Chapter Sixteen
HAD HE DONE SOMETHING wrong?
Laredo rubbed his forehead as the boat sailed past the breakwater. Rachel and Harris had chartered a boat nearby to make sure nobody would approach Laredo and Diana and shoot at them. Now, Diana frowned into the sky where seagulls screamed their greeting—or more likely communicated to each other where the fish were.
Had he overstepped her boundaries? Based on her silent treatment, he was in rough, choppy waters, and he didn’t mean the ones beneath the boat.
What had happened to cause this reaction of hers? He still reeled from her confession and didn’t know how to support her. It didn’t change his attitude toward her, but what could he do to help her?
Out in the ocean, it was colder than ashore, and the wind ruled with a frostier hand.
“Are you okay? Are you cold?” He shrugged out of the jacket he’d wrapped over his shoulders without putting his right arm in the sleeve because of the sling. At least, this much he could do for her. “Please, take this.”
“Thank you.” Her eyes softened, then faded back into that absent expression.
She’d responded to his kiss with more eagerness than he could’ve hoped for, and euphoria still swept through him from it. He touched his lips as if he could keep the taste of her lips there. And again, elation rocked him on its waves like the ocean rocked this boat, though the painful experience she’d gone through dimmed that emotion. Then salty water spritzed him as if trying to wash away the memory. But it was impossible to erase. Unlike how high tides would erase the words written on the sand, the memory of the kiss was forever etched in his mind.
It wasn’t just about the kiss. He’d meant it when he’d said he loved being around her—but then, he always meant what he’d said. Even the simple, usually boring tasks of gathering eggs or making breakfast were fun when done with her. Maybe because of the aura of kindness and softness surrounding her and the cautious joy he’d glimpsed when she let it step in front of the sadness settled so deep in her eyes. In turn, putting joy in her eyes gave him endless delight. The joy was missing now.
“Please let me know how I can support you.” He’d sensed guilt in her voice. He’d give everything to hear her laugh again.
“You’re not ashamed of me?” Her eyes widened.
“No! Why would I be?” He said a few unkind words about her parents. “I’ll stand by you if you let me for however long you let me.” Had he said too much? “Your former addiction is not your entire identity. It’s a pain you went through or rather a way to deal with it.”
“You know, as a child, deep down I judged my grandfather. A lot. And then as a nurse, several times I judged patients who were alcoholics and put their families through the wringer because of it. I didn’t say anything, of course. But deep inside, I had those thoughts. I really shouldn’t judge, right?”
“I’d never judge you.” Could she hear his utter conviction?
Now she fell quiet. Of course, she was quiet by nature, and revealing her secret must’ve been gut-wrenching. He only listened to it, and he felt gutted like a fish. She also must be anxious to learn more about her friend. But Captain Jones had said they’d talk later, so they had to play by his rules.
“It’s so peaceful here. Like... like a dream.” Her voice was barely audible above the chugging boat motor. She clearly wanted to change the topic, and Laredo had to let her. “I... I almost don’t want to go back. I know it’s selfish to admit it.”
The wind whipped sandy hair in her eyes, and he barely restrained himself from pushing that hair away from her lovely face. She was creating distance between them, and he wasn’t sure how he could cross it yet.
“No, it’s not. I mean, it’s not selfish.” Maybe because then it would be selfish for him to admit he wanted her to stay. Talk about quicksand for him. “What are your dreams? If it’s okay to ask.”
He wanted them to come true, and yes, selfishly, he wanted to be the one to help them happen.
“For most of my life, I wasn’t sure myself. I mean, I knew what was expected of me. I also knew I fell short of those expectations.”
“How could that be?” He moved closer because he wanted to hear her better, but also because he wanted to hold her. “You’re very accomplished.”
She sighed, the sound and her expression tugging at his heart again. “My parents wanted me to become a doctor. Not just a nurse. And Adam... After we got married, I suggested staying at home for a while, maybe starting a family. He said I wasn’t pregnant yet and we could hire a maid to clean the house if it was too much for me. He said he didn’t think he married a lazy woman.”
Anger rose inside him in waves. “I don’t want to say bad things about him, but—”
She held up a hand. “He meant he wanted an accomplished wife. It’s understandable, even admirable.”
She seemed to have blinders when it came to her late husband, but it wasn’t Laredo’s right to take them off. No matter how much he wanted to.
She continued, “I mean, I should be grateful he believed in me. Besides, when we dated, my parents apparently told him I always wanted to be a doctor. And when my mother-in-law heard I suggested staying at home, she said I was choosing an easy path and going to mooch off her son. Just like she’d suspected.”
Heat charged through his veins. “That was so very wrong. And unfair. Being a wife and a mom is the most difficult and noblest job in the world. Just ask my mother.” He nearly wrapped his arms around Diana but stopped himself. Beyond the churning motor, the ocean seemed to whisper soothing thoughts, but he couldn’t decipher them.
“They all meant well. And my father-in-law defended me, like always. They all wanted to give me opportunities women from previous centuries didn’t always have, and to them, I was ungrateful. Many of my parents’ friends’ daughters became doctors.” She chuckled without mirth. “Ironically, after women fought for so long to have equal opportunities when it came to jobs outside of the home, some of us now have to fight to have a job inside the home. Or in many cases have to do two jobs at the same time, one working outside the house and another one inside it.”
She hugged his jacket tighter around her. “Plus, women seem to be automatic caretakers when it comes to elderly or ailing family members. I’ve seen the worn-out wives or daughters of some of my patients. Those women had to take care of their ailing parents, their children, and their husbands, and often somehow hold down a job, too. One of them told me she felt she hadn’t slept in ages. She had huge circles under her eyes and no life left in those eyes. I felt so sorry for her and tried to help her see she needed to take care of herself. But she felt the needs of everyone around her were greater than her own. There were other such cases, too. I mean, I was blessed and still am. My parents are healthy and require little attention, and I even had a maid to help me around the house when I was married and had no children. I couldn’t complain.”
More anger erupted inside him. It boiled his insides that other people took advantage of her kindness, and he also sent up a prayer for all the women who were caretakers of others. “But you have the right to live the life you want! To do what’s best for you! It is your life, after all, and you’ve helped other people so much already.” He drew a deep breath of salty air. “If you close your eyes and think about the time when you were most happy, what do you see?”
She closed her eyes and stayed still for a few moments. Then she whispered, her voice so low it was barely audible against the growl of the motor. “I see you.”
His heart stuttered, and he wasn’t sure he heard her right. Maybe it was his imagination?
Then her voice strengthened. “It probably won’t be very helpful. I see drinking tea with Pat. And then... making oatmeal cookies with Grandma and then eating them over chamomile tea.” She opened her eyes. “Not exactly a dream, huh? Just a look in the past that no longer exists.”
Captain Jones asked them to join him before Laredo had a chance to comment.
Diana perked up, but cloudiness hazed her gray eyes, as well. Though Laredo ached to comfort her, he forced himself to hang back. Close enough if she needed him, but not so close she’d feel crowded. In general, she seemed to need more personal space than other people he’d met. He must maintain the delicate balance between wanting to hold and support her while not wanting to scare her away. So he stepped aside and approached the captain at the wheel.
“Thank you for bringing us here.” He shook hands with a guy rumored to be a hermit, so Laredo didn’t know much about him.
The man shrugged. “It’s my business.”
“And for agreeing to talk to us about my friend,” Diana added fast.
Jones frowned. “And that should be none of my business. Talking about customers.”
Diana’s face fell, and Laredo suppressed a grimace as he stepped in front of her. But from what little he knew about the boat captain, he’d best not push him.
The guy kept quiet, and Laredo did the same since silence stated his case best. Diana opened her mouth, clearly eager to ask questions, but when she seemed to think better of it, he squeezed her fingers, silently asking for her patience. Of course, if the captain became rude, Laredo would stand up for her.
What an irony.
Their outing could be so romantic with the endless beauty of the cerulean sky and shimmering ocean, the fresh salty tang of the ocean, and the murmur of waves beyond the growl of the motor. The promise behind the horizon. But just like a few clouds appeared in the sky, worrying him they might bring rain, more than a few clouds hovered above their heads when it came to peril lurking ashore.
She awakened his protective instincts, but how could he defend her if he shouldn’t use his right hand? And he was out of his depth when it came to the investigation. He stared at the ocean, the depth of which was enormous. Frankly, he was out of his depth when it came to romance, as well. He sang about love often, but he had no clue how to court a woman like Diana. Would his courtship even be welcome?
Silence stretched until he decided to step in. “Jones, you might make a difference between finding Pat alive or... If you have any information, sharing it might mean saving her life.”
What more could he say?
Diana sucked in a sharp gasp. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so blunt. Yes, he was a fish out of water when it came to investigations. A seagull cried out as she scooped her catch from the waves—a fish out of water, literally.
“Is it okay to ask whether this is the person who chartered your boat?” She stood, crossed to the helm, opened her wallet, and showed him a photo.
The man’s gaze sharpened, and he nodded. “Yes. And the man in the photo is the person whose photo she showed me and asked about.”
She blanched and staggered, and the wallet slipped from her hand.
Alarmed, Laredo held her up as her body went limp. “Are you okay?” He helped her back to the bench while his stomach clenched. Was she seasick? Or was this something else?
She sank onto the padded seat. “I... I didn’t want to believe this,” she whispered, her eyes wide and staring past him.
“It probably would’ve been better if I hadn’t said anything,” Jones grumbled.
“No, I need to know. And if there’s a slight chance it will help us find Pat, I have to go through this.” Her expression was pained, her eyes now stormy, but determination firmed her chin and flattened her plush lips.
Bewildered and hurting for her, he picked up her wallet, still open to the photo she must’ve shown the captain. Diana’s wedding photo, her, her groom, her maid of honor, and his best man. She wore a floor-length long-sleeved white gown and a luminous smile, and she looked up at her newlywed husband with so much love in her eyes.
Stiff in his tuxedo, Adam appeared much more reserved as he smiled for the camera. Laredo did his best not to focus on the fact that Diana looked at Adam while he looked into the camera. At Diana’s side, Pat almost resembled a ray of sunshine in her off-shoulder marmalade gown, stunning in its own right, and somehow most suited to the peculiar sky-blue hair flowing over her tanned shoulders. With her sunny disposition, Laredo expected Pat to smile brightly. But her smile looked forced, her eyes sad.
The best man was a nondescript guy with short-cropped brown hair dressed in a suit.
Understanding dawned on Laredo, but he didn’t want to believe it, either. He handed the wallet back to Diana.
She stuffed it into her pocket and stared at the deck as if she couldn’t bear to look at him or the photo. “Thanks.”
His gut twisted. Why couldn’t he make things better for her? “Can I do something to help?”
She shook her head.
He turned to the captain, hoping he was wrong and things would clear up now. Because the alternative would hurt Diana, and Laredo wanted to protect her from hurt. “The man Pat asked about, do you mean the best man?”
The captain shook his head, avoiding looking at Diana. “No. The newlywed.”
“So two years ago...” She named the date, still not looking up. Her head hung low. “That newlywed was on a voyage on your boat with a woman whose photo Pat and her, um, friend showed you, correct?”
The guy nodded.
“The woman was beautiful, slim, and slender with long blonde hair and a conventionally attractive face, correct?” Diana’s voice became hollow.
The captain nodded again.
“And my guess is they behaved—what is the word?—cozy together? Like they were very much into each other?” Diana’s voice rose, fury infused in it. Her fingers fisted. “Kissing and hugging?”
Laredo was very much into Diana, but he didn’t dare to kiss and hug her now. Not when her world seemed to be falling apart, or at least what she knew of her world. He sat down near her to show her he was there for her.
This time the captain didn’t nod right away, which gave Laredo hope. But then Jones said, “Yes. To all of that.”
Things started falling into place, and Laredo’s heart went out to her.
“I hope you find your friend. As for your husband...” The captain frowned.
“I’m a widow.”
Captain Jones didn’t say anything, just nodded and returned to his place as if to give them privacy.
She got up, leaned on the railing, and let the wind whip her hair around her face. Her fingers uncoiled. “Adam said he’d be away at a medical research conference for two weeks.”
Her voice, void of emotion again, undid Laredo more than if she’d started sobbing or screaming. She’d just seemed to go numb. He got up and joined her, then covered her hand with his. Her hand was cold, and he rubbed it between his palms to warm it. If only he could warm her heart, too. But she didn’t jerk her hand out of his, and that was something.
“I’m sorry, Diana. It’s so not fair to you.” The words sounded empty, insufficient for what she must be going through.
She didn’t acknowledge his presence, but she didn’t move away, either. So he just stood there, a silent wall between her and her despair, or so he hoped he could be.
“Six months after we got married, Adam started working long hours and traveled to conferences a lot. I missed him tremendously, but I was proud of his accomplishments. I was doing my best to be a supportive wife. I’d never stand in his way, especially if his work could save more lives.” Her deep sigh traveled on the wings of the wind.
Resentment brewed inside him like a thunderstorm. He couldn’t even say a few well-deserved words to the guy because Adam was no longer here. So Laredo just squeezed her fingers.
“I offered to go with him to the conferences, but we were understaffed and needed nurses. He said I shouldn’t do that to my colleagues, he’d be on a tight schedule anyway, and I’d barely see him. It made me feel like I was lazy, like I didn’t want to work hard enough. His mother said I shouldn’t be so needy and should let him breathe.”
He said a few words under his breath about her late husband.
This news wouldn’t break her marriage because her husband died. But it would break her heart to know her happy marriage was based on a lie, and in turn, it was breaking his.
Finally, she looked at him, her gray eyes giant pools of hurt. “Was I na?ve to believe him?”
“No. You were kindhearted and loyal.” He kept her hands in his, hoping a lifeline would somehow extend from his heart to hers. The pain in her eyes ripped him apart. The boat rocked, and he held her up.
She didn’t move, didn’t sit, barely seemed to breathe. She was like a statue, and he prayed for her to feel alive again.
“Do you know who the woman was?” He hoped it wasn’t in the plural tense. He probably shouldn’t ask that question. Especially considering he could guess the answer.
She shrugged. “My guess is Noah’s wife, based on his interest in this case. I never met her, but my dad was sort of friends with Noah’s father and said his friend’s son married a beauty.” She sighed again and shivered, prompting him to wrap his jacket tighter around her fragile now-sloped shoulders. “Based on the security camera videos, Pat wasn’t into Noah. Now I know they were united by an interest to find the truth—she about my late husband, and he about his wife.”
A weird idea appeared in his brain. Should they look into how Adam died? Because a jealous husband could have a motive. Granted, Noah had been on the trip with Pat as if he didn’t know all the details, but could it be a cover-up?
Diana had already gone through enough today, so he’d bring this up later. But he needed to do it. Because if someone had helped Adam die and Pat had stumbled on more than Adam’s infidelity, that might be the reason behind her disappearance.
And the reason someone might think Diana was getting close to the truth and needed to be eliminated.
Laredo could never let the latter happen.