Chapter Sixteen
That night, Blake slept. Though not soundly.
She was sharing a bed with Lola, and Lola was moving to every toss and turn. It wasn’t until the morning sun started to creep through the slit in the curtains that the older woman finally whispered into the quiet.
“What’s hurtin’ on you? Your nose, mind, or heart?”
Blake went still, though she opened her eyes wide. There was no use in pretending she had been anything but restless.
“I think I’m finally over the hump with this cold crud I got from the kids,” she hedged at first. “Liam gave me the nod of approval after supper, if you don’t believe me.”
“So, not the nose. Then is it the mind or heart that’s got you all jumbling the sheets?”
Blake sighed.
She could lie, but with everything Lola had done for her, there wasn’t a good enough reason in the world to tell the woman anything but the truth.
Too bad the truth for her wasn’t as easy to answer herself.
“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “I keep thinking about how close y’all were to danger.
Clem for the second time. I keep thinking about Liam’s arm bleeding.
I keep thinking about Mater and Ray. Then I’m thinking about Beth.
Then I’m thinking about how she trusted her kids to me, and I’m already having to shuttle them off to a safe house with no clear plan on how to make sure they stay safe. ”
Blake let out another long breath. Even though she was lying down, it felt like she was dragged farther down into the mattress.
“I think the loudest thing in my head is Beth,” she added. “She’s probably looking down at me, wondering why it’s me who’s here and not the other way around.”
Blake knew she had a lot on her plate that she could have been mentally chewing on, but that thought seemed to have been bothering her the most.
There she had been thinking about kissing the sheriff when she should have been thinking about how to get the kids back to their normal, safe lives.
Beth wouldn’t have her kids in danger and thinking about anything else.
She was ashamed even now at the move.
A shame Blake thought Lola would understand.
However, the older woman did something she hadn’t expected.
“I’m sorry.”
Those two words were enough to get Blake’s head to turn on her pillow. Lola was staring up at the ceiling.
“You’re sorry?” Blake repeated. “Why? What for?”
There wasn’t a thing Lola Bennet ever had to be sorry for, at least not to Blake’s knowledge. Still, she sure did sound it in those two words.
She kept staring at the ceiling as she spoke.
“Beth dying was a dang shame, there’s no two ways about that,” Lola started.
“Her leaving behind those two angels in the other room, well that makes her passing hurt even more. Knowing that they won’t get to know their mama and knowing she won’t get to raise them.
.. It sure does hurt. But, Blake, she’s gone and her going doesn’t take away from something I don’t guess anyone has talked about yet. ”
Lola reached out. Her hand wrapped around Blake’s over the covers.
“You lost your life too. The moment you learned she passed was the moment your life jumped track. Everything you worked for, your career, your dreams, the life you were building, and the life you had planned...it ended when you knew Beth was gone.”
Lola squeezed her hand.
“And, honey, you didn’t bat an eye at it.
You packed up that life, those dreams, your everything, and you came back to a place you didn’t want to, and you stood tall.
You didn’t have time to prepare, and more importantly, you didn’t have time to grieve.
And I’m not talking about grieving Beth.
I’m talking about grieving you. The life you lost.”
She sighed.
“I bet you talked to countless people during your time in law enforcement about moving on after tragedy. After the death of loved ones. I bet you spoke about peace and time healing wounds. But I’m starting to think that, maybe, you haven’t actually seen that your loss needs some peace too.”
Lola squeezed her hand again. Blake didn’t dare move.
“Beth is gone,” she said. “From now until we go, that won’t change.
But you? You’re here, kiddo. Every choice you make is yours now.
Beth can’t do a thing, and if you ask me, Beth wouldn’t if she could.
She’d know as well as I do that while we can tell those children about her and do our best to make sure they never forget her, you are going to be the mama who takes them through most of their lives. ”
She let go of Blake’s hand. The sudden lack of warmth startled her. She turned to see Lola had turned to look at her.
“Beth might not agree with every little thing you decide to do in your life, but don’t you forget for a second that she picked you to take care of the most important things in hers.
So don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve done everything just right, even the wrong things.
Stop putting your life on hold because you think you have to live Beth’s.
It isn’t fair to you, her or the kids if you stop being Blake.
” She reached out and put a hand on Blake’s cheek.
The baby monitor for the kids asleep in the guest bedroom next door cast a glow across Lola’s face.
Blake saw her smile. “And I’m sorry that no one has said any of this to you yet.
To be fair, I would have said it sooner, but, well, I’ve also never had to raise little ones and—my goodness—they sure make the time fly by. ”
She rubbed her thumb across Blake’s cheek. It pushed the tears running down it away.
Blake hadn’t even realized she had started crying.
After a moment, when Lola pulled her hand back, she laughed a little.
“Did I ever tell you what my favorite thing about my father was?” Blake asked. She ignored the slight rasp to her voice.
Lola shook her head.
“No. What?”
Blake smiled.
“The fact that he made you my mom.”
Lola paused, caught off guard no doubt by Blake showing such emotion. That shock didn’t last long.
“That’s funny, because you want to know my favorite thing that man ever did was?” she asked.
“What?”
Lola’s smile grew.
“He made you girls.”
After that, there wasn’t much to say. Blake cried a little more; Lola consoled her with pats and hand squeezes. The sun rose higher outside and the room grew brighter. Eventually, the weight pressing against Blake’s chest started to lift.
Then, sometime after that, her thoughts found their way to Liam.
Blake thought it was important that she started to feel even better after that.
PRICE WAS GOING above and beyond his job as a deputy. In fact, he seemed to be going above and beyond that of a friend too. Liam only said the former in a comment at the dining table after lunch.
“I can’t order you to stay here,” he told the man again. “So if it’s not something you have time for...”
Price, who was dressed down in street clothes and had his daughter, Winnie, in the kitchen behind them with Lola, waved the concern away.
“Listen, I wouldn’t offer to do this if I wasn’t confident in my abilities, the safety of this house and the fact that I think you have a better chance at getting the information we need to potentially put this entire fiasco to bed than me.” Price looked down at Liam’s lap.
Or, really, Clem.
Since that morning the little girl had been stuck to his side, in his arms and on his lap.
It seemed returning her alien stuffed creature had curried unflappable good favor for him.
Liam wasn’t complaining. He was quick to notice that she was quick to notice things herself.
They had made fast work of the two puzzles that Lola had brought along in their toy bag.
Even a tablet game about cupcakes had been a breeze for the two of them.
Now she was holding her alien and watching Price speak like she was memorizing every inch of the man and his words.
He smiled at her, but Clem didn’t return the gesture. Instead, she leaned her weight back against Liam’s chest and just kept staring.
“Tough crowd,” Price muttered. There was humor in it though.
Liam snorted, but it was Lola who came in with a comment.
“Don’t act like Blake hasn’t given you the same look before,” she said. “The Bennet women need to scrutinize before they fraternize.”
She stopped next to Liam and held out her hand to the girl.
“Though, I will say, Sheriff, you’ve sure earned the acceptance of the very same women in record time.
” Price couldn’t see the wink that Lola threw him.
He cleared his throat as her attention went to Clem.
“Now, it’s time for Sheriff Weaver and Sheriff Trouble to go get some answers, so why don’t us girls and Bruce go watch a movie with Miss Winnie?
I heard she brought us Frozen, which I’m pretty sure is your—”
Clem was already throwing herself off Liam at the mention of Frozen. All three adults laughed as the four-year-old started to sing one of the movie’s songs as she ran into the living room.
“That’s my cue,” Lola said. She started to leave the room but paused as Blake walked in. Liam watched as she lightly tapped the back of Blake’s hand before telling her to be safe. “That’s to you too, Sheriff. I know Blake here is trouble, but let’s keep it to a minimum if we can.”
He nodded to her.
“Will do.”
“And that’s my cue to tell y’all the same,” Price said. He stood between them and told them to be safe and to keep him in the loop. He also reiterated his vigilance in keeping the family safe on his end.
Then it was just the two of them.
Liam made sure to keep his gaze firmly locked with hers.
Not on the outfit that looked so good on her, not on the way her small smile made the room feel brighter, and not on the way her lips shone with whatever makeup she had put on for their outing.
Liam had already messed up the day before. One second he had been listening to her excitedly rattle off ways to help him solve their current complicated questions, and the next he’d wanted something so simple all other thoughts had left his mind.