Chapter 17
Sean paced the outer office. Nothing much had changed in the last year or so.
The secretary’s desk still guarded the door to the inner sanctum.
The Ficus trees still stood sentry on either side of the large window.
Multi-colored desert roses bloomed brilliantly in pots beside the door he’d just entered.
He watched his feet as he paced and realized that the carpet wasn’t the same.
Gone was the plush gray, replaced with a patterned look.
That must be easier to maintain.
He rolled his eyes at the thought. Of all the things to think about, the carpet got top billing? Better to ask himself what he was doing here? Why was he here on the day before Christmas Eve?
He looked at the closed door. Was the occupant really on the phone, or was he as hesitant about this meeting as Sean was? Was he dragging his feet, looking for an excuse to send Sean away? That last question drained Sean of his remaining confidence. At least he hadn’t told Monica he was coming.
His thoughts of Monica were the only bright spot in this fiasco. She had pleaded with him for help, her eyes bright with hope. When he’d refused, she’d dropped the subject and accepted defeat. But with that defeat, her eyes had lost some of their brilliance, her smile some of its joy.
Monica wasn’t the type of woman to accept defeat. She moved heaven and earth to see her plans through to the end.
Sure, he’d been thankful she hadn’t pressured him. But watching her give up without a struggle had disturbed him. He didn’t want Monica to lose a single bit of her sparkle.
Sean’s desire to see that sparkle return to her eyes had caused him to book a last-minute flight that gave him a twelve-hour window to get this chore done and get home to his son before Christmas. He didn’t know if this trip would accomplish anything, but he had to try.
The door to the inner office opened and Matthew Wright stood framed in the opening.
His appearance was another thing that hadn’t changed.
He wore blue jeans, a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and trainers that looked like they’d been walked in for miles.
The casual attire was his uniform on the days he wasn’t speaking.
“Sean.”
Sean stepped toward him, hand held out.
Matthew ignored it and pulled Sean in for a back slapping hug.
“Look at you.”
The words kept time with the thumps on Sean’s back.
“When I heard you were waiting to see me, I couldn’t believe it.” Matthew took a step back but kept his hands on Sean’s shoulders. “Let me look at you.”
When Sean received a final pat on the shoulder, he assumed he’d passed muster. At least his old friend hadn’t tossed him out.
Matthew spoke to his secretary. “Hold all my calls. Sean and I have a lot to catch up on.” He steered Sean ahead of him and closed the door behind him. “I cannot tell you what an unexpected pleasure this is. I’m glad you caught me in the office.”
Sean looked at his shoes. “I should have called to make sure where you’d be before I booked the flight. I wanted to catch you, but I didn’t want to bother you at home.”
Instead of rounding his desk, Matthew motioned to a seating area on the other side of the room. “Let’s have a seat. Can I get you something to drink? We had our office Christmas luncheon earlier. One of the women made a terrific hot apple cider. I can check to see if there’s any left.”
“Just water if that’s not too much trouble.” Sean could already feel his throat drying out, and he hadn’t even gotten to the point of his visit.
“No trouble at all.” Matthew opened the mini fridge next to the sofa and pulled out a couple of bottles of water. He handed one to Sean and pointed to one of the chairs arranged around a small table. “Shall we?”
Once they were seated, an uncomfortable silence hung over them like a brooding cloud. It was obvious that Matthew was waiting for him to take the lead. But try as he might, even with two hours on a plane to rehearse his request, Sean couldn’t gather his words.
Matthew twisted his unopened bottle in his hands, the crinkle of the plastic the only sound in the room.
After a sip, he set the bottle on the table.
“I heard about what happened to Brittany. I want you to know how very sorry I am. I never had the pleasure of meeting her, but I know from everything you said over the years what a wonderful woman she was.”
Sean nodded. “Thank you.”
“I would’ve come to the funeral if I’d known at the time.”
Sean lifted his bottle and placed the cold plastic against his cheek. It was sixty-eight degrees in Phoenix today. Matthew’s office was a climate controlled seventy degrees year round. Didn’t change the fact that Sean was suddenly very warm.
“I know.” Sean left it at that even though he could tell by Matthew’s bewildered expression that he’d love an explanation.
It didn’t seem wise to come to Matthew’s office to ask for a favor and tell him about the blame he’d shoveled onto his shoulders since Brittany had died.
And Sean had to admit that being in the same room with his old friend and mentor was proving to him how misguided that blame had been.
“Your son is a handsome little man. He just celebrated his birthday, didn’t he?”
“How do you...?”
“I check in on your social media occasionally. I also know you recently left Ohio and moved back home.” Matthew lifted his bottle, then set it back down. “I have to say, your move surprised me.”
Sean stared at the table. “Surprised me too. I never wanted to make my home in Garfield, but Mom and Dad are there.” He stopped to clear his throat.
“They’ve been a big help with Jace.” His pause was longer this time as he watched a show only he could see.
GARFIELD danced on the table between Sean and Matthew as if the letters were taunting him.
Daring him to either spit it out or suck it up.
Sean closed his eyes. Now or never. The worst that could happen would be for Matthew to tell him no.
He’d be embarrassed he’d asked, but at least he’d be the only one who ever knew.
“Speaking of Garfield, I have a friend who has you scheduled for an event there after the first of the year.”
Matthew looked off into the distance for a moment before a smile spread across his face. “That’s right,” he said. “Hailey speaks very highly of her.” He tapped the table. “What is her name?”
“Monica Jenson.”
“Of course. I didn’t put the two together. Now that you’ve relocated, we’ll have to have dinner while I’m there. I’d love to meet Mr. Jace.”
Sean leaned forward. “It’s the event I’ve come to talk to you about. There’s been a snag and I hoped you could help.”
“I’ll do what I can.”
Sean took the time to detail all of the preparation that Monica had made for Matthew’s visit.
The fundraising, the publicity, the anticipation.
“She had one fundraiser left to go. It was scheduled for last Saturday but there was a mix up with the time and the whole thing fell through.” Sean took a deep breath.
Moment of truth.
“Your deadline is just over a week away, and they’re going to be about eight hundred dollars short of your fee. Monica didn’t send me to see you, and she has no idea I’m here. But I came to ask if you could give her a little extra time.”
Matthew sat back in his chair. “They don’t need more time.”
Sean’s stomach tightened. It looked as if he’d made the trip for nothing.
“If I’d known you were involved, I’d have done it for free. I still will. They can apply their funds to the next event.”
Sean blinked, trying to assimilate the words. “Free?”
“Absolutely free,” Matthew said. “As a favor for a friend.”
Sean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He scrubbed his face with both hands. “Free,” he mumbled. “She’s gonna kiss me right on the mouth.”
Matthew’s smile was smug. “That good a friend, huh?”
Sean realized he’d said the words out loud and hurried to change the subject. “I appreciate the offer, but you don’t have to do it for free.”
“I insist,” Matthew said. “I’ll have my event team draw up the proper paperwork. They’ll get it in the mail right after Christmas. Anything else I can do for you?”
“No, that’s more than enough. You don’t know how much this’ll means to her. I appreciate it.”
“Let’s have dinner to celebrate.”
Sean looked at his watch. “I wish I could, but I’ve got a flight to catch and a son to get home to.” He stood, and when Matthew did, too, he held out his hand. “I’ll look forward to seeing you next month.” It surprised him just how much he meant those words.
Matthew walked him to the door, put his hand on the knob, and faced Sean. “You had a question for me. Now, I have one for you.”
“Sure.”
The intensity in Matthew’s gaze made him squirm. “Was it a lie?”
Sean studied his friend and mentor, racking his brain for some clue that might provide an answer to the question. He came up empty. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“All the young people you ministered to. The ones you comforted, the ones you counseled, the ones you loved on. You had a vibrant ministry, and I can only assume that part of that included telling those kids that Jesus loved them. That whatever the question, whatever the circumstance, whatever the hurt, the answer was Jesus. Did you not mean those words when you said them?”
Sean bowed his head, unable to come up with a good answer. It hadn’t been a lie at the time, but it sure seemed like one now. He closed his eyes as a memory flooded his heart, one he hadn’t thought of in a long time. It was still remarkably clear given the time and distance.
He’d been a youth pastor for about six months when an accident claimed the life of Marsha Holden.
Marsha had been a single mother, doing her best to raise a twelve-year-old son.
Kurt had come to Sean’s office one afternoon, grief in his eyes and tears streaming down his face.
He’d had questions that no one could answer.
Questions about what he was supposed to do now and why would a God, who Sean said loved him, leave him alone in the world.
Words about a fallen world and the evil that sometimes happened to good people, words that some adults struggled to understand, would have been pointless.
Sean sat beside him, an arm around his shoulder, and they prayed together.
Sometime during that session, Sean had seen Kurt’s countenance change.
He’d sat up and looked Sean right in the eye.
“Mom’s in heaven right now.” It had been a statement, not a question.
“That’s God’s promise to everyone who accepts Jesus into their heart.”
“And heaven is supposed to be perfect, right?”
“The most perfect thing you can imagine,” Sean had assured him.
Kurt nodded before he stood, straight and tall, a smile replacing the tears. “Then I’m going to live my life for Jesus every day because as perfect as heaven is, it won’t be perfect for Mom if I’m not there.”
The thought was like a sucker punch to Sean’s middle. He knew that Brittany was in heaven. Was she wondering about him? Would her perfection be less than perfection if he gave up his faith?
“I want you to think about something.” Matthew must’ve sensed Sean was wrestling because he didn’t seem to expect him to answer his question.
“I know you feel like you have a good reason to distance yourself from God and your ministry. But, son, it’s not just you who will have to deal with that distance. ”
Sean swallowed heavily. “Jace...”
“Whether you like it or not,” Matthew said, “that boy is going to live the life that you model for him. It’ll be your example that he follows into adulthood.
I could say a lot of things right now about throwing your life away.
About where you’re going to spend eternity.
But all of those things are secondary. My question to you is this: What example do you want your son to follow?
What would Brittany want her son to follow? ”
The question doubled Sean over.
What had he done? He’d been worried about betraying Brittany with another woman, but he hadn’t given a thought about the worst betrayal of all. What would Brittany want for her son? She’d want that son to live a life that brought him back to her in the future.
Which meant, more than anything, she’d want Sean to be the man to teach him the truth.
Agony twisted his insides, and his knees turned to water. Before he knew it, he was kneeling on the floor in Matthew’s office.
Matthew didn’t hesitate. He got to his knees and pulled Sean close. Sean’s tears were bitter at first, but his bitterness turned to rejoicing as he stepped back into the presence of this Heavenly Father.