter. Who am I to judge? If it makes my woman hot, I’m all in.
After giving My Man’s Land adequate attention with soft kisses and licks, I moved on down and ran my tongue the full length of her slit as if she were an ice cream cone. And damn if she wasn’t my favorite flavor. While I knew she was trying to keep the noise to a minimum, she quickly forgot about her fear of being discovered and her moans became more intense. I felt her legs fall open even more, opening herself completely to me.
I plunged my tongue into her tightness as far as I could and then pulled out and flicked it all around her hot, hard button, finishing that pattern by kissing and sucking on her nub with increasing pressure. As I focused on tonguing her engorged clit, I gently dipped two fingers into her tightness and massaged her from the inside. It was mere seconds before she exploded in pleasure and cried out my name, her hips elevated off the blanket and all her muscles contracting, both inside her body and out.
Giving her a moment to recover, and feeling about ready to explode myself, I rubbed the tip of my rock hardness against her hot wetness. Looking down at her gorgeous face, cheeks rosy with desire and the late afternoon sun shining down on her, I had never felt more turned on and more in love than I did in that moment.
She opened her legs, ready for me, and as I entered her, the tight warmth that enveloped me was so perfect, that I nearly came right then. With her tightness and my girth, I don’t know how I ever lasted for more than a minute inside her. I always had to be on top of my game and pull back at times when the pleasure would get ahead of me.
I loved the way her body tightened around me and the way her strong muscles flexed with her vigorous movement. I pumped in and out of her slowly at first, trying to maintain control of the pleasure that threatened to spill over by pacing our rhythm. I could feel every bit of her passion and love deep in my core.
All of the elements – being naked and vulnerable in nature with the person I would die for – had my senses firing on all cylinders and I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually connected with her like nothing I had ever experienced. Her hands gripped me by the hips as she gasped and moaned and thrust her hips up to meet mine as I pumped in and out of her, picking up speed as the intensity grew.
At that point, we were too caught up in our passion to worry about being quiet. The sound of the ocean was just background music for our lovemaking. Our bodies melded together so perfectly and we were both entirely caught up in the moment. I’d been a bachelor for a long time but I had never experienced such perfect sex – no, lovemaking – with anyone else. No one else caused the goosebumps to rise on my arms and legs when they touched me. No one else knew how to nibble my neck so perfectly or move with me in perfect rhythm. She was the only one who knew me so well and rose to every occasion.
“God, Mac, don’t stop, don’t stop,” she gasped. “You feel so fucking good, babe. Please don’t stop.” Her voice was high and tight, and I could feel in her body that she was getting closer to climax. She was holding me tight against her and grinding her hips into me. Then, she gasped and clung to me, her body exploding in pleasure again. I continued to pump in and out of her, my own mind-blowing finish quickly approaching. Watching the way she enjoyed me was a huge turn-on, and as she clung to me and rode the waves of ecstasy, my own body erupted.
“Fuck yes, fuck, yes!” I gasped. “Mmm, just like that.”
I pushed into her once more, this time holding myself as deep inside her as I could. My cock pulsed, sharing everything I had and blending with hers.
I remember that neither of us said anything. There wasn’t any need for words after what we’d just experienced together. It was a moment of pure bliss and deep connection—not just for our bodies but for our very souls.
I rolled off her knowing that my spent body was probably a bit heavy on her and then wrapped an arm around her to pull her into my chest. We lay together on the blanket in the warmth of the late afternoon sun, basking in the comfort and pleasure we felt from being together. It had started as such a simple act of raw sex but turned into the most meaningful, intimate act of lovemaking. It was a deeply moving experience that I will never forget.
And now, as I lie in Allee’s bed replaying that whole day and the mind-blowing sex that we had, I can’t ignore the monster erection that has joined me while recounting the memory. As much as I try to will it to go away, and I feel almost guilty about it, I hear Allee’s voice in my head. “Babe, we’re human… we have needs… sometimes animalistic needs… why would you feel bad about getting a boner when you’re thinking about us having amazing sex?” And I laugh out loud again, yet feel tears stinging my eyes at the same time. God, this woman has a hold on me.
I can’t stop my hand from moving under the sheets to my massively hard cock. The one that typically needs relief on the daily, but hasn’t even crossed my mind since this nightmare started. She’s right, I tell myself. I need her… I need this…I need an escape and relief from this stress and pain.
I reach into the bedside drawer where I know she keeps the “special sauce” as she calls it, which makes me laugh again… and I imagine it’s her hand on me. I close my eyes and clearly see that day on the coast, making love in nature with the woman of my dreams – the love of my life. It doesn’t take long before I’m overcome with a mixture of pleasure and pain. A powerful climax comes crashing over me and I don’t even realize I have tears on my cheeks until I’m empty and spent. And I lie there and cry for a while, feeling a deep pain that I haven’t felt since my sister was taken so many years ago.
And then I sleep. A deep, restorative, cathartic, dreamless sleep.