Bella
Epilogue
“Best. Idea. Ever,” Harley says as she helps me strategically place the simple Hibiscus bridal headpiece on my styled up-do.
Fun fact about Harley:She’s got mad hairstyling skills. I’ve told her she must have been a cosmetologist in her previous life because she’s always had a knack for being creative with makeup and hair design. I’ve even trusted her to cut my hair a few times. Granted, my hair is pretty straightforward — long and straight — and it would be hard to screw up.
But today—my wedding day—she really outdid herself, crafting a simple yet beautiful, sweeping up-do with soft tendrils framing my face. Since the Hibiscus is a flower native to Costa Rica, we thought it was the perfect choice for a simple bridal crown to accompany my beautiful Boho-inspired halter-style dress—perfect for a barefoot wedding on the beach.
The idea she’s referring to was Cole’s, and I’ve got to say, it was a perfect one. We’d been basking in the afterglow of our little soiree in the beach cabana the other night when he came up with the spontaneous idea.
“Let’s just do it!” He’d said. “Why wait? I mean, we’ve already waited twelve years. Why wait another day?”
He had a point.
I also loved the fact that he didn’t say we’d wasted twelve years but specifically used the word waited . It’s just another example of Cole’s refusal to look in the rearview on past events, choices, or even mistakes. His refusal to “shoulda, coulda, woulda” past issues to death is inspiring.
As he said, “What’s behind us doesn’t matter.” Well, technically, Enzo Ferrari said it, but I think we will adopt it as our mantra as we move forward in our lives… and in our marriage.
I think it’s the perfect perspective and a philosophy I want to put into action for myself. Why waste time stressing about what happened yesterday, last week, last month, last year, or last decade? We have no control over the past, so there’s really no point in exerting energy worrying about it or beating ourselves up over mistakes, choices, and events that occurred in the past.
All we need to do is focus on today. Every day.
It's pretty simple but also profound.
And I’m grateful to Cole for opening my eyes to the power of such a simple perspective.
While I initially thought he was joking about immediately getting married, I quickly realized he wasn’t. In most relationships, one person usually plays devil’s advocate or is the voice of reason. That night, it was me.
“Ok, let’s just flesh this out a little,” I said to Cole as we lay there in our self-appointed, private beach cabana… at our imaginary nudist resort.
“Flesh it out — in the flesh, you mean?” He laughed.
“Thank God for these privacy curtains,” I said as we snickered like teenagers who had gotten away with fooling around right under our parents’ noses.
“Let’s list the pros first. We both have time off,” I began. Cole still had a week of R & R left and I still had a little less than three weeks of vacation time.
“We’re in a beautiful country that many people choose for their destination weddings,” he added, and I nodded. “We have several of our loved ones already here, so we’d only need to get my mom and brothers here.”
“True, true,” I agreed. “Oh yeah, and the resort has a wedding planner. Harley and I saw that on their website when we were planning this trip.”
“Hopefully, they have an expedited package,” he chuckles. “I’d be willing to pay a premium for the ‘shotgun wedding package’, considering we’re saving money by already being here!”
“Shotgun wedding?! I’m not pregnant!”
“Yet!” He says as he rubs my belly like it’s a genie lamp and leans in to kiss me with a big smile.
“Well, I guess we need to have that talk , huh?” I nudge him.
“Yeah, sister, we aren’t exactly spring chickens!”
“Okay, well, let’s finish this conversation first, and then we can move on to talking about making babies,” I say with a laugh.
“Sure thing. I’m okay with just the practice part for now,” he winks. “Admit it, , my idea makes sense, and the stars are aligned.”
“Yes, it does make sense, and like you said… what are we waiting for? Let’s do it!”
We fist-bumped and kissed on it and agreed to go meet with the resort’s wedding coordinator in the morning.
My newfound, forward-thinking perspective already feels so much lighter than my old ways of thinking. From a young age, I’d always set the bar high for myself, which is not necessarily a bad thing because it fed my desire to work hard, strive for greatness, and set lofty goals. But in retrospect, I can see how expecting so much of myself gradually led to an internal desire for perfection.
Striving for perfection is a double-edged sword. Sure, it looks good on paper, and the accolades from parents, professors, coaches, and bosses feel great, but they also feed the beast. For me, it led to unrealistic expectations, anxiety, and often disappointment.
Cole is wise beyond his years, and in less than two weeks, he’s impressed upon me several keys to less stress and more happiness. Beyond the Enzo quote, he’s encouraging me to take the pressure off myself and strive for excellence, not perfection.
Another saying from his “life toolbox,” as I call it, is “ manage your expectations” . It’s so simple yet so profound. It can be the difference between being pleasantly surprised with outcomes versus sorely disappointed.
“You missed your calling as a Life Coach, Cole,” I said as we were walking to meet the wedding coordinator.
“Just because I have a toolbox of life principles doesn’t mean I always use the tools,” he laughed. “Honestly, most of the credit goes to my SEAL training and some pretty influential people I’ve met along the way.”
“You’re going to be a great dad,” I smile and squeeze his hand.
He looked at me with wide eyes. “Did we make a baby?!” he exclaimed, and I laughed hysterically.
“Geez, Cole, did you miss school the day your health class got the birds and bees lecture?” I replied, shaking my head and laughing. “We’ve only been together a little over a week!”
He laughed and covered his face with his free hand. “Wow. I’m a dumbass. Let’s just say I’m a dumbass that can’t wait to be a dad,” and he squeezed my hand in return.
“And I can’t wait to work on that project with you,” I say with a wink.
I knew our union was meant to be when the stars all aligned, and somehow, everything fell into place for our insta-wedding. Shockingly, the wedding coordinator was able to throw together a ceremony and celebration dinner on super short notice.
She also recommended an upscale boutique in town, so the moms, Harley, and I made a day of it. We found the perfect dress and enjoyed lunch and cocktails afterward. Cole’s mom, her partner, Carl, and Cole’s two brothers, Charlie and Mason, were able to get flights, and they arrived the night before the wedding.
It’s my wedding day, and I’m giddy with excitement as Harley and I glam ourselves up for the ceremony.
“It’s about time we had those mimosas we’d planned on at the beginning of our trip,” I told Harley as I poured champagne and O.J. into our flutes.
“Yeah, but thanks to me, things sure as hell went sideways,” she said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
“No, ma’am, we’re not going there,” I playfully scolded her. “We must take the ‘Cole Approach’ and not dwell on what’s behind us!”
“Cheers to that!” Harley smiles, and we clink our flutes together.
“I want you to promise me something, Harley,” I take a serious tone with her. “After today’s celebration, I want you to promise me that you’re going to schedule a therapy appointment with the specialist that Cole put you in touch with to start processing your trauma. Deal?”
“Deal,” she agrees and nods. “I just want a few days to soak up the love with you and our moms before diving into my headspace.”
“Yeah, I get that. But you went through a major ordeal, and it’s important that you work through the feelings with a professional so they don’t come back to haunt you later.”
In true Harley fashion, she finds a way to laugh at most situations.“True, we don’t want all the men in my future to suffer the wrath of Harley because I didn’t do the work!”
I roll my eyes but smile, knowing I have room to include her light-hearted spirit as I turn over this new leaf. The unexpected gifts that have come out of such a frightening situation are both surprising and numerous. And I’m grateful for them all.
The ceremony went off without a hitch, with few dry eyes but lots of toasts, smiles, love, and laughter. Cole surprised me with a 5-day private yacht tour — complete with our own captain, chef, and steward — to Roatán and Belize. He even promised to teach me how to SCUBA dive in Belize, which, he says has amazing reefs to explore.
“It’s not a superyacht, babe, but I promise it will be criminal-free,” he had joked. “We can see what it’s like to live the elite life for a few days before I have to go back to work.”
And thankfully, I still have several weeks of vacation time, so I won’t have to leave Cole right after our honeymoon. I haven’t told him yet, but I’m strongly considering taking a sabbatical from my job in the States so I can practice making babies with him for a little while longer. (Insert naughty wink here.)
We have a lot of catching up to do and I can’t wait to get to know each other all over again.
I’ve always been the responsible, serious one, as Harley has reminded me too many times to count. I think it’s about time I live on the edge a little… take some chances… have some fun… and be spontaneous.
And if accepting a marriage proposal, planning, and executing a wedding in two days isn’t spontaneous, I sure as hell don’t know what is!
Our new life is just starting, and we have so much to look forward to. I couldn’t be more in love and I realize just how lucky Cole and I are to get a do-over.
I can confidently say that I have no second thoughts about this second chance!