Chapter Seventeen
It really felt as if I were escaping, running down the green slope at the front of the house with Thomas careering behind me.
Several times he called out for me to stop, but I just ignored him.
I looked behind me to see him catching me up, and was sure I saw a figure at one of the mullioned windows watching us.
It made me run harder, and I didn’t want to stop until I was as far away as possible.
By the time we ran through the iron gate, he’d caught me up.
I slammed it shut, and leaned against it - the cold iron seeping into my back like a block of cold ice, and the noise seemed to echo all around sending the birds squawking and flapping into the trees.
‘What is the matter with you?’ Thomas shouted. ‘Anyone would think the devil himself was chasing after you.’
I couldn’t get my breath - I’d run so hard, and my heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my mouth and dance on the grass at my feet.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the distressing pictures, and what the duke had said, or the way he’d looked at me - I could still feel his fingers stroking my face, and probing the flesh beneath my chin. I felt so wretched I burst into tears.
‘Good heavens,’ said Thomas in a gentler voice, ‘what is this all about? Please don’t cry … my dear little cousin, please tell me what has upset you so much.’
I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t explain, though I knew inside I felt as if I were teetering on the verge of some momentous event, about to witness an irreversible change in the universe, and in myself.
I just sobbed, even though I wished I could stop, and then Thomas took my hand and pulled me into his arms, and just held me tight.
I buried my head into his shirt, and his kind heart, and the clean scent of him soon worked their magic.
He was my protector, my hero and my friend, and from that day I loved him.
***
Mr Humphry arrived shortly after we returned, and immediately went off to see G-U-F in his study, so I made haste to wash and change my gown before my mother had a chance to scold me for its grubby appearance.
I was to put on my new gauze gown, and the little gold earrings I’d been given as a present from Aunt Leigh-Perrot.
By the time I’d finished getting ready I felt quite pleased with my appearance, and I picked up the green parasol before heading downstairs.
‘You’re looking rather brown, Jane,’ said my mother following me downstairs.
‘You must remember to take your parasol with you next time. I do not think spending so much time outdoors is good for one’s complexion, and I hope you’ve been keeping within the confines of the grounds.
Uncle Frank says there is a gypsy encampment in the woods …
it is not safe to walk alone beyond the boundaries. ’
‘Yes, Mama,’ I replied, as demurely as I could, thinking of my adventure with Thomas, and glad that we’d remembered to collect my bonnet on the way back.
I knew I could not tell her about any of it, and when questioned I merely said I’d enjoyed my ride, as usual.
I didn’t dare tell her there was someone far more dangerous than the gypsies in the woods, but I felt equal to the memory of it now we were removed far away from Knole.
I remembered the duke’s grey eyes, and his dark intense looks, and I knew I’d seen his expression before.
I’d seen my brothers looking into my cousin Eliza’s eyes in just the same way, an expression that could only be described as a violence of feeling, something wanton and all possessing.
It frightened me, and I wondered that Eliza could meet such looks in so carefree a fashion, but to be flirtatious was her special delight, and as a married woman with a child I saw that she felt free enough to indulge in her favourite pastime.
G-U-F came into the parlour and asked us if we were ready for Mr Humphry.
‘He’s waiting in the study and getting his paint prepared,’ he said, ‘so I told him you would not be long. Cassy, you are to sit first, but before you go in I have a little gift to discharge to you both.’
He walked over to the bureau and opened a drawer, producing two velvet boxes from its depths. He put them into our hands, saying, ‘Go on, don’t wait to open them; I want to see what you think.’
I watched Cassy open her box first, and heard her cry of delight at the pair of topaz earrings she found inside. ‘Thank you, Uncle Frank; they are the most beautiful earrings I ever possessed. May I wear them for my portrait?’ she asked.
‘That’s precisely what I thought they’d do for,’ said dear G-U-F, and then he turned to me. ‘Well, miss, what are you waiting for … Christmas?’
He then proceeded to laugh at his own joke, but as everyone was looking at him instead of me I opened the box expecting to find a similar gift.
But, I found a locket instead, a gold octagon by design, threaded on a white ribbon to match my dress.
The pendant was most unusual, and contained a portrait miniature of G-U-F, though I couldn’t help thinking it would have been lovely to have a portrait of my parents instead.
I wondered if he guessed something of my thoughts for in his next breath, he said, ‘There’s room for a lover too, you know, a secret space inside. ’
And then he roared with laughter again, and everyone joined in whilst I stood with flaming cheeks. And it didn’t stop there.
‘And was there a message for me up at the big house?’ he asked, his eyes twinkling.
There was no Thomas to help or protect me now. I hesitated, but I knew I had no choice but to answer.
‘Mrs Mary Edwards said to tell you that she misses you.’
It was all too much for my mother who instantly demanded to be told what was going on.
‘Oh, don’t fret, Cassandra,’ he said, ‘your daughter’s been making friends with the Duke of Dorset. Thomas took her this morning to see the house, and as you can see she’s returned, quite unscathed.’
‘Is this true, Jane? And you told me no word of it?’ demanded my mother.
‘Don’t scold her, my dear. Ozias tells me the duke is very taken with your daughter. He said she would break more than her fair share of hearts before too long.’
I bit my lip and watched her expression change. ‘What a pity it is that Cassy did not go with you,’ she said, ‘though on reflection, I have heard he is a very dangerous man.’
And then they all burst out laughing, even my father who doesn’t usually laugh at me.
I could see what they were thinking. The duke had been very gentlemanly to say such kind things about a plain girl who would not easily find a husband as quickly as her sister.
But, I knew differently. I knew I’d been admired … very much.
***
Mr Humphry’s manner was usually quite severe, but he was more talkative and congenial when Thomas came in and expressed an interest in everything he was doing.
My arm felt quite stiff with holding the parasol, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I started to fidget.
It was so very hard standing still for an hour, but I liked listening to the chatter in the background.
Thomas wanted to know all about the preparation of oil paint for the sketches Mr Humphry was making, and about how he mixed the colours.
‘And what shall you paint in the background, Mr Humphry?’ he asked, when he’d exhausted all his questions on the properties of paint.
‘Oh, I haven’t quite decided yet, though I think it will probably be a landscape of some sort and a windswept sky … that’s what clients expect, and is very fashionable.’
‘We know a place that would make the perfect background, do we not, Jane?’
‘I’m not sure where you mean, Thomas,’ I said, anxious that the subject of our visit to Knole should not be brought up again.
‘In the deer park, I daresay,’ said Mr Humphry, anticipating Thomas, and fixing him with that stern expression again, as if to say he knew we’d been trespassing where we didn’t belong.
‘Yes, that’s right,’ said Thomas, ‘by one of the dewponds … it’s very picturesque, and a fitting landscape with gently rolling hills in the background, and scattered trees. And it would always remind the viewer of a day well spent.’
Thomas regarded me steadily with a smile, and I smiled back. I’d had a day full of mixed emotions, one I was sure I’d never forget.
***
Mr Humphry declined G-U-F’s invitation to dinner and said he must be getting back to his brother’s house in Seal in order to do some more work on the sketches, so as soon as he was gone Cassy and I went upstairs to get changed for dinner.
When I was dressed I crossed to my sister’s room to lie on her bed and watch her putting the finishing touches to her hair.
I usually love the time I spend with my sister, swapping confidences, sharing our hopes and dreams, though I don’t like it very much when she takes the opportunity to scold me.
‘I promise I will not keep going over the subject, Jane, but the scheme you were involved in this morning was not at all the thing to do. Riding about the countryside with Thomas, and both of you sharing a horse … it has a very odd appearance.’
‘How do you know about that?’
‘One of the grooms informed our mother.’
‘And, I suppose she’s asked you to speak to me. Well, I’ve done nothing to be ashamed of, and Thomas always looks after me. There was plenty of room on the horse - it’s not as if I was going to fall off and crack my head open.’
‘But, Jane, if you were five, or even seven years old that would not signify. But, you are a young woman, and too old to be running round with boys, and sitting in very close proximity on a horse. People will gossip about you, and say you are free with your charms and worse.’
‘But, I like Thomas, and he likes spending time with me too.’