Chapter Thirty Five
Caroline
Fitzrovia, London
I’d be lying if I said I’d just been getting on with my life as soon as I got back to London.
Locking myself up for a couple of days and giving in to those feelings I’d pent up for so long really did help, though Piers threatened he wouldn’t make an appearance at my degree show if I didn’t at least make an attempt to get on with my final preparations and keep focussed for the big event.
But, he was as lovely as ever, coming round to fuss over me, listening for hours and making soothing comments in all the right places.
He insisted on being my date for the degree show, saying that Simon would join us later on once the proceedings were under way.
I knew that Piers was right; it was time to leave the past behind, and I was determined to make a new start.
I thought about how I’d wanted to stay in those other times I’d experienced, wishing I could live within the stories of those sisters I loved, but knowing I’d had to let Jane and Cassy go.
I was still on that journey, but with a fresh beginning I felt I was ready to live my own life.
It was good to have something else to think about, getting dressed up, and taking time over my hair.
I’d decided to wear a red silk maxi dress I’d designed especially for the occasion, and I was just getting out of the bath when the front doorbell rang.
I knew it would be Piers, arriving several hours too early to help give an appraising eye over what I was wearing, and when it was obvious no one else was going to answer the door I grabbed a towel to wrap round me and ran downstairs.
But, when I threw back the door I was so shocked I couldn’t speak at first. Harry was standing there at the bottom of the steps, and I just stood staring at him, as if he were some kind of ghostly apparition.
‘Hello, Caroline,’ he said.
‘How did you find me?’ I managed to say eventually, still feeling stunned. And then we both said Piers’ name at precisely the same moment, and I knew, of course, it could be nobody else.
‘Can I come up … come in for a minute?’
He looked so gorgeous in denim jeans and a t-shirt the same colour as his eyes, that all I wanted to do was run down, and throw my arms round him, declaring what an idiot I’d been while begging his forgiveness, but he looked far too serious to attempt it, and even a bit cross.
‘I tried to see you in Bath … well, not see you exactly, but I had a letter I wanted to post … to you,’ I said, and thought how stupid I must sound.
‘Oh, I see … you were just going to deliver it, not even knock on the door and speak to me.’
His eyebrows were knitted together, but he still looked adorable with that sweep of a fringe flopping into his eyes.
I couldn’t help looking at his mouth and a most untimely flashback of those lips kissing my naked skin came with such ferocity that I had to hang onto the door, and clutched my towel just a little bit tighter.
‘I just didn’t think I’d be able to say how sorry I was about everything that happened if I spoke to you face to face.
Because I am sorry, really so very sorry that there are no words that will ever say how sorry I am, and I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me ever again …
I don’t blame you at all. I honestly don’t know what happened to me while I was at the castle, or why I thought or said those terrible things, though to tell you the truth so many weird things had been happening to me over the last few months that I’d got to the stage where I was finding it hard to separate real life from fantasy.
But, I know that’s not an excuse, and I just don’t think I can live with myself any longer knowing that you hate me, because I am such a horrible person.
So, please say whatever it is you’ve come to say, I can take it. ’
‘You’re not a horrible person; I know you’re not.
If anyone’s at fault, it should be me that takes the blame.
Everything at the castle was so difficult, and I don’t want to make excuses for myself, but I couldn’t think straight.
I wasn’t sleeping, my mind was stuck living in the ghastly past, but I don’t want to think about that any more.
I just want to tell you that I’m so sorry for the way I treated you. Can you ever forgive me?’
‘Can I forgive you? There’s nothing to forgive, truly.’
Harry walked up the steps until he was standing right in front of me. ‘Are you going to ask me in or are we going to argue on the steps all day long?’
‘I’m going to ask you in.’
‘You’re still blocking the door, and you’re beginning to attract quite a crowd dressed like that.’
‘I just want to look at you … I can’t believe you’re here, and saying nice things to me.’
‘I can say a lot more if you let me in.’
‘Like what? Give me a clue,’ I said, laughing at him, as I felt his hands go round my waist.
He leaned forward and kissed me with the lightest touch on my cheek. ‘Like how much I love you, and how you are the most incredible, beautiful and wonderful girl I’ve ever met. You smell gorgeous too.’
‘Right … well, in that case, I think you can come in, though only on one condition.’
‘And what’s that?’
‘That you hold me in your arms, and tell me all over again.’
***
Much later, when I woke to see him still lying next to me in my bed, his face flushed in sleep like a small boy, I couldn’t believe he was there.
I was very happy, just lying there and watching him, so when one eye opened and he peered at me as if he couldn’t quite remember where he was, I felt happier still.
Yet, there were still some painful subjects I needed to talk to him about, and in particular someone very important to me that I hadn’t asked after, and I knew I couldn’t avoid the subject any longer.
‘I hope I’ve not lost a good friend in Elsa … how is she?’
‘Oh, Caroline, I should have said. It’s my fault you haven’t heard from her … she wanted to get in touch but I asked her not to because I wanted to surprise you.’
‘But, do you think there’s any possibility that she’ll ever forgive me and we’ll be friends again?’ I persisted.
‘As far as she’s concerned, you’ve always been her friend … she thinks just like me, there’s nothing to forgive. I’m telling you, it’s because of me she hasn’t made contact. I knew if Elsa had written or seen you she wouldn’t have been able to stop herself from giving you the exciting news.’
‘What exciting news?’ I said, propping myself up on one elbow.
‘I’m moving to London.’
‘Oh, that is wonderful news.’
‘And, I’d love to wake up every day and see you lying there, just like that,’ said Harry pulling me into his arms. ‘Can we arrange it, do you think?’
‘I’d love it too, but I’m not sure it’s possible just yet.’
‘I don’t see why … you’re already here … we can choose a place together.’
My heart leapt and then immediately sank. ‘I’d love that, Harry, but I don’t know if I’ll be making enough money to rent a flat just yet. I’ve nothing of my grant left … I might have to move back home with Mum, and save up for a while.’
‘But, I’m going to buy a house, and if you’d like to, you can share it with me.’
‘You’re going to buy a house?’ I said, unable to hide my disbelief, sure that I hadn’t heard the last bit about being together, correctly.
‘My uncle left me some money in a trust fund he set up years ago. I had no idea, he never told me about it. The castle with all its debts has been left to the National Trust, so I’ve decided I’m going to buy a house of my own.’
‘What a wonderful uncle to leave you such a gift.’
‘Elsa’s been left the same bequest too …
he really was a very generous man. It was especially kind because he must have known when he set it up that he’d find life difficult later on.
Just before he took a turn for the worse he told me he was very sorry that he’d spoken to you the way he did.
He wanted you to know that he really hadn’t meant to be unkind.
I’m so sorry I just took his side like that …
he told me what he’d said. I hope you know it was his illness that was to blame, that and his desperate situation. ’
Of course … I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to know him better, and I’ll never be able to say sorry enough for the way I behaved.’
‘You’re not to mention it again,’ Harry said, kissing the tip of my nose. ‘Geraint gave us his blessing … I know if he’d had more time he’d have loved you just as much as I do.’
I looked into Harry’s eyes; unable to believe the words he was saying.
‘You haven’t yet said you will,’ he persisted.
‘Will what?’ I said, hoping to hear him say the words I thought I’d heard before.
‘Caroline, will you stay with me forever? No, that’s not right … what I mean to say is will you consider it … that is, if you find you like sharing a house with me and Randolph …’
‘Randolph … is he coming? Then yes, absolutely, it’s a done deal,’ I said, unable to stop laughing at Harry’s expression.
‘Aha, little do you know that was part of my evil plan … I knew he’d clinch it for me. I couldn’t leave him all alone in Wales, and I had a feeling you love him as much as I do.’
I couldn’t believe how everything had turned out and a tidal wave of pure unadulterated love mixed with such feelings of longing for Harry washed over me.
Did everyone in love feel like this? Was it real?
I could only hope he felt the same, but as he repeated all the sweet whisperings of his heart, and his words of love in my ear I could only smile.
I knew he adored me as much as I did him.
‘There’s just one more vital thing I have to say.’
‘What’s that, Harry? It can’t possibly be as important as anything else you’ve said to me today.’
‘I knew you’d forgotten.’
‘Forgotten what?’
‘Don’t we have a show to go to?’
The End