Chapter Five
“WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE Serenity for a ride?”
Out in the arena with no one around them, only horses, Diana felt like they were the only people in the world. Like only he and she existed. Like here could be an escape from all past heartache. A good place and a way to forget everything just like...
No. The burning thirst nearly made her dizzy. Or was it Laredo’s presence?
Argh. Hadn’t she just decided she couldn’t trust him yet?
Then she remembered she didn’t answer his question. She’d always been too much in her head. “Oh, but with your injury, you shouldn’t go horseback—”
“I know. I meant for you.”
She winced at the slight snap in his words. Did she sound like a nag, reminding him of all the things he shouldn’t be doing? No offense to the horses, but maybe she’d become a nag. Maybe she needed to be more adventurous. Like Pat. Diana thought about six days with the monkeys. Okay, maybe not that much. “Sure. I’d love to.”
Serenity better live up to her name.
He brightened. “Awesome. Let me bring a saddle and a saddle blanket so it won’t hurt Serenity’s back.”
“I’ll help you.” Carrying the saddle with one hand would be difficult.
He didn’t argue. “Thanks.”
As they carried the saddle from the nearby stable, he obviously did his best to take more weight on himself. Still, it felt like they were a team. Something she hadn’t always felt with Adam. He’d often worked long hours at the hospital, and even on weekends, he’d been on call. He’d gone away to medical conferences a lot. She’d often felt secondary. At home, she’d then found herself just as lonely as she’d been in childhood. She swallowed the bitter taste of the memory. Not that she could blame him. She’d known what she’d signed up for and how busy doctors were.
“Let’s put the saddle on the fence,” Laredo said, and they did just that.
Then they returned for the magenta saddle blanket. He picked it up with his left hand. “I’ve got it.”
Guess they were a team no more. They walked back to Serenity, and he spread the saddle blanket on the horse’s back, then lifted the saddle on and adjusted the girth and the stirrups.
Then Diana blinked. Uh-oh. With an arm in a sling, he couldn’t exactly lift her into a saddle, and she had a jab of disappointment at that. “Um, there’s no way I can, well, jump into a saddle.”
He laughed, and she was right before. She liked the sound. “I wouldn’t expect you to. We have a mounting block for that. Swinging into the saddle can be rough on the horse’s back if you’re not careful. Much better—especially for an inexperienced rider—to slide on from a mounting block.” He led Serenity to a three-step construction near the fence.
“Oh right.” How hadn’t she noticed it? Probably because she’d been paying too much attention to the fine-looking cowboy.
He extended his left hand, and after a hesitation, she put her own in his. She enjoyed how his hand felt. Slightly callused, warm, and strong. She tempered the feeling again, then climbed the stairs, but it took her several attempts to fit her sneaker-clad foot into a stirrup. Finally, she managed to do that.
“Now lift your body, swing your right leg onto the other side, ease your weight onto her back, and find the other stirrup with your foot.” He held the bit so Serenity wouldn’t move.
Don’t fall. Don’t fall.
Diana swung her leg, and her heart jumped. “I got it! I got it!”
He hadn’t let the bit go. He grinned as if she’d done something outstanding. “You sure did. Now, if you want to turn to the left, tug the reins slightly to the left. If you want to turn to the right—”
“Tug to the right?”
“Exactly.” His grin widened, if that was possible. “To start moving, tap her flank with your heels.”
Growing up, she hadn’t been spoiled with smiles. Everyone in the household had been serious, and then the man she’d married mirrored that. Adam didn’t even smile in their wedding photos, and there hadn’t been honeymoon photos because they had to skip the trip due to his important job. How could she complain about that if her newlywed husband had been saving lives?
Here at the ranch, everyone seemed to be smiling, especially Laredo, and she had difficulty looking away from that radiant smile she was so drawn to. Everything in her was drawn to him like the wildflowers in the fields were drawn to sunshine.
Serenity neighed, but in a nonthreatening way like she’d been laughing. Diana just hoped Serenity wasn’t laughing at her. Yes, everyone at this place seemed to be smiling, even the happy horses.
Finally, she tore her glance away from Laredo and looked around. “Wow. I didn’t realize how high this was going to be.” She could see so much further from this vantage point. From the sprawling hills and the sparkling creek in the distance, the spacious Cape-Cod style house sheltered by live oaks to a forest beyond and the horses nearby, the view was magnificent.
Then her gaze again slid to an even more magnificent view—the cowboy in front of her.
He patted Serenity’s flank. “Let me bring the horses some snacks. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” Diana said in a thin voice while she swallowed hard. What if Serenity went into a gallop while Laredo was gone?
It turned out she shouldn’t have worried. Laredo had known their horses well. She’d asked for a horse that barely moved, and Serenity exceeded all Diana’s expectations.
She didn’t move at all.
Well, Serenity and Diana made it just fine to the nearby hay trough, which was Serenity’s decision, but Diana didn’t mind. Then they hung out at the feeder.
“Are you okay there?” Laredo strode back.
Diana looked at the man and did her best not to think about all the things that couldn’t be. The ever-present longing inside her mixed with a different one. Now, she wasn’t sure which one was more forbidden. “I’m fine. I figure Serenity deserves to eat before she has to carry me around.”
Serenity’s lunch turned out to be extremely long, and they weren’t going anywhere.
So after giving the horses water and treats, Laredo stepped to Serenity and therefore to Diana. “Would it be okay if I led Serenity around the arena?”
He must’ve guessed Diana’s horse-steering skills didn’t just leave a lot to be desired but were nonexistent. Because tugging left or right wasn’t a problem. Moving forward was.
“That would be fantastic. Just don’t have her go into a gallop or... something.” Diana held onto whatever that protruding thing at the front of the saddle was.
He laughed. “I won’t.”
Sandy ground passed as Serenity trotted, led by Laredo. Uh-oh. A long way there to the ground. Better not to look.
Yet there was something liberating in being on horseback, feeling close to the animal, looking around from that high level at the endless sky and rolling hills. And yes, being close to Laredo. Her chest expanded in a way it hadn’t done in a long time.
“Are you okay there?” he asked.
“More than okay. I feel more at peace with myself than I’ve felt in a long time.”
Maybe ever.
The only thing that had ever given her this calming effect or at least close to it in the past was something she was ashamed to remember but desperate to go back to. She caught herself smiling, not the smile she’d given to the patients because it was her job to be friendly and encouraging. But the smile that appeared naturally, without a single effort on her part.
Yes, everyone on this ranch smiled, even her. She wanted to hold onto this incredible feeling with the same tight grasp she’d been holding onto that protruding part at the front of the saddle.
Her nerves settled, and it might not be just the healing nature of, well, nature. Since her parents’ attention had been so scarce when she’d been growing up, she’d learned to earn it, and maybe it led her to become a people pleaser. She’d thought about it as more her desire and willingness to help others, be it her parents or Pat or later her patients or even, if she admitted it, Adam. But people-pleasing was what Pat had called it whenever she told Diana to think more about herself.
Guilt stung her like a bunch of mosquitoes. Was she betraying Adam’s memory? She did love him. She really had, even in the difficult times. Everyone around her—from her parents to her colleagues and especially her in-laws—said she’d married up, so she’d done her best to make up for it. To provide Adam with a good home. To support him, listen to him, encourage him, and not ask anything from him.
Hmm. Pat was an exception in this case, as well. She’d always said Diana had married down and Adam didn’t deserve her.
Diana shook her head to clear memories, and Serenity did the same, but most likely for a different reason. The movement brought Diana to the present.
Here, at the ranch when it was just her, Serenity, and Laredo, there was nobody to impress. Okay, she did want to impress him, but he already knew she was an inexperienced rider and a total newbie out here. It was okay to be awkward and far from perfect. And Serenity, who must feel just how new Diana was, didn’t seem to mind—after all, she’d even gotten a slow lunch out of it.
Something was incredibly relaxing about being able to breathe the fresh air with the scent of grass and moving wherever Laredo and Serenity would take her. What a different pace and a different world, and it brought out a different side of herself.
No obligations. No promises she had to keep. No expectations she’d failed. No complaints from understandably cranky patients. No hectic schedule leaving her fatigued. No requests to cover another shift because “she’d always done that.” No people expecting her to be efficient and fast and have things ready for them.
She could just exist. Was this what it felt like to be in God’s presence? To just be? She’d never realized it was possible and how much she needed it.
She sent Laredo a grateful glance. He helped her discover a new place, an oasis in the desert of her solitude and grief, but he was also helping her... discover herself, maybe? Who knew so much could be seen from a different vantage point, away from the ground and what was grounding her?
But a few circles were enough, more for Laredo’s sake than her own. “It’s amazing. But that’ll do. Thank you very much for doing this.”
“Did you have a good time?” He led Serenity back to the steps.
“I did. Serenity is awesome.” No reason to say she’d had a good time because of Laredo, as well.
She slid off the horse much faster than she mounted her. Her heart somersaulted as he took her hand again to help her climb down the stairs. His gaze lingered on her, and she nearly leaned into him before she made herself stop. After all, her topsy-turvy heart couldn’t afford to be broken again.
And Laredo’s family might hold the keys to Pat’s disappearance.