Chapter Thirty Three #2
‘I’m not certain that would be quite respectable now … Tom,’ I say lowering my voice, ‘some people might think that would look most particular.’
‘Oh, Cassy, how I should love you to be most particular in your conversation, and in your looks.’
My mother and father are here, and I try to think of anything else, as I know my mother is regarding my countenance with curiosity, no doubt seeing my flushed cheeks. I hardly hear a word that’s being said, though every now and then Mr Fowle’s eyes meet mine with an intensity I can hardly return.
‘I think one more ball will be just the thing,’ my father is saying, and his eyes meet mine with a smile.
‘I am not sure if I can dance all night and travel the next,’ says Mama, but I can see my father cajoling her once more, and in the end she is agreeing to it.
All the way home, I want to skip along the paths, and dance in the streets and keeping my countenance from breaking out into a million smiles is all I can do.
My mother takes my arm and studies my face.
‘Oh, my love, I know very well just how you are feeling, but you know if you set your heart on Mr Fowle, you’ll suffer from a lack of fine things all your life, not to mention constant want and worry for money.
He is just a curate, and you’ll have to wait a long time before you’ll be engaged, let alone marry. ’
‘Mama, I know nothing of engagements, but I do like him very much. We are just to enjoy one more ball tonight.’
‘I can see how much you like him … I see myself in you so much. I fell head over heels in love with your dear papa, and he was the only man I wished to marry. We’ve not had much in the way of luxuries, but we’ve had a great love for one another, undiminished over the years, and I couldn’t ask for much more.
So long as you are aware what the outcome will be if you choose that path, and do not come to regret it, all will be well. ’
‘With parents like you to set such an example to us all, how could we fail to be happy in life?’
‘God bless you, Cassy. You make me very proud, my dear. I know you’ll take life in your stride, and be happy in your choice, however long you might have to wait.’
***
The Assembly Rooms are as full as ever but tonight I do not mind the crush.
When we reach the Octagon Room, Tom Fowle is here looking handsome in his dark coat, his curls tamed and swept back to reveal the strong features of his face.
Our eyes connect over the distance, and he bows, but he makes no attempt to walk over.
My parents are leading me across the room to our Cooper cousins to greet them, and when I glance back at Tom I see he is still watching me.
Jane Cooper does not miss a thing. ‘I see you are very much admired this evening, Cassy. If I am not much mistaken a certain engagement that was talked of as being imminent is no longer on the cards.’
‘Nothing is certain, Jane.’
‘Except the obvious partiality of your suitor. He cannot take his eyes off you. Oh, just look, he is bowing in our direction.’
He is bowing, and now he is walking towards us, holding my gaze so steadily my heart is lost.
Mr Fowle turns to my cousin Jane, and asks how she does, and they swap pleasantries. When he turns to me and asks for the first dance I feel so happy that I’m sure everyone in the room must sense it.
And then the evening is rushing away from me, as fast as it can, and the precious moments spent dancing with Tom are coming to an end.
Images sparkle in my head like the chandeliers glimmering above - his hands in mine, his eyes on my mouth, and the endless feeling of being special in his eyes, as he whispers that I am quite the most beautiful girl in the room.
We have danced together three times, and I am the happiest woman in England.
He has not left my side for a moment, and though I am not sure my mother really approves she has let us be.
It is time for a break in the dancing and the whole assembly rushes away in a great throng to the tearooms for some refreshment, glad to sit down and rest their toes. Mr Fowle is at my side as we weave through the crowds, and for a brief second I feel his fingers on mine.
‘Follow me,’ he says, and though I know I shouldn’t, I let him take my hand until we’re in the quiet of a cool corridor, away from the noise. He raises my fingers to his lips and bestows a kiss.
‘I know we must not stay long or you will be missed, but I want to tell you that I will do all in my power to rise above my present station, and everything I can to make you proud. I have loved you as long as I can remember, Cassy, though I cannot promise anything yet, beyond an understanding that one day it is my ardent desire to marry you. I speak only from my heart, which can be silent no longer … I hope I have not misjudged your feelings.’
‘You have not misunderstood, my dearest Tom, more dear to me than you’ll ever know. I return your love with all my heart, and cannot wait for the day when I can call you husband.’
‘Will you wait for me?’
‘I will, until time stops and the earth no longer turns.’
And I know as Tom is pulling me into his arms sealing his promise with a kiss, that I have truly found heaven on earth.
***
I can hardly believe what has happened tonight, and when I find Jane is waiting as she always does to hear every last snippet about the ball it is almost impossible to find the words.
She is jumping on the bed, and whooping so much I have to scold her for fear of my mother rushing down the landing to see what all the noise is about.
‘Oh, I knew just how it would be,’ she says, taking hold of my hands to squeeze them. ‘I knew Mr Fowle loved you with all his heart, it was so plain to everyone but you.’
‘I’m not exactly certain about that. But, in any case, I’m glad at the way everything has turned out, it could not have made the pleasure greater to me if it was any other way.’
‘Do you mind having to wait so long to be married?’
‘I would wait for ever and ever to be united with him, if I had to, and whatever happens in the future, I know we will be together in the end.’