30. Vivian
thirty
Vivian
T he following Saturday, I fidget as I sit behind a small table facing Seabreeze Beans’s entrance.
I’m somehow more nervous about this than when I spoke to strange men in bars weeks ago.
I think my anxiety is twofold. I’m doing this in the epicenter of town gossip, and if I fail here, everyone will see.
To keep myself busy while I wait, I text Finn.
Though we haven’t seen much of each other this week because of our grueling schedules, we’ve texted every day.
I’ve been slightly overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work, since every adult on Wilks Beach plans to attend the fundraiser.
My end-of-day exhaustion had me skipping music trivia and not even contemplating karaoke.
Finn has been just as busy, missing his boxing classes for after-closing planning meetings with his fellow librarians.
Vivian
I can’t wait to see you tonight after the library closes.
Finn
I can.
A shocked sound comes out of my open mouth.
Finn
Wait, that came out wrong. I can’t wait to see you, but I think after the hard week we’ve both had, we should have dinner at Bayside Table instead.
I chuckle at my phone. This isn’t the first time Finn has attempted to get out of his condition for taking me to the fundraiser—swimming lessons.
My mind floats back to Tuesday morning after he’d asked me to attend the ball with him.
“I’ll go with you…on one condition. I want to teach you to swim.”
Finn hesitates, his jaw working. “I don’t think so.”
My hands smooth up his neck to frame his face.
“I know how hard it is doing something out of your comfort zone, but I fully understand that our fears aren’t the same.
What happened to you was horrible, but if you want to try to let go of that fear, I’m here.
We can go as slow as you need, and if you decide it’s not worth it, I won’t push.
But Finn…”—my thumb slides across his cheek with a featherlight touch—“I believe you can do this.”
His forehead comes to mine, rocking back and forth. “I don’t think I’ve ever trusted anyone the way I trust you.” After a long moment in which my heart can’t decide to soar or shatter at his sweet words, Finn leans back with a heavily drawn breath. “Okay. I’ll try.”
A tight tug pulls at the center of my chest at the memory.
Vivian
Remember, you’re just sitting in your bathtub. I looked at the pictures on Rebecca’s realty website of your rental, and the antique clawfoot tub looks barely big enough for you to fit, so there’s no way you’ll be submerged. And we don’t have to fill it all the way. We’ll start out small.
Dots hover and recede, hover and recede as I wait for Finn’s response. He’ll probably write something flirty and distracting like he’s been doing all week.
Finn
I’m scared, gorgeous.
A squeak escapes me as the bridge of my nose congests with unexpected tears.
I wonder how upset Summer would be if I stood her up so I could rush to the library to wrap Finn in a large hug.
I’m half rising, my thighs hitting the edge of the round wood table when the door jangles, and Summer strides through.
She beams at me from across the shop, pushing sunglasses atop her blonde bob.
“Hey, Vivian.”
“Hi.” I return her smile, trying to ignore the blood rushing in my ears from Finn’s text. “I know it’s bad timing, but I’ve got to make a quick call. Grab something on me, and I’ll be right back.”
Before Summer can answer, I break into the mid-morning sunshine and dial Finn.
He doesn’t answer, but that doesn’t mean he’s ignoring me.
I’ve seen the way Finn gives undivided attention to whomever is in front of him.
With how busy the library has been in the wake of the fundraiser announcement, he’s probably speaking to a patron.
Wilks Beach residents can be an opinionated bunch.
“Hey,” I say softly when his voicemail message ends.
“I know I can’t take that feeling away from you, though I really, really want to.
I can tell you that I’ll be right there with you.
It’ll be just like you encouraged me when we went to Virginia Beach.
Remember? Just walk down the bar? Just sit in shallow water.
That’s it. Afterward, I’ll take you to Bayside Table, okay?
” I sigh loudly. “I wish I could give you a hug, but Summer is waiting. I’m nervous about talking with her, but I’m going to push through.
Let’s both do something we’re scared of today, and we can celebrate afterward, okay?
I lo—” I cut myself off just in time. “I look forward to seeing you later.”
I hang up the call as my pulse sprints. That word—the big one—has been hovering in the periphery of my mind every time I think of Finn.
I’m not sure if I’m ready to attach that modifier to the way I feel about Finn, but I do know I want a relationship like the one my parents had.
My mom would count the hours until Dad would drive home from the mainland on weekdays.
My father used to surprise her with little gifts—unique stationery was Mom’s favorite.
Then they’d dance in the kitchen after they thought we’d gone to sleep, and Brynn and I used to sneak to the top of the stairs and watch them.
A twinge of sadness twists my belly, and I take a deep breath to release it.
As I re-enter the coffee shop, something resting on the receiving counter snags my attention.
A gnome floats on a flamingo raft, holding a pineapple cocktail, right beside the sign that says “Pick Up.” I lift the figurine, clutching it to my chest with a gleeful squeal.
Sandy relieves Brynn at the espresso machine, and my sister walks over, setting down a mug topped with whipped cream.
“I’ve been thinking about all the changes you’ve been making and thought I’d try a few of my own.” The uncertainty in my sister’s gaze makes my lungs ache.
“He’s perfect.” I reach to squeeze her hand over the counter before replacing the figurine in his place beside the chalkboard-style sign still adorned with Aunt Tammy’s handwriting. “Did you name him?”
The corner of her mouth quirks. “Roasty McToasty.”
I burst into laughter so loud that Summer and a few others glance over, but I can’t find it in me to care. I’m done with hiding. I’m finally ready for this town to know the real me.
Brynn’s returning smile feeds my soul. “Take this to Summer, will you? And apologize for the wait. I had to dig in the back to find another peppermint syrup to make her latte.”
“On one condition,” I start—apparently, I’m full of conditions lately.
My sister’s brows tweak as she waits for me to finish.
“Let’s go swimming after you get done today. It’s been forever since we’ve had a beach day. We can relive our childhood bests—building sandcastles, body surfing, the whole nine.”
Brynn crosses her arms, and my stomach sinks. I know the suggestion deviates from her schedule, but tonight’s plan is already altered with me spending the evening with Finn instead of us watching movies at home.
Hope soars as my sister’s lips give the slightest tug. “I’m not going unless we play mermaids.”
“Oh, we’re playing mermaids.” I beam. “And afterward, I’ll make you your favorite green chili egg casserole before I leave.”
“With tots?”
Brynn and I operate under a simple philosophy: if you don’t like tater tots, something is fundamentally wrong with you.
That and not smiling at dogs. If a dog passes you while being walked and you don’t at least crack a small grin at their happy, furry face, you shouldn’t be friends with us.
Speaking of friends, I should be getting back to the one I’m trying to make.
“Of course with tots.”
My sister nods with a deep, steadying inhale, no doubt calming the anxiety that change brews in her bloodstream.
She’s so strong in so many other ways, but this has always been her Achilles heel.
A weird swell of pride ribbons through my ribs at being the one helping Brynn with this after a lifetime of her always helping me.
I reach across the counter to squeeze her fingers again. “It’ll be fun. Trust me.”
Brynn’s returning grip is a bit too firm, but I smile reassuringly.
“Here you go.” Sandy drops off my iced coffee with an unexpected treat—a plate of iced sugar cookies shaped like surfboards.
I balance all three items, carrying them to where Summer has been politely waiting. She sighs wistfully as I set down her coffee.
“Is it as magical as I imagine having unlimited access to delicious coffee and sweets every day?”
A laugh bubbles from me, unrestrained. “Absolutely.”
Summer takes a large gulp of her coffee, licking whipped cream from her upper lip. “I’m so glad you called me.”
My cheeks hurt from smiling. “Me too.”
It’s not until I’m seated across from her that I notice Summer has a smear of paint across her brow. Speckles of sky blue also dot her running tank.
“Are you working on a home project today?”
Summer has been slowly repairing her grandmother’s dilapidated cottage, often with her boyfriend, Nick’s, help.
“I’m repainting the bathroom.” She nods before gripping her mug with both hands and leaning in. “But can we talk about your crush upgrade? Nothing against Atticus, of course, but”—Summer lets out a low whistle—“if I wasn’t madly in love with Nick…”
I chuckle as her sentence drops off.
“You seem really happy,” she adds, her smile softening in that maternal way of hers even though Summer is only a few years older than me. It’s probably a trait she’s gained from being a beloved pediatrician.
“I am.” The honesty of the statement feels revolutionary, like some crucial change clicks behind my breastbone.
We chat about her work and mine, gossip about the rumors about Atticus and Amanda, and by the time Nick’s phone call interrupts with Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” ringtone, asking if she needs anything from the mainland, my heart is so full I feel short of breath.
And when I give Brynn a quick hug after Summer leaves and head back to my shop, Lidia Prescott arrives with a sumptuous Regency gown for me to alter.
I take her measurements, easily chatting all the while.
Then I crank my Raven Sacaria playlist and get to work.
As I adjust the decadent bodice, a small grin lifts my lips.
After all these good things happening today, I’m going to end the day with another big “first.”
I just haven’t told Finn yet.