Chapter 12
Monica slid into a booth at Lizzie’s Diner right before noon on Saturday after another sleepless night.
Her brain kept debating the pros and cons of moving to Arizona or staying here.
The problem was that there was nothing to debate.
Six days without a word from Sean pretty much proved there was no reason to stay in Garfield.
She’d been more than silly to think otherwise.
To think that she might find love and a family in weeks after she’d been looking and praying for years.
I have a plan, daughter.
The words in Monica’s spirit failed to bring relief. She’d been hearing the same words for years. As far as she was concerned, God’s plan existed in Arizona.
If that was the case, then why was she about to drag Bobbie into her drama? Before she could formulate an answer, her friend scooted into the seat across from her.
“That is not a happy look.” Bobbie tilted her head and studied her like a specimen in a lab.
“What?”
“Lips pursed, brow furrowed, circles under your eyes. You looked bad on Thursday. You look worse today. Start talking.”
Monica looked into the eyes of her friend. There’d be no judgment here, only understanding, but she still chewed her lip.
Bobbie leveled her with a look. “I’m not leaving without the whole story.”
“I think I’m in love,” Monica blurted, not even sure where the words had come from.
Bobbie sat back, eyes wide.
Before Monica could explain or...pull the words back, the waitress stopped at their table. “What can I get for you ladies?”
Bobbie’s gaze never left Monica’s face. “Diet Coke, cheeseburger and fries, times two.” She waited until the waitress walked away, then leaned forward. “With Sean, obviously. Spill.”
Monica laid it out in order. The possible move to Arizona and the job of her dreams. Her growing attraction to Sean and her love for a little boy who’d stolen more of her heart than his father had.
The kiss, the fight, and days of silence.
When she finished, she didn’t have the energy to downplay everything she’d said or mask her own sadness.
“I know I’m dumping on you and taking horrible advantage of our friendship, but I don’t know what to do, or if I should do anything. ”
They were quiet as the waitress returned with their lunch.
Monica salted her fries, picked one up, looked at it, and dropped it back in the basket.
“I’ve only known Sean for a few weeks, and he’s made it perfectly clear that he isn’t looking for a relationship.
Then there’s this opportunity to work with Matthew Wright in Phoenix.
Part of me wants to focus on that opportunity, but what if I never feel this way about a guy again?
But Sean’s made it clear he’s not interested.
Even if I try to repair our friendship, where can it go?
Nowhere if I move to Arizona, and if I don’t take the opportunity, I may never have another chance at a job like this.
” She put her head in her hands and fisted her fingers in her hair.
“I’ve got so much on my plate right now between work, the January event, and all the volunteer stuff I’m involved in, I can’t even think straight. ”
“Let’s bless our food.” Bobbie reached out a hand, smiling when Monica stretched hers forward.
“Jesus, I’m thankful for the chance to have a meal with my friend.
I ask that You’ll bless our food and our conversation.
More than that, help us find the answers that we need.
I’m grateful that You never leave us floundering.
You’ve shown me more than once what a miracle worker You are, even in the direst of circumstances. Have Your way in this place.”
Monica waited until Bobbie whispered an amen before looking up. “Dire circumstances? Sounds like you have your own story to share.”
“More than one, but we aren’t here to talk about me.”
“Indulge me just while we eat. I’ve given you the high points of my problems. Hearing your story might help me focus on mine. I promise I won’t let it sidetrack me.”
“If I tell you my story, you’ll tell me yours...all of it?”
“Yes,” Monica promised.
Bobbie’s narrowed eyes and skeptical expression spoke volumes, but she took a bite of her burger, staring off into a distance only she could see. “I was kidnapped when I was three.”
She said it with so little intonation that Monica thought she was joking, but when Bobbie’s gaze met hers, Monica saw truth in her eyes.
“I don’t remember a lot of what happened, but I remember the guardian angel that went with me.” Her smile brightened. “Jem. I haven’t thought of him in a while, but I will never forget him.”
“You had a guardian angel named Jim?” Monica asked.
“Jem not Jim.” Bobbie spelled it out. “I looked it up a few years ago. In Hebrew, it can mean one who follows or is sent by God. Either definition fits his role in my life. He convinced the kidnapper to bring me home.” She grinned.
“Now that kidnapper is a friend of the family. He saved my aunt Iris’s life. ”
“Wow.” It wasn’t much but it was the only response Monica could think of.
“So I know firsthand that God never leaves us alone. He has an answer for every situation, even if His methods seem unorthodox.” She swirled a fry in ketchup. “Your turn.”
“My turn? You were kidnapped when you were three and now he’s a family friend. That’s it?”
“For now. I really do want to get to the whole Sean thing, but while I have you here, and over a barrel, I have a few questions that need answers.”
“Fire away,” Monica said. “But I’m sure it won’t beat a kidnapping.”
“Maybe, maybe not. A few minutes ago, you mentioned having a lot on your plate. While I admire your willingness to get involved, I feel the need to remind you that your overloaded plate is your choice. Why are you determined to fill every waking moment with activity?”
Monica swallowed her bite, then started to give the first answer that came to mind. She wanted to help. When she saw a need, she tried to fill it. She had time and hands, and she felt like she was honoring God when she used them to bless other people.
All that was true.
But the words didn’t come.
Because her friend’s question resonated. Every waking moment. Did she really do that? Considering this was the only free hour of her weekend, she had to admit that she did. But why?
That was Bobbie’s question. Why?
The real answer wasn’t a desire to please God or serve the community. The real answer was simpler—and loads more complicated. “My dad.”
Bobbie’s eyebrows hiked. “Tell me about him.”
“I lost my mom when I was twelve. Dad always said that Mom was one of the pillars of our community—always ready to volunteer for a good cause, always on the staff of several local charities. When she died, Dad took over times three. He said it was his way of coping with her loss and honoring her legacy. I wanted to do the same thing, you know? To honor her legacy and...” When her answer started to feel less than true, she paused and sipped her drink.
Maybe that was how she’d started down this path.
But again, Bobbie’s question resonated. Why was she still on it?
Why was she so overloaded she couldn’t think?
“Daddy was never as proud of me as when I was doing something for others.” The words came slowly as she considered each one.
“I remember making the principal’s honor roll in high school, and all I got out of him was a smile.
But if I volunteered at the local food bank or ran for class president, he acted like I’d made a solo climb to the summit of Mount Everest.” Examples were coming in flashes—her selfless acts followed by Dad’s words of praise.
“I asked him once why he didn’t seem to care as much about my achievements, and he said the honor roll was nice but it was for me.
That what I did for others was what counted.
He got sick my senior year. When I tried to back out of some of my obligations to take care of him, he shooed me out of the house, insisting that I not let my responsibilities slip.
I guess, once he passed, I kept doing all the things. Kept busy. Kept volunteering.
“That’s part of my dilemma with this whole Sean versus Arizona thing.
I want a relationship with Sean, but giving up my opportunity to work for Matthew Wright, a man who changes lives every time he speaks.
.. It feels selfish. I have a chance to do a lot of good for a lot of people.
And if I go, God will bless my sacrifice, right? ”
Bobbie didn’t agree. She didn’t say anything, just studied her as if she’d just discovered a huge wart on her nose.
Monica squirmed under her friend’s scrutiny.
Bobbie stirred her drink silently as if measuring her response.
“You know, when it comes to your activities,” her words were slow and thoughtful—“you have to follow where the Lord leads. The Bible doesn’t use the words self care, but it does use the word rest a lot.
Jesus invited His disciples to come away with Him and rest for the work ahead.
The twenty-third Psalm mentions lying down in a green pasture and having your soul restored.
And of course, there’s the Sabbath. We’re commanded to take a day off every week.
I think, when we do that, we’re learning to trust that God has the world under control.
It can live without our contribution for one day. ”
Monica couldn’t remember the last time she’d taken an entire day off. To do so would feel lazy.
“You’ve mentioned forgetting important details on a few projects recently. I’m no psychologist, but burnout is a real thing. Maybe you need to take a step back and decide which things are the most important. I think it’s time to focus some of your energy on your wants and needs.”
Monica didn’t know what she should give up, if anything, but Bobbie’s words made sense. She did feel burned out and overwhelmed. “What about Sean?”