Chapter Twenty Nine
A pair of butterflies danced before us, their tortoiseshell wings flashing in the sunlight.
There was so much to look at and point out in the landscape that we sighed and smiled all the way, at Georgian villas at the top of the village, and quaint cottages gripping the edges of the cliff-tops, where beyond them swathes of green fields and woods hazy with bluebells were announcing the start of summer, along with the emerald hue of new leaves budding on the trees.
I forgot it was almost our last day together, but the pangs were fierce and bittersweet when the memory came to bring me up sharp.
Why couldn’t it have felt like this sooner?
All my reserve drifted away, and one look from the intense gaze of Harry’s eyes told me everything was perfect in the world.
Then we were almost at the bottom, in our own private cove by the sea’s edge with a line of caves protecting us from the world.
I could see why we were alone, it was not an easy route and I doubted many people knew about the sheltered bay, shielded as it was from view.
The sun sparkled on the flat sand, dotted with pink seashells and glistened on the seaweed like mermaids’ hair on the wet rocks.
I watched Harry take a blanket from his bag and unfold it on the sand, teasing out the corners, straightening the fringe with studied concentration while the breeze ruffled his hair.
He took off his shoes, and I knew the pleasure of the cool sand beneath his white toes.
I saw his hands, tanned by the sun, undoing the buckles on the basket, and I wanted to feel those long fingers on me, undoing and smoothing, stroking and caressing.
His back was turned against me as I watched him, like a magician pulling treats from the basket, the cotton shirt revealing tense muscles moving beneath, my eyes unable to help glancing down to the narrow strip of smooth brown skin in the gap between his shirt and the waist of his jeans.
I kicked off my shoes, and sat cross-legged watching until the ceremony was over and the feast laid before me.
He’d thought of everything from pale pink prawns, juicy in translucent husks, crab and lobster in coral shells, to ripe tomatoes with scarlet flesh, and a bowl of green and black olives, wet and oily like pebbles washed up on the shore.
There was a bottle of chilled champagne and glasses like crystal dishes, iridescent as the bubbles that foamed to the brink and sank.
He laid a plate before me, rimmed with turquoise blue and dashed all over with pink rosebuds.
White linen, silver knives and forks, and a cobalt glass dish of yellow lemon slices finished the picture.
I couldn’t think how he must have arranged it all, though I guessed his earlier visit down to the village had been his chance to go shopping.
I didn’t want to spoil it by touching anything, and I was glad he took charge.
I watched Harry tear the lobster; squeeze a slice of lemon onto the white meat.
He picked up a piece and offered it before putting the soft fragrant flesh in my mouth, the scent of the sea on his fingers, the lemon stinging my lips.
He lifted a glass to my mouth and I drank greedily.
The liquid was cold, running in rivulets down my neck as he held it too high and it spilled over the sides making me giggle.
The champagne tickled my throat, the bubbles slipping down inside like kisses or shared secrets, stealing my senses, loosening any lingering reticence.
I fed him a prawn and saw him hold it between his teeth, leaning forward towards my mouth so I could take the other half.
Before I had a chance to take it, his hands were on my face, tilting my head, and he was taking my lips in his own, kissing them tenderly.
And then we were lying side by side, our lips close, hot breath on our cheeks, and our eyes saying the words we could not speak.
Harry was touching my face, cradling my head in his hands; his arms glinting with golden hairs, fingers pulling out the clips in my hair until it fell down round my shoulders.
Soft lips pressed mine with more passion than I’d ever known, and I kissed him back fiercely so it felt as if we were sinking into the sand beneath our bodies.
I heard a seabird call, saw white butterflies flutter against the grey cliffs, meeting and coupling, like the flickering journey of kisses on my throat, resting for a moment in the hollow at its base.
On a level with my eye I glimpsed a delicate shell open in two halves revealing its pearly casing, as a cool breeze made my hair dance like happiness.
‘Caroline, my beautiful girl,’ Harry whispered, his tongue tracing a path down to the lace edge of my cotton dress.
I felt the thin straps pushed aside, his mouth on my shoulder, and watched the pearl buttons on the white bodice come apart under his fingers.
I drew him closer so I could feel the drum of his heart, as I wrapped myself around him.
I felt his hands on my ribcage, fingers exploring the curve of my breasts.
Nothing existed, but the feeling of our souls drawn together as one.
We were locked in our own precious world where time stood still and we were part of the sea and sand, the whole universe around us.
And the moment I’d longed for came at last - I didn’t know love could be so sweet.
We were fused with nature pulsing to the rhythm of the restless sea, enveloped in a state of bliss I could never have imagined.
I was lost in time, neither in the present or the past, suspended in the moment, as Harry called my name over and again.
***
I can hardly remember anything else about the afternoon, the physical longing, and the feeling of consuming love overriding any other conversation or incident.
I had no regrets, it was the most incredibly momentous experience of my life - the most wonderful gift, I decided, and whatever happened in the future, whether we were to part forever or stay together, I knew I would never forget the first time I was loved.
All the way home I wanted to skip and dance, and when Harry said he’d take me out in the evening on our own, I said I wished we could stay in and spend it in his room.
After what had happened I knew I’d find it very difficult to sit across a table from him, knowing I couldn’t touch him, and I wanted to feel the intimacy of being close to him again, have him love me slowly, taking our time.
‘Oh, so do I, my darling,’ said Harry, putting his arm round my shoulders and drawing me close. ‘If only we could. Though I should tell you this wasn’t quite what I planned, how I thought the day would go … I hope you don’t think it was always my plan to seduce you down on the beach.’
I put my fingers over his lips. ‘Of course I don’t think you planned anything of the sort, but I’m so glad it happened.
Everything just seemed to come together in a perfect moment in time, don’t you think?
I must admit, I’m relieved … having you love me is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I’ve been so worried that I’d done something to upset you. ’
‘You, upset me?’ Harry pushed his hair from his eyes as the wind whipped at his sweeping fringe.
‘Nothing you could do would upset me. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted.
What with my uncle, and the memories that have haunted me this time around, I’ve felt so unsettled.
And all along I’ve kept asking myself if I’d done the right thing bringing you here.
Nothing is as straightforward as it seems.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘My uncle confided in me last night that his business affairs are not in good shape. He’s virtually bankrupt, and doesn’t know how he’s going to manage, though he’s always hoping someone will come along and save the castle. It’s a vain hope, I know.’
‘Oh, Harry, you’ve been worrying about so much, while I’ve been utterly selfish, thinking only of myself.’
‘All I’m worrying about right now is the fact that we’ll be going home the day after tomorrow, and I don’t know when I’ll see you again.’
‘Do you think it’s likely … will we be able to see one another again?’ I asked, though I was afraid to know the answer.
‘Of course, I shall make it happen somehow. I will work overtime, and send you the fare so you can come to Bath any time. It’s not so long to wait until the summer when we’ll both be finished. I won’t be going back to Cheltenham immediately.’
I didn’t mention the fact that I’d have to look for a job as soon as the holidays started, and as much as I liked Bath, I couldn’t see me working anywhere else but in London.
Though I knew my mother wasn’t expecting me to contribute to the household expenses I wanted to help her as much as possible.
But, I held on to the hope that Harry might be coming to London too, and when he squeezed my hand, reassuring me that it would all work out, I squeezed it back again.
***
In the evening we walked down to the village where a little candlelit bistro clung precariously to the side of the harbour wall.
There was a warm welcome, an eclectic mix of French and Italian food on the menu, and plenty of seafood.
We both chose grilled lobster, which bought back flashbacks to the day every time Harry held his fork to my mouth, and afterwards I pulled him away from the path taking us back to the castle, insisting we visit the cove once more.
I was tingling all over with desire, and the pleasure of feeling our bodies entwined together as we made love in the moonlight, his skin warm next to mine, was even greater than before.
I’d never felt so happy. Later, with Harry’s arm draped protectively round me all the way home I felt cocooned in love.
He wrapped me in his arms once more as we reached the castle walls, and kissed me with such passion I felt completely weak, so entirely consumed by him.
‘Goodnight, my darling,’ he said, kissing me on top of my head. ‘I can hardly bear to be parted from you.’
‘No, I want to wake up in your arms, and know that you’re there with me.’
I could tell Harry was thinking the same thoughts, and that he was searching for the right words, but I knew deep inside he could make me no promises about anything that might or might not happen in the future. But, I didn’t mind, just to be near to him, and loved by him was all I wanted.
‘What shall we do tomorrow?’ I asked. ‘This has been such a wonderful day, but we should spend our last one with your uncle and Elsa, don’t you think?’
‘You’re a generous, sweet girl, Caroline,’ Harry said, pushing back my fringe and kissing me tenderly on the forehead.
‘I suppose much depends on the weather, but I’d like to get my uncle out of the castle if possible.
Even if we just have tea in the village, it would do him good to get out and take some sea air. ’
I had such a restless night of bad dreams along with the tossing and turning that goes with them, that I woke feeling exhausted the next day.
Pictures haunted me in quick succession, filled with troubling images and emotions: a maze of narrow cliff paths, twisted trees contorted by the wind, driving rain in my eyes, and the dreadful feeling of plunging downwards in an endless fall, tumbling past rugged cliff faces, grabbing at rocks that just came away in my hand.
I woke remembering the story of Harry’s aunt, and the feelings were so strong I imagined it was like being visited by her, almost as if she were trying to tell me something.
But, my dreams soon faded when I remembered all the deliciousness of the previous day, heightening my feelings with a sense of energy I’d never known before, coupled with an overwhelming belief in the power of love.
Scenes and snapshots from our day at the beach flickered through my mind in a never-ending succession of images, each one filling me with a longing to see Harry and a need to be close to him.
We’d agreed to meet at breakfast and as the recollection of every moment we’d spent together surfaced yet again, I felt excited to see Harry, though when I opened the curtains I was disappointed to see it was raining, lashing against the windows as it had in my dreams. But, in this part of the world, the storms might blow over by the afternoon if we were lucky, so I got dressed, and headed off along the corridor into the rabbit warren of passages and staircases that led down to the Great Hall.
I don’t quite know what possessed me, but I found my legs taking a different path.
All the while I was telling myself that it was just an alternate route, and that I’d worked out a quicker way to get downstairs, but I knew in my heart exactly where I was going.
Whether it was the dreams I’d had that refused to dim, or whether it was just plain curiosity I couldn’t say, but I found myself at the foot of the ornate staircase leading to the French doors that seemed to beckon me on.