22. ALLISON
Chapter twenty-two
ALLISON
A s soon as I agree to the two-month tour, all I can think about is how much I’m going to miss Maddie.
I’ve been too afraid to call Jacob and tell him my decision. Afraid that he’ll tell me to get lost, that I can’t say goodbye to Maddie, that I shouldn’t bother coming back—
Afraid that I’ll break down and beg him to kiss me.
Afraid that I’ll say something awful, and he’ll say something mean, and we’ll be broken forever.
I busy myself with planning and packing. Most of my things are still at Jake’s, but I’d have to call him to get them, or risk running into him if I stop by unannounced. So, I’ve pretty much given up on retrieving them until I get back from New York.
But I know I’ll have to see him soon. I won’t leave without saying goodbye to Maddie—without letting her know how much I love her.
And I won’t leave without telling Jacob that he has two months—just two months—to get used to this new arrangement, to get Naomi, his likely new girlfriend, used to it. After that, I’ll be back in Maddie’s life, even if Jacob doesn’t want me.
But then fate intervenes.
I am just rounding the corner when I bump into him, and although I am completely shocked at his appearance, I decide not to let any of my shock show. I can’t imagine any plausible reason why he’s here.
Maybe he’s here to say he loves you , a part of me whispers with hope, but I crush it, pushing it deep down.
That will only be happening in my dreams , I remind myself.
“Allie!” He pants as he comes to a stop in front of me. “I thought I was too late and I wouldn’t see you. I was so scared you had already left.”
He hands me a bouquet of flowers and I take them without saying a word. He shuffles from one foot to the other, looking slightly uncomfortable as I take a good look at the bouquet he’s handed me. I had recognized the orchid at first glance, and now, as I bring the bouquet closer, I see it’s made up of bee orchids and another flower that requires a closer look before I can properly identify it.
Lobularia maritima, or as it's more commonly known, Sweet Alyssum. But honestly, I like to think of them as Sweet Allison.
The fact that he had found these exact flowers meant that he had gotten some help, but I can’t begrudge him that. The effort is… almost touching.
But I hold myself carefully. A kind gesture doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a romantic one.
“Hello, Jacob.” Just saying his name aloud sends tingles down my spine. “What are you doing here?”
Jacob steps closer. His stormy blue eyes burn into mine. When he reaches out to touch my hand, I inhale sharply.
“I’m here because I can’t let you leave, Allison, not without you hearing everything I have to say.” He sounds desperate, but despite how sweet his gesture of getting a bouquet of flowers that hold such meaning for me, I can’t get rid of the resentment I feel towards him.
I didn’t know it before this very moment, but now that he is here, it is clear that I am not the least bit over how sour our last moments together turned.
Half of me is hoping that this is going to be a declaration of some sort, but the other half reminds me of everything that has already happened, and that I am supposed to be doing my best to avoid getting hurt this way again. I can deal with being rejected, but I won’t let my common sense be eroded by futile hope. I’m not going to be persuaded easily, no matter how much I love him.
“I really don’t see how my leaving is any of your business.”
“It is my business because I was the one who pushed you to make that decision.”
I am not interested in listening to him if his reason for me not leaving is just because he feels guilty.
The flowers are just that, flowers. Everyone gets them for people they know, there’s nothing special about it.
“That doesn’t really mean anything, Jacob. I could have very well made that decision on my own. I applied for the job all by myself, didn’t I?” Never mind that it happened well before Jacob came back into my life.
Jacob takes a deep breath, and I find myself taking one with him as he builds up to tell me something that seems to be a difficult one to get out. “Yes, you applied for the job all by yourself, but you weren’t going to take it, were you? I’m guessing not, and I’m also guessing it’s because you were happy with me. With us.”
I don’t give him a reply because I don’t know how to answer that question without breaking down in tears. There is nothing I miss more than those moments we shared as a family. A real one.
Jacob takes my silence as proof that I am listening, and he continues speaking. “It is my business that you are leaving because you need to know how I really feel. You need to know why I would say all those things I said, and how stupid the decision was to hide what I really feel.”
My heart is almost pounding right out of my chest as I listen to him. The fact that Jacob is right here on my doorstep offering me everything I have secretly fantasized about for the last couple of months is confusing. It leaves me dumbstruck because I had almost given up, ready to accept whatever would happen, and focus on being the best godmother I could be to Maddie—even if that meant not raising her as my own or having her dad’s commitment.
I don’t know what to say, so I err on the side of caution and say nothing. Jacob keeps on talking while I stand there in complete stupefaction, giving answers to questions I had only wondered about.
“I was scared and because of that I hid everything I felt about you. I didn’t want to scare you off with my demons and how much of a grip they have on my soul. Some nights, I wake up in the grip of nightmares, and I have been scared to death that I might hurt you if that happened when you were lying next to me.” He frustratedly runs a hand through his hair as he lets himself be completely vulnerable. “I couldn’t risk hurting you even by mistake and that led to everything I did to slow down the dynamics of our relationship.”
I clamp my teeth together, my heart hammering.
Jacob steps closer still. His hand reaches up, cupping my cheek. “I’m an idiot,” he whispers.
I let out a wet laugh. “We can agree on that.”
It’s the first thing I’ve said that makes hope flare in Jacob’s eyes. “The truth is, I love you, Allison, and there’s nothing that can change that. I’m here to find out if you feel the same way. If you don’t, I’ll…”
I cut off the rest of his words by claiming his lips. I seal mine against his like it is the last thing I will ever do, and I can’t help but let out a moan at the familiar taste of him.
I slowly pull away from him, drawn by the intensity of his gaze, my eyes locking with his, unable to look away from the storm of emotions swirling in them. “I feel the same way, Jake. I have felt that way for so long, but I thought you didn’t feel the same way for me.”
Jacob answers me by covering my lips with his in another kiss. His kiss steals my breath right out of my lungs and he doesn’t let me go until we both need to come up for air.
“I tried to leave you alone and let you live your life without all the stress and pain that would come with being involved with me, but it didn’t work. So I am here now, ready to have you see every inch of me, the good and the bad. I want you to see it all and make your decision by yourself. I want you, Allison, and I’m willing to do anything to be with you.”
Our eyes meet once more, and a deep understanding passes between the both of us.
I want to taste every inch of you, his eyes tell me, and I’m sure my gaze conveys just how much I am in agreement with that.
“I would like to be with you, Jacob. And thank you for the flowers.” I tell him, peering up at him from the fringe of my lashes.
“Do you want to come inside? We can talk more if you’d like that?”
His answer is a nod, and he lets out an audible sigh, like a great weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he can finally relax. Jacob walks right beside me with his arm wrapped around my waist as we make our way into my apartment. I try to keep my gaze straight in front of me but it’s impossible to do that when Jacob’s fingers run around and up my sides, teasing me relentlessly with those light touches.
When we are in the empty stairwell he kisses me again, running his fingers over every inch of my body and digging his hands into my hips when he ventures there. The feel of his strong hands and his musk encompass me, driving me mad with need.
I don’t know how we manage to keep our hands to ourselves long enough to make it all the way into my apartment without tearing each other’s clothes off, but we manage to do it.
When we are inside, I make myself comfortable on the couch, motioning for him to do the same, and I wait patiently for him to claim my lips again. All Jacob does is stare at me with that exact look as before in his eyes, and just like before it is enough to drive me into a frenzy of need.
Now that we are both in the confines of my apartment, the simmering tension has turned into a full boil and it is almost too much to manage.
“Allison.” he murmurs in amazement, seeming almost entranced by me. It is flattering. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed your smell.” He moves closer to me and places his nose in the crook of my neck, breathing me in.
“I’ve missed the feeling of you,” he tells me in dulcet tones, voice impossibly deep as he traces a finger up my thighs and under my shirt.
“Up,” he commands, nudging slightly at my arms until I raise them for him. He grabs the edge of my shirt and slowly lifts it until it’s all the way off. Now I am sitting in just my pants and a sports bra. “This comes off, too,” he says as he maneuvers that off me as well.
“What else have you missed, Jacob?” I ask, my voice almost hoarse with need.
“I’ve missed the taste of you as well,” he confesses right before he captures one erect nub in his mouth and simultaneously kneads the other. His lips move in tandem with his hands, sucking deep as he increases the pressure on my nipple which is now trapped in between two fingers.
He teases me this way for minutes on end, alternating his lips and fingers between both nipples. His teasing is enough to drive me crazy, and when his fingers finally trace their way to the waistband of my pants, I let out an eager sigh.
“Yes…you’re evil for teasing me, Jacob.”
His dark chuckle sends shivers down my spine as I wonder just what he is going to do to me next.
Jacob pulls both my pants and panties off my waist at the same time, and when I am bare in front of him a wicked smile covers his face. “I can’t wait to taste you again.”
The anticipation of his tongue on the more sensitive parts of me leaves me panting as he lowers his face to my nether regions. The first swipe of his tongue has my back arching from the sofa as I strain to press myself closer to him, but he just pulls back in response to my over eagerness. “Slowly. I’m taking this slowly because you deserve it, baby.”
His tongue returns to its position between my legs and his hands find purchase on both sides of my hips to keep me in place. The flickering of his tongue intensifies, and when I am just about to reach my peak he pulls back, and his grip on me means that I can’t move my hips to follow him.
Jacob takes me right to the edge over and over again, but he denies me completion no matter how close I am to it. This goes on until I am begging for release. “Please Jake…please… I am so, so close baby.” I plead when he denies me my orgasm again.
He finally decides to have mercy on me, and when his tongue starts circling and flickering in a rhythm known to only him, he doesn’t stop this time.
“Yes…yes…yes.” I chant over and over as I finally crest that peak and my orgasm floods my entire body with pleasure.
Jacob doesn’t take his tongue off me and instead continues at a slightly slower pace until the end of my first orgasm bleeds into the start of another. His ministrations don’t stop until I am limp and boneless.
Raising his lips from my tender and overly sensitive ones, his head moves closer until he can capture my lips with his again.
“I got your chin all wet.” I tell him when I notice that his entire lower face is coated with my juices. “I’m sorry.” I apologize bashfully, slightly embarrassed at the sight.
“There's nothing to complain about, baby. I enjoyed every second of that,” he assures me. “And besides, I’m not done with you, yet.”
With a couple of swift moves Jacob is as naked as I am, and when his warm body is all I can feel around me, I can’t help the smile that curls my lips. The feeling of his warmth all around me is nothing short of divine, and when he sinks his length into me, I find heaven.
We move with a sensuous rhythm that threatens to turn hurried but Jacob slows down despite my best efforts, and just like before, he places a hand on my hips to keep me in place. His strokes continue with the same unhurried pace driving me closer to what I can already tell is a much higher peak than anything I have experienced today.
“Jacob…” I gasp, losing myself in the feeling of him completely enveloping me, until I can't tell where he ends and I begin. His rhythm stays the same no matter how much I beg him. “Please baby… just a little bit faster so I can come.”
“You want me to make you come, baby?” he asks without pausing his stroking for a single second.
“Yes please…I’m so close.”
“Then come for me,” he demands, moving his thumb from its position at my hips to the junction of my legs where it zeroes in on my delicate gem and starts rubbing in a small circle.
His actions push me into my peak yet again, as he makes me thrash under him. “So good…” I moan as I lose control of my inner muscles, and I contract and relax around his length as my orgasm robs me of my ability to move.
I feel him pulse inside me as his orgasm arrives and he groans my name right into my ear. “Allison…” he calls out as the pleasure takes over the both of us.
As we collapse against each other, I lean as close to him as I can. I press my lips to his neck, feeling at peace for the first time in weeks.
“Tell me about the job,” he says suddenly.
I bite my bottom lip, glancing up at him. “I didn’t take it.”
His expression falls even as his eyes lighten. “No?”
“Well, sort of,” I admit. “I… didn’t take the three year job. But the tour is two months long, sort of like an intensive program or an internship. It could be enough for me to start my own place here.”
Jacob sits up a little, head on his fist. “That sounds amazing.”
“I don’t know… two months is a long time.”
“No, you have to go,” Jacob says meaningfully. I raise my brows, and he pulls back a little sheepishly. “I mean, if you still want to…”
“I do,” I admit softly. “But leaving now…”
“I’ll be here,” he says softly. “I won’t go anywhere.”
My heart soars. “For two months?”
“Two months,” Jacob confirms softly.
“I love you,” I promise as I brush his hair back away from his face so I can see his eyes. “This won’t change anything, baby. I know what I want and that’s you. Nothing is changing that.”
His gaze turns steely and serious. “Nothing is changing, Allie. Naomi is back in California, but she has never been on my mind. There has never been a single second when I thought that she would take your place baby, not a single one.”
His promise answers everything I had wondered about, and when I place my lips to his, they carry an unspoken promise.
I’m coming right back to you and Maddison. Nothing is changing that.