10. ALLISON
Chapter ten
ALLISON
“ M addie, stop spitting.”
I watch from the doorway as Jacob handles a tantrum from Maddie with more attention and care than I have seen from most parents.
He is better with her than I am.
“It doesn’t matter if you spit this out a thousand times Maddie, I will continue giving it to you, because A, you need to eat solid food now, and B, you’re going to eat this because tantrums don’t work with me, baby.”
Over and over again he offers her a spoonful of mashed sweet potatoes, but she just keeps on spitting it out, scrunching her face in disgust the whole time. I know for a fact that she doesn’t think it tastes horrible at all. I am impressed by the calmness he exhibits; he doesn’t increase the volume of his voice no matter how much food gets splattered on him, not even for a second.
“Baby, I need you to eat for me, okay?” He coaxes her, and to my great surprise she hangs on to every word he says, staring at him with eyes that seem way too aware for a baby—like she can understand every word he is saying—and I can see the moment she decides to listen to her uncle.
Finally, after almost ten minutes of urging, Maddie opens her mouth and starts eating. Bit by bit, but steadily, she goes through the remaining food on the plate.
“Good girl.” He praises her as she finally finishes up and Maddie responds with a smile so angelic you would never have guessed that she is the reason why Jacob currently looks like a garbage disposal.
He takes a second to wipe his face clean with a towel before he drops a kiss on her nose, making her giggle uncontrollably, and I can’t help but think that Maddie couldn’t have gotten a more perfect guardian.
“You are really good with her, you know?” I say, stepping closer, trying not to interrupt the moment. I'm not surprised when he answers me.
After all, I should’ve known better than to think I could sneak up on a navy SEAL.
“What?” he asks, confusion written on his face. His obliviousness to how wonderful he is with her is one of the more endearing things about having Jacob back in my life.
“You’re really good with calming her and getting her to do stuff she should be doing. It’s almost like you speak a special language just for her.” His relationship with her is a beautiful one, and I want him to know that. “Just watching you with her is enough to make me smile, no matter how many times I see you do it.”
There is no lie or pretense in my voice when I speak, and I know he can hear that.
“There’s no big trick to it, honestly,” he shrugs. “I just talk to her like she is one of my men—the more stubborn ones, mind you—and it always works.”
I laugh. “What’s scarier, a mini tornado or a grizzled navy SEAL?” I joke, sitting at the table. I pull a few paper towels off the roll and pass them to him.
I watch Jacob resting my chin on my fist as he cleans himself up. It has been a full week since I’ve moved into Emily’s apartment with Jacob. Every morning still fills me with pangs of sadness, but it’s getting easier and easier to swallow that along with my morning coffee and be functional before breakfast.
Other things, though…. other things are getting harder.
Like, how long it takes Jacob to shower every day. That’s annoying. He used to take brisk, army-trained showers. Now, because it’s likely his only break in the day, he lingers in there, using up all the hot water and the soap I buy. Annoying.
And like how stupidly attractive he is. I’m forced day in and day out to acknowledge it now, which is starting to get on my nerves. It’s annoying how hot he is. His hair is growing out, just a little, just enough for me to want to know what it feels like against my fingertips. And seeing him as such a steady presence, as such a comforting presence… It’s been getting harder to not think about that time we spent together so many years ago.
I almost want to bring it up. To suggest, hey, remember that? To see if he ever thinks of it, too…
I startle, sitting up.
Jacob looks at me with a frown. “What? I miss a spot.”
I blink a few times, trying to clear my head. Stupid. I do not need to be thinking of that right now. “Yes. You look disgusting.”
I stand up, grabbing Maddie quickly, and making my exit before I lose my mind and actually say something.
Maddie squirms in my arms, wanting to go back to her beloved uncle, but the problem is, I want that, too, and that’s such a messed up thought. So I refuse to even think it.
I get Maddie changed and put her on her play mat. She’s getting stronger, but according to the parenting books I’ve been reading, she’s a bit behind. Apparently, a month can make a hell of a lot of a difference, and I’m worried Jacob and I are the ones slowing her down.
I make sure she’s surrounded by soft toys and books to grasp at before I settle on the floor next to her.
I pull out my phone, scrolling mindlessly. I’ve been pretty uninterested in everything on it since Emily. Now that I’m not communicating funeral details to people, I mostly can’t be bothered with anything. I ignore all the messages from old work acquaintances, friends, old college buddies of mine, and Emily’s. I don’t care.
I do send a cursory text back to my mom—who has been threatening to move in next door for a week now—and check my email out of habit. There’s nothing new there besides shopping coupons and spam, so I ignore it.
Then I get to work.
Pretty much all my spare time is spent hunting down stupid Jeff.
I know this is not my business, that this is up to CPS, or the state, or even Jacob. But there’s something about the fact that Jeff couldn’t even be bothered to come to Emily’s funeral that makes me want to hunt the man down and kill him. Or, at least, verbally lash him.
Predictably, I find nothing. I’m just giving up when Jacob pops his head into the nursery.
“Uh,” he says, and I cock my head to the side. He looks around, almost sheepishly, and I give in.
I wave a hand. “Come join the girls.”
He quickly sits beside me. He’s close enough that our legs touch. I think it’s an accident, but the room is small, so I don’t tell him to scoot away.
“You’ve been acting weird,” he says, voice firm.
My brows leap. I look at him sideways. “Uh, okay. Bold.”
“You have been.”
“Is this how you lead your armies? Rude commentary?”
“Is this how you—wait, what do you do?” Jacob furrows his brow.
I look at him in disbelief. “You don’t know what I do ?”
“Um…”
“You’ve known me, like, twenty years, Jacob.”
“It’s not like you had a job when we were growing up—”
“I did, too!” I interrupt. “I worked at the flower shop on Harlow Street.”
Jacob cocks his head. “I thought that was a bagel shop.”
I sigh. “It’s connected to a bagel shop.”
Jacob nods. “Good bagels. A little chewy.”
“Do you still work there?”
I narrow my eyes at his tone. “Sometimes,” I say slowly. “When the owners need a bit of help. I’m technically between jobs.”
Jacob raises an eyebrow, his expression turning thoughtful, as if he's finally putting two and two together.
“I knew it!” He croons. “I had a feeling you weren’t working full time, but I figured you would tell me eventually.” Maddie rolls over towards him, her face lighting up with a smile.
“Okay, don’t cheer that I’m unemployed.” I hold a hand up. “I was actually doing a big application push a while ago, but nothing panned out. I…”
“What?” He turns to me, his humor forgotten. His sky blue eyes are earnest now, and I appreciate the five o’clock shadow he’s rocking. And that’s all it is—appreciation.
My eyes dart back to his when I realize they were trailing a bit low.
“I was thinking about starting my own business,” I admit softly.
His brows leap. “Yeah?”
I shrug. “Not really on the cards now.” I gesture.
His expression pulls. “It could be. You know I’ve got enough savings to cover Maddie.”
I shake my head. “New subject. You cooking dinner?”
Jacob freezes. He squints. “Uh… I think… Maddie wanted to hang out.”
“Oh she did?” I reply dryly.
He nods. “She did. Said so.”
“Oh, her first words.” I smirk.
He nods again, faster. “I heard ‘em myself.”
I look towards Maddie. She’s chewing delightfully on a soft book. “Well, if it’s for Maddie,” I say with a sigh. I stand up, and head out immediately so that Jacob doesn’t see my soft smile.
It’s just what I was thinking earlier—some things are getting easier.